Chrissy

For bowling someone suggested putting bandages on them, I might try that. The bigger thing is how I'm going to play tennis with a wig on!

Ren, Yup, rambling can be good It's nice to see that you seem to be in a more peaceful, reflective place than you had been. I'm not a fan of this weather myself - it's Dec 24 and about 70 degrees! And me with a bunch of new sweaters to wear!!

Hopefully 2016 can live up to the example 2015 left Speaking of doing things with nails, I recently bowled for the first time with long nails, broke 3 of them. I might never bowl again

Hi all, It's been a busy few weeks so I haven't had a chance to read or write here - I hope everyone is having a nice holiday season! My year is ending on a nice flourish. First, I went back to Social Security with my new doctor's note and they've now corrected my gender in their records - and the woman I dealt with was extremely nice - possibly because she knows that what happened last time was so wrong. She also referred to me as "ma'am" several times I got my new birth certificate the same day. Sent holiday cards to all my family and friends, including a note about my transition to anyone I hadn't told yet, I want to start 2016 with everyone knowing. I've already gotten a very nice note of support back from my cousin Betsy. My brother's card (no doubt written by his girlfriend, based on the handwriting), included "Ms." before my name on the envelope On a broader front - NYC recently reaffirmed a law it passed previously that compels instance companies to cover transitioning costs! There is no doubt some wiggle-room for them, but it's a positive developement, and one that could save me much money down the road. I wrote to our HR person to see if they have more information. Finally, as the end of the year approaches I thought it would be good to reach out to people who have been especially supportive and encouraging over the year in my transition - so far that includes my therapist (yes it's technically her job, but she's been especially good at it), and Pattaya - the drag queen I regularly see and who let's me perform now and then - I have no doubt that performing helped move me along quicker than i might have, presenting as a woman in front of a bunch of people in a "safe" space. The pic below is me with Pattaya on Tuesday night - I performed Debbie Gibson's "sleigh ride" And thank you to everyone here this is a great community, providing lots of love and support and great practical inormation! Finally, for anyone out there going through hard times and feeling alone - please know that nothing is permanent. As I wrote above about the positive things in my life I was fully aware of the bad that had come before, and I know it will come again, that's just reality, for everyone. I wish I had a nice quote to close this off with, but I'm a prose writer not a poet Just know that no matter what, this is your one and only life, even if you can't pull off optimism right now you can again sometime! Love, Christie

Can't wait for that myself

Hi all, a couple of quick recent anecdotes... 1. On my way to therapy the other day a random guy on the street (a contractor I believe, waiting outside a building) said "hello gorgeous" to me as I passed I smiled at him, said hello and carried on. The downside is that it put me in a really good mood ... on my way to therapy!!! That doesn't help 2. I may have met someone the other night when I was out ... well, I definitely met someone, but it could be "someone" - I may know more tomorrow, we're getting together - the novelty for me is that the person is a she, so we'll see if I really am lesbian (or bisexual)

Bon anniversaire

Welcome Alex

Michele, On your final point about your friend's birthday/father's passing away, I personally made a point to not remember the days that my parents passed away (at this point I know the months, but not the dates). I like remembering them on their birthdays (my mother and I shared a bday), not their final days. Xoxo Christie

I've so far resisted Facebook, worried about it eating up time

Karen, I had gotten to thinking about terms for a bit too - finally I settled for: (1) right now i'm "transgender," a "transwoman," and/or a "woman," (2) that will change, and (3) I don't need a final answer Xoxo Christie

Jackson, I second Karen's book recommendation and would add Janet Mock's "Redefining Reality" - it's her story, and as she also came out when she was young you may find some helpful stuff. I'm not sure I agree with the notion of putting yourself in someone else's shoes, I don't think that's realistic in most cases (especially when it's your parents), my thought is just to be patient and understand that it will take some time if they're going to come around, and you can't predict how long (my brother accepted my transition within a week or so of finding out, my sister still hasn't after several months - i would have guessed the opposite). Xoxo Christie

Welcome Jackson

As I walked home today, I was behind a person who ran into someone he knows and said - quite loud - "men trying to become women, that [bleep] burns me up." He was ahead of me, so I don't know if it was directed at me (he may have turned and noticed). Anyway, I didn't confront him (I don't make a habit of confronting random idiots on the street, seems like a wise course), but my thought was "well that's not right, i'm not a man trying to become a woman, i'm a woman no longer trying to be a man." I channeled it more "productively" on twitter with the following: Transgender 101: "Transitioning" isn't going from woman to man or man to woman, it's going from fake to authentic. #GirlsLikeUs If anyone is on twitter i'm ChristieCNY It was nice taking a negative and going positive in response. I'm so much better as a woman than I ever could have been as a man

I went through this at work over the summer and similar to Eve I found it much easier than expected, I hope your experience is likewise

Well Eve, you'll always have the 4th of July - oh wait, you probably don't celebrate that like we do

Hi all, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm not sure, since I haven't written lately, if I mentioned writing to my brother a few weeks ago about my transition (we don't speak often, so calling about it felt weird). Anyway, he's not the most progressive thinking person, so I didn't know how he's react - and it had been a couple of weeks, so... He called me tonight. He admitted to not understanding it (but heck, I don't either), but he said he's not going to judge and he is supportive He had some health concerns that I think I helped alleviate. My sister is still "absent," but thanks to this call I have to say I feel less alone tonight. And he said he'll work on her (I resisted saying it was sweet of him to stick up for his little sister). It's just pointless wondering, but it made me wonder how it would have been different growing up if we had a big brother/little sister relationship anyway, wishing everyone the best for the holiday tomorrow. Christie

The t-blockers are working, but not as quick as I'd like, i'm apparently still in the "400s"

Happy Monday everyone! I had my latest endocrinologist appointment last Thursday and he increased my estrogen prescription (to 2 mg from 1 mg), so that was exciting :-) We're having a reception at work this Thursday for someone who just made a large donation to the school ($5 million), which I'll be working at/attending. So I realized that I needed to get something to wear - something a little dressier than what I have. That lead to a trip to Kohl's where I found a dress, but I wasn't entirely happy with it for this event. So I then tried Le Chateau - a store that I went to several times for men's clothing, but hadn't yet gone to for women's. The experience was great - the sales clerk was very helpful, especially in picking out jewelry to go with the dress I picked out. I also broke another barrier in that I tried on the dress at the store. Since I started presenting full-time as a woman I haven't used dressing rooms at stores. It is partly laziness, and partly not wanting to have to take off and put back on my wig - but given the nature of this purchase I thought it best to do so. It was a little easier in this store as the fitting rooms are individual rooms located at various spots around the store, rather than a single area with a bunch of stalls - that'll be the next challenge next time I'm at Kohl's. The most important moment of the day came when I got back to the PATH (train) station to go home. I sat down to wait for the train and realized that I was feeling particularly content and happy, so I thought for a moment to see where it was coming from. It was coming from the fact that - sitting there as I was, dressed as I was, having just had the shopping trip that I had - I wasn't thinking that I was "dressed and shopping like a woman" but that I was "dressed and shopping like me." A further sign that I am fully integrating my transition mentally. xoxo Christie

This can certainly be a difficult period, when you're transitioning but haven't physically transitioned so much. I recently thought about the fact that getting into a relationship right now could be very confusing and it sounds like what you're going through may be the embodiment of those thoughts, so i wish you the best as you work things through :-) As for your bf's homophobia, I think blaming parents only goes so far, at some point a person becomes responsible for their own thoughts and feelings (unless they were completely brain-washed as children). Having said that, he is facing the issue under circumstances that most people don't, so I can definitely see the case for giving him time.

Nice job

Warren, I'm so sorry to hear about this - it really sucks what insurance companies look for in "required" procedures, it's inconceivable to me how ongoing pain isn't enough (never mind gender dysphoria!) I really hope this won't make you turn back, you have a lot to give being your authentic self (from what i've seen/read in your blog entries and videos). One would hope that family and friends will eventually come around, but even if not there is a wider community of trans people to connect with - especially if you're ever able to re-locate (if that's what you'd want). Xoxo Christie

It is nice to feel like you passed, but possibly even nicer to be accepted as transgender

Hi everyone, Happy Monday! It's still strikes me as funny that I can actually believe that when I say it now - but it's true. Since I got my promotion (and raise) at work I decided I could and should go away finally. It's been at least 2 or 3 years since I went away - granted, I don't really like traveling all the much, but usually I like to get at least a long weekend somewhere each year. So in November, in the week before Thanksgiving, I'm going down to D.C. It's part family, part fun. I have an aunt and uncle (not husband and wife, they are my mother's brother and her other brother's wife), and three cousins and their families. I suggested to one of my cousins that if I was going to see my aunt and uncle I could consider "going back" just for those visits - both are in their mid to late 80s, no need to shock them. But he said he didn't think there's any need - my aunt has dealt with enough and can deal with this (she is Spanish and grew up very conservative catholic and has 2 kids who are gay, so yes), and my uncles probably has more in his background than any of us can match - so I'm going with that. (I probably will suggest that it would be good if one of my cousins could tell them before I go down) The bigger thing for me is just the idea of traveling - this is the first time for me traveling as a woman. I have no idea what that means, but I feel like it's something. I've been to D.C. many, many times, but I have no idea what I will do now - I imagine some of the gay bars I've gone to will still be fine, but who knows (I doubt my cousins will be of much help, they all live outside the city and are older and settled). Speaking of family, it's now been about a month since my last email to my sister and still no response. I want to believe that it's fine, if that's how it's going to be that's it, but I have to admit that when I was thinking about it Friday night it kind of hurt. We haven't always been very close, but we have been at times, and I'd miss that if it's gone. I'm not going to do anything further about it unless she does, I know it just has to be what it is, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt. On a more positive front - I mailed in my paperwork to update my Birth Certificate today (name only, in NJ you can't change gender until after GRS), and my mortgage company. xoxo Christie

I'm more of a passenger-type myself, but that all sounds like a lot of fun :-)