Kitrah

yea i think that ppl think that just because trangender is on the headlines that its ok and acceptable and most time its not. some of us are forced to just adapt to environment and cant be who we are. it sucks becaus i feel like im alway going to be trapped in this. i go back and forth between confindent and security minded. i try to relax but i no the state of my life and where im at. its hard to try move byond this. having to go back and forth between two identities is hard but i do it because i dont want to get killed. it bother me a lot. my friend say its ok to just be a girl, but my confidence goes from high to low quick if someone say something. half the time i forget to act like a man when im dressed like one which im sure come off strange to ppl but that my inner confidence coming out. i feel like im in this halfway state at all times a hybrid and i hate it. no one will say anything to me. tonight i went to the store and this two guys were talking and get quiet and then one of them like, no thats a f----ing girl. and i just kept walking but then i come back to my neighborhood and my roomie has told everone im a man so i have to dress the part here and it make me uncomfortable espeically when she want to talk about my laundry items outdoors with the neighbors listening. top it all off, now im having the breasts which great except summertime coming and i dont no how that going to go over with everone thinking im a man where i live.

well that nice for him to do that. sometime when people talk to me, they real dont understand gravity of what they talk. i do the same thing some time also because i only can see thing from my perseptive. i try sometime to see thing from other point of view. when i first start this transition i had intent to keep thing the way it is because it is how i was made. my view have change and this remain interesting for me. i rememer when i first start to come to tgguide. i didn't care what people call me shemale or tranny. i think sometime this come from fact that i was bullied for be this way. so now he knows more so there is no worry.

That's awesome story, Karen.

I think sometime people dont know what to say or how to react in this situation.

Hi, it sound like the hurricane real affect you. i watch some youtube video on it and it don't look good. sound like you lucky in this consider how terrible this hurricane can get.

Great job Chrissy with your presentation. My thought for trangender medicine are as follow. The body with introduction of hormone of opposing sex make things to happen regardless of personal beliefs. There are cases when thai boys are given estrogen and sold as lady boys into prostitution at young age. Because of the suceptible nature of children and the growing popularity of the internet and a growing amount of transgender people as a result, i question if this is awareness as much as it is going be about issues like insecurity, being bullied, or blindly following others down a long road that unwittingly lead to sterilization. It's also possible that the awareness has made it easier to talk about. Had things been different for me, maybe I would have fathered children. Given my roll of the dice, I dont think that going to happen. Medical tests that should have been perform for me, were not and i had to live in secrecy for year and years afraid to tell anyone. Because of the length of time I have not been expose to tetosterone (almost my entire life) and the already existent amount of estrogen within my body, it easy to see why I chose the latter even though I am biological male. I do not want to put myself through the upheaval of dealing with large amounts of testosterone now when i have lived my life without it. That why I am a TransWoman because I choose to be it. It makes sense to me why I could not be a man and why I dont want to take the elixir of T. Whether my identity as a transwoman arose at young age due to the lack of testosterone or was inherent in me since birth is a mystery. I'm not focus on that. I'm happy to live as I am now. The estrogen was scary for me as well as changing genders, but illusions fall aside and the truth reveals itself. This internal conflict of living a false identity resolved itself and I felt PEACE. I did it for myself and not others. I hope those who choose to transition, consider the same. The estrogen gave me confidence in myself and made me love who I am and I never experience this when i identified as male.

This scares me. Out of pocket or not. I want the bottom surgery but will probably opt for the top first. I watched some YouTube video with some trans girl having a breakdown because she almost bled to death.

Michele, much of what you wrote is very similar to my situation. I have avoided this issue for long time and lived reckless at times. Fate seem to intervene and put me on new path after accident at work. Now that I can see who I am, it seem like I am coming back stronger. There was many times I wish for death because how I look. I was very confused with men in general. Because I know I am not like them and they don't want to understand. I think it cruel of fate to attract things to me I can't have. I think it cruel to have to disclose this information to male or female because it borders on triggering aggression. I want to just get this done so I don't have to have anymore talks and I can leave this transgender title behind because to me it seem like nasty title. Especially when I read all the nasty things people say and have said to me over the years. It has strong effect on me. Thanks for the update.

This was what caused me to transition MTF. I have low T my entire life and it seemed like a no brainer to take the T and masculinize. My Real life experience with T solidified several things for me. You should go slow. I have faith in your decision.

Each time I read something positive coming out of tragedy it restores some faith in myself and humanity.