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Everything posted by Dawn13

  1. Thanks Karen - good dream - possible sole mate I think there is somethng to possible past life experiences. I have had one dream that recurred several times. (Dream was before 2009) I was in a village and I felt like I recalled/dreamed a past life where I had been a girl. I was in a village setting and I recalled wearing a very long white dress with blue accents and had long brown hair. I was always minding my own business doing some village chore. A passing knight/soldier would come up an after some discussions about how I was pretty would violate me. I always felt theres was a struggle going on in my mind in this respect. How much of our dreams are windows to our real selves. Here is another dream from my diary. 2011 Diary -18 June – Was with a couple of other guys and got into a fight or struggle with a large group of girls and the girls held down my arms and stripped me and the other guys of our clothes. (Stripped off our shoes, pants, etc.) Then they put our underwear (brightly colored bikini style pantys and tank tops) on hangers – when displayed together they looked like some kind of a woman’s bathing suit – maybe these were trophies. We were naked and the girls were admiring our clothes on the hangers. END of DREAM.
  2. Dawn13

    I need help with makeup how to`s

    Less can be more - basic base makeup matched to your skin is good. There is a men's (stage) makeup & concealer called Menaji - really works well. I have also used cover girl liquid but this make up is harder to use without looking a bit fakey. Always use mascara and a light blush product. Really don't need much blush. Unless you have a major brow issue just a fine line of dark brow pencil and then brush it in. It is easy to go overboard with eye lining and shadow. I actually love to play with colorful combinations but this is where mistakes are usually made. Better to brush some light brown around the eyes and call it a day. (Again less is more.) Lips can also be over done. Line lips = OK. More lip plumping and less lip coating. Do use a lip gloss top coat. I love lip gloss. Dawn
  3. Dawn13

    Letter to the Girl I Used to Be

    You know something - our thoughts are a lot alike, just coming from a different direction. The issue is we can never separate the what we were, from the who we are. We can only build or grow on it. I just wish gender did not exist. I love to wear dresses so why should I have fear when I wish to wear them. I do crave acceptance but it may be impossible to ask or expect. The very system that provides order also represses. Dawn
  4. Dawn13

    Why did I ever cut my hair...

    Dexxy, I definately understand hair, as I Iove to have longer hair today, after having to cut it short, and keep it short, for my over 30 years in an office environment. I remember when I was 18 enoying the freedom that my long hair gave me and yes I looked female, but I did not care. Then I went into the militay and my hair was gone. This was hard for me to deal with at first. For a job I sacrficed my freedom. Now I have long hair again and I am happy about it. Many of my friends have told me they see me as free spirit. Yes, I can fly. Dawn
  5. Thanks - I had heard that the gun can cause problems. Appreciate all of the comments. Dawn
  6. I posted a question last week about finding the best place to go to to get my ears pierced and now Iam thinking there is really a lot of things to consider. Please provide me your thoughts and best advise. Would also like to hear your experinces and what earings work best? Dawn
  7. Dawn13

    How many times have you been mistaken as a girl

    Thanks Karen, You are doing something I really have wished I could do. I did take estrogen a few years ago but stopped when I realized I would have to explain my breast growth at my next military physical. And yes I still have a bit of man boobs as a result. Now that am now longer working a government job my interest to transition has abated some. Still I like to feel feminine and when I am coded as a woman without really trying I find this fairly satisfying. Appreciate your comments - Dawn :)
  8. Dawn13

    My story published

    Neat about your book - will want to read I am sure - Also - Oregon is one of my favorite places and I hope to go there next summer to run in HTC - (used to live in Washington State) - Dawn
  9. Dawn13

    How many times have you been mistaken as a girl

    Today was another day of bending as I was called mam twice in Kroger. One time was to ask me if I was in a line and a second was to thank me for responding and clearing the path for this other lady. I decided not to correct the women who aparenty read me as female. (I actually found my appearace to a bit satisfying as not trying and being read female was not as stressful as times I had purpously gone to a place in fem wondering if I could be read) I had on womens levis and running shoes. And today my blond sholder length hair, under my runners ball hat, was really showing lots of curls. Still I was in boy mode. Today, I was not trying to go out of my way to look feminine.
  10. We are much alike.As a child, I too was beaten by my father when I wore girls clothes, however my mom actually gave me girls clothes to wear and play in. I did not even think about what I was wearing that much, for me I have always felt that looking like a girl was kind of natural for me. Anyway, now I seem to have the same desire you have -but likely will never make the full change because of the good family ties I currently have. Still I understand your desire to be whole. I do wish you the best in your journey. Dawn
  11. Dawn13

    I am a newbie, not to just this site but any site.

    Hello RachelDense, Glad you have joined us - I enjoyed learning more about you. As a person who also has a German heriatage I too understand the strict nature you have lived with. Here we learn from each other and often share things we cannot share with others who can never fully understand us. Dawn
  12. Dawn13

    How many times have you been mistaken as a girl

    Recently I went to my usual six month dental exam. I actually purposely dressed a bit more feminine for this exam. Had silky lace pink panties on - a aqua cap sleeve juniors shirt unisex shorts and sandles. My hair was as long as I have worn it - shoulder length. While I was sitting there my hygienist and I started talking about nutrition. She started telling me about muscle building foods and some hormone enhancing foods she had learned about and was taking. While we were talking I could not help but notice that she appeared to have gained weight from when I had seen her six months prior. Her hair was now actually cut short; much shorter than mine. She actually looked like she was close to my size, which was quite a change, from her 100+ pound body that I had recalled. I also now noticed she was larger up top and wearing a very large dentist scrub. She told me she had just started to body build when I saw her for my last exam. She said she had started to lift weights three hours daily and said she was getting ready for a competition. I saw a picture of her and her bicepts were now hudge. It looked like she had gained up to 30 pounds of muscle. She said she was around 130 to 135 pounds and 8% body fat. Then I told her I was between 18 to 22% BF. It was at that point I started to wonder what she was thinking as she looked at my skinny scrawny feminine looking body on the chair. She then asked me what I weighted and when I told her, between 138 to 140, she jokingly said "I bet I can whip your ass." I responded "you are likely right", sensing she now had bigger and harder muscles than mine. I then said how can we do this? Arm wrestle? I actually was getting a bit embarrassed at this time knowing that my arms actually looked like girls arms. I then told her I hoped she did well in her competition. We hugged as I left and then I really felt her harder arm and chest muscles against my soft body. Though she did not mix me up thinking I was a girl - I still had the same feelings - suddenly next to her I felt feminine - A real gender bender.
  13. MonicaPz, I used to have a book called interpreting dreams. It was useful. I have also found that sometimes a dream has a face value. I really do like to try to figure my dreams out. Thanks for your comment - I will look the newer documents on dreams as you suggested. Dawn
  14. My origional first post on this subject. Help question - Getting ready to get my ears pierced. A bit nervous about this. Want it done right. Was thinking about going to a medical center that does this but there is none in my area. Any good ideas? Dawn
  15. Dawn13

    Breast forms?

    I got my forms through e-bay. Actually was good selection and only spent about $60 for $200 prescription quality forms. Found that a size B was the best for me and my slight body type. (i also do have a small amount of breast development already from using estrogen several years ago ) Before I had breast forms i used rice packed inside of an old pair of hose. I also used a button and large coin combined to simulate the tit. Except for the weight this was a very realistic looking breast form, fitting in my bra. Dawn
  16. Dawn13

    Just wrote another song :)

    I would love to hear - your words.
  17. I just purchased a padded bra and panty set from Hommemystery and I really like it. This is actually a set think l will wear in public. It is called China Doll. I was thinking that if it wasn't deigned as women's wear it might not be as attractive or desirable but the fit is great. Dawn
  18. Dawn13

    How many times have you been mistaken as a girl

    Yesterday, at a marathon I was in I had to go to the medical tent because of a bee sting. The med tech taking my BP thought I was a woman, called me mam. I did explain to her "it might be my long hair and I told her I did not intend to cut it," as I like how it makes me feel free to be myself. These experiences are like an adventure. Hard to believe - for me gender is really burred Dawn
  19. Dawn13

    How many times have you been mistaken as a girl

    Just yesterday I was at another running expo and was looking in one of the women's section and a big boned lady bumped into me and said sorry did I hurt you "hon." Then I talked with a sales clerk who was ready to sell me a running skirt. She was quite confused as I was sure she readme as female. Even when she recognized I was male near the end of the conversation she was still trying to show me a skirt that I might like. I do think most everyone was reading me female. (I am very tan, long haired, small boned, almost no beard shadow and fit) Not everyone saw me as a girl as I always used my non disguised male voice to greet them. But I could tell my voice alone did not always convenience everyone. To top it off as I Ieft one of the greeters said "Hope you enjoyed the expo Mam, be safe going home."
  20. I consider myself a Christian - but I would have to hate myself if I agreed to the crazyness of what others believe to be right in Gods eyes. I know I am saved - just not perfect. The feelings I have came from God. My desire to be a woman and that I have the atributes, my shape, a physical body that looks more like a womans than a mans was not my chosing. I used to hate my own thoughts - now when someone calles me a woman - I think this is who I am. No need to correct them - just move on and enjoy living.
  21. Dawn13

    The Woman I AM This Is ME!

    Tried to leave a message but could not ---Thinking about you and your life. Was just thinking about you and your journey, I know we used to talk a lot. I would be joining you in the change if I did not have so much family baggage and also their support, Have been going to counseling and the current goal is to pretty much remain the same in my body. Still I do have occasional excursions into cross dressing - but have found many see me as a woman first, even when I have on male clothing, and I have to correct them, if I want to. I would love to transition, but still this might not be the best for me. I wish you the best - I have enjoyed your rewritten life story and I know that God does care for you and also for the least for us. Dawn
  22. Was with a girls running group the other day and I had a person come over to me and call me Lana twice. Still not trying to dress as a girl - but believed to be one.

  23. Called a lady at a running expo - I think both my hair and body contributed to the comment as I was wearing normal male clothing.

  24. I have a new photo showing my lost weight. Will publish shortly. Dawn
  25. Will soon post a newer shot - Down to 138 - Bikini fits even better.