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Everything posted by Chrissy

  1. Chrissy

    GRS (or SRS if your prefer)

    Thanks for that information! The timing matches up pretty well with mine - surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning, I was told to be at the hospital at 10:30 (originally 6 a.m., but it got moved). Then I should be out on Friday, with a follow-up appointment with Dr. Rumer next Tuesday, then home on Wednesday. They suggested staying overnight after the visit to make sure there are no issues with dilation. I'll be staying at Homes2 Suite (or Home 2 Suites) tomorrow night and then after the surgery - the rooms all have kitchen facilities and it's pretty close to the hospital (an 8 minute walk - obviously I won't be walking back, but I can walk to the hospital on Tuesday). I got some unscented feminine wipes, but they didn't mention the KY - that is something I should probably get, and the donut pillow is a great idea! I'll try to get one in Philly when I get down there tomorrow. My train ride back next week is about 2 hours, that's probably comparable to what you had in terms of your return flight? I don't know if I ever mentioned that I saw Marci Bowers speak when I went to the Transgender Health Conference last year? It was a full room and a good presentation! The fullness of the room was partly because they only gave her 1 time slot this year, not the usual 2, so she had to cover M2F and F2M in the same session.
  2. Chrissy

    GRS (or SRS if your prefer)

    I'll make every effort :-) My surgery is Tuesday and I'm in Philly until the following Wednesday morning - hopefully I'll have the appetite by then! If I can ask, did you have to stay in the hospital for any period of time after surgery? I'll be in for 3 days which is probably the thing that makes me the most nervous as I've never had to stay in a hospital (past surgeries were all outpatient). Just wondering what your experience was like? It is sometimes an awkward fit - the "T" in the "LGBTQ" - particularly if you're transgender and straight (I have some bisexual inclinations, but in terms of an actual relationship I could only see that happening with a man). For lesbian, gay and bi individuals (cis or trans) the community represents political, social, and relationship connections. Being straight and trans I feel the political connection, but I know that if I want a relationship (and I do), I need to be outside of that. I'm certainly not cutting all ties - right now I'm probably focusing more on straight things, but that's to compensate for years of being away from that.
  3. Chrissy

    GRS (or SRS if your prefer)

    Karen, As always thank you for your feedback! I totally agree that the journey is ongoing, I'm just saying that as far as how I'm defining my own journey - my own experience - I no longer consider it transitioning after GRS is done (I realize my body will continue to change - but I won't be making affirmative decisions about making physical changes anymore). I guess for me it's a matter of shifting focus from physical (transitioning) to mental, emotional and spiritual (evolution) (not that evolution hasn't been happening all along of course, it's just a matter of giving it more attention now). I actually grew up with family (my favorite aunt and her family) in the Philly area, but almost never went into the city (just once when I was considering going to Temple University, my uncle worked there and brought me in to look around). Unfortunately when I go down tomorrow I'll be on a "clear diet," I doubt that cheese steaks fit that :-( But I will be staying for a week, perhaps at some point I'll feel up to ordering in :-) xoxo Chrissy
  4. Chrissy

    Small and Treasured

    Emma, I know I'm late to this conversation - but I wanted to thank you for sharing all of that! It can be pretty overwhelming, and it doesn't help that there isn't really (yet) a scientific way of establishing that someone is transgender. I spent a lot of time going through similar thought processes to what you describe above - looking back at my childhood to look for clues, etc. Then as I started transitioning I just started noticing that it felt right. Ultimately I think it has to be a mix of rational and emotional thought - the rational part is the objective information that we can gather, but there's a limit to that, and that's where emotional thought has to take over. Recently I wrote a letter to my sister (who hasn't been dealing well with this) to try to explain everything that I wish she would have given me a chance to say on the phone - including "how I know this is right for me" - I won't go into the detail, but I lead off with a simple "I know it's right for me because I know it's right for me." :-) I'm not sure where you are with your process at this point - but just keep at it, an answer will eventually come! :-) xoxo Chrissy
  5. Chrissy

    Diversion and inclusion event

    Karen, Congrats on doing that! It sounds like a really good event. I guess I'm not too surprised that people didn't ask questions - I feel like we're still at a point where people know so little about being transgender that they don't even know what questions to ask - or for those who are supportive, they might be afraid of asking the wrong questions. In closer relationships if people express curiosity I usually try to make them more comfortable by saying that nothing they ask me will offend me - if it's something that is objectively offensive I'll just tell them that, but I won't take it personally (if the person is supportive, then I know they aren't trying to offend) - but that wouldn't work in a larger group setting, I would never give an entire audience the option of being offensive :-) xoxo Chrissy
  6. Chrissy

    Top Surgery

    Hi all, So today was my top surgery! I had it done by Dr. Jeffrey Rockmore - I can't say enough about him, his staff, and the St. Peter's Surgery Center in Albany. Everyone was incredibly friendly, helpful and supportive, and the results seem really good! (they are still wrapped, and swollen, so I can't say for sure yet). My friend Bryana went with me - we only met in January but she's quickly become such a good friend, and so graciously and enthusiastically took the trip with me (about 2.5 hours drive each way, and about a 2 hour wait while I had surgery). She did so much to relieve the anxiety I was feeling! There isn't really any pain, just discomfort (I'm on percocet, but after my shoulder surgery last year there was still massive pain even with that). Overall I feel even happier about this than I had expected, I feel like I took a huge step towards truly being who I want and need to be 😀 I'll follow-up again as the swelling subsides! Xoxo Chrissy
  7. Chrissy

    Mixed Emotions

    I am truly going to miss President Obama and VP Biden when they're gone. In often quiet ways this administration did a lot for us!
  8. Chrissy

    Top Surgery

    Steph, The shoulder is fine, thanks for asking 😀 Shopping is def in the near future, I'll need some new tops!
  9. Lisa, Congrats on taking this step :-) It's great that you seem to have a supportive work environment, I know from my own experience how valuable that is. Xoxo Chrissy
  10. Chrissy

    >100 Miles!

    Emma, Congrats on the milestone! I'm trying to conceptualize 100 miles, but can't! I guess it's like going from here to the Jersey Shore, that's very impressive! Xoxo Chrissy
  11. Chrissy

    Whiney Update

    Ren, It's great to hear from you, though I wish it could be with better news 😞 I don't get on here so much lately, but I do always make a point to see if you posted anything when I do. It was good to hear that your grandmother was supportive! It doesn't advance your transition, but hopefully strengthens your support system, which is important too. Have you checked out the NH affiliate of the ACLU? They do pro-LGBT+ work as well, someone there might be helpful. www.aclu-nh.org Xoxo Chrissy
  12. Chrissy

    Gender Identity Exploration

    Hi all, Well, since last I wrote I have become unemployed – YAY! It was by choice, I had been planning on going back to school part-time when my employer offered a reasonably generous “buy out” package, so I took it – this way I can go back to school full-time and finish in 2 years instead of 3 (I’ll be attending NYU in the fall, going for a Masters in Social Work). So for the next 2 months, until Orientation on August 31, I am completely free. What I hadn’t considered was the “identity crisis” that would create – let’s face it, most people identify by their job, and I currently have none, and although I’m registered for classes, I haven’t really started being a student yet either. That brings me to the main point of this entry!!! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I now have GRS (or SRS if you prefer) scheduled for December 27. Because this is sooner than we had been discussing, my therapist asked if we could start meeting twice a week for a while – she’s (hopefully) writing one of the letters I’ll need, so she wants to make sure we cover what needs to be covered. I’m fine with that – I have the time, I like her, and I think it’s important work (I don’t like the fact that the WPATH standards call for more than informed consent for surgery, but I still think it’s important to make sure you know what you’re getting into. As a starting point, I started a “list” of things that I think I should be aware of, considering, etc., in connection with GRS – I wanted to post that here and seek feedback – either additional items for the list, comments on the things I listed, whatever – and hopefully this can be of some help to others who are planning or even thinking about GRS J So here’s my list – just bullet-point form, for now without any details on my thoughts - and in no particular order: · How will peeing be different? · How will orgasms be different? · Clothing will fit different · I will feel more completely – fully a woman · I’ve had a penis all my life – is it possible I’d miss it? · What will care and “maintenance” be like? · Are there new health issues to be concerned about? And are any health concerns being eliminated? · There’s no going back = unlike other parts of transitioning which are, more or less “reversible” · I probably have a better chance at a relationship as a gay man than as a straight woman – and this removes being able to “present” as a gay man · Could I handle regret if it lasted long-term? And I really, really want to emphasize that these are literally any thought or question I could think of – some of them seem more important to me, some of them barely register in terms of importance, but I think it’s necessary to address everything that you can think of. At this risk of sounding prematurely defensive, I say that just to preclude anyone from saying that “if X is really important you shouldn’t proceed with the surgery!”
  13. Chrissy

    Gender Identity Exploration

    Veronica, Thank you so much for your feedback, so sweet 👯💞 I don't think actual regret will be an issue, maybe just some moments of "what the f*** did I just do!?" But I know it will pass 😎 Xoxo Chrissy
  14. Chrissy

    My Life

    Ace, Welcome to TGGuide! I'm in the NYC area, so not too close, but same state in case you ever travel this way :-) In the meantime, this site is a great place to share thoughts, get insights and generally just vent if you need! Xoxo Chrissy
  15. Chrissy

    Bottom Surgery!!!

    As I mentioned in my last posting, I had a consultation in Philadelphia on Monday about bottom surgery - it went very well, I liked the surgeon a lot and liked the work that she showed me. So I'm scheduled for December 27 :-) I had anticipated waiting until spring because of school, but classes finish in the fall on December 23, and there's over a month before spring classes, so this worked out, and financially it's VERY helpful as it lets me get this under my current insurance, and in the same year as top surgery so that I have only 1 deductible to worry about. I had a "gut check" moment while waiting for the surgeon - this time my gut's response was "leave me alone! this is good!" - so apparently my gut is getting a little annoyed at me checking-in too much. I drove down (hate driving, but it seemed easier), and the drive back was awesome - nothing about the drive itself, just knowing that I'm getting this done, that it's scheduled and before we start 2017 I will be just about as much of a woman as I can be :-) (physically at least) Now I get to have the conversation with my brother in which I tell him :-) That should be fine, we've already spoken about me being trans and he's totally supportive, just awkward having any medical discussions with him.
  16. Chrissy

    New York Pride - and My Pride

    Tomorrow is New York Pride! It's expected to be one of the biggest ever as a result of the emotional impact of the Orlando shootings - and there will also be an increased NYPD presence as a result of the shootings. I expect that they'll do a moment of silence for Orlando - they do it each year for those lost to HIV/AIDs, and it's always an incredibly moving experience - you're on the streets of NYC with thousands and thousands of people, and there isn't a single sound (otherwise it's almost impossible to be on 5th Ave. or in the Village in total silence, except perhaps during a snowstorm). For me, this is my first NY Pride since I started transitioning. Last year at this time I had "come out," but I hadn't really started transitioning yet (I went for a gender bending look at Pride). So this will also be the first time I'm actually marching and not just watching (I did also volunteer one year). I'm planning to march with Identity House, the peer counseling organization I volunteer with, which is what prompted me to march. In the past I've wanted to, but didn't really have any group that I felt strongly enough about to march with. But back to the point about it being the first Pride since my transition started. That has prompted me to look squarely at my own ambivalence about being trans. I don't mean that I question whether I am or not, any question like that was resolved LONG ago - I mean that at some level, at some times, I try to reject my identity as a transwoman, and "just" be a woman. Sometimes it's an affirmative thing, I'm affirming my gender identity as a woman, other times though it's a negative, it's me trying to not be trans. This is kind of a hard thing to acknowledge here in particular - on this website - but I think that makes it more important to do. I went to the Transgender Health Conference in Philadelphia a few weeks ago and realized that I felt very uncomfortable. In my day-to-day life I'm typically the only trans person around, this was a rare situation where I was in roomfuls of trans people, and I wasn't comfortable, which upset me a lot. I don't think it's unusual, perhaps others (many others even) here have experienced it - or something similar. There is an underlying wish - that is, I have an underlying wish that I had just been born a cisgender woman - and it can feel horrible to recognize that that will simply never be my reality. There is no amount of transitioning that will ever make me a cisgender woman. I am taking a step to work through this tomorrow at Pride - I found a shirt on-line to wear, a pink tank-top that says "Trans Women are Real Women" :-) I think it's important for me to take ownership of that message - keeping in mind that while I'm wearing it for Pride, I'll also be wearing it as I travel back and forth to the city, which means around an audience that isn't necessarily receptive to the message. So I just wanted to - or rather, felt the need to - share that. I'll post some pics on Monday :-) xoxo Chrissy
  17. Chrissy

    T Time

    That's awesome that you'll be getting your prescription soon :-) Congrats!
  18. Chrissy

    Bottom Surgery!!!

    Jay, Oh, right, you're in the UK - how is all that going? I woke up in the middle of the night and thought to check, was shocked to see the result! Now just waiting for Scotland to vote again and leave the UK! I'm of Scottish descent, would like to see them break free :-)
  19. Chrissy

    Animosity or Acceptance

    Michele, Thank you so much for sharing that - I have to admit that I've never met someone who is intersex - or at least I don't know that I did, so it's an experience/identity that I know very little about. I hope that you'll share more of your experience here. Your experience with your mother definitely resonated with me - I've struggled for awhile over thinking that my parents in so many ways failed me as a child - not in the same way that you experienced, but in terms of a form of neglect, mostly emotional. For so long I was hung up between "my parents screwed up," and the defense that "maybe they did the best they could?" My therapist recently added something incredibly useful to help me move past that dialogue - "I needed more." I found that helped a lot, it helped me move past wondering if they were to blame, or if they were blameless - either way, I needed more. Anyway, again, I hope you'll continue to share your thoughts and experiences! xoxo Chrissy
  20. Chrissy


    As an English purist I have to lead with this, it's "woo hoo" :-) But FAR more important - CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! I always find it interesting that transmen and transwomen share one huge thing in common, the desire to "correct" our gender (or whatever terminology people choose to use), but literally every detail after that is the exact opposite :-) I've spent the last 10 months taking a prescription to stop my testosterone from happening - if only they could find a way to let us do one-for-one switches!!! I would happily give you every drop of testosterone I have (unless I actually need some amount to stay alive, then I'd hold back a bit)
  21. Chrissy

    Bored at work and other updates...

    I see I haven't updated since April 28, so I'm behind on a few items :-) My job - where I've worked for 10+ years now - recently announced employee buy-outs b/c they need to cut the budget. Since I was already planning on going back to school, I took the buy-out and will now go back full-time (to NYU for a Masters in Social Work). Now I'm just here at work riding out my time until probably June 30 - it's SOOOO boring!!! On other fronts - next Monday I have a consult with a bottom surgeon in the Philadelphia area - very excited about that! And in mid-July I have another appt with the top surgeon in Albany - to finalize details, etc. That surgery is scheduled for August 19 - one of my friends who is a student, and thus free during the summer, is going with me (you have to have someone with you).
  22. Chrissy

    Avoiding the Law?

    Ren, I'd suggest double (or triple) checking on the drivers license rule - people working at agencies are known to get the law wrong (social security by me initially refused to correct my gender id, but I eventually got them to see they were wrong). Looking online it doesn't look like new hampshire requires full on surgery for a gender correction on drivers license (you are in New hampshire, right? My apologies if I got that wrong) Chrissy
  23. If you know anyone in NYC feel free to pass it along 👯😀😛👧
  24. Hi all, For anyone in the NYC area, there is a new support group, sponsored by Identity House, starting next Wednesday. It will run from 7-9 pm every Wednesday for 8 weeks starting May 25. If you're interested just send me a message (I'm co-facilitating the group) More info at www.IdentityHouse.org Xoxo Chrissy
  25. Chrissy

    HRT Update

    Hi all, I just had my endocrinologist appointment - my testosterone level is at 170 now - yay!!! Typical male level is 270-1200, female level is up to the 60s or so - so I'm in "No Man's and No Woman's Land" currently - but it's progress! I think the nicest part of the appointment was when he said he wished everyone who came to see him was like me - in this case meaning that he has no qualms about what I'm doing and giving me the HRT prescription, so that was nice to hear :-) He did say I need to lose some weight - which I knew quite well already, I'm hoping hearing it from him will help motivate. xoxo Chrissy