Blogs

This is REALLY weird

I’ve been trying to form a smile today, but I don’t have the physical ability to do it. It’s been decades since the last time I actually smiled. It’s not that I choose not to. But I’ve always had my face in a blank expression, or an angry one. I honestly don’t know how to make that happen anymore. I don’t smile because I usually just don’t. I’m numb as it is, but I didn’t know a person could lose this kind of ability.

October 17

Slipped into the ninth circle of Hell

I bruised my left lung about a week ago. The pain is so extreme that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Breathing is excruciating. Moving is excruciating. I have to sleep sitting upright because if I lay down the pain in trying to get up is so severe that all I can do is scream and fall back down on the bed. So I’m going to be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. Extra Strength acetaminophen has pretty much become like candy. My doctor is sending a scrip to the pharmacy. This pai

June 11

I wish I was Cis

I’m so envious of cis people that it’s about to make me cry. They were born correctly, whereas we weren’t. We are the ones lucky enough to have had things go horribly wrong in utero. Cis people obviously have it easier, but more importantly they identify with their gender. They have the correct anatomy. As I said in a post recently, I want the uterus, cervix, ovaries, etc. The woman who has that is making me green with envy. I hate being halfway to who I should have been. By that I mean my mind

October 22, 2023

Education is all but illegal in America

Where did we go wrong? How did we devolve into such a state that simple education is threatened by bigots? History and science are all but gone from the entire curriculum. Kids today will have no clue what a chromosome is, or what the civil war was. This is one of the most sickening times in recent American memory. There was even a man who wanted to eliminate math for being “woke”, whatever that is. When I was a kid, they didn’t hold back. They told us what American history was like. And they di

July 25, 2023

How do I forget her

I’m having a hell of a time getting my ex out of my mind. I don’t know why, but she’s in my mind constantly. I can’t get her out. We broke up more than 20 years ago. But she is invading my mind and thoughts all the time. I ended things because I caught her cheating on me. I was in love with her. She broke my heart. But the memories are like locusts. They violate my thoughts every day. I think “What if….” all the time. I don’t know how to get rid of her. Adrianne isn’t happy about it, but says sh

May 31, 2023

Is this wrong of me?

I’m laying here in bed with Adrianne. We were talking, and I asked her what I’m going to ask here. Is it wrong of me to wish I had never come out, and just continued to live as a man? It would be so incredibly much easier, but a lot more miserable too. I just don’t know what to think. So is it wrong of me to wish I had kept it to myself. That would be easier…… right? I guess I’m just scared to death about all the 🤬 that is happening against us. I fear for our lives just checking t

May 17, 2023

The worst day of my life

My pitbull Lady had to be put down today. It still hasn’t fully sunk in yet, despite the fact that I’ve been bawling my eyes out all day. I wish it had been me who died today instead of her. I want to die. Life’s not worth living without her. She was my goddess. My heart and soul. I fell in love with her the instant I saw her picture online all those years ago. It’s been more than 10 years, but that was still not enough time. I’m going to find the best portrait artist in the country, and get her

April 27, 2023

Satanism Is Actually HEALTHY

I am Satanic. I'm also Hellenistic, but we'll put that aside for this discussion. I'm a card carrying member of The Satanic Temple (TST). TST itself is a very active "church" if you will. We host protests and petition for religious equality and bodily autonomy. You have probably heard of the protest to place a Baphomet statue alongside the ten commandments monument on the grounds of the state capitol in Arkansas. Our view was that if one religion had the right to erect it's monument, then a

April 16, 2023

Constant Shootings

This country has gone completely loco. It used to be really rare for a shooting like we see now. Especially school shootings. Now they’re almost a daily occurrence. It seems that the most dangerous ages to be are from 3 to 9 years old. Children are in extreme danger anymore. If I was a parent, I would find the money to pull my kid out of school and hire a tutor. It seems that’s the only way to keep kids safe. Why the hell is this happening? That’s what I want to know. I’m also wonderin

March 30, 2023

Part 6. What if...

What exactly am I looking for if, God forbid, I'm single again. Being 79 years old, my time is precious on this earth, but that does not mean I can't experience what I've wanted my whole life. Being a man has ment that I fought the battles, lead the charge, protected the family, was the bread winner and all of that. I would love a women that is 100% vested in our relationship and my transformation. A women that takes the lead in all aspects from day to day, to sex, to my transformation.

January 25, 2023

Part 5/ Why am I like this?

Why do I have this desire to become a women, I don't know. My father died when I was six, my mother was an unhappy alcoholic and married a weak useless man. Did these affect me, don't really care. I am living and dealing with this. When I was a freshman in high school I had my first and only homosexual experience with my best friend. Had no idea what I was doing but enjoyed pleasuring him. I dated two women that could have encouraged me to fulfill my needs, but I was such a foo

January 23, 2023

Number 4

My dream is to have breasts. I want to wear a bra because I have breasts. This is something I've wanted most of my life. Breasts are the mark of a women. No matter the size, breasts and nipples make a women. I've been looking at different doctors that do breast augmentation, post photos on their web page and specialize working with men. If I ever have the opportunity, one of the first things I will do is to walk out of the doctor's facility with a wonderful set of breasts. Som

January 22, 2023

Part 3 Being a Man

Growing up as a male, you are expected to do male things such as the clothes you wear, your friends, your occupation, military service, drinking beer, hunting, fishing etc. It's not the activities for the most part, but the pressure to do them to conform. Why can't I wear women's underwear. Why can't I cry. Why can't I be accepted for who I am. Many years I went deer hunting, and underneath the blaze orange outerwear I wore a nice bra and panty set while in the deer blind. Talk

January 22, 2023

Part 2. My Penis

I've had a love hate relationship with my penis. Sure it felt good while masterbating or having intercourse, but it always was the cause of problems. Relationships to me were always penis centric and the women came (no pun) last. Then when I was in my middle 60s I discovered male chastity devices. I was able to lock my penis up and this gave me a great sense of relief. And, I was able to come out to a friend who is a lesbian and understood exactly what I was feeling. By this

January 21, 2023

Part 1 The Beginning

Starting before puberty, I had this drive, this need, that I did not understand. Many times I would try on my mother's bra and panties (think she knew but these are things that were not talked about) and wish I could wear them all the time. When the Sears catalog arrived, I went directly to the women's "Foundation" section and not only wished I could wear them but had breasts to fill the bra and no penis or testicles so I would be smooth in the crotch. Before the internet, had no

Post Vaginoplasty some observations

January 21, 2023

Just a thought?

Isn't it funny but sad at the same time, that most of my life was lived in fear of anyone knowing my secret. Now, that my secret is out; I sense that some people are very afraid of me? If only everyone opened their eyes. I dream of that the day when no one will be afraid of each other.

Jessicatoyou in Post Vaginoplasty some observations

September 27, 2022

Transitioning MTF

4 years ago, joining TG Guide was my first step to seek information about transitioning to determine if it was right for me.

Seems hard to believe, so much has happened since, but only 4 years ago I didn't have a clue what it was, this "thing called transitioning", but I was sure I was transgender. I began my journey at age 64, and it will never end, to say the least!☺️ Much more to come.

Jessicatoyou in Transitioning MTF

August 28, 2022

Pretty Colours

There are a few here that know my Mum is not accepting of my gender identity. Despite this, it was not until just a few years ago that I found she is (unfortunately) also NOT a fan of gay and lesbian people either. I guess I should have figured that in light of what she apparently thinks of transgender people. Now that everyone has some background... lemme share what happened just a few days ago. I took my Mum to an appointment she had last week. When we got there, we went to the front

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June 5, 2022

GIC

Well Chuffed!

Or absolutely delighted for those that need a translator.😆😁 I had my 3 month check up with my gender clinic, and while I don't get told what my levels are, unless there is a complication which needs to be explained the assumption is that the professionals will just deal with what needs to happen. My blood was taken, and the doctor agreed when I said I had put on over Christmas not to weigh me until my next appointment in March (phew!) and my patch dosage was increased up to the next

ScottishDeeDee in GIC

January 7, 2022

By the Gods, I hate me

I can’t stand this anymore. I hate myself so much. I hate myself because I’m crippled. I hate myself because I’m poor. I hate myself because I was the bottom of the bottom class. I hate myself because I’m transgender. I can’t stand anything about myself anymore. There is nothing redeemable about this worthless corpse. I don’t warrant any kind of self worth. So many times I feel like leaving and going back to living on the streets. Dumpster diving for food. Filling up 2 liter bottles for wat

December 22, 2021

It's Unreal.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. I downloaded an app tonight called FaceApp. it allows you to do pretty much anything you want with a picture. Which includes seeing what you would look like as the "opposite" gender. It measures your features, and shows a realistic pic that could be achieved. So I took a selfie (I still look like a mule's rectum) and put it in the app. I found the gender swap feature. Holy freaking hell. I would be after this girl. Unlike me, she is gorgeous. Just ch

December 7, 2021

Once Upon A Time..... A Lesson Was Taught And Learned

Once upon a time, there was a foolish traveler who had gone on a journey. Why was he foolish? Well, because he was fooled by everyone he met! Everywhere he went, people made up all kinds of sad stories to tell him, and the traveler fell for every one of them. Please, some money for medicine… ? I have a sick younger sister… I don’t have money to buy seeds to plant in my fields. Pretty soon, his money, his clothes, even his shoes had been cheated away from