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Depression, being forgotten and a comforting Bree

KittenNikki

Entry posted by KittenNikki

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So today was definitely a down day for me. Got to work which has been the biggest source of depressive feelings and situations lately and realized I hadn't heard about our monthly birthday celebrations and since mine was coming up I should have been in this month's. I looked it up and it was 2 weeks ago. I was at work when they were doing it. The organizer, the manager who runs it, and my boss included couldn't be bothered to tell me, get a hold of me, e-mail me about it, whatever. So I was initially mad that I missed out on pizza and ice cream cake and a shot at a day off with pay. That started dragging my mood down. Then I started ruminating on the fact that no one could be bothered to get a hold of me for this. In years past they've paged people, got a hold of supervisors, etc while it's going on to get them in for the free food and a host at the day off. This year, nothing. They have a list of everyone who's supposed to be there and they check that damn thing religiously every year and yet I'm forgotten again because they don't need me to fix something or look to blame me for something I had nothing to do with.  So then I started spiraling even more. Now, my rational brain is attempting at this point to tell my emotional brain to take a chill pill that this can be fixed by getting in on the next month's meeting, hopefully, and I'll still be getting a shot at an extra day off and the free food. My emotional brain basically flipped my rational brain the bird and decided to not only wallow in it, but to start making me feel like I'm worthless and forgettable which made me angry because of all the things I'm trying to feel that isn't one of them, so then that amped up the others. It was a nasty, nasty morning. 

Bree was my bright light in all of this. We talked on teh phone, she messaged me all day and when she got home she gave me a big hug and we went out for comfort food and screw the diet. Being around her quieted a lot of that garbage my emotional brain was feeding me and I was able to reign it in and enjoy being with her and while I wanted to throw on my boobs and bra when I got home, I waited for her because I knew ultimately she was what I really wanted right then and I had an inkling we'd end up going out. 

Bree makes it all better. I wish everyone had someone like Bree. 

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Steph53

Hiya Nikki. Work Colleagues can be horrible so-and-so's. I know that from past experience. I just tried to keep My head down, and as far as possible, keep out of Their way. Niikki, it must be hard for You, especially when You have depression as well. I was ILL-Health retired ( against My will ), several year's ago.I will explain sometime. The people I worked with, would Not have accepted Me as a MtoF Transitioning Transsexual. ( My own Wife does Not support Me ), even though She is Bisexual, and She has been cheating on Me, with other Men, and other Women. Nikki, You are lucky that You have got Briannah's Love, and Support. Nikki, You and Briannah have come a very long way, in a very short space of time, and You can Both be very Proud of Yourselves. Nikki and Briannah. Have a Very Happy Easter. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes to You Both, Love, Stephanie. xx 

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Emma

Down days definitely suck, don't they? I certainly experienced one from Thursdsy night through Friday afternoon. It's a long story, same old cycle for me. This morning I look back on it and, once again, am thankful for my wife and life, but also planning on jotting down some notes to discuss with my therapist. All too often by the time I see him I've forgotten too many details about the experience for us to have enough to work on.

A good news for this week is that I will see him on Wednesday evening because, on the Thursdsy? Transgender Day of Visibility!

Hope you're feeling better, Nicki.

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KittenNikki

Hiya Nikki. Work Colleagues can be horrible so-and-so's. I know that from past experience. I just tried to keep My head down, and as far as possible, keep out of Their way. Niikki, it must be hard for You, especially when You have depression as well. I was ILL-Health retired ( against My will ), several year's ago.I will explain sometime. The people I worked with, would Not have accepted Me as a MtoF Transitioning Transsexual. ( My own Wife does Not support Me ), even though She is Bisexual, and She has been cheating on Me, with other Men, and other Women. Nikki, You are lucky that You have got Briannah's Love, and Support. Nikki, You and Briannah have come a very long way, in a very short space of time, and You can Both be very Proud of Yourselves. Nikki and Briannah. Have a Very Happy Easter. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes to You Both, Love, Stephanie. xx 

​Thanks very much Steph. I hope things turn around for you.

 

Down days definitely suck, don't they? I certainly experienced one from Thursdsy night through Friday afternoon. It's a long story, same old cycle for me. This morning I look back on it and, once again, am thankful for my wife and life, but also planning on jotting down some notes to discuss with my therapist. All too often by the time I see him I've forgotten too many details about the experience for us to have enough to work on.

A good news for this week is that I will see him on Wednesday evening because, on the Thursdsy? Transgender Day of Visibility!

Hope you're feeling better, Nicki.

​Thank you! I am. Had a great weekend with Bree, went out for birthday dinner at Texas Roadhouse and saw Batman v Superman along with lots of Bree time, so very much on a better wavelength.

 

Hang in there hun! Maybe you could talk with them about this oversight?

​The person I need to talk to about it wasn't there and won't be until this week, so I'm giving it a shot. 

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MonicaPz

Dear KittenNikki,

This sounds like a TOXIC WORKPLACE to me!  May I ask, does it help you be a better person (bring out the best in you) for having worked there?

Is there any way you can look for another job before it becomes so unbearable that it pulls you down further?

This may be the wake up or heads up that there might be something better for you out there!

Good luck!

Yours truly,

Monica

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