BA, I’m sorry to read this from you, I really am. I wonder if you’ve seen a psychiatrist and/or are taking meds. I am (Celexa and Wellbutrin). I literally couldn’t live without them.

Of course, if you don’t know why you’re so depressed I certainly can’t tell you. Sometimes it helps to just forget “chasing the whys” and accept that yes, at this moment, you’re feeling depressed. Note that there is a difference between feeling depressed and being depressed. The latter adds weight to the problem and the former acknowledges that the feeling while likely ebb and flow like most feelings.

So, what to do? One thing that I and others have found helpful is to consider what you would do if you didn’t have this issue, you free of the pain. Consider brainstorming with yourself, write down your ideas, and as time passes you’ll think of more. Write those down too.

Then consider what you can do now. Do it or at least get started. Hopefully that will reduce some of your stress and depression.

Dear Blackangel,

Emma has excellent advice.

May I add, please write down what is right with your life, in detail.

Emma is right. There is a world of difference between "feeling depressed," and "being depressed." A feeling comes and goes, and it is unwise to make important decisions based on feelings. Being implies that that depressed describes your intrinsic character.

Am not a trained professional, but I think your depression is a feeling, in that it comes and goes. But, anytime someone repeatedly feels depressed, this is a wake-up call to seek professional help.

There is no shame in seeking professional help and taking medication (I feel if someone takes medication, they should also be in counseling).

Have never been on medication, but I have been in counseling off and on my whole life, and I have no shame whatsoever.

Blackangel, we are here for you.

Your friend,

Monica

I've been on medication for many years now for bi-polar, depression, and schizophrenia. I was seeing a therapist for a few years, but when I came out to her she demanded a psychological evaluation. So I quit seeing her and have been pretty soured on therapists ever since. That was around 2-3 years ago. I've considered trying it again, but none of the therapists around here are LGBTQ+ friendly. And I'm not able to drive an hour and a half away to KC or SL just for a 45 minute therapy session. If I wasn't on the meds that I'm currently on, I probably wouldn't be here to make this post. Seroquel is just one of the many meds I take. I did a count the other day, and combining the meds I take both morning and night, I take a total of 34 pills daily. Just to keep me from going off the deep end. Yet still, I hate life.

Don't know a whole lot about meds;: scare the hell out of me, but so many meds a day may be causing some interactions?  Maybe have your primary doc or pharmacist thoroughly review your daily cocktail??  I'd bet some were prescribed long ago and may no longer be relevant nor helpful..  Many times simple things like vitamin D (from the sun 🌞) combat and relieve feelings of depression.  

I’m on a vitamin d scrip. Also I have 3 doctors working together watching the meds and another 3 neurologists in the mix. As for sunlight, I know this isn’t an actual thing but it’s the only way I’ve ever been able to describe it. I’m “allergic” to sunlight. Every time I get in sunlight I start having sneezing fits and trouble getting a breath. Also I’m EXTREMELY photosensitive. I wear sunglasses in the house and have to double up to go outside. So I try to avoid sunlight at all costs.

Dear Blackangel,

Know you and I can't do this now, due to disability, but, years ago, I cleaned a therapist's office (the building and parking lot) because she was an excellent therapist. She offered me free counseling, but I couldn't accept it for free, but to respect myself, offered my cleaning services in trade. Did this on a weekly basis for weekly therapy.

Now, because public mental health services are so poor, when I need therapy, I save up my money to have one session per month with a private therapist. Once a month is better than none at all.

Just a thought.

Your friend,

Monica