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Who moved the goals?


ScottishDeeDee

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I was just offered some good advice on my main blog and want to stick it somewhere to digest and process it.  Well, it's not really advice, more of a suggestion.

I know that I fit the definition of being transgender. Any which way you look at it I am not comfortable in this body of mine. 

My main blog is somewhere I update every week - it may not always have the most riveting of content but that is because it is mostly writing for myself. It is where I mull over my week and try to put a pin in where I am on my gender journey and then if someone stumbles across it they can offer me their insight or opinion too.

The advice was given to this person when they went to visit heir therapist asked her to consider the following question - "how comfortable I would be presenting as a woman in a male body."

It is an interesting thought exercise because it is shifting the goal posts a little. We talk about presenting as our target gender.

Presenting female is easily understood for taking that nerve wracking trip out, hoping that you are dressed suitably and looking as feminine as possible in order to not get yelled at beaten up or generally abused in some way, shape or form. I am still working up to that moment I can take a coffee shop selfie (though it is getting closer). 

So my understanding is that presenting male would be the equivalent for trans men when they do the same thing and be seen and understood as men as they go about their business.

The way I read the question from the therapist, the starting position is moved. The natural assumption for me is not; born male wants to be female, but; is female and has to be perceived as physically male...

🤔🤔🤔

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Dear Dee,

Your goals are always moving . . . that is a sign of growth.

Every ten years, every cell in your body is replaced at least once. You literally are not the same person you were ten years ago.

Looking back, I find I am very different than I was six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, etc. That explains when I reread an article I wrote six months ago, that I was actually proud of, and I find myself saying, "I can't believe I wrote that!"

Am sure if you look back, you will notice you have been making amazing progress!

Your friend,

Monica

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Well said, Dee. As far as I know I'm initially gendered female but when more closely examined I'm seen for what I am, a trans woman. Obviously, like all of us, I'd much prefer just having a woman's face and body but that's not going to happen. So yes, dress as you wish, as feminine, appropriate, and nice as you like. And just go out as you, regardless of whatever you think people perceive you as. You know who you are, that's really all that matters.

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I LOVE THIS!! Well at least in principal. Also seems like dubious advice. Depending on where you live even deadly.

So as much as I would love to say just be you. Also be safe.

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I think goal posts should always be examined, from the psychiatric to job/life choices to the boring mundane little daily habits and food choices.  We learn by quesrioning and the reflections needed to find our answers.  It opens the doors to growth and improvement.  Things that are true and right for us pesonally will remain, usually with a greater understanding of how we got to them and if one is lucky a host of new options to further our growth and avchieving goals.  We are not static, our goals should grow with us!  :)

 

Sorry for bad typing, finger is in a splint from a klutz fall and it'd really hard to type like this.  

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