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So halloween went epic as ever One of the challenges I faced as a (attempting) FTM is costumes...Sadly many costumes are gender based or seperated. Originally I were trying to go for the werewolf look, but it turned out to be a zombie from The Walking Dead. Either one was fine with me I was one of the only ones who dressed up at work, and must say that I put the most work into mine. One person was a Professor from Hogwarts and she looked really cool, another was a nurse, and the head manager as an RN. The two deli girls were "Deli Witches" which looked really awesome Then there was me lol First time I've actually had people take pictures of me. I went with a plain plaid button up shirt, with my compression shirt and such underneath, which actually worked perfectly. Loved it. Jeans, of course, for my pants. And my steel toe boots In all, it was pretty much GenderLess. And I liked it When it comes to costumes and being transgendered or whatever, you just have to be comfortable. It doesnt matter what other people think about it, you're supposed to be having fun! It was refreshing to have some fun at work and not have to worry about all the B.S. that I've had to deal with lately. When one of the other guys showed up for work (A student from Israel, hes a bit new to Halloween and LOVES IT) he was a bit disappointed, not knowing that he could have dressed up for the night. Thankfully, for whatever reason, I had taken all my makeup and fake blood to work with me. When I told him that I'd turn him into a zombie, he got so excited! And I gotta say, his face makeup almost looked better than mine I was so happy for him lol he loved it! He walked around all night playing zombie to his friends. I think I created another Halloween Fanatic! At the end of the night, he were talking about wanting to go to a Halloween party later that night with his new getup, so I gave him my bottle of fake blood to touch up his look later as he needed as long as he gave it back on monday. Not like I were going to use it anyway So I left with a backpack full of cupcakes (mint, orange and strawberry) and a TON of snickers, milkyway, twix, kitkats, reeses and pixie sticks. So much for my diet The zombies were having fun, the parties had just begun, but I had to head home. Nevertheless, it was a graveyard smash I love halloween....Makes me feel so much better. Groaning and Moaning my Zombie tush to my room to chill out, -Warren

Yesterday morning when I first saw mention of Businessweek's publication "Tim Cook Speaks Up," I thought it was a bit anticlimactic. Most knew that he is gay. After all, he'd led Apple's contingent at the LGBTQ Pride Parade this year and even before that the word was pretty much out. But I was deeply moved by his words and the article. Not only was he stepping out as the CEO of the Fortune 1 company (as one writer described it today in the NYT). He was inclusive of all LGBTQ people. It's not just about him. In today's NYT follow-up article ("The Coming Out of Apple's Chief Tim Cook: 'This Will Resonate'") I noted that he checked it out with Apple's board beforehand. I think that probably took more courage than even coming out in Businessweek. Sure, he's the CEO. But he reports to Apple's board and there's no doubt in my mind that those people are very strong minded and outspoken. And they are his peers. Speaking of the Times, Charles M. Blow recently published "Up From Pain" there. Very tender description of what happened to him as a child and how he's finding himself as an adult. Just imagine what he's risking! Heck, he's a New York Times published writer. Unlike Mr. Cook I doubt Mr. Blow could afford losing his income should it come to that. And then there's another that I found recently: Brynn Tannehill's "I Am Real," her keynote address to the 2014 TransPride Pittsburgh National Convention. She's amazing. Please, please, search for it and spend the twenty minutes watching it. It's that important. And, there's Lynn Conway. If you haven't heard of her you owe it to yourself to visit and read her extensive writing on her MTF journey: http://ai.eecs.umich...way/conway.html What a pioneer, woman, and leader. I have to brag here: she accepted my LinkedIn request! I'm thrilled and grateful. What about me? The other day I had this stream of consciousness that I sent to my wonderful therapist. Playing "what if" with yourself can encourage some creative thinking: What if: I was always transgendered, that it's not a reaction to my mother's abuse? Perhaps some of the abuse is real and some was in her own mind (e.g., the time I remember she told me that she'd spanked me so hard that she'd broken a vessel in her hand). Heck, maybe part of her issue was that I wasn't acting the role she expected. What if: my shame is a learned expression – a useful excuse – for the outside world to rationalize my condition? Might it then be a habit that can be unlearned? I do know that I use it at times as a way to gain some hugs and love from my wife. I appreciate her support a lot but at times I wonder if I only got what I needed because of some level of manipulation. What if: I had expressed my desires to be a girl more definitely when I was young? What if there's no answer to this? What if: my recent weight loss and trimness is driven at least equally by my desires to express a more feminine image? Because, it is. What if: my desires for leotards and tights is more about the relative social acceptability of fetishes vs. my having a feminine expression? Here again, it seems to me that it's more socially acceptable to have a fetish. What if: I could feel love as if I were a woman and remain as I am? Why not? How would that look and be? What if: I could be fully accepting of myself as I am? No more shame, just pride of being myself. I feel sometimes a bit embarrassed that this is coming to a head for me at my age, as if it's "only" a mid-life crisis. I think it's more about the urgency of realizing that we only have so much time in this life. If not now, when? Lynn Conway wrote, "If you want to change the future, start living as if you're already there." So yeah, I think I get it. The first step to going public is to fully love and accept myself, whatever that turns out to be. Then, review it with my board (my wife). And then just do it. At this moment in time it seems like the last step is the easiest and the first is the hardest. I'm way open to suggestions on the first one. Happy Halloween! Emma Photo: This is a fun story. We were in Zimbabwe in an open-air safari four-wheel drive, when the guide/driver stopped in the dirt road, pointed up the hill, and said, "Up there, under the tree. There's a pride of lions." We couldn't see anything of the sort. Even with my telephoto lens, I simply could not find them. Patiently, the guide looked around, and then drove up the hill about a hundred yards to within 15-20 feet of a pride of a dozen lions, lionesses, and cubs. Wow. For tonight's festivities I'd like to be the lioness!

Hey Warren, Glad to hear you had so much fun today. Your zombie-ness would've scared me! You're cool, dude. :-) Emma

I can think of a couple strengths Warren, and I barely know you. 1. You are willing to share yourself with others through your online presence and blogging. You have no idea how that is going to help someone who is struggling with the same issues as you. 2. You are taking steps to deal with your own gender identity. How many of us repressed that part of ourselves into our mid-life or even later. Keep exploring to find out where you are comfortable, and don't let anyone stop you. We're here for you. Hang in there and good things will happen.

I have often said that the hardest part of most jobs I've ever had, was dealing with the co-workers. Try not to take it too personal, although that is easier said than done. The thing is, these abrasive people are unhappy or insecure, so they subconsciously share the misery by acting out toward others.

Hi, Lori! I also already have a blog also. I am writing my story, and want to support the significant others (wives, girlfriends/boyfriends, family members, parents, children, friends, co-workers, etc.) as well as, the TS. Questions, concerns are welcome. Can find me at http://jackanddianestories.blogspot.com/ Welcome to the discussion!!