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Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens , bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings , these are few of my favorite things . This song melody was from a 1965 American musical '' The Sound of Music '' staring Julie Andrews & Christopher Plummer directed an produced by Robert Wise . We are born in the way we are for sure . How much of what we were exposed to in our past lives has molded us into what we have become today . I was told so many times '' toughen up , toughen up , do not act like a girl. Now that I am on my own '' pink '' that girly color truly is becoming my favorite color . In the past I was taught to shy away from this color boys do not wear such things. I do like bright colorful things , flowers , butterflies , soft feeling things like lace , nylon , and satin . I like to go shopping . I remember going to department stores with my mother , I would love to hide in the ladies dress racks feeling those dresses against my skin. The sound of falling water is so peaceful , the oak forest whispering from a breeze is pleasing . How about music and dance . I like all kinds of music and I can dance for hours. I do like to smell like a girl ; before when I did not shave those underarms , well anyway........ that was not so pleasant. I like to change my look from time to time , before I always carried the same boyish image. I like kind people , and those not so kind , I know there is a smile in there someplace. With all these likes and there is plenty more. I wonder , how that I was raised to be so tough , that I am now living and experiencing those girly things that I do like. I should be like a Sylvester Stallon '' Rambo '' or something . '' The Sound of Music '' movie was such a great musical . I remember watching it several times . Julie Andrews to me is the epitome of a lady like classy lady , both in the movie and in real life. How much did watching that movie so many times influenced how I perceive how a women should be ? Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens brown paper packages tied up with strings '' These are a few of my favorite things . '' Be what ever you want to be , just love yourself that is what really counts.

This was an interesting week. Feelings of being female kind of just came and went as the tides do. Anyways, this week was tough. I work in DC and take the metro every day and see some nicely dressed women going to work each day. And once a week, I will see at least one person who is trans* going to work, who dresses appropriately and looks really nice (seeing them makes me really proud to be trans and I am proud of them as well - btw!). I had a follow up app't with my therapist today that she had to reschedule. That is fine. I am not in as much of a crisis anymore, more of in a daze lately, just "dealing with being male" and thinking about being female. It is rescheduled for 12/12 at 2 pm. I may go out with friends after and perhaps to a support group. This week, I am headed out on Saturday to the Holiday Inn at 7pm. It should be fun. I don't know what to wear (it will probably be a dress), but it does not matter, I am just glad that I am going out. I have been overweight over the past year, but at least my weight has been stable. I do need to lose weight though, because I feel uncomfortable particularly in tight clothes or when I do endurance sports. Nothing like riding a bike up a 12% climb and wishing I was 150 - 160 lbs again. Anyways ... I hope that everyone has had a good week. Keep your chin up and be proud of who you are, whoever that may be! I love you all and thank you for reading! Love, Lisa

Tuesday, Again. By now you've figured out (most likely) that Tuesday is my Therapy day. I'll be honest that therapy has not been as horrible as I had imagined it to be, and honestly it kind of feels good to sit there and just talk. We dont even have to talk about anything important, really. But knowing that what I say wont really leave her office, and we're by ourselves...it allows me to open up and talk freely. It's really nice, and I end up leaving with a weight off my shoulders. Not saying I didnt freak out, trust me! If you look back on my previous blogs, you'll see me freaking out like a four year old at a crazy circus show at midnight. But really, its not so bad. So far, anyway. In regards to the letter I had left for my therapist (if you dont know about it, go to my previous blog post ) the office were closed the day that I went to drop it off. So I had to wait, agonizingly, for monday to arrive so I could drop it off before work. Thankfully the receptionist were on the phone when I set it on her desk, so I didnt even have to explain it. I just set it down, wove goodbye, and hightailed it out of there. I were nervous, sure! Wondering if she'd be angry with me, or offended, or just simply throw her hands up and quit. So when I showed up today, she were standing there waiting for me, all ready to go. First thing she did when she shut the door, was hold up the letter. But she didnt frown, she didnt glare. She smiled. "First off, thank you for the letter. I WANT to know what you're feeling, even if you cant put it into words verbally. If you're more comfortable to write it down at a later time and leave it at the office for me, by all means, I encourage you to do so" We talked about what was in the letter, and she apologized for how I felt when I left last week, but noted that even though it hurt, it got my butt in gear and rearing to go and get more information to get this started officially. She's right, I'll admit. It made me angry, but it got me moving. We discussed things to do, and I'm still waiting to hear from the hospital/plastic surgeons about my questions regarding my double incision bilateral mastectomy. They wanted to talk to me on the phone, but like a dummy, I've lost my cellphone for the hundredth time! So I'm trying to get them to just do it through email, even if its not convenient for them, I can still provide any and all info they need that way. Wish me luck on that! I might see if I can convince my boyfriend to let me buy a proper binder next week, after we get our paychecks from work. Hopefully, because since I've lost a bit of weight, the shirts I have now dont really do too much. And I finally found the tag on the darn thing. It's not a binder in any way, shape or form. It's a men's support shirt, basically just for back support or work outs or after surgery. It does okay for right now, but not as well as I'd like. So, we'll see on that. I do apologize for not blogging lately, I've simply been crazy busy and the snow is starting to pile up around my house! We've got all the decoration blowups outside set up, the shovels taken down, and the winter boots pulled out. Overnight, we got a foot of snow, and there's more on its way. Welcome to New England!! I'll blog again soon, but have patience with me Your Dear Friend, Warren P.S. My therapist says HELLO INTERNET SUPPORT!!! She's very glad that you're all here to support me as I support you all right back. Like one big, distant, happy family <3

The following has no real train of thought (dang female hormones ) but this is what's up Just received my packet from Doctor Bower, have started filling in forms and making appointments for EKG and HIV testing. Three weeks to go to formalization on name change. Going through the list of items I need to take with me to California and see that I need a ample supply of KY jelly. I decided to do NetFlix subscription, as being there for two weeks will need something to do when unable to get around. I know it’s getting real when just about every night I imagine myself being rolled into the room for surgery. Booked room for stay, normally $200 per night (yikes), discount rate is $155 which is $2000 total and I am use to places that charge (in my area) half that price, sure wish I had people in the area. Photos for the hotel. On the home front, I am picking up my final letter for surgery and document for name change/gender approval next Friday. Tomorrow I meet with my legal friend to get back money and Sunday off to purchase luggage as my current luggage is old and beatup or use UPS Luggage Shipping where they supply you with a cardboard suitcase then again I may not, will have to see. Just returned from the post office and made my payments of $28,000 for surgery. The cashier at the bank said, can I help you mam? Gave her my driver licence which is still my male one and afterwards stayed with mam.

Oh, Pamela, I agree with you so much. I remember going to see The Sound of Music with my parents so long ago. Wondering at the girls in the family and also, of course, Julie Andrews. And I also recall shopping with my mother, sneaking into the clothes racks just like you. Emma

Hey Warren, You ROCK! Good for you. You followed through, gave your therapist a chance, told her honestly what's going on for you, and you're happening. I'm so proud of you! Emma