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I've been ruminating about my post "No Big Deal" over the past few days and wondering why I was unable to let it go. For example, if the balance of threats and concerns weighs so heavily on the Significant Other (i.e., the cisgender person) then by what right does the Transgender person express herself, especially if she is uncertain about her needs to transition her sex? I think I figured it out this morning. I think it boils down to whether the issue is coming from the individual's inherent core or from societal mores. As I've written in my blog and other TGG posts I am very uncertain about where my transgender self resides under the umbrella of its definition. These days I think I'm much more at the crossdresser end than toward transition. But one thing I can't deny: my transgender needs/desires/self is at the core of my being. They are inherent and immutable. I can't be "cured" of them through therapy, suppression, or denial. On the Significant Other's side her feelings are no less valid and no doubt her spouse's disclosures are a surprise and may cause her to question her trust in her husband and her own instincts. That said, however, it seems to me that at least some of the wife's concerns that I listed in my post are derived more from what she's been taught that society expects and approves of. Let me emphasize that the emotions of both people are equally valid and real. But I think that measured over time, the transgender person's will last longer - forever, if you will - and it's possible that some of the cisgender partner's emotions will wane as she learns that her husband's disclosure doesn't really change anything substantial in their relationship; the changes are largely superficial. And with time and open and loving communication it's possible that the cisgender partner may come to realize that her husband's statement "It's no big deal" is more true than she thought initially. Emma P.S. My thanks to a friend who coached me on the use of pronouns. Hope I got it better this time!

There has been an argument in the Lesbian community for decades about whether transwomen are the same as cisgender (born female) women. The argument goes, "the transwoman has not suffered GROWING UP in a misogynist (woman hating) society." My answer is that it takes courage to transition from a man with male privilege to a woman in a misogynist society. So, BOTH are to be commended. In both the cisgender woman and the transwoman, I sense the female energy, that they BOTH had from birth suffered, but in different ways. They are both women, and as such, they should give each other support as women. A corollary to this would be a person with epilepsy and another person who is a paraplegic in a wheelchair, very different disabilities, one may have been born disabled and another became disabled as an adult, are also both disabled and should give one another support rather than nit-picking who is more disabled, or even if one is disabled at all. The upshot is that we are part of the human family and we should celebrate our differences rather than let them drive us apart!

A friend of mine's husband told her that his crossdressing is "no big deal." It bothered her because the phrase tended to dismiss her feelings; I understand and agree. I've often also thought of this phrase myself and thought it might be interesting to consider what it means to me. I'm not offering any solutions here, just food for thought and, perhaps, conversation with your partner. By the way: I'm using feminine pronouns for the husband, which is the polite/supportive thing to do for her; My apologies to my FTM brethren as I'm only talking here about the husband being the transgender person. Now with that behind us let's dig in! I'm first considering it from my perspective. (It's my blog, I get to choose who goes first. ) When I think of my crossdressing as "no big deal" here's some my reasoning: It's just clothes after all, at least in the privacy of our own home. Who cares if I'm dressing in feminine finery? My therapists have also said that it shouldn't be a big deal. I wish my wife could also treat it as no big deal because then I'd feel better about myself. As it is I feel like there is a winner and a loser, and we should both be able to win. I am and will stay faithful to my wife and am confident that I will not stray no matter what. I still am the person she fell in love with at my core. Shouldn't she feel happy that I'm "finding myself" and support me? Okay fine, let's consider what might be going on in my wife's mind for whom it seems to be a Very Big Deal indeed. She was socialized to be the pretty one in relationships and society, to wear feminine clothing and be feminine. If I'm feminine too, where does that leave her? Should she now consider herself to be a lesbian? I think it's known that cisgender women may judge each other pretty harshly at times, and "their man" may be a proxy for her success as a woman. What does it mean if he crossdresses (privately or not)? Is it because of some failing of the wife's? Although we know that gender orientation isn't correlated or the same as sexual orientation, my wife is still concerned that in the euphoria of the moment (aka "Pink Fog") I might be tempted to experiment. Who's to say that I might so enjoy crossdressing that I find myself inexorably drawn to Gender Affirmation hormones and/or surgery? How will this affect our sex life? Will we even have a sex life going forward? And if not, why should I accept that? If our marriage/relationship needs to dissolve, how will I explain this to my family and friends? Oh my goodness: the scale is leaning so heavily toward my wife. Maybe I'm just being negative. I am sure there are missing points in both my and my wife's sections. Please feel free to post your thoughts on all this. Regardless of whether you agree with what I wrote or not I think it always comes down to communication between ourselves and our partners. Easy for me to say but I think my wife and I are making some progress. Yeah! I wish you a safe New Years celebration and a thoroughly wonderful and fulfilling 2015, Emma

Went to check the balance on my checking account two days ago and I found a charge that I did not recognize, called the bank and they are working on a resolution to get my money back. What I really like about my bank is, you walk in, tell them what happened then the cancel the card and create a new one on the spot. I am extremely diligent with my card and the only time the card is out of my seight is when purchasing gasoline (Oregon is you can not pump your own) so it has me wondering if that is the case or when I did a online purchase at Victoria's secrets last week. Hopefully the bank will track down who is responsible for this. Gets you thinking especially with all the hacking which has been going on recently

Being it’s a new year a thought went through my head, I know what the monetary cost for preparing for surgery, actual surgery and after care but what is the cost over time? Well without going down to the penny I spent roughly $2,000 for a therapist, not enough to register for medications (insurance paid this), since 2000 spent roughly $4,000 for electrolysis, $7,000 on body enhancements. Now couple this with surgery and aftercare I figure a round number is $35.000. Let’s round this off to $50,000 and calculated this cost over the remainder of my life. I am currently 58 years old and at best would live to roughly 90 years old as I believe my genes are predominately my mother’s side of the family where the last three women averaged life is 95. Of course none of them smoked which I have but quitting but they did not have the better care of live available today so I am going to say I might live to 80 or 85. That comes to $3,200 ($266 per month) cost for the rest of my life which I feel is well worth it. Now with that said imagine you could pay for your transition this way. For some it is still unreachable which is sad. All who have considered to transition from male to female many times never take in the magnitude of the cost to transition. If I were doing this today at an early age I would (thinking I think like I do today) go to college, pick a profession that pays well and put my head to the grindstone to fund transitioning. Sure it is easy to say as there are many variables that could side track this but without a plan and goal all the wishing in the world will not make this happen but instead like many will fall asleep at night hoping to wake up in a female body is unrealistic as we all know this will not happen. Any ways with that said I don’t see the $266 spread out over time but instead the money spent put me where I should be and no amount of money can change this. When I made the final decision to transition I was focused like never before in my life, figured out what I needed to move forwarded and never looked back. Nothing like peace of mind.

Good morning everyone and happy new year! I`ll introduce myself, I am Tegan Nelson :)

What is Ambigenderism? As psychological science is shedding more light on the nature of gender in the context of biological sex and social norms, more identity labels seem to be coming out every day. One label that has yet to receive decent recognition is Ambigenderism. I think the best way to share what ambigenderism entails is to share myself as an ambigendered person. About 4 months ago was when I started to transition from boy to girl (distinguished from male and female), however in the early stages I felt a great deal of conflict when it came to the final image I had in mind. I wasn't sure if I wanted Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS), and I was conflicted about voice therapy, mainly because I sing in a band and my vocal range is important to our composition. I bounced back and forth between considering SRS and not considering it. I eventually decided I liked my "parts" and really had no desire to change myself sexually, so SRS was not an option for me. However, as a person who doesn't make a lot of money, I knew that breast implants and hair removal, two things I certainly want to do, would be difficult to do in a timely manner. I considered hormone therapy, but after speaking with a fellow transgendered girl I found out the effects hormone therapy has on muscle mass, sex drive, and penis size were something I wasn't comfortable with, even if it does basically remove all body and facial hair. I felt conflict with my identity; tucking is difficult for me, and the body hair is quite the pain to deal with. I have very thick, dark body and facial hair, and hiding it is a hassle and doesn't work all the time. Laser hair removal is expensive and painful, but hormone therapy, which is cheap and relatively painless, comes with side effects that I'm not comfortable with. Eventually my wife told me about a person who dresses in feminine clothing and makeup at the house, but is a man in public. The person said it was not shame based, but rather just a preference. They referred to themselves as Ambigendered. Ambigendered uses the root word Ambi, similar to ambidextrous, which is the ability to write with both hands effectively. Ambigenderism, in specific, is the preference to exist as both boy and girl. A great example of this are drag queens and masculine male to female transgendered people, and another example is the group known as Club Kids. Club Kids are a sect of transgenderism who stress both male and female properties; they will have full beards, but wear dresses, heels, and makeup, or they will show off their breasts but wear masculine clothing. I learned that is where I sit. The best thing about Ambigenderism is it is much more of a gradient, rather than a binary relationship that exists between transgenderism and transsexualism. Transgender sometimes comes with the implication that one seeks to be the opposite gender as much as possible, barring SRS. However, Ambigenderism gives the ability to fall anywhere within that spectrum without one feeling incomplete or in an odd state where no identity describes oneself. One may wish to dress as a woman, have breasts, wear makeup and have no body hair, but at the same time have a deep voice and a penis. One may have breasts and a vagina, but wear suits, cut ones hair short and have facial hair implants. Ambigenderism allows one to not just fall on male or female, but to fall anywhere in between. If you have any questions about Ambigenderism, or transgenderism in general, feel free to ask in the comments or send me a personal message. Amare atque Pace, Semper Suggestions for future topics?

Hi everyone. I'm new to this blog stuff and sharing things. I'm FTM, a guy? I don't know all the terms I'm a man stuck in a chicks body is how i put it. Been this way since I was 4 I'm 25 currently. Have had no help, since I just started going to therpy (my theripst is pushing to get more info and get out there a little) . My family isnt really supportive. I mean we dont really talk about it but the times we did it was like why would you do that. Only person I have is my wonderful girlfriend. She supports me and wants me to be happy, however I see it. I'm not open like the other transgender people. I dont want people to know that I'm changing unless I want to tell them. This blog right here is a HUGE thing for me. I'm just not happy anymore I need help. I've been lying to people forever it seems and its awful cause I'm not really lying. I am a guy I see it everyday when I'm not feeling like crap about myself. I've lost friends, dropped out of school because a "friend" told everybody that I was a girl, and been made fun of. The people that got over it all see me as a guy now. they know, but act like its whatever. sometimes They all talk about it like its nothing and its something to me. I just want to be respected as a man and its really hard not getting that, it hurts more then anything. I don't know I'm shy and don't really know how to talk to people but I'm trying. Hit me up if you like. any info ideas support is welcome. Later

What's up dude! Totally got you on this one. Its like "I'm lying to people...but am I lying? This is who I am. Wait dont tell them!!" I struggle with that every day too bro. Especially at work. Keep your chin up, we'll get through it :] I'm glad your girlfriend is super supportive. As long as you've got at least one person to help you out, you dont have to hold the world on your shoulders. Hit me up if you ever need to talk. And for star sake, abuse that blog button! Helps a ton Warren

Hello kerig... and welcome. Lot of info and topics scattered all throughout the many forums as Emma has mentioned - no one forum is really restricted to any particular group. But while you are cruising around TGG...be sure to check out the FTM Transsexual Disccusion board also. There are many great topics, lots of information, and of course... some things that do apply primarily to us guys. -Michael