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I'm so excited for you!

That is really a great story which gives the rest of us hope. It looks like you are emerging from the other side of transition. I'm having a hard time seeing the other side of transition. But I keep having to remind myself that I need to look 5 years down the road from now. It's a hard thing to do! But I'm sure that you know that!

Well hello world. This is new for me so please be patient. Like misspelled words and punctuiation.....lol. I came out to my family around 10 years ago and through life's choices and circumstances I got put on hold, me Melody put on hold now if that ain't a bummer. Well so be it and life is life. I have turned a page in that book and am starting over, again >>>> forward. Ya that way. Never fully stopped after all I am who I am. So to all that may read I wish you luck in your journey of life. As I begin my journey forward.

Before my wife knew about me, she wondered if our son, who is was 4 years old, might be transgendered. I told her that I did not think so. For a variety of reasons. But lately my feelings on that have changed. Over the last few months, he has been immensely interested in girl dolls. Lately, Barbie and American Girl. When my wife was about to donate my daughter's Kit doll, my son, now 6 years, just about pitched a fit, so we let him have her. Anyways, American girl dolls have matching outfits for the girls as well as the books. This was the first thing that he asked for. Unfortunately, my wife had gotten rid of the clothes my daughter wore and the books. Two weeks ago, my son told me that he wished that he could wear the same clothes as Kit to school, that he felt like he was both a girl and a boy (bigendered), but he was afraid that he would be embarrassed. I did not say much other than to ask why. After that, he has been either asking for matching Kit clothes or a life-sized girl doll that he can dress with real girl clothes. This past Saturday my son wanted me to put up posters in his room. As we were up there, he reiterated his desire for a full-sized doll. Which is when I asked him the point blank question, "do you want to have a full sized doll so that you can wear the clothes as well". He said yes. I asked him what types of clothes he wanted to wear and he said dresses. He showed me the types of dresses and even mentioned a dress (in great detail) that he wanted from Target. Anyways, I could tell that he was embarrassed about it. I told him that there was nothing wrong with wearing girl clothes, wanting to wear girl clothes or to be a girl. That I loved him no matter what. He said "Thank you, Daddy" and gave me a hug. We talked for a few more minutes and then I went to talk with my wife, who talked with him. But I went downstairs and cried. In a way I was thankful that he could come and talk to me about it. But at the same time, I was hoping that he would not have the same struggles that I had and am having with gender. I talked with my wife later and told her that I think we need to let him express himself and that at some point, I need to let him know about me. She is worried about the struggle at school. Though they have a TG policy, just instituted this year at my son's school, it will be hard. Also, she is worried that he is not reading. I told her, this might be a reason. Anyways, I felt so bad for her. She has a husband who is thinking about transitioning and now a son that wants to be a girl at school. Though, she said that maybe me coming out to her two years ago and going through this was to prepare for what my son is going through. It's hard to say. But, I know this. I will fight like an angry momma bear for him. And so will his momma. --Lisa

Six days until surgery, feeling content right now. About the only thing that is a possible issue revolve around, did I bring everything I need? Anyways I plan on keeping a journal from arrival in California through out the time I am in California to the weeks following for recovery on the blog in my signature in hopes it will help anyone else following a similar path as me. Yes I know there are plenty of entries on the web for this but each story is somewhat different than the ones prior so this will be my experience.

Emma, thank you and I am sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, I've looked at Lynn Conway's website. Not recently. I've looked at a lot of transition related websites over the years..I guess that should have been clue. Anyways, thank you again. You are a good friend! Love, Lisa

Very well written - no reason someone on the outside looking in couldn't understand these delineations. Goes to show that many who don't see it, or claim not to understand, don't because they choose not to.

I think it is important to journal as I learned from others before me this way

Well theres good parts and of course, bad parts, to life in general. It started out where a lot of stress comes from in any average american, regardless of sexuality, gender, or lifestyle. Your workplace. My mind was deadset and my plans set, and I walked in with confidence and pride. I wanted my name tag officially changed away from my feminine name and to my male nickname of 'Ren'. I was so set on it, I had my whole heart bursting with excitement. One little tiny piece of plastic to wear every day to remind me of who I am, and that no one could take it away from me. That it would be me. Mine. Upon requesting a change of nametag, I were told that the H.R. woman would have to ask my supervisor/head chef about it first. Confused and seeming a little put off by the notion....he denied my request. That until I get my name legally changed....he refuses to allow me to have my name tag changed. A non-binding piece of plastic...something that would make next to no difference in the world to anyone but me...but he said no. Personally, if I may be so bold....it felt more like a personal disapproval on his part rather than professional opinion. Almost like he didnt understand why I wanted my name changed, and when he did....and he realized what was slowly developing between my change of appearance and then to my change of name...its like him saying "Not in my kitchen, you wont." It hurt...it STILL hurts. Though I am very proud to say that my relationship with my boyfriend has skyrocketed into support and understanding. He fully supports me and is assisting me in legally changing my name, and I'm going to call the courthouse tomorrow to pick up my paperwork and get that started. Not only to support me and make me happier but in spite of OUR boss being negative about the situation, he has decided to start calling me Ren whilest at work, instead of my feminine name. It makes me smile and tingle in my heart every time he does, and he started to do so without me even asking it of him. He did it of his own choice, and to me, that's the best and brightest part of it all. The Bad Turns: I brought my littlest sister home after a month long visit, and it pained my heart so badly to bring her back. I know how my mother treats her, and I know that my oldest sister is the worst offender. But I cannot legally keep her here, and I cant yet finacially support her either. Justin and I are in the process of looking for a two bedroom apartment near us so that we can let her move in with us, but we have to wait impatiently for our taxes to come back, pool it all together, and see what we can do. Upon visiting with my family while at my mom's house, I was painfully aware of the little comments and hints my older sister was throwing out. I know she doesnt approve nor understand me being male when she's always known me as a sister. She does this in public as well, and makes a point to loudly call me her sister in front of others to embarrass me or confuse people. But that day....I'd had enough. My family and I were discussing name changes, and that my mom and 19 year old brother want to leave their last names for my mom's maiden name. I voiced my opinion that I could never do that, as it is my father's last name, and since his passing away; its the only thing I have left of him. Despite taunting that I get for the last name, I carry it with pride and defend it because not only is it my right, it is my family, my life, and my heritage. I said "It's all I have left of dad, and eventually I'm going to legally have his Middle name in his honor". To which my older sister replied "Yeah because you'll never have his gender, no matter what you do." and she laughed about it. It stung, and I snapped. I gave Justin the nod to signify that I wanted to leave, and my sister began to scream and yell at me for being a coward and wanting to leave. I dont remember what was said, but there were a lot of tears, a lot of screaming. I gave my mom a hug to let her know that it was between me and my sister and not her fault, and all the kids came to my aid with love and hugs, and I was on my way. I bawled my eyes out. Not only because I dont like having those fights, or fighting in general because it pumps up my anxiety....But the fact that my sister's disapproval of who I am had gotten so drastic that she's taken up the full time effort to throw it in my face. That's when I also decided...I dont care anymore. I'm changing my name. I'm being myself. And frankly.....everyone who disapproves can kiss my ***. I'm done pleasing the world. My boss will get over it, or I'll go over his head for descrimination. It's an equal opportunity employment and the company prides themselves on diversity for all genders, races, sexualities, nationalities, etc. If he's choosing to go against their open door policy, he'll be in a world of hurt. If my sister doesnt approve, she can simply keep talking because I'm no longer listening. Even if the world decides to crush me for it, I'll still be a shining, crushed pile of manliness. You wont find a hair tie, pink blouse or skirt on me. If you dont like my boxers, dont look. If you dont like my haircut, dont look. If you dont like the way I talk, act, walk, or be myself....keep walking. Because THIS dude dont give a ****. I'm done with it. I am Warren Renexius Ornan G. And if they dont like it, they can shove it. --Warren ON A SIDE NOTE: Slipped and fell on the ice on my way to my car today, severely sprained my ankle, bruised my shin muscles and bruised my achilles' tendon. Two days off work for me >.<

"Upon requesting a change of nametag, I were told that the H.R. woman would have to ask my supervisor/head chef about it first." Does H.R. always defer to supervisors on personnel matters? What is H.R. for if they cannot make such a call? "...he denied my request. That until I get my name legally changed....he refuses to allow me to have my name tag changed. A non-binding piece of plastic...something that would make next to no difference in the world to anyone but me...but he said no." This to me speaks LOUDLY to his close-minded attitude in my opinion, and possibly even his until now unrealiized bigotry. So now... does this mean that "Mike" and "Jen" and "Hank" and "Lucy" will be issued new name tags with their full, formal, given birthnames of "Michael," "Jennifer," "Henry" and "Lucille?" If not... why? "...he has decided to start calling me Ren whilest at work, instead of my feminine name." It will be interesting to see how this is met with your boss- will he demand that your b/f address you by the name on your name tag? Will he mandate that all nicknames are henceforth not allowed in the workplace? "...eventually I'm going to legally have his Middle name in his honor". To which my older sister replied "Yeah because you'll never have his gender, no matter what you do." and she laughed about it." I'm so glad I never had a [older] sister. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70TGisBTPlE, dude. -Mike

Karen, I'm glad to hear of your journaling plans. its been great to follow along on your progress! Hugs, Emma

Dear Monica, Always there for us with your wisdom and insight. Thank you! Emma

Hey Ren, You do shine, man, you rock. It's always good to hear from you although I am saddened by your hassles and pain. Hugs always, Emma