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One of the members here recently was feeling down (I hope that you feel better today:) and discouraged. One of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites. This is such an annoyance for transgender women and makes us all to aware how we can be objectified as fetish objects by a certain type of guy who don't really see us as real people, let alone women. Sometimes you just get so fed up with it, and at the wrong time, it can really get to you. They all seem to say and ask the same or similar things which can run the spectrum from ignorant, to insulting, to just so creepy that you feel like you need to take a shower after reading them. I'm thinking why not have some fun at these creep's expense. I'm going to list some of the typical things, usually the opening line from a message that I've gotten. Tell me if it sounds familiar and add some of the ones that you've gotten, ok? Of course, I can't include the more X rated comments that I've gotten. 1. You a tranny? 2. I'm curious and want to "try" a tranny, you want to be my first? 3. Do you Skype? 4. Text me. 555 555 5555. 5. Send me pictures. 6. Send me naked pictures. 7. Do you still have "it?" 8. Is 67 too old? (I'm 19) 9. Give me your number. (like I'm going to give a complete stranger my phone#!) 10. Give me your phone number and I'll send you a picture of my..... 11. What are you wearing? 12. Do you have boobs? 13. How big is your.... 14. Hi, do you like me? 15. I'm on he down low, do you want to be my secret thing? (yeah, I want to be somebody's "thing") There are so many more that are probably worse, and many too creepy to say here on tgguide. These are a few that I've heard over and over. On a dating site that I tried recently, some of the user names tell you right up front what these guys are all about. I also can't write most of those here, but for example, how many girls are looking to meet a guy that calls himself "freakdude69?" It can be so frustrating, I so understand why this gets to other girls. At first i was actually a little flattered that guys were (I thought) interested in me, but I got onto what they were about and really got so sick of it. So girls, are there any particularly weird, clumsy, funny or bizarre things that guys have said to you? At least things that you can say here, but nothing to "graphic." Again, I'm leaving out those that are too creepy, sexually graphic or disgusting....which are most of the comments that girls like us get. La la la:))) KML

Monica, I give her slack as she has POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). The funny thing is about two hours later she post a new problem with the door. I again offered assistance and fixed the problem. What was funny about it was I got the impression she simply wanted to talk to me and never once mentioned my transition but other things.

I joined a dating site for fun. My profile says I live in Oregon and the first sentence in "about" indicated I am post-op. I am looking for females only. So I get a message from a man in New York wanting to hook up. Come on, really? I am interested in females, live 3000 miles away, do you really think I will travel to NY for this? Heck no.

Hi Monica, That is how I took it, no transitioning questions only chit-chat like two women talk.

Dear Karen, That's a good sign . . . she wants to talk to you as a fellow woman! Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, If I were her, I would have wrote it a little differently . . . you are beautiful, INSIDE AND OUT. You really have a beautiful heart . . . Yours truly, Monica

I can relate to that

One of my Facebook friends is my daughter's best friend who posted that she closed the front door and the security latch got wedged into the door preventing it from opening and asked for help. Since I knew she lived closed by I replied with "I will help if you still need assistance". She gave me her address, five minutes from my home. Went over, I knocked on the front door and she came around from the back door. When she greeted me (she had not seen me in five years) no reactions or comments on my new look as female. Looked at the front door, figured out I needed to pry the door and by thinking ahead of time brought a pry-bar with me. Took two minutes to free the door then a minute to hammer a metal strip back into place. Turned to her and said "done", she thanked me and I left. When I returned home she had sent me a private message You look great by the way! I suppose I figured out what your trip to California was about and wow! Congrats on looking awesome!! I guess she then scrolled through my Facebook notes and on one wrote You are so beautiful. Really. Just so you know. More validation for me. Perhaps this might nudge others down their chosen path of transitioning.

Dear Friends, Have been accused of being a transgender in an insulting way two years ago on a paid Lesbian dating website (http://www.pinkwink.com). Two years ago, was also on the two big name "free" dating websites, but not a nibble. Gave PinkWink another six month chance recently, but giving it up. However, it is worth a try, when it is only $40.00 a year. Have met on PinkWink a lady who found someone on one of the big name "free" dating websites only ten minutes from where she lived. Notice MANY scammers on the "free" and inexpensive dating websites. Now trying gender conferences to meet that special lady, and if that does not work, going to try "Compatible Companions," put out by the owner of eHarmony, for $240.00 or $250.00 a year (I can't remember which). About people far away making contact: In my case, I exhausted all the women participating from my county, and gradually expanded out. Of course, I am willing to relocate. Have found http://www.TGPersonals.com, which is free, the best of the transgender dating websites, in my opinion. Many of the transwomen there complain of guys trolling there looking for hookups, but I also found many great online friends there among the transwomen! Know that "one is the loneliest number," but being with the wrong person can be a nightmare! Yours truly, Monica

It struck me as I was watching BBC morning news, how bizarre it is that same sex marriage isn't allowed in Alabama, why bizarre you might ask? Well I live in Birminghma UK, and we are all aware that a city of the same name exists in Alabama, so? well didn't lots of people emigrate to the USA to escape restrictions on their freedom, escaping to the land of the free? And yet paradoxically in Birmingham UK same sex couples can marry without any bother, the law and police uphold all LGBT rights, there is a lively LGBT quarter on the south side of the city. All my life I have wanted to visit the USA, but I'm not so sure now especially as I'm no longer presenting as a cis male, and the last places I'd want to visit in the world would be the Southern States or Arabia, again how bizarre that the two areas in the world that I'd avoid like the plague are in conflict with each other..................Thank God for Europe. If not all Southern States are similar to lesser or greater degrees, please inform me. Ok you might be thinking more anti-USA crap, not so at all, I'd still love to visit the civilised & enlightened Northern States, New York and San Francisco would be near the top of my list, when I win the lottery! I'd also add that MOST Americans I have met have been friendly and nice people, so how strange that Alabama should want to present itself as the opposite! Last week I blogged that i'd had mesotherapy on my face, and that I'd keep you informed of the progress, the bottom half of my face has improved somewhat but the bags under my eyes are still there :-( However the full effects are said to work after 3 weeks, so there's still a couple of weeks to go, and I'm trying to remain positive! We've booked ferry crossings and camp sites for a visit to holland at the end of April, this will be Eve's first visit abroad on her new passport, totally as Eve, not appearing as male at all, and why should I, I don't appear as male in the UK anymore, I have to keep telling myself I am EVE. That's all for now folks! Eve

Dear Eve, In the US, the culture can vary greatly by city, and by neighborhood. Lived in Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Tampa), Florida and was amazed they were much more cosmopolitan than Brooklyn, Manhattan and upstate New York! Before visiting the U.S., it is best to do your research, try to develop contacts (to ask them about their personal experiences), etc. Wishing you a happy and safe trip! Yours truly, Monica

Everyone, and I mean everyone, no one is immune, experiences both open (obvious) and closed (not so obvious) rejection in their lives, through all stages of their life, starting in the very earliest years. The reality is not everybody likes and/or loves you, but there will be some who do. The secret is to focus on those who do, and inoculate yourself from those who don't, thus removing their power to hurt you. Examples of open rejection are: Owner of a small restaurant saying they are closed when they are full of customers at lunch time. A person that you thought was 'friendly,' "turning on you," followed by their friends, without cause. A clique or clan excluding you. A doctor writing you a letter saying they no longer want you as a patient, without good reason. A beauty school refusing you service, without good reason. A family member humiliating you in public. A person changing their seat to avoid sitting with or near you. A person sitting in the back of the bus so that they can see you but you can't see them, without turning around. A note left on the soda machine by a tenant moving out calling me a pig, accusing me of drinking all the diet soda (which I rarely drank, but requested the management to provide the diet soda). People making disparaging remarks or noises as you pass by in a public place. Examples of closed rejection are: A big, wad of chopped up fat placed in the middle of my taco. A person urinated on my blanket at the dry cleaners. A person broke ink pens all over my blanket at another dry cleaners. Continuous difficulty in making an appointment at a doctor's office (one "glitch" after another). A party guest deliberately spilling her coffee on my carpet when no one else but me was looking, and when I tried to clean it up, said it was rude to clean it up in front of guests. People turning their noses up at you because they think they are better than you. Your disability questioned by government workers because it is invisible. Ignoring you or looking "through" you, as if you do not exist. The best defense is an offense: remember that this reflects on the hater, and not on you. The best response is no response at all: by not answering back, they end up making a fool of themselves. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH; YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Hey Lisa:) Sorry to hear that things have gotten to you today. I had one of those days not too long ago and wrote a long blog entry about it. It's definitely good to get it out. Some people just try to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. The ones that get really mean have the biggest issues. I had one guy reply to a comment I made on youtube, telling me that he hopes that I will die soon. The sex creeps just seem to be everywhere online. That's the reason I've deleted most of my accounts on transgender social sites. You can limit who can send you messages and friend requests on Facebook, but there's no way to stop all of the unwelcome requests. There's a lot of support out there though, try to focus on friends and our amazing community when it gets bad. Just remember to kill them with a smile:) It's like Taylor Swift says: Cause the players gonna play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake Shake it off, shake it off:))) Also Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Feel better soon! Kristi

They are inspirational and I do understand that sometimes the harder you fight for your right to be precisely who you see inside. We need the persons who are fighting for all persons rights. Some days I'm strong enough and others I just climb into a bed hiding for a few days. But hey thats my time to recover and refocus my energies on all fights coming my way. These powerful trans ladies are giving us motivation to continue.

They are inspirational and I do understand that sometimes the harder you fight for your right to be precisely who you see inside. We need the persons who are fighting for all persons rights. Some days I'm strong enough and others I just climb into a bed hiding for a few days. But hey thats my time to recover and refocus my energies on all fights coming my way. These powerful trans ladies are giving us motivation to continue.

I feel the same way as Eve and Karen and I also empathize with Kristi. Men are an interesting breed, aren't they? I would also be a Lesbian but would love to have a man hold the door for me or help me with my chair. That must be a wonderful feeling. Kristi, you're smart to be careful. Take small steps with dating, trust your instincts. Perhaps you should adopt a rule my wife had when we were dating. No sex before ten dates! By then we both knew we were on to something special. :-) Emma