Leaderboard

"P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!" --Emma Work on it well advance of the day you need it. When you get the knot and the length just right... loosen it, slip it over your head, then drape it over a hanger and hang it up. Then, the day you need it, just slip it back over your head, and snug the knot. That works until you get good at it... or you find a woman (or man) who can tie your tie for ya... :lol:

Hey Ren, It's good to see you back here, man. We've missed you and hoped you're well. Sorry to hear about the BS at work. At least you will have your name change very soon which will remove one of their stupid arguments. But like michael said, I also wonder if they are making a case against you. Good for you to document their actions and words. That is very important to do. More notes is better, so write it all down every day... And I'm happy how you and your BF are working on this together. You're being very considerate of him too, which I'm sure he appreciates. We need to be gentle and patient with our SO's! Hugs, Emma P.S. Have fun tying the tie! They are hard to get used to, to get the lengths right. Give yourself plenty of time to repeat it until it's just right!

Well... it has been my experience that when these "claims" and accusations of inadequacy, ineptitude and attitude start coming out of the woodwork - suddenly, without warning, viciously and especially by more than one superior... they are trying to stack a case against an employee in an attempt to have good reason to fire the employee. Now...maybe this isn't the case. Maybe they are just "acting out," incapable of processing your gender identity. *Bullying you because they can...initiating confrontations when no one else is around, and later can relate the encounter they way they want to. But it sure smacks of the kind of thing I've seen, and have had happen to me personally. Luckily and ironically, an incident occurred that gave me the upper hand, and threw them off their game and began a scramble on their parts to cover their @$$es, leaving me alone... and I kept my job. *Sounds like bullying to me anytime you are not allowed to speak at any point during a meeting in which your performance is being addressed.

Karen, I am so happy for you! Monica

Hi Emma, How did it go in the end, I'm reading your blog a day later than you posted it. Hope it went ok in the end. Eve

XD i cheated and bought a tie that zips tight or loose LOL get it? ZIP TIE HAHAHAHA. I'm easily amused....

My thoughts exactly. Theyre trying to convince the higher beings that I'm coping attitude and such so they can fire me.

Emma, Beautiful photography! Wanted to be a cowgirl growing up . . . jealous of the kids that grew up on farms! My back ACHES looking at those pictures! Wish your wife could look at the ENTIRE article before passing judgement . . . Monica

Hi Warren, While I am also puzzled about "how" we become transgender, the effects of improper timing/amounts of hormones in the womb and all, the gender therapist I'm seeing (who has >40 years experience!) is confident that the number of MTF transwomen and FTM transmen is the same. She says that transmen are under-reported due to things like it's easier (more socially acceptable) for a transman to crossdress in masculine clothing which can mitigate their need for more expression or bodily changes. Not that that affects you but I thought you'd find it interesting. Hugs, Emma

Hi Eve, Thanks for asking. Yes, I think it went fine overall, but it was amazing how worried she really is about the possibility of my being gay. I think that stems from two things: 1. It's hard to dismiss the assumption that one who is transgender or crossdresses is gay. 2. If I am gay then she worries that I will eventually leave our marriage. I offered to show her the NYT article on my computer but she didn't want to. She asked me to provide a summary off the top of my head, which I suspect was a way to test how much I had read the article versus just looking at the photos (of which she's only seen the one). I assured her again that she has nothing to worry about but she got pretty teary saying that she had been very worried in the morning. Poor thing, she's really on edge these days. Emma

I hope you don't mind my adding to this. The reason I suggested writing everything down is to make sure you don't have to rely on memory. We all have trouble at times remembering details. I am not thinking that you will directly share your notes with anyone other than, perhaps, your BF. Before you meet with management, I suggest that you: 1. Re-read your notes so they are fresh in your mind. 2. Summarize the incidents. For example, group them into different "types" or by different individuals. Like, "On 3 occasions, T__ did ____, and at least twice, Chef H said ____." This is the way management likes to hear things: in quick summaries. Then, if needed, they can ask for more details. 3. Create the details from your notes. Again, short and sweet. Just the facts! By doing the above you will demonstrate to management that you are professional and perhaps more importantly, fully prepared if legal action is ever needed. Good luck, Emma

Hahahaha!! A zip tie? Never heard of such a thing. Really, learning to tie a tie is a rite of passage. We need to get you a real tie! But I'll tell you what: I hate 'em. They seem like such a silly accoutrement to men's wear. I mean, what do they do but add a little design and cover shirt buttons! :-) And, from now on, you have to worry about the neck size on your shirts. There's (almost) nothing worse than choking after buttoning the top button. :)

I think another reason we are "under-reported" is that we're just not taken seriously. And that situation existed even before we come out. No matter how great the U.S. claims to be, or is believed to be, no matter how it preaches equality for all, females still are not as important.* Too many trans boys are considered nothing but tomboys. Think about it... if a boy says he wants to be a girl, everyone (including women) will bend over backwards and jump thru their skin and several hoops and loops to convince him he doesn't want to be a girl. They will do all they can to convince him of that. If a girl says she wants to be a boy, she's either told she's just being silly, or she's ignored, or she's patronized, or she's told all little girls want to be boys until they [reach a certain age], or boys are nasty. It's just not taken seriously. AND... when have you ever seen a trans boy/man post about his parents having tried to "beat the boy out" of him? Seems it's only trans girls that experience beatings at the hands of unapproving, unaccepting, homo-/transphobic parents. Quite often, females are raised learning that anything they have to say is insignificant, of little importance. Their voice carries no weight. Some, after a while, learn to just say nothing. *I read an article several years ago that indicated, even is the U.S., there are many more couples who decide not to have more children if their first born is male, as compared to couples who's first born is female. In more cases than not, if the first born is female, an attempt will be made to produce a son.

Hey Veronica, Yeah, hahaha! Silly me about the mountain movie... DOH! Emma

Eve and Emma, Alice passes PERFECTLY! She is beautiful INSIDE & OUT. Must confess, I would give her a run for her money! (Hope that doesn't sound too chauvinistic!!) Monica

Alice is beautiful as is her poem. Thank you for posting this! Emma

Dear Lisa, I do wish you the very best with your wife. No doubt your decision will be hard for her and therefore, for you as well. The main advice I've heard is to try to be as patient and understanding as you can be with her. After all, your gender concerns and thoughts have been with you (probably in lots of forms and worries) for most of your life. She needs time and support to process all of this. Hugs for you both, Emma

Ladies - Kristila mentioned that a member "was feeling down," and that "one of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites." I realize [in this case] that the unwanted attention was on another site, but I want to remind all of you, that if you receive unwanted attention here on the forum... please let a moderator know - we can't do anything about a problem if we don't know about it. Since this isn't a social network or site, we don't have to put up with that kind of activity. Unwanted contact, especially if the individual continues after s/he has been either ignored or asked to stop, is not tolerated. -Mike

Karen, that is a really wonderful story!

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I am feeling much better now, even though I feel totally wrong about my body. I did update my privacy settings on FB again. I am going to need to get moving on seeing the endocrinologist and hormones. I am also going to need to update my wife. I am sure that this is going to really upset her, even though I told her in January that I was most likely going to need to do this. Wish me blessings (or luck!) Thank you all so very much, Love, Lisa

Karen, Great story. Still not getting the "forgot" part. Unless it's that you had not seen her since your procedure. I can understand why she appreciates you for you. She probably felt the same way about you when you were a "different" you than you are now? I'm just curious about what age this person is. My kids friends still refer to my wife and I as "mom & dad", even now that they are in they're early 30's. I suppose if they wanted to call us "mom & pseudo-mom" I could live with that! Veronica

Hi Lisa, I'm so happy to read that you found this helpful. I really did too and love the opportunity to share it. Writing like this helps me as well. For example I emailed this to my therapist and brought a hard copy for my meeting with him today. So many details to try to remember and keep sorted! Like the minutes of a meeting I use these as an extension of my memory. :-) I'm glad to hear that you're also availing yourself of therapy. I'd be way too impatient to only go once/month but I imagine you're busy. My therapist and I are like friends, in some ways. For me, his office is the only place in the world where I can just be Emma. Such a relief, isn't it? Makes me happy and I look forward to next Thursdays meeting. Hugs, Emma

Emma, Great post. Very helpful. One thing that someone told me is that it is not just our transition is our spouse's. They may see themselves as now being with someone who is a woman, and thus a lesbian. The other point your therapist made about gender concerns being identical between men and women, really makes sense. Thank you so much for sharing so much detail. That is such deeply personal information, I know that everyone here appreciates it. And I hope that anyone thinking of going to therapy with someone who specializes in gender issues, reads this post and does it. I've only been going since November, approximately once a month. But it has helped me tremendously. --Lisa

I told of coming out to my wife in My Journey so far , it was my first blog on 30th Jan. I'll send you a direct message tomorrow morning GMT with more detail, in the meantime goodnight, time for zzz's Eve

Hi Eve, I tried to find your blog entry regarding your telling your wife but didn't find it. I looked through a couple but not all so maybe I missed it. I agree with taking it slowly. A couple of months ago I was in a frenzy as I assumed that I had to come to some serious conclusions soon or else my wife might split up from me. Even though she told me that she'd give it a year or so I didn't trust her. I also felt that it would help her if I was able to quickly report "progress." Not really! My quick reports caused a lot of grief, or at least they triggered them. Since then I've taken it a day at a time. And last weekend even though we drove about three hours in each direction to a friends house, we didn't talk about anything related to transgender or what's going on with me. I think that was good as we both needed a breather. At the gender therapists meeting I mentioned that I'd once had a desire to go to a service in Seattle that offers a complete Crossdressing experience for 2-3 days but that my interest had waned. She seemed to encourage me to rethink this but didn't press the point. Last night I was thinking that yes, I may very well go later this year but right now is not the right time especially for my wife. I'm so happy for you that you are able to make your transition and to stay with your wife. The best of both worlds, I'm sure. Hugs to you too, Emma

Emma, That's a very good blog and much of it reminds me of my own past experiences. I was content at first to wear underclothes under male clothes, and then later on to cross-dress more completely but with no make-up or wig. I hid it all from my wife. You've read my first blog regarding telling my wife, so I won't repeat it here, but I have taken a long while slowing down what I knew in my heart would happen and still has to happen, complete gender change, my wife has known that I have been Trans for 3 years now and in that time I have slowly increased my femininity, without coming out as a full-time Trans Woman, It was only on Decmeber 3rd last year that I came out in the full-time femme role, or as some would call it pre-op transexual. I love my wife dearly and by taking my time it has allowed her to adjust to my becoming to all intents and purposes a woman. So please take it slowly with your wife and don't let it dominate discussion and interaction with her. Softly softly catchee monkey. My wife said to me the other day to not let my Trans thing become a disability, what she meant was that she still wanted me to do all the things that I used to do as Steve, but now as Eve. Good luck with hugs, Eve