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I've been struggling to think of something to write about, being Eve seems so normal to me now, I'm even starting to forget who Steve was and how he thought........... I no longer feel so exposed at supermarkets or anywhere else for that matter, I am truly amazed at this, I never in my wildest dreams thought that any of this was ever going to be remotely possible. I had my second decapeptyl injection yesterday evening, and I can already feel the difference it makes, or is it the galss of Australian Chardonnay ? I know that oestrogen and testosterone blockers help a hell of a lot, but they alone are not enough to make you believable to the rest of the population. Anyway I had to go into the office today, and by chance I met the Head of HR (who is my managers boss), I think that I've always gotten along pretty well with her, but she didn't recognise me at first, when she realised who I was, we had a long chat, and she complimented me on my dress sense and hair etc, and we talked about Trans issues in general. After a while she said that I was totally convincing as a female, well I'm not so sure I replied, but my self confidence has grown a lot in the past 3 months, but I guess that the real issue is that I'm really getting used to myself, being me as I really am and not pretending to be male, or thinking I was pretending to be female. So I have a message to you all, believe in yourself, be who you really are. If you don't do this, you will soon be seen as false, or to state it in a way that most Trans people will recognise, you will be read or you won't pass!, so heed my message! Have a great Easter everyone....... Eve x

I've been wanting to do this for my own purposes anyway, but since I have a blog now I should use it! In exploring my gender I've thought a lot about the past and anything that might have been an indicator of what I really was (am!). The earliest item is my very first best friend (only friend for awhile) - Missy (totally ironic that I now use that name for my drag name). I'm not even sure when we became friends, we were both younger than 5 years old though. She lived down the street from me, so to some extent it was convenience, we were the only people close to each other in age - she had a brother and sister who were both substantially older, I have a brother and sister who are older, but they lined up with other kids in the area who were around their age. Convenience wasn't everything though, we were very close and stayed close friends well into elementary school, even after both of us had met other people and could "travel" to play if we wanted. Our usual play routine involved things that I think would be typically seen as "girls" - basically "playing house" with various Fisher Price toys. I had a G.I. Joe, but it wasn't my choice, I would have preferred a Barbie (she had much better accessories!), and in my hands Joe didn't do the things that he would normally have done (he never went to war). Sadly we did drift apart - it was around the age when it was "wrong" to have friends of the other sex/gender (girls had cooties after all). I didn't have any close female friends through the rest of elementary school or high school - but I was friendly with more girls than boys (in hindsight I can see that they no doubt saw me as non-threatening, so it was easier to get closer). These weren't good years (for multiple reasons that probably had nothing to do with gender). After that I started having more female friends, and a wife. We ostensibly divorced when I came out as gay, but I can see things from the time of being married that suggested otherwise. One fairly substantial thing is that when it came to decorating the more "female" touches were generally my suggestion! I like pink, I like it anywhere that it looks good, which is pretty much anywhere (for example, I was very excited when I found that I could make this all pink! Hopefully it doesn't make it hard to read). To put an even finer point on it, we didn't paint our living room pink, we painted it "dusty rose." My choice. I'm sure I tried to keep some check on it, but not with complete success. Later on I would ascribe that to being gay, but now... Since then I've pretty much always had at least one very close female friend. Again I would have typically said that it was because I'm gay - but I honestly don't know many of my gay friends who routinely have female friends, they tend to stay more to themselves (I'm also not denying the possibility that both sexuality and gender play a role in this). I'll save the more recent indicators for later xoxo Christie

That's awesome! My only experience like that was when cross-dressed and having a man on the train say to his daughter, who was going to take my seat when we got to my stop, "wait til the lady gets up." Great feeling. (And my birth name was also Steve...parents made it easier for me to transition by making my middle name Christie) have a great weekend!

That is wonderful in regards to not feeling exposed when out and about. Those who want to but don't need to hear stories such as yours. More outings in general strengthens confidence and with this people will see you as (in this case) a female and the reverse for female to male. In my case, I have waved to people whom I had not seen in a while and they look at me as a stranger. Then next time I see them I will engage in conversation and then they realize who I am. This most likely will happen to you over time. What really will boost your identity is when you have official documentation to go along with your physical self. Appearing female and handing a credit card or drivers license with a male identity can be very awkward. Then you just might get someone saying "What were your parents thinking giving you a male name" or "would you like to put the entire purchase on your husband's card?" You are indeed on the right track :-)

Hey I like pink! Nice blog, hope you continue. Have you thought about purple at all? Cheers, Eve

One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule. Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area living full time as a female. Seems she is at a loss for people to talk to and thought I would be perfect for talking to her as she is in a state which would be helpful for someone like me to talk with, listen and give advice too.

Thank you, Karen, that's very thoughtful of you to write that to me and more importantly to follow up with the women you dated. I've been married to my wife since 1996 and before that to my ex-wife since 1982 (I think!) with no other women in between. I suppose at some point I'll tell my ex but certainly not before I tell our two sons. In fact I was just thinking about when I would have that discussion with my sons. The greater priority is for my wife and I to make some more progress (we are doing pretty well these days) and for me to be a bit more settled in my self-acceptance and presentation in the TG spectrum. Anyway, thank you again. Those were interesting epiphanies for me and I do hope they help others. Take care, Emma

I think that many will benefit from reading this blog entry and hope others can do the same as you have done!!! In regards to your apologies listed, what I did for all the females I dated since 2000 was tell them by phone and or in person. I really makes a difference to them and myself. Thanks for posting this Emma

First off, Happy Transgender Visibility Day. I was sort of expecting more of a hoo-ha at work today for it, like they do for all the other holidays. Even for LGBT awareness day, they do a cake and ribbons and music and such. Today...I asked them to make a cake which he put next to no effort into because he didnt really seem to care, and didnt even put frosting all the way around it. The sign was thrown together in about half a minute, and it didnt even mention what kind of cake it was. Which someone pointed out to me with "Is the fact that the sign doesn't say what kind of cake it is a metaphor that means we should like it no matter what it looks like or what's on the inside?" Which I thought was a good point and it sort of made me feel a little bit better, but the point I was trying to make still went unseen. TDoV isn’t something you’re supposed to just overlook, yet people do. In the LGBT topic, I think that the T and B get strongly overlooked all the time, day in and day out. Simply because people do not understand or cannot relate. Gay is easy to understand. They like the opposite sex both affectionately and sexually. Simply put, and easy to wrap your mind around. Transgenders or Bisexuals is more complicated at times, and I’ve noticed that instead of trying to understand, people would rather just shrug it off and pretend it neither matters nor exists. I may be wrong on this theory but that’s just the way I have seen it so far. In my search for a new therapist, I’ve found countless doctors who treat Gay/Lesbian issues but only two out of twenty cover Bisexual or Transgender/Transexual issues. And even though I know it’s something I’m supposed to fully understand, I’ve yet to uncover that fine line between transGENDER and transSEXUAL. People have sent me links and such to read through it, but with my dyslexia, I can only go so far before everything I read leaves my brain or I get side tracked. I always tell people “Talk to me as if I’m five and make it easy to understand”. Sadly that’s the way I have to have people explain things to me. Feel free to give me your take on the two in the comments, and I’ll do my best to keep up Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked I’ll inset the picture of the cake they did, and although I’m glad that they actually did it, I’m still kind of bummed at the lack of effort they put into it. The baker is an excellent chef, and he worked in a fine dining restaurant making wonderful pastries and gorgeous cakes…..There’s no excuse for this. Aside from he simply didn’t give a s***. Just saying. Again, simply my opinion. The other thing that’s been bugging me (other than the constant depression knowing that my surgery is on a very high shelf that I cant reach) is “Fascination” If one more person pulls me aside for a billion questions (half aren’t appropriate to ask) about being transgendered because I’m “Fascinating”, I’ll explode. There’s a difference between being curious and nosey, and sometimes I have to simply fake being busy and run off before I can finish their questions. I’m sorry, but my sex life is my business, not theirs. And I don’t feel like answering questions about my sex life regarding my transgender “lifestyle”. That’s like me walking up to a complete stranger and going “Hey, hows it going? You have blonde hair, cool! That’s so fascinating! Tell me, how exactly do you **** your boy/girlfriend? Do they enjoy that?” Seriously people……Seriously…. On another note, I found an awesome song that I’ve become absolutely obsessed with. It’s called “You can be king again” By Lauren Aquilina. It’s rather uplifting yet soothing at the same time, and I encourage you guys to check it out. I’ll put a youtube link in the comments momentarily. Anyway, gonna stop here If you guys need to get ahold of me btw, you can find me on Facebook, gofundme, kik or imessage Simply ask, and you shall receive the proper addresses/access Yours as always, Warren

Dear Warren, Was deeply moved by the song. Beg EVERYONE to click on Warren's link, because I feel that song speaks to ALL of us! Yours truly, Monica

Thanks!

Welcome to the forums Christie. Something that might be of interest when questioning yourself is looking at the chart below and perhaps find some clarity.

Those who know me may say I am way out there. You know ,........'' There right !'' I have to share this worldly thought since it is so close to Earth Day........ We the transgender are in a driving movement to express to the world that we are real & that we belong. We make up about 1% of the population . Maybe a little more or maybe a little less. My crazy thought is that even to know we are a small group of the world , the people of earth will eventually look to us for leadership & salvation. '' Save the people of the world ! '' '' Pamala you are really crazy!'' All I will say to this right now is. Those of you who are transgender & want to express yourself other than what you were born with. I am asking to you to look deeply further within yourself. Look to the ethical humanity , the high intellect, the ability to see what others seem not to see or understand. '' We are evolutionary peaceful lovers! '' Our future may be more than making the people of the world except us. We may have the moral obligation to change the culture of the world, and be the most adaptable appropriate species ever known.......... '' A Transgender Loving Humane Being.'' capable of showing the world it is time to love for peace than to fight for peace.