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Friends, Found two very supportive letters in the May/June 2015 issue of Lesbian Connection, and I will keep the authors anonymous. Slowly but surely, transwomen who identify as Lesbians are making progress . . . "My heart was crushed when I read in Lesbian Connection (LC): 'Currently, persons with Y chromosomes and intact male genitals want to attend, and in misogynist, anti-feminist ways they are attacking the (Michigan Womyn's) Festival . . . ' A misogynist is, by definition, 'a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women.' How can a TRANSWOMAN, who has spent her life hating her male genitals and saving up money in order to have the surgery to remove them, be described as misogynist? A transwoman must do more than any female-born woman to become the woman she believes herself to be. Her identity is in her brain, not between her legs. In the process of becoming the woman she so desperately seeks to be, she must face the rejection of friends and family, not to mention the humiliation when she is not allowed to use either washroom. She must go through the challenges of changing her name, and, more often than not, losing her job. In addition to all the emotional and surgical struggles, she must go through painful hair removal, learn to use her voice in a new way - the list goes on. If you think being Lesbian is difficult, can you imagine, even for a moment, what it is like to be trans? Instead of excluding, may we please learn to be accepting and supportive?" The second letter . . . "In the last issue, two writers state: 'Anyone can submit to the medical/pharmaceutical industry, declare himself (sic) a woman, and find acceptance almost everywhere.' They add, 'Trans support people are very clear that trans is a choice of gender, not of sexual preference.' Not at all! It is by no means a CHOICE TO BE TRANS, and indeed many trans people have struggled for years, even decades, against an inner identity that's at odds with who society tells them they're supposed to be. Transwomen do not choose to be women, any more than cisgender women do. Gender identity always comes from within. Unfortunately, the patriarchal Judaeo-Christian-Islamic cartel that rules much of the world has brainwashed most people into believing human beings are entities born at a specific time and place and destined to fulfill during a single lifespan whatever was determined for us at birth. Older, less patriarchal forms of spirituality have long understood that each of us embodies various combinations of masculinity, femininity, and everything in between, with the emphasis changing as we undergo rebirth again and again. Why is there so much attention in the LGBT movement on trans issues now, after so many years of neglect? Because transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are being attacked, assaulted, murdered and driven to suicide on a daily basis. Except for a few celebrities, the majority of transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are stuck in the lowest socioeconomic classes, struggling daily to survive as the women they know they're meant to be. While transwomen struggle daily to survive, the Religious Right and their Republican friends are determined to destroy them. Realizing they have all but lost the battle against gay liberation, the bigots are now turning their hateful ire against the most powerless sexual minority they can find. And they're beginning to find success this time. Legal protections are being rolled back. And to the chagrin of transpeople and their allies, fighting alongside all those thugs and right-wing religious crazies arrayed against them are some avowed members of the Lesbian Feminist community. Let's reflect on the founding principles of feminism: the rejection of the belief that biology is destiny; the conviction that womanhood is known from the inside out; the right of every woman to live her own truth; the sisterhood of women of all races, nationalities, classes and cultures, regardless of birth. 'One is not born, but becomes a woman,' said Simone de Beauvoir. Yet some 'radical feminists' are willing to toss these foundational principles of feminism right out the window. Suddenly biology is destiny, and one should not call herself a woman unless she was pronounced female at birth, regardless of her inner feelings about herself. In the name of sisterhood, women are being set against women, and those that do not meet their criteria are to be excluded. If you truly want to overcome women's oppression, you will never succeed by joining the oppressors in persecuting a small minority that is even more oppressed. Nor can you overcome patriarchy by walling yourselves off in your own little world, building up the porous gender binary into a wall with worse oppression than you have yourselves. We need to complete instead the very process that these two women unaccountably deplore: to tear down the walls that divide the various genders until everyone, regardless of who we were told to be from birth, is able to find our own power and fulfill our own potential. Then women and men will at last be truly equal. Isn't that what we've been fighting for?" To these two courageous Lesbian women, I say, THANK YOU, and I need not say more . . . Monica

I was out walking and thinking about passing and a post of dressing properly when out in the world. Thinking back to what was preached by long time crossdressers about “it gets better when you get out more” in respect to confidence in that one will pass. Thinking about this I have seen plenty of women that I could imagine with small changes in regards to physical characteristics would pass as male so why do those (and I was there too at one time) who see themselves as passing or close to passing have this immense fear of not passing? I use to think it was about how long one has been on this planet but every day I see gender lines crossed more and more so it cannot be about length of time we are here but that for the most part our global community is naturally born male and females are coming to terms with trans people. With that thought I would think that right now is a great time for those considering taking their first steps out the door to do so. Someone told me recently that she sees a lot of transgender people were she works in an art museum and that most are well versed in presenting themselves as female or male and that even if they don’t have the perfect female voice (like me) she does not find herself questioning their gender. She admitted to me that prior to me announcing my journey she was of a different mindset and I changed that. So if I can do this do can other transgender people but it does take confidence and that is part of “it gets better when you get out more” when coupled with practicing in front of a mirror and along with keeping up with mannerism of the gender you want to portray while out in public. Most people are too busy in their day to day life at the grocery store or department store in general to get caught up with you. When done right one simply blends into the background but when gone wrong like dressing inappropriately then we are in the foreground and open to scrutiny to those around us. Then again, you believe you have done everything right but there are eyes on you, is this a bad thing? Not always because they may be looking at you because they like what you are wearing on the shade of nail polish you have on. I have lost count of women coming up to me and saying “I love your outfit, where did you get it?” This is good but with that said be prepared to give them a reply or if your female voice is not up to it give them a simple smile. So perhaps you might consider taking a second look at getting out and about once you have done more than simply dressed up in a style that makes you feel great but instead dress as other females do and have done a fair amount of practice with mannerism, have thought about how you will reply to questions like “where did you get that outfit” or “how is your day going” where many will say okay but not make eye contact and I have learned that eye contact is extremely important as in a setting such as a grocery store the clerk may be bored and start a decent conversation with you, if no eye contact they may think you have a busy mind or that something is not right, food for thought.

25April2015 Greetings, all ... <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/TGD-Hi_zpszhfnnepk.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo TGD-Hi_zpszhfnnepk.gif"/></a> I've been <i>into</i> the "blog scene" around the WWW for (only) the past couple of years ... Most recently via my <a href="http://transgenderdate.com/viewuser.php?id=203163"><b><u><font color = "00FF00">(Link to) TGD "Adonii" profile</font></b></u></a> Just "discovered" TGG this evening ... and am ready to check out this site ... <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/TGD-Smile_zpsdf30bjqq.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo TGD-Smile_zpsdf30bjqq.gif"/></a> <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/CatMusic01_zpsanna0ygq.jpg~original" border="0" alt=" photo CatMusic01_zpsanna0ygq.jpg"/></a> <iframe src="http://www.4shared.com/web/embed/file/LQhXvgJJce" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" width="470" height="320"></iframe> <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/symANIg02_zps7vgltuwt.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo symANIg02_zps7vgltuwt.gif"/></a><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/PlusANIg02_zps976ywad0.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo PlusANIg02_zps976ywad0.gif"/></a> <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/AriesANIg01_zps8arbyovz.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo AriesANIg01_zps8arbyovz.gif"/></a> AEN Æ <img src="http://i876.photobucket.com/albums/ab328/007www/TGD/HairANIgif01_zpse25dad09.gif~original" border="0" alt=" photo HairANIgif01_zpse25dad09.gif"/></a>

Going out and presenting is related to dress, mannerisms and confidence. That takes practice. Which means a lot of going out in the "cis" world to get that practice. When I was young I could wear and do whatever I wanted and passing was not an issue. The older I got, I started to wear things that were age and situation appropriate and that helps. But it comes back to confidence. For example, I had gone to a service last Saturday and was in a nice dress and heels and I went to Target on the way home. At first I was like, I don't usually wear this to Target. But today was a unique situation, it was a funeral service, so I shouldn't feel bad about it or out of place. I don't know if there were a lot of people looking, but I did have someone make an interesting comment to me when I was walking back to my car. They said "hey, beautiful". Which to me was a little derogatory but I was kind to the person. Anyways, you need to make eye contact and respond. Even if you do not have a "female" voice. Otherwise, the person does think you are strange, a little off or maybe lacking social graces instead of just being nervous.

Christie, thinking about what you said, I came out to my neighbors two months before surgery and two of them said &ldquo;oh, we already knew this&hellip;&rdquo;. For the next two months they poured out their questions and then things became normal. I never asked them exactly when they figured it out but while in a discussion with two of them who live behind me they said they saw me dressed as a female many times. And I thought I was being stealth. So it would seem that no matter how cautious you are someone you don&rsquo;t know about will see you and more likely than not will not say anything. Thinking back at least in the past several years neither of these neighbors treated me different so going with them indicating it was a non-issue I can now see that they were telling me the truth. Since surgery the only difference with interaction is they stopped asking me about anything to do with the process but keep to normal types of conversations, female to female on common topics and neighborhood gossip. The males in my neighborhood in general don&rsquo;t have much to say and did not even before coming out or when I up the times I would be out as female. I have had a few of the males (since surgery) start normal conversations with me and never broached the topic of my former identity.

Karen, I absolutely agree that it gets better as you go out. When I started cross-dressing I was frustrated that there was nowhere I could go where I could dress there. But ultimately I took the step, got dressed at home and went out (I think the scariest part was stepping out my front door - I live in a condo building - and facing neighbors - that fear was addressed the very first time as the person across the hall was coming home as I was walking out). Maybe the biggest disappointment was my sense that nobody was noticing! But I got over that :-) xoxo Christie

My mother and I were chatting on the phone yesterday and the topic went to her had calling my ex-wife. They talked about me now as a female and my ex-wife said she remembered the two of us going out for Halloween to a bar that was promoting Halloween and I went as a female. She told my mother that she virtually got no attention (and she is a looker) while I drew a crowd of men who had no clue I was not female. I will admit that I was not prepared for this at all in regards to men offering to buy me drinks. I did enjoy the attention no matter the case. After going home I vaguely remember my ex-wife not happy about the events of the night and that I was not allowed to do this again. For me that was a moment in time that I cherish to this day and wish I had started my journey back then but then again it was simply the wrong time as thinking back I was in a battle with myself to my true identity. Being married to a good looking female in part satisfied part of my identity conflict as it allowed me in a strange (not so strange to someone needing to transition) to some that I had that female body (my ex-wife) with me. That brings to mind one of the last women I dated before starting my journey, in my eyes she was very beautiful and had the body of a twenty year old. Same thing applied in that I had this perfect female body to be with which would partly satisfy my desire to be female. The picture below is from our first date back in 2007 and at first glance pretty much fell in love with each other. She was here from Mexico to visit her family and found me on Yahoo dating which was when I was still battling with my identity. She contacted me, asked if I would come to dinner at her sister's house which I did. She had to go back to Mexico but said she would be back in two months. In the mean time we chatted on the phone several times a week. Once back in Oregon we spent a weekend together then before leaving asked if when she came back again next month if she could stay at my house with me which I said but of course, let's see how we get along together. She came back and we had a fantastic week but near the end of the week the female inside of me began to resist going any farther with the relationship and that's when the decline happened on the last two days. I needed to be Karen and realized that I was fooling myself into thinking that this relationship would solve my identity issues. She caught on that something was wrong and no sure how it happened but it never went to my identity but instead something else which was at one point she asked me to move to Mexico and live with her. She actually wanted to support me and she could as she is a doctor and lives very comfortably in Mexico. Any ways it would had failed and both of us would had been in a bad ways. That was all in 2007 and was the real turning point for Kevin becoming Karen. Before posting this entry I was only going to mention that parts about my mother and ex-wife but somehow got into the last part about Kevin and Guadalupe. Sure wish she was a lesbian.

Spot on Lisa on it takes practice. In regards to "hey beautiful", for me it depends on whom spoke these words how I would take the meaning behind those words. Yes eye contact is important which is counter intuitive to how many females act in public towards men which is common in other Eastern cultures and less here but still females tend to make less eye contact with males. Stare too long and you are attractive this may trigger in a male you want sex (don't get me started here) as this is how the male mind works, at least from my experiences. Thanks for sharing Lisa!!!

Happy Friday everyone. I hope that all of you had a good week. I am finishing up the first week on Spironolactone. So far I haven't really noticed much. I feel better, but I don't think it is because of the medication, it is more about starting HRT. I had electrolysis and "touch up" laser. I think that I doubled the pain with that approach. I'm going to try to do both again in two weeks. But if it is too much, I'll schedule separate appointments. The electrolysis wasn't too bad. She mostly worked around by mouth and chin. She did say that my complexion is really good but the hairs go really deep. Hopefully that does not mean I have to do a million treatments and I can get away with only doing 4 or 5. Other than that, we had a couple people leave work for better opportunities. My kids figured out I was the Easter bunny today. My daughter figured out I was the tooth fairy today as well and was really upset. So I was "outted". Lol! They still think Santa is real, though. --Lisa

Lisa, I think it makes sense that your kids figured out that you were the 2 females and not the male :-) I assume the easter bunny and tooth fairy are both females, more nurturing, Santa is too judgmental - sorry, stereotypes! Christie

Good that you could gauge how your sister would react as this will help you when coming out to others as predicting is important so you can tailor words used about revealing your female side. Hope she does come around, I have found that if there is a chance then work on it and make this happen rather than sit back and hope for it. I wish for you to have a wonderful journey as you move forward on this path.

Very well said, Monica, thank you. On all your points I could not agree with you more. Emma

Karen, You a beautiful woman and were a handsome man. Guadalupe is a very pretty woman. Thank you, Karen, for not taking advantage of Guadalupe! Think Guadalupe and you confused friendship with budding love. Think both of you grew from this experience . . . Monica

This past week was interesting. I just started an upped dosage of Spiro today. It seems to be agreeing well with me. No side affects and it seemed to calm me. I went to a service on Saturday. On my way home, much like I usually do, I'll stop in Target, etc. to get food, wine, whatever. I was a bit overdressed but looked presentable and classy. Anyways I had someone say to me, "hey beautiful" and I, being a bit flustered said "Thank you". I am always polite, but I was a little mad at myself. If he had told me that I looked nice or beautiful, I would have been okay. But "hey beautiful" just seemed derogatory towards women. I've had guys say so many things to me before, I am surprised I was surprised. I think that my mind was in a different place due to the service. It was beautiful, but I felt bad after the service. This week at work, I found out three people are leaving. One was fired after he gave his two weeks. So, I am picking up the pieces. I thought that my head would explode on Monday. I have a touch up laser and electrolysis this Thursday. Nothing next week, but then a baseline blood test the week after that. Hopefully I can get on estrogen sooner than later. We'll see. It won't happen for at least another 4 weeks though. But I've been waiting for 38 years to live as myself. What's a couple more months or years. Oh and there is one more thing. Anxiety is creeping back. My ability to cope was gone after all of the repression was stripped away. I though that may be that was in my past but I will need something. Hopefully, everyone's week is going well so far. Tomorrow is humpday!! Love, Lisa

Hello AnnToni, the blog section here is a great place to tell a story, voice a opinion or spill one's thoughts out on how things are going in their life and both touch others and others touch you.

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!!! Some follow-up from last week, there was one friend I hadn't heard from after I emailed him last week, I wasn't too worried, but I admit I was a little worried (he doesn't live nearby, so i don't get to see him in person as much). Anyway, I texted him yesterday to see if he had gotten the email, he hadn't (some problem accessing his Yahoo email). He now has seen it and was as supportive and I expected (before getting pointlessly worried because of not getting a response). I told my sister last Thursday night. It went as I would have predicted if I had thought about it. She wasn't supportive - not openly hostile, but she was denying and rejecting and thoughtless and insensitive. She might come around, the problem is that the "thoughtless and insensitive" part is pretty recurring. That's why I knew I had to tell all of my friends first. Now I'm trying to think about my next steps. I think I'm at or near a tipping point where almost anything I do is going to be very obvious, essentially a public "coming out." The things I've done so far have feminized my look, but not to the point where most people would start wondering what's going on. Fortunately it's a good time of the year at work, we're about to go into exam period and then summer break, so it will mostly be staff around for the next few months. That gives me a chance to take more steps with a more limited audience and get used to it before a lot of students are around. I think my next big step is going to be to work on my female voice. I've done it in the past, but not consistently enough that I've felt comfortable using it in front of anyone. Since I decided to start going back to the Thursday night TG/CD group I want to be ready by then to try it publicly, even if it's not flawless (which seems reasonable). And I want to thank everyone here again for all your wonderful comments and support! This site has been vital to me in this journey! xoxo Christie

Mikah, Love the photograph of three beautiful young women! Monica

I does of course mean I have to go out after work today - I can't just go home when I'm having a good butt day!

Hey Christie, This all sounds like a terrific plan to me. And yeah, the voice work is so important. I think you're lucky to have a weekly TG meeting that will help so much not only to provide feedback but also to notice your improvements over time. I'll bet you really rock those jeans, girl! Emma

Just a quick addition - I'm wearing a pair of Jennifer Lopez jeans today, and when I passed a mirror in the rest room just now I noticed that they kinda make my butt look really good. I needed to share that with someone :-)

I'm very drawn toward resources and ideas that I hope will help me practice and make automatic inner kindness. I need this as I have such a litany of self-directed put downs and labels that seem to come so automatically before I have a chance to prevent their affects. I've recently come across several that I hope I will find helpful and maybe you will too. I think of them like tools in my toolbox. But like any tools we need to use them enough so that they become familiar and automatic: Internalized Trans-Phobia This one feels risky for me to even post since I worry that TGG members and visitors will assume I have some sort of phobia against them. Truthfully this is not true at all. But that said, "It refers to how some people hate that part of themselves and are ashamed of it." As much as I am aware of my gender dysphoria and that it's a natural part of me I have to overcome my shame that has been with me for so many years. This article isn't a cure-all. It's a start as it says that we're okay if we have it and the place to begin is to be aware, acknowledge it, and accept that dealing with it is another aspect of our lives. James Altucher I've written about him before. He has a free email list (which you can subscribe to by clicking on his name). I don't like all of his writing, sure. But today he wrote one called "It's OK If You Don't". Among other things, he wrote: "At some point I gave myself permission: It's ok if you don't know what you want to do next. It's ok if you're scared. Scared sh*****ss. It's ok to not write a bestselling novel. It's ok to leave early. It's ok to not be a billionaire. It's ok to not start a charity that ends malaria. It's ok to get fired or to fail. Or even worse, to lose someone's money." The main message: it's okay to goof, to try and fail, to forget... to be human. It helps me to remember that from time to time. A Simple, Powerful Self-Compassion Method Leo Babauta has a website called Zen Habits, and he also has a free email. Sure, they don't all grab me. Sometimes they just don't fit. But this one I think is a great summary of a behavioral therapy approach to dealing with our inner Ms. Crapness. (Yeah, that's my word.) Notice it (be aware), Accept it (might as well), Comfort it like you would a small child who scraped her knee, and Love it and yourself. Easy to say, and all too easy to ignore for its touchy-feelyness. But hey, why not give it a try? And if it doesn't work its magic right away for you remember that it's okay for it to take a while. Love Your Inner Child My therapist recently gave me this homework: consider the questions, statements, and wants of me as a 3-7 year old, especially as it relates to his gender dysphoria. And then, write down what you'd like to tell him given what I know now. Example: Child: "I'd like to have a doll like Mary's." Me: "That sounds like that would be nice, doesn't it? Your birthday is coming pretty soon so it's good to know that's something you would like to have. Tell me, what is it that you like so much about her doll? What does it mean to you? What should I look for when I buy a doll for you?" After I tried to do this for a day or two I told him that I was torn between being fully supportive and possibly warning him that the other kids might give him a bad time for having such a doll. His advice?Give him (really, me) all the love and support, and forget the warnings and mixed-messages. None of us need that. Be kind to yourself. Practice inner kindness. Be well. Be you. Emma

Lisa, Similar to Emma my first thought about "Hey beautiful" was very positive - but being earlier in the journey I'm just thrilled to be referenced as a female almost anytime, I do see your point about the problem with it and I look forward to being "enough of a woman" to react the same way :-) And certainly there's lots to be anxious about, I'd also suggest writing it down, whether it's here or just for yourself. I carry a little notebook with me everywhere I go just to write down any strong feelings I encounter through the day. xoxo Christie

Hi, I echo the same as Christie has said, but I would add that when I look back on my life I can see that there were signs that all was not "normal" for me, perhaps I was too stupid to realise it at the time. Cheers, Eve

Brilliant blog Mikha, Being with someone else who you've known previously and then found out about each other is amazing, it happened to me. I think I told the story in my first blog.......... Cheers, Eve