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Karen. You have shared a pretty remarkable evolution with us. I'm a smarter, wait, LESS STUPIDER person than when I first came here on many different levels. I owe part of that to you for your candor and kindness. Can't wait to see that dress. Bet it will be something! Cheers, Veronica.

It's wonderful your wife is up front and loving. I know tears don't come easy but if you travel the HRT path, now the flood gates open. Heck I get tears from what seems very insignificant two years ago several times a week.

Monica, I have been told this about perfume how they smell different from person to person and what you wrote just solidifies this and thanks for sharing :)

Dear Friends, Forgive me, I don't believe "constructive criticism," should bring a person to tears. Have a brother that I have had to back away from, who told me, "for my own good," that I was selfish, lazy, and thoughtless. Was moved to tears, too. Then, when I got home, I asked myself, "does this apply to me?" When I thought things through, I felt he was incorrect. Also, I realized he would do this to the person, whether it was his wife, his brother in law, or me, who he felt was the most vulnerable. He did this, because, by putting the other person down, he can pull himself up. Feel she should have made "I" statements, instead of "you" statements. For example, she could say, "I feel left behind when you are exploring becoming a woman," or, "I feel like I am losing the man I fell in love with." The reality is, that a woman is drawn to the emotional characteristics of the "man" who is really a woman. This does not mean that she is a Lesbian. So many women who married men who later turned out to be a MTF transgender person, would say, "he was so different than all the other men I dated. He was so much gentler, kinder and considerate than any other man I dated." In my situation, because I am a cisgender Lesbian, say, my Lesbian partner approached me and said, "I think I am a man and I want to explore it." Would support her, and, together, would explore transgender issues together. To be sure, I would tell her, that I could make no promises as to our relationship, as it is a FUNDAMENTAL change in the relationship, and it would be impossible for her and I to PREDICT where we would be when the dust settles. Would hope I would have the maturity to at least be friends . . . It is scary . . . as we all want "forever" . . . Your friend, Monica

Veronica, Thanks for the compliment. You know the way I look at it is everyone here are my inspiration else I would not be sharing. There are many here whom I admire just for the record :)

Hi Karen, I think our comments crossed in the mail. I was writing to Veronica while you were posting to me. Yeah, I've assumed that HRT would do just that. And I'll tell you, the benefits of HRT sound amazing. For now I'm hoping I can find a happy place without hormones. I'm afraid that would be a deal-breaker for my wife. We will see! We have about a year before she may fully retire so I hope to be maintaining a steady keel by then. Emma

Hi Monica, You're correct on all counts. In fact, she has told me how much better and different I was and am from all others before me. I agree with you too that she could have phrased her feedback much better. We are all human and this is part of what we try to address in our therapist meetings. We are so fortunate to be able to have him as a resource. In fact our next couples meeting is tomorrow and evening so it's all great timing! I do hope she decides that being a lesbian, at least from time to time, would be interesting for us. That's a dream I have. We will see. All I can do for now is try to be real, patient, and supportive to her too. Then, maybe, we can meet in the middle. I think we are getting there one small step at a time. Hugs, Emma

Karen, Women create THEIR OWN perfume. Also, a perfume will smell different on every women who wears it. Men also have their own unique smell. Not only can I smell the difference between a man or a woman, (or a boy and girl, for that matter), but can identify a person by their smell. This may be the reason that you don't feel the same compulsion to wear perfume when you were pre-op and pre-HRT, because you are now creating your own perfume. My mother, may God rest her soul, had a wonderful perfume. Smelled it on her jewelry and clothes, too. Your friend, Monica

Hi Veronica, I'm so happy I was the first one to reach out to you. Honestly, I don't remember it. But I do remember Monica's reaching out to me when I joined. I guess we will never forget our "first friend at TG Guide." It took guts to do this? I guess, but it's funny, when people say I am courageous I don't feel that way at all. Maybe I think I should look like Bruce Jenner when he won the Decathlon! But I don't. All I can is how important you and TG Guide have been for me. I am deeply grateful. Hugs, Emma