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I had blood work done on Wednesday to make sure that my potassium levels were not too high on the Spiro. Those tests came out normal, which was good. I am hoping that means that I will get a prescription for Estrogen at my followup appt on May 13. I had a one hour electrolysis appointment on Thurs. It went really well. The electrologist flew and was able to clear a significant amount of hairs around my lips and chin. My blood pressure is normal, I still have bouts of anxiety so I need to start to take something for that soon. I had long conversations with my wife, mom and sister this week. My mom is having a hard time understanding why I need to do this. It certainly was not my first option, lol! The way I described it to my mom is that I had developed ways to cope with my male gender over the years. This included repressing a lot of things. Once I stop repressing memories and feelings, and the repression was stripped away, I could no longer cope. Everything that I had tried in the past which used to work, does not work anymore. I told my mom not to worry about me, that I have really good survival instincts. I am under no illusion about how tough this road is that I will travel. Yet, I will not let people treat me poorly or be disrespectful. Changing gender is taboo and challenges cultural norms. But, really, when you think about it, why is changing one's gender such a big deal? It is a personal choice that impacts no one, except those who are sensitive and/or judgmental. But there is nothing that can be done about this. I hope everyone has had a good week. Be happy, be well and be safe!! Love, Lisa

Over the past few weeks I felt at times I should had some orgasmic feelings down below and was just getting ready to contact Marci asking if this was normal to have clitorous sensation to nothing at all even with manual stimulation. I was told that don't expect much until the nerves grow back and was fine with this but wait a minute, why was it there then went away. Well without going into details I was asked by a man about sexual desires in a email. While writing back I felt the sensations which was about ten minutes ago and they are still there thank goodness. So my reason for posting here is that others might have similar experiences and want them to know if you had it and it went away perhaps (and I am guessing this here) it is from a lack of sexual thoughts being provoked. Now there is always the chance you will never have these sensations which is why those who are considering GRS is to make sure you choose wisely to the surgeon you select. I can not even begin to imagine going through the rest of my life without those sensations it would be horrible to say the least. It has been about 15 minutes and the sensations have not gone away yet

Karen, Glad to hear that your healing well! Glad to know that your surgery came out ok. You took a big roll of the dice because nerves are some tricky mojo. Hallelujah? Oh heck yeah! Awesome news for you!

I am going to use this blog entry for posting resources for others that are travelling down a path that may or may not result in transitioning. So I will update this as resources are found. I would request if you have good resources send them to me in a PM rather than comment below the post to keep things clean. Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory test http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php?lang=en Scoring for test http://www.transsexual.org/cogoffline.html The following link the person put together lots of good information http://openmindedhealth.com/transgender-101-trans-people/#comment-50248 Electrolysis Methods http://www.transgendercare.com/electrolysis/methods/overview_methods.htm HRT Male to Female http://micheleomara.com/services/transgender/feminizing-hrt-for-male-to-females/ Risks Associated With Hormone Use (Estrogen) http://sillytranswoman.blogspot.com/2011/03/risks-associated-with-hormone-use.html Dilation 101 http://sillytranswoman.blogspot.com/2014/08/from-princessjoules-mtf-post-op.html

Veronica, that's funny. I actually have considered going into this field as when I went through this I learned all about the different methods and found it interesting not only the different methods and techniques but the rewards that come from good service as I became fairly good friends with two ladies that shared stories with me about their clients. I think that anyone who is serious about coming out that this is a must thing to do and many do not realize this.

Aw you poor, poor thing! I'm very happy that your wife was there to give you the cuddle you needed at the end. Someone just to hold you so it doesn't feel like your about to cry your own soul out. I empathise totally and I'm really glad someone was there for you : ) : )

I think if you look at this from your mother's perspective that perhaps there is another path to working with her to cope and understand what you are going through could help with her coming to terms with the true you. Just last night I was watching “New Girls on the Block” which is about five transwoman where on last night’s episode one of them meet with her mother and for the first part of the meeting the mother kept calling her by her male name and had difficulties coming to terms with her transition but finally came around and partly because of how her new daughter presented herself not only in dress but also through true heartfelt emotions. Some people need time to digest such a change and hopefully this will be the case with your mother. In regards to "your mother's perspective", remember she gave birth to a male and has strong ties to this so best to keep this in mind. I would strongly urge you to purchase a copy of True Selves” and let her read the book as it may provide a different insight to what you are going through to find the real you. Concerning not letting people treat you with disrespect, that is the right attitude but choice your words wisely if it comes to the need to express yourself when you feel disrespect. First and foremost, put on a genuine smile if possible which is a method from Verbal Judo (this is a book on Amazon), take a second or two to collect your thoughts and respond back (if possible) in a calm manner if they are hostile to deescalate if need be. You need to educate them and also let them know you will not take being disrespected at any level. Think about this in regards to the above where I suggest de-escalation. If you grab the hand of a child who is upset and forcefully pull them they instinctively will pull back but take their hand gently with soft spoken words that still have intent they are less likely to resist. Same should hold true when in a conversation on educating someone who has been mean or harsh to you, don't raise yourself to their level but instead calm them down with kindness but to stay in control. I have used various techniques on criminals and the majority of the time they work but of course there are some who will still not comply, same can happen with your plight but well worth trying these types of verbal judo out. Regardless of the above, I am very happy for you as it sound things are on the right track with hormones and hair removal

You need to take the time and financial resources required to get through this. And that is how you can explain it to your wife. This process is difficult for everyone. Many times our loved ones feel like we are being selfish because we are dragging them through this. Also, if your spouse has never had to support herself or family or has tremendous fear of change, there is a lot of anxiety and anger, because the peaceful life is being disrupted. In my case, I've sacrificed my life for others my entire life and have slaved for my family so that they are well taken care of. So, being trans* is extremely upsetting because now I am the one with problems and am not the solid, strong person taking the lead. So it has been really difficult for me to even go to therapy, because I feel like I am taking money from the family. But I realized eventually that I need to be good to myself, otherwise I am good to no one. Particularly if I have a mental breakdown. How will I go to work?

Monica, Excellent point, as always. There is some sort of Chinese proverb that I've lost most of, but it goes something like this: as you go down a block of houses that look so serene always remember that behind all those doors, everyone has their own problems. No one is immune. Be well, Monica, Emma