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I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance. Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to get over not having a smaller size as I am leaving my fate to the surgeon as when I question him about the size he said that he has used this measuring system on thousands of people and only had two people saying they thought that the size was slightly too large. Eating prior to surgery, I told the surgeon that since surgery was at noon and that they did not want me to eat after midnight that beings I have a different schedule that most people could I have coffee first thing in the morning. He said if I asked the anesthesiologist would say no coffee but he said if it’s only black coffee he is fine and if they asked if I had anything to say no LOL. I have my best female friend coming to the hospital with me then staying with me for three days, maybe four. Since she does not drive her son is driving her down to my place and back as I will be in no shape to drive 40 minutes each way. I have another friend who lives close by will be bringing me lattes from my favorite coffee place, he is a firearms instructor who teaches with me.

Hi Eve, it all sounds great except... the roast chicken "UK style with lots of gravy." I'm sorry but you need to come visit us here at my house! No gravy except for Thanksgiving dinner here!!! I hope you know I'm just kidding... I'm very happy you had a nice vacation. It sounds like a blast! Emma

About two years ago my best friend while out shopping with me purchased several pairs of Calvin Klein thongs then presented them to me when we returned to her home. I was both happy and sad, happy because I knew they would be worn at least once to celebrate while sad because it would be two years until they could be worn. Two years is a long time and the thongs ended up in storage which I just found this week and thought it would be great to try them on which I did and love them. Okay then I thought that I will need pantie liners and don’t remember seeing them in my local grocery store but went back and sure enough they do have them. So for the past several days I have been in thong heaven. Went out today to Victoria’s Secrets and hunted for thongs but I don’t believe it, I did not like any of them accept of course the ones that were too large (I wear size small). Off to Macy’s and they not only had what I wanted and better quality but were three dollars cheaper woohoo. So what is the big deal about thongs, by themselves absolutely nothing by themselves but just another point in fact that I am female (hear me roar lol). I think that many who are on the path of transitioning to that gender, in this case, female sometimes look at the big picture and forget about the small things which in this case is clothing but is also about their environment and how (at least for me) overtime one can look back and see a trail of breadcrumbs that make up the total package of the new you. These little things that make up the package range from people opening doors to men flirting with you. A good example, I went to the mall and while waiting for my friend I sat down and was on my phone checking out Facebook and the man next to me turned and said, nice nails which was his opening to check me out. Yes I am into females which is not the point here. The point is that after two years of being out and three months post-op (and hormones) I truly act and react as a female. These things only come from being out in the real world, interacting with real people rather than sitting a home dressed. Now I am not saying someone who is not planning on transitioning should get out into the real world but those who are indeed moving towards GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery). This is why part of the requirement is to live in the gender you are moving towards. Heck I never realized thinking back how challenging it can be to live every second of my life as female and would think most can’t fathom what it is like until you actually do it. So the thongs may seem like a small and insignificant thing but it depends on how you look at the big picture and then dissect what makes up the larger picture kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. This is what I am into for what it's worth in thongs in black, red and while. My friend gave me one in yellow but I am not into yellow for undies.

Christie, I bet that a great emotional high in regards to "is everything OK here ladies?" and especially when not in full femme presentation. In the beginning they are moments to treasure and down the road you will surely find it commonplace which should still bring a smile be it inside and/or outside as it makes us less of a role and more of the person you were striving to be but now it's simply a compliment that the waiter is being courteous to whom is at the table and you will forget about the passing aspect altogether.

Karen, This was such a great entry! I especially look forward to your new posts based on where you are in transitioning as I start to look much more seriously at my own. It's enlightening to see where I could be in a couple of years (obviously everyone's experience is different, but certain issues, concerns and joys are no doubt shared by many!) At lunch the other day the waiter came up to me and my co-worker and said "is everything OK here ladies?" I was quite happy about that, especially since I wasn't in full femme presentation! Xoxo Christie

I had blood work done on Wednesday to make sure that my potassium levels were not too high on the Spiro. Those tests came out normal, which was good. I am hoping that means that I will get a prescription for Estrogen at my followup appt on May 13. I had a one hour electrolysis appointment on Thurs. It went really well. The electrologist flew and was able to clear a significant amount of hairs around my lips and chin. My blood pressure is normal, I still have bouts of anxiety so I need to start to take something for that soon. I had long conversations with my wife, mom and sister this week. My mom is having a hard time understanding why I need to do this. It certainly was not my first option, lol! The way I described it to my mom is that I had developed ways to cope with my male gender over the years. This included repressing a lot of things. Once I stop repressing memories and feelings, and the repression was stripped away, I could no longer cope. Everything that I had tried in the past which used to work, does not work anymore. I told my mom not to worry about me, that I have really good survival instincts. I am under no illusion about how tough this road is that I will travel. Yet, I will not let people treat me poorly or be disrespectful. Changing gender is taboo and challenges cultural norms. But, really, when you think about it, why is changing one's gender such a big deal? It is a personal choice that impacts no one, except those who are sensitive and/or judgmental. But there is nothing that can be done about this. I hope everyone has had a good week. Be happy, be well and be safe!! Love, Lisa

In regards to electrolysis on the upper lip, when mine was done they had me setup an appointment with a dentist so that I would go to the dentist, he would numb my upper lip then off to my electrolysis appointment where I usually feel asleep during a two hour session when first starting the upper lip. Personally I had heavy hairs on the upper lip from constantly shaving so when going out as a female it was pretty well hidden but sadly made those hairs heavier.

Hi Lisa, With regard to electrolysis, I found that the moustache area is very sensitive, if you find that rings true for you too, try getting hold of some Emla Cream. I applied it starting an hour before "face torture" repeated 3 times after the first application dried, so aprx every 20mins. This took much of the sting out of the process, I also take 4x Ibuprofen an hour beforehand too. Hope this is helpful to you. Cheers, Eve

Hi Monica, I sense some deep sadness in your entry. Don't knock yourself down, I'm sure many people would be interested in you. I know, that's fine for me to say that, because I also do the same sort of self deprecating things, you might see that in my latest blog entry ,specifically to do with mental capacity................... Whatever my shortcomings and I'm sure I have many, such as I'll never have a shapely body with such broad shoulders and narrow hips, I'm old, I'm not good looking and cute, my voice is terrible and will never be very femme, not well off financially et al, others still like & love me. Point is, if I can overcome all that crap, you can too. A persons inner self which I think used to be referred to as their persona will always shine out, and ok you refer to it as demisexuality, but if you really like some one, and they really like you, the sex bit will likely arrive at some point later. To my mind anything else is shallow, and to an extent false. Second point is that your persona does shine out girl, hold on to it it's great.......... Cheers, Eve x

Monica, thats very humourous, I was thinking of having them pinned to my dress as a person learning to be a woman....................... Eve x

Although I had been masculine for most of my adult years, I have been officially out to my family since Jan. 2010 and I have been on testosterone for close to three years. I put off my transition because I didn't think I would have a family if I did. After many of my mom's abusive comments towards me, I finally said, "screw this" and started it. I was right. Our relationship was pretty non-existent, and when I thought I would try to rekindle a familial dynamic again, my mom plain refused to acknowledge my identity, referring to me with female pronouns even though my voice was deep and had facial hair. The day after the Bruce Jenner interview, I ended up seeing her for a family function. She has watched 20/20 and Dateline and like shows for years, so I assumed she saw it, but didn't bring it up. Later in the afternoon, she asked if I watched it. It sparked about a 3 hour conversation, one which I feel was long overdue. Nothing negative was said. It was all positive. She even cried. I don't know if the tears were the realization that being trans is real, and she reflected on the things she's said and the way she treated me in the past, or something else, but I don't care. She actually showed an emotion instead of hiding it and hurting people. At this moment, I feel like she is now supportive, and this is something I have NEVER had from her. Thanks Bruce Jenner for sharing your story.

Dear Brigsby, i agree with you. I've heard many complaints about the Bruce Jenner interview. "Bruce should have said." "Diane Sawyer wasn't as respectful as she could have been." Blah! 17 million people watched that show and indeed, they kept emphasizing very important points, such as gender dysphoria doesn't equate to sexual desire, and so forth. i think the interview was Fantastic on many levels and I'm very happy that Bruce did it (imagine the courage THAT took) and that Diane Sawyer was the interviewer. I loved every minute of it. Emma

Seems like me time is gone for a while which is okay as I am keeping busy with things that keeps me from being on the computer much and I feel that real life away from the computer trumps all. So too those who live by the need to connect to their computer try walking away and smell the roses . This weekend starts with pre-op appointment for breast arugmentation today, tonight teaching empty hand combatives, tomorrow teaching firearms followed by out with friends for dinner then Sunday will be out doing a five mile or so walk with a friend.

Eve, Please do not get "L plates" on your cars, as my partner and I, as well as other Lesbians, have had their cars vandalized over it. Glad to see that you enjoyed your vacation! Monica

That all sounds so wonderful! Both the travel and the response you got!

I think if you look at this from your mother's perspective that perhaps there is another path to working with her to cope and understand what you are going through could help with her coming to terms with the true you. Just last night I was watching “New Girls on the Block” which is about five transwoman where on last night’s episode one of them meet with her mother and for the first part of the meeting the mother kept calling her by her male name and had difficulties coming to terms with her transition but finally came around and partly because of how her new daughter presented herself not only in dress but also through true heartfelt emotions. Some people need time to digest such a change and hopefully this will be the case with your mother. In regards to "your mother's perspective", remember she gave birth to a male and has strong ties to this so best to keep this in mind. I would strongly urge you to purchase a copy of True Selves” and let her read the book as it may provide a different insight to what you are going through to find the real you. Concerning not letting people treat you with disrespect, that is the right attitude but choice your words wisely if it comes to the need to express yourself when you feel disrespect. First and foremost, put on a genuine smile if possible which is a method from Verbal Judo (this is a book on Amazon), take a second or two to collect your thoughts and respond back (if possible) in a calm manner if they are hostile to deescalate if need be. You need to educate them and also let them know you will not take being disrespected at any level. Think about this in regards to the above where I suggest de-escalation. If you grab the hand of a child who is upset and forcefully pull them they instinctively will pull back but take their hand gently with soft spoken words that still have intent they are less likely to resist. Same should hold true when in a conversation on educating someone who has been mean or harsh to you, don't raise yourself to their level but instead calm them down with kindness but to stay in control. I have used various techniques on criminals and the majority of the time they work but of course there are some who will still not comply, same can happen with your plight but well worth trying these types of verbal judo out. Regardless of the above, I am very happy for you as it sound things are on the right track with hormones and hair removal