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My best female friend pointed out to me recently that even when I was male that she perceived me as female because to her, my body structure/shape was that of a female which she kept to herself for a long time. She went on to say that I did not need makeup because of this fact. Note, one does not have to be gorgeous to come off as female, heck I see myself as average no matter what I am told. Over the past year we would go out clothes shopping, the first thing that stuck in my head was how she could look at a piece of clothing and comment how well it would look on me or how badly it would look on me. With that said combining born body structure/shape (which encompasses the face too) I think many overlook the fact that not everyone can pull off say a strip top because if we are overweight it will draw attention to us. Another example, the majority of male to female have no hips so one might look for tops that accent the hips with a flared top but again use caution as your body structure may exasperate the waist and take away what was done with the flaring of the top. We all have seen cisgender females out of shape wearing Spanx leggings and know they look great on an average figure but not so much for slightly overweight or excessively overweight. I bet if you asked them they would deny this and in their mind wear them because they are easy and are comfortable. Back in the day I purchased female clothing void of the above and pulled it off, and still do. The catalytic for this entry comes in two parts, first from talking with my friends and just today the following. I work in a company of 1000 plus employees where some I know from an elevator ride or waiting in line for lunch and chatting while my team mates are close friends and acquaintances. Coming down from the fifth floor to the first floor one of the employees (known only from the elevator and cafeteria), a female turned to me and asked how I was doing? Then say that, you nailed it last week. I said what do you mean? She said that outfit you wore last Monday, well you nailed it. Heck I can’t remember what I wore so I asked her. She said a grey skirt in particular as it complimented my long legs. I don’t have long legs but I know for a fact because so many people told me so that I have great legs. What I see happened was I wore a skirt that complimented me for the age I am at. Interesting enough the skirt was kind of see through so I wore a while skirt beneath the grey skirt and let the white skirt be a tad lower than the grey skirt. In short it works for me because of my body structure. Now if I were to wear tight jeans and tight top it would work against me because of my age and also would show that I don’t have great hips so back to the flared top. So in closing focused to two things, body shape and appropriate clothing to compliment or enhance said body structure but also keeping in mind how old you are.

Even people. Clearly this is a clothes issue. Yes, 137Lbs almost 138Lbs have a problem with certain clothes. Not a problem buying. No women can't tell me how a shop or card works. Todays issue is getting in my clothes. As I previously informed you, I was on a physical course and seemed like I lost weight. Not the case. Weird right. Today, I grab a jeans, 32inches, and the bugger didnt want to go over my bum. My lady humps were in the way of my jeans. I pulled harder, and what I only saw on TV of a woman jumping and bouncing around as she struggled to get that small ass into what obviously is a size to small pants. Was me this morning. Funny part is that same pants had breathing space two weeks back. Why the hell the elves tailor my clothes and forgot to take it out last night so I could get in again. Do you want to know a secret... After HRT started, my body has grown in weight and circumference too. I've always had an ass, and only people that put their hands on me realized my butt was bigger then what my clothes allowed them to see. My ass are illusionist. So as my breast grow, my ass proportionally grows. My middle has gained and lost inches, and always returns to what I originally started off with. I do have a 34 jeans in my cupboard, make that 3, so I'm prepared for my bums growth, but I'll never get use to bouncing to get my pants on. Reason being, what if I sleep out, and my partners younger brother or sister or mother walks in. Okay, their father would be gawking at my tits, but a quick get away won't be possible as I can't even get it up, my pants you filthy minded man (give me a call we think alike). So my qualms aren't about the exercise to get in, but the awkwardness it might give me. I know I've got a sexy body, but do I want the whole world, or the world of the one I like and fell for to see my body too? I don't think so... As apparently was proven to me tonight at a friends again. They walk around as if it's nothing when they come from the bathroom. Oh freaken hell no. My naked body is only to be viewed by the one I love in that way and loves me that way back. Old fashioned, but hey its me. Okay and occasionally my doctor when examining me, but in that instance my lover is allowed with inside. Hard to believe I can't do this exhibitionist thing, even with me showing my structure of my body in pictures. Cheers from South Africa.

I think you're completely justified in your hurt feelings and stress.

Warren, I completely agree with Karen's comments, especially the need for medical support from somewhere for people who are suffering and can't afford what they need. At times I almost hope the republicans kill off Obamacare so that another push for socialized medicine might happen (with all of the people who would suddenly find themselves not covered it could happen). I found over time that most of my anger comes from a general feeling of powerlessness (pretty intense at times). And you're right, it's absurd to think that someone would "choose" to be transgender when that would only make the feeling worse. Ultimately I know the only thing I can really control is my own response to things - but that is far easier said than done. Please do keep writing! I think it helps to share feelings, and you never know when you'll get some helpful feedback. (And I think the way the system works now is that the latest blog entries do go at the time of the list, so no need to worry about people seeing your entries) xoxo Christie

Warren. I honestly feel for you and others who are in the same predicament, can't imagine the pain and hardship you are going through and pray that somehow things will get better for you. This is a clear case where there should be a program from the government or insurance that would take care of your needs as it seems other things that is done for people with aliments are handled that are not gender related. Society believes (because they are not educated on transgender) we who are transgender can shrug these feels off by flipping a switch if we really wanted to yet the reality is that switch is non-existing and that it only gets worst as we grow older.

Dear Brigsby, What you describe is not only transphobic insensitivity, but also adult sibling bullying, which is more common than you may think. Have three brothers and a half brother that bullied me as a child and as an adult. Children do not automatically outgrow sibling rivalry. The good news it, often, it DOES get better. Please give it time and do everything you can to not let her have the satisfaction of getting under your skin. Forgive me, but play deaf, dumb and blind. In one ear and out the other. My brothers would humiliate me in public (even as adults!) and they only made a fool of themselves. You have "brothers" and "sisters" here at TGGuide who accept you for who you are! Yours truly, Monica

"She called me by my birth name over text (because she doesn't like to hear the truth when she asks my opinion, apparently). I corrected her, and her response was, "well it's not official yet!"" While I'm sure this probably stung, maybe it's not as bad as it seems. I questioned my brother's actions a few years ago, but members helped me pretty much see that he most likely really didn't mean anything. I think the biggest problem was that I called him on something, and he became defensive. That could be where your sister's comment, "well it's not official yet," came from. That doesn't excuse it, but it might explain it. "This is the most shocking because she has actually had diversity and sensitivity training with her job, which included an LGBTQ section and focused on transgender discrimination." Now that I've somewhat defended her... I will say this much about employer-mandated sensativity training: such training is not going to change someone who doesn't want to be changed. And really, I'm pretty sure that sending employees to sensativity training is just a company's way of covering it's rear, to make sure their employees treat "anyone different" respectfully. It's to cut down on grievances and possible lawsuits. Sensativity training normally is not elective. Too often, many people don't like being forced to go to them. And most of them see it as a challenge to their [sorry] character. Hopefully she'll come around. -Michael

Karen and Eve, Thank you both for your comments! Fear is definitely the big thing, but I know I can work through that And Eve, the "o's" in "xoxo" are hugs xoxo Christie

About two years ago my best friend while out shopping with me purchased several pairs of Calvin Klein thongs then presented them to me when we returned to her home. I was both happy and sad, happy because I knew they would be worn at least once to celebrate while sad because it would be two years until they could be worn. Two years is a long time and the thongs ended up in storage which I just found this week and thought it would be great to try them on which I did and love them. Okay then I thought that I will need pantie liners and don’t remember seeing them in my local grocery store but went back and sure enough they do have them. So for the past several days I have been in thong heaven. Went out today to Victoria’s Secrets and hunted for thongs but I don’t believe it, I did not like any of them accept of course the ones that were too large (I wear size small). Off to Macy’s and they not only had what I wanted and better quality but were three dollars cheaper woohoo. So what is the big deal about thongs, by themselves absolutely nothing by themselves but just another point in fact that I am female (hear me roar lol). I think that many who are on the path of transitioning to that gender, in this case, female sometimes look at the big picture and forget about the small things which in this case is clothing but is also about their environment and how (at least for me) overtime one can look back and see a trail of breadcrumbs that make up the total package of the new you. These little things that make up the package range from people opening doors to men flirting with you. A good example, I went to the mall and while waiting for my friend I sat down and was on my phone checking out Facebook and the man next to me turned and said, nice nails which was his opening to check me out. Yes I am into females which is not the point here. The point is that after two years of being out and three months post-op (and hormones) I truly act and react as a female. These things only come from being out in the real world, interacting with real people rather than sitting a home dressed. Now I am not saying someone who is not planning on transitioning should get out into the real world but those who are indeed moving towards GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery). This is why part of the requirement is to live in the gender you are moving towards. Heck I never realized thinking back how challenging it can be to live every second of my life as female and would think most can’t fathom what it is like until you actually do it. So the thongs may seem like a small and insignificant thing but it depends on how you look at the big picture and then dissect what makes up the larger picture kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. This is what I am into for what it's worth in thongs in black, red and while. My friend gave me one in yellow but I am not into yellow for undies.

Good idea Eve, I had a similar thought about going to a smaller size but had issues finding extra small in a style I liked. I did go with a smaller size gaff that I had made especially for me which worked and then improved on it by pulling a boy shorts Spanx on top which assisted with me teaching self-defense classes as without the Spanx no tucking would had worked for eight hours of hand to hand tactics training. Staying with thongs, I purchased two more pairs today via Amazon Prime since they had pink and none of the stores here did.

Christie, I bet that a great emotional high in regards to "is everything OK here ladies?" and especially when not in full femme presentation. In the beginning they are moments to treasure and down the road you will surely find it commonplace which should still bring a smile be it inside and/or outside as it makes us less of a role and more of the person you were striving to be but now it's simply a compliment that the waiter is being courteous to whom is at the table and you will forget about the passing aspect altogether.

Karen, This was such a great entry! I especially look forward to your new posts based on where you are in transitioning as I start to look much more seriously at my own. It's enlightening to see where I could be in a couple of years (obviously everyone's experience is different, but certain issues, concerns and joys are no doubt shared by many!) At lunch the other day the waiter came up to me and my co-worker and said "is everything OK here ladies?" I was quite happy about that, especially since I wasn't in full femme presentation! Xoxo Christie