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I don't know if this is the same for other parts of the world, but here in parochial England there is a definate tendency for separate cliques within the Trans community. The individual cliques seem to me to be hierarchical too, I'm not sure if this intentional or not, I suspect that it isn't and it's just people with similar interests and similar issues in their lives gathering together. Let me explain, when I first took my faltering high heeled steps outside of my front door in the Birmingham suburbs, and drove into the city centre to go for the first time to Outskirts I'd identified myself as Transvestite, and within 2 or 3 visits I'd found a group of freinds that I coud relate to, I soon found that most of those who'd progressed further with their journey or were much more experienced seemed to be in another separate group. It seemed so hierarchical to me at the time, and I found it somewhat off-putting, it seemed to almost be a system of rank at that time. I'd also add that I was quite shy and no good at all with small-talk, hell, that was me all through my male life. I thought that most of these "advanced" (for want of a better term) trans, probably started in a similar fashion to myself as a part-time Transvestite (or cross dresser if you prefer), and that they thought that I was playing at being trans, and so looked down their noses at me. I recall on my very first visit one of the two organisers took me outside around the block and then talked to me giving advice, after which on subsequent visits she never spoke a word to me or even acknowledged my existance. Well it didn't stop me, and when my breasts started to develop soon after starting on oestrogen, things within Outskirts started to slowly change socially for me, and my circle of friends expanded into other groups without losing contact with my first group of friends, however by and large the groups were distinct from one and another. Well, one of the gradual things caused by hormones that happened to me ,was that I started to lose my shyness and my small talk started to improve, albeit very gradually. I suppose some would say that I was more self confident than was previously the case. There have been entries on UK Trans sites that reflect this phenomena, with full-time pre-op trans feeling and acting, quite different socially to part-timers. Whilst I think I can now see their point of view, I don't agree with it at all. So what do I think their point of view is? Ok, I think that they see their own first faltering attempts to express their true identity, and are embarrassed by the memory and want to forget it, also that they are trying so hard to pass off as females full-time in their life, that they perhaps think that unconvincing (as I was at first) cross-dressers get noticed by the population at large, as men dressed as women and cause disparaging remarks and comments, which then by association sticks to them ( getting tarred with the same brush), the population at large is uneducated and doesn't see or understand the difference between someone who might be part-time has no intention of becoming transgendered, and full-time Transgendering wanting to be accepted by the population as a woman. I suppose it's rather like not wanting to walk down the street next to an unconvincing drag queen, knowing that you're going to be sharing the remarks of the public....... Well, look at it from the unconvincing drag queens, transvestites or cross dressers point of view, they need to feel that they belong, have support and encouragement, and are not alone, it's a lot more likely that they'll look up to you, and eventually become who they want to be, and you know what?, the best part of it all is that you get a sense of pride having having helped someone to have lost their self inhibitions, and gain the self confidence to express themselves as they truly feel. Cheers, Eve x

As my SRS date draws ever closer I can't help but be nervous about the last of the hoops that I have to jump through. My biggest fear is that I'll miss some small detail and end up sitting in a Montreal doctor's office with them telling me, "sorry miss but you forgot to fill out form 6.x14 and that means you'll have to come back in two years after another two assessments." That's not going to happen. I won't let that happen. One of the added bonuses to this whole experience is that I've started to become responsible in taking control of my own life. Started - that's the key word, still a beginner. Yesterday was frustrating but rewarding. I had an appointment set for blood work, I recently read through some emails from the office in Montreal and they had said to get my tests done in June. Good thing I caught that! I brought my papers in yesterday to the lab but without a requisition I was unable to have the tests done. Luckily this was something that I could go to a walk in clinic to have done for me. There was even one down the road from the lab! I stumbled there through my fasting haze (no food for 10 hours) only to find that they weren't accepting any more patients that day. Curses. I gave up and grabbed food, but that wasn't going to stop me from getting the requisition that day, even if I had the tests done tomorrow! That was the first part of the day that was rewarding, actually. I went to a little donut shop nearby that I knew from long ago but frequented when I lived in the neighborhood. I must have gone often because the cashiers recognized me and asked me cheerily where I had been. After telling them I moved they proceeded to remind me that the bus stopped right outside their door and I should come more often. I don't take the bus, but that was adorable. So I grabbed my first coffee of the day at 2:30 in the afternoon (sweet nectar of life!) and headed to the next walk-in I knew of. This one was all the way across town but I figured it was the place to go. That was the walk-in that I first went to in bad female drag and demanded of the doctor who saw me to, "just give me the hormones!" Of course, he had no idea what to do but was so kind that he researched it there on the spot and gave me the number that eventually did lead to my diagnosis and prescription. Of course what I didn't realize was that as of the beginning of this month they are no longer a walk-in clinic except for Saturdays. Frakk! At this point it was about 3 pm and I was running out of time before I needed to meet my friends for dinner - friends who had just arrived in the country from Finland for their annual visit of Canada. Last resort, I went to a walk-in clinic at a mall under heavy renovations that I knew would be very busy. The receptionist told me it would be a 45 minute wait but she could call me when the doctor would see me. Bonus! I went shopping. At first I was just going to look without buying as my bank account has been a little dry as of late and my hormones are almost in need of refill but I remembered as I found a really cute dress that was just my size that I had a prepaid Visa that had been given to me as a gift. After spending some time in the change room debating between the cute dress and another dress that was very pretty but just didn't sit the same way on me but was much cheaper I finally just bit the bullet and bought the cute dress. I'm going to wear it dancing, it is the cutest! Now that I am a lot more used to showing off the miles of leg that I have my wardrobe options have increased exponentially and summer doesn't seem so intimidating anymore. The doctor's hadn't called yet but I went back there anyways. I sat in the waiting room and doodled in my notebook until they called for "Michael Sharkey". Embarrassed I got up hoping that no one was looking at me but deciding that I was proud of being trans I just strutted into the doctor's office. Once there the receptionist asked, "do you still go by Michael?" I found this even more surprising than them calling me that in the first place. I told her, "no, it's been legally changed to Mikah". She replied, "oh, okay - I'll change that in our system, we just want you to be comfortable." I was not expecting that to be so easy! The doctor was also pretty quick to clue in to what was going on. After seeing the list of tests he asked, "is this for SRS?" and has offered to have the tests sent to Montreal for me, apparently he used to work over there and is somewhat familiar with the whole transition process. Our meeting was brief, he had a lot else to do but after the incredibly long journey to get those papers I welcomed the change of pace. As I left I could hear him talking to his receptionist, "please set an appointment with her for 10 days from now". Female pronouns, I don't know if I will ever really get used to not having to correct people with that. I blasted back home and almost got changed into my new dress - I wish I had, but the trip home later in the evening was so cold that I'm a little glad I didn't. Rushed out the door to the restaurant and met my friends just 10 minutes late. It was so nice to see them and get caught up after a year! They have been some of my best friends since long before my transition and have been wonderful allies during the process. Drinks and dinner was a wonderful way to end an interesting day.

So I figured I'd stop in with yet another update, on two things. First off, the dog I were helping care for down the road (Weezie) is doing much better! Her owner/mother took her to an emergency veterinary clinic because she were still very worried about her. I were supposed to go with her but overslept and never got her messages, so I missed it. BUT, The vets decided to keep her overnight because of her age so they could examine her and run a few tests. They found that she were severely dehydrated, so she was put on an IV overnight, and much to her delight, spoonfed food. I were correct on the gas, afterall, and they found that she had a gastro-intestinal blockage. Given another week or so, she probably would have passed away. Also the severe shedding were simply because she is an older dog, and we did have a really hard winter, So this is what they refer to as a "hard shed" due to excess oils in her hair and its just a LOT more than normal. I'm pleased to report that she is doing MUCH better and is roaming around very happily, freshly groomed and bathed, her nails clipped and ears cleaned. She got very pampered and she loved it! She's now walking and roaming back to normal, and is fully able to get herself up and around without assistance. Also, It's wednesday!! Which means another youtube video It were certainly a bit longer than I had planned, but I were half awake this morning so it's sort of slapped together >.< Enjoy, and feel free to give me ideas and whatnot Lots of love and not much to report otherwise, Warren

Good afternoon everyone! I mentioned in a post last week that I had started using Christie at work, in addition to everywhere else in my life. This week, with the approval of the Dean and Associate Dean, I asked our IT Dept. to change my email address, which they did without question and quite quickly (within an hour of my request - and they NEVER do anything that fast). An email is being put together to send to the students I work directly with, and then another for the full school which won't mention me directly. But all of them are becoming rapidly moot as people see my name on the email address - a number of students have already started calling me Christie in email to me. I was getting a little anxious and hoping that they would finalize the emails quickly, but now I'm just accepting that word is spreading anyway, so the email can go when it goes. More important though is an email I rec'd from an outsider who was directed to me by one of our faculty members - I could see in the earlier emails between them that our faculty member referred to me as "she," and so when that person wrote to me I realized she is the first person to communicate with me who never knew me other than as Christie xoxo Christie

Hiya, Ren, Great to hear from you and glad that your friends dog is doing much better. You also sound much better, and that's most important to me. Forgive me if I haven't stayed current with your posts, but I guess you must have a new job? How're you doing yourself? Not much to report sounds pretty good to me! Regarding your video, I was unable to launch it on my iPad. I see a little "play button" arrow in your post but no outline of a YouTube video, and when I touch it nothing happens. Maybe you should post the link itself instead? Just an idea. Rock on, Emma

I'm definitely presenting more female, but I think my current look might register as a woman at first glance, but up close you'd know that I'm a female-looking male as opposed to looking like an actual woman

Excusez-moi Madamoiselle, I thought that you were already presenting as female at work and out and about? Yes you have to just go for it ,no matter what may result, and hope for the best, but I doubt you'll be stupid. Keep it toned down, don't go over the top, remember you don't want to attract lots of attention. Think in terms of those women who do not get looked at twice..................... Cheers, Eve

I too cannot begrudge Caitlyn her financial ability to transition. It's only her politics that I have issue with. But now that she's out, hopefully she will use her celebrity status to be more involved, and maybe her politics will change. "That being said, some of the Vanity Fair shots were highly sexualized. Maybe I am sensitive to it because I am trans* or because Caitlyn (and I) am older. I just worry for other older trans* women, like myself, that the "bar" has been set high. I am a very self-critical person, but I worry that I and others will be measured by cisgender people who see this. We don't have infinite amounts of money or free time to look that good. (Lol! Don't we wish!) So it is somewhat a false reality. Though, it is no different then the reality that women face who see advertising "pump out" sexualized images on a daily basis." -- Lisa One of the first things I thought when I saw the first VF image was, I hope they didn't photo-shop her too much. It's bad enough that it has become "par for the course" when it comes to cisgender women. And no doubt many will judge other trans women by they way they see people like Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock in the media - age notwithstanding. With the right tecniques and tools, anyone can be made to look glamourous. But as you said Lisa, not everyone has the money for that. -Michael

That is so wonderful that everything is rolling along smoothly, may the rest of your journey be so smooth

Well Christie the genies out of the bottle now girl ! & I've never known a genie willingly go back into the bottle either.............. Enough metaphors, congratulations madam, miss, ms? Eve x

Dear Christie and Eve, There are two groups of women who get "looked at twice," and they are women who are gorgeous (the men and butches are making a fool of themselves rubbernecking!) and those that look "different," due to disability or having an unusual body, such as being a woman of size or having a disfigurement (they have to compensate by having a gracious and forgiving personality). The women that are "in the middle of the road," or seen as, "attractive," (a polite term for not being ugly but also are not beautiful), are the ones that do not draw a second glance. Some women want to be "invisible," and let their talent speak for them, and others like to celebrate their beauty and/or physical uniqueness. Personally, I think transwomen should strive to be the "middle of the road" woman FIRST, as women, in general, feel most comfortable with this kind of woman, and learning directly from cisgender women is most paramount, especially at the beginning. Your friend, Monica

Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . . "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch). I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements. It is now 2015, and many things have changed." "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments! I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually transgender or transsexual; I am assuming transgender. If they are transgender, do they identify as Lesbian? Many do. I am also disappointed by women who insist on calling transwomen "men." I don't care what chromosomes they had at birth; I care about who they are. Are you still referring to Chaz Bono as 'she'?" "As Lesbians, we fought so hard for acceptance, and it is just inconceivable that we could be so unaccepting of another subculture whose journey is more difficult than many of ours. When I was younger, I was involved for nearly two years with a transgender woman (her physical and legal transition was complete when I met her). Because of this I had the enlightening opportunity to meet many other trans folks of both genders, and the chance to learn about and try to understand their world. I met many wonderful and sincere people, some of whom had suffered terrible abuse as transpersons. It does not matter what gender a person is born; if they do not identify with that gender, then life is a nightmare. I applaud those who have the strength and resources to make a very difficult change. Once they make it, they have every right to be seen as that gender, be it male to female, or female to male! I also happen to think that those in between have the right to be called whatever they feel identifies them." "I feel strongly that it is time to acknowledge that the world has changed considerably since the '70s. Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?" "During my thirties, I pretty much lived in a Lesbian-dominated world, and I loved it. Then things started to change. I found myself with more Straight friends and working mostly with Straight people. Although I did not like the changes at first, I now realize I live in a much larger world. While I miss some things about the old days, I believe that living in this larger world is a good thing, and for my part, I am determined that it will be open to diversity, including transgender women. And I want to give my thumbs up to the readers who had the courage to give supportive comments about transwomen!" - Margaret P. Margaret P. writes a beautiful article about the importance of Lesbians to deal with their fear of losing their identity as they become mainstreamed rather than lashing out at another minority culture. Couldn't agree more!

Very nice find, Monica... thanks for sharing it with us. "Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?"" This to me, says it all - being "mainstreamed" does not mean losing your identity. It means becoming a respected human being. It means you no longer have to fight for the right(s) that you shouldn't have been denied to begin with. Being respected, and having rights does not mean you no longer exist. If anything...it means your existence and all that comes with it, is finally validated. -Michael

I'm an old-fashioned feminist, so I'd go with "Ms" (I also accept the French mademoiselle - "Mlle") This was also a good reminder about taking my time. I still forget how much anxiety can accompany a step, especially a fairly big step. In those moments it's best to just live with that step for a bit and not push too much. Having said that, on Sunday my favorite drag queen is doing a special brunch show, so I've decided to use that as an opportunity to see how effectively I can present as a woman (I'm trying to resist the term "passable" now, and instead focus just on presenting as a woman). I was making myself very nervous about that concept in part because I was thinking about it in terms of doing it at work, then I realized that I don't have to start it at work (and my therapist said that she would actually strongly advise against starting it at work!). So I'll try that on Sunday - what it means right now is using my smaller breast pads (the larger ones are too "drag"), butt pads, and some additional make-up (including foundation to cover any shadow). I have to go into it understanding that it might not be 100% convincing, but that's ok, it's a step. As my friend said when I was getting ready to do my solo show, "you have to willing to out and risk being stupid" (or words to that effect).

One more day till the weekend woo-hoo. Saturday I am attending the local Transgender parade in Portland which will be my first time. Since it's close to my friends house (who is going too) we don't have to contend with parking which is great. Enjoy the day!!!

It seems to me, that trans masculine representation is vastly lacking, in the media, in activism, in resources, and I am sure other areas. I guess what this rant is, is about one person. I used to follow a prominent trans woman feminist activist, but for my sanity, needed to distance myself. Since she gets a lot of media coverage, she's hard to avoid. As a whole, I don't really have a problem with her views, but there are things that piss me off. The main one is that she claims she's "one of the biggest trans activists" yet she fails to mention trans men for the most part. She'll quip that trans men receive little attention from time to time, but doesn't mention them in the media. Yesterday I asked her if she was going to mention trans men in a piece about poverty. Her reply was that an inter-sectional lens is space for trans women to discuss trans women issues. I'm sorry, but no. Trans men face poverty, housing issues, voice problems, discrimination, lack of dignity, harassment, violence, surgery, hormones, fear of using public bathrooms and many other issues as well. As an example, you know what trans men do not face - health issues such as prostate problems. The next point in my head was "facial feminization" but that negates pre-t trans men. By no means am I saying I believe this world provides equal treatment, and these issues are systematically to the same extreme for trans women, trans women of colour, trans men and trans men of colour. I am just saying that all trans people, have hurdles that need to be navigated and using the guise of an inter-sectional lens to silence trans masculine experiences is unacceptable. Especially for a trans activist. Just my opinion though. What are your thoughts?

Your "activist" friend sounds much like Lisa Vogel and her attitude towards trans women.

I've had a few random thoughts in the past couple of days, so i thought I'd share them whilst my nails are drying. A lot has been said recently about making decisions about going full-time and starting HRT, all of it was perfectly sensible and also correct about giving a lot of thought before taking a step that is largely irreversible, i have reflected on my own experience and reasoning and realised that an important (to me anyway) factor had been omitted thus far. I found it increasingly difficult leading a double life, male part-time and female part-time. Male wardrobe and shoes and female wardrobe and shoes, ensure no-one can see both, in front of some people I had to be Femme and others male, what a difficult juggling act it became for me, so along with the deep thought and long held desire to be identified as Femme I also had little choice at the end..................maybe this will be controversial to some , but it was my experience. Cheers, Eve x

Good topic Eve. The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry when one leads a double life no matter how careful we are, how smart we are a slight bump in the road can reveal the other side of us. I had to be very creative while married for 18 years then new challenges when dating for five years, it gets tiring and crazy as we are not only managing clothes but when done right mannerism plays into the equation too. It would be very interesting to hear from others how they handle this where if they are married that really is a challenge more so that single.

Dear Monica, Thank you for such a lovely and thoughtful post. Isn't it wonderful? You are too. Emma

Hey guys, girls and uniques So someone asked me to update everyone on the new look for my gofundme account, and I'll include that below. Not much has happened really, not much to blog about anyway. Aside from my neighbor calling in tears because her elderly doberman-mutt dog, Wheezie, was told to be put down by an emergency Vet. The poor 13 yr old pup was laying on the floor in her own feces, whining and unable to stand, her hind legs stretched out towards her front awkwardly. My neighbor, who is like a mother to me, was reasonably very upset. So I got some home remedies (cats claw and tumeric) to bring down and help little Wheezie with the pain. I was able to get the old girl up onto her feet after feeling her stomach, and realizing she were very gassy. Almost like Colic. Only intending on getting her up and moving around to help with the pain, I were relieved that she were more than willing to relieve herself OUTSIDE. Thats why she was whining! The poor baby knows she's not allowed to make messes in the house, but she simply couldnt stand up to go out. So after some help and walking around, I were very impressed to see her start walking around without my assistance with holding up her waist with a towel wrapped around her. She moved better as time went on, and I came to the conclusion that her Vet....is an idiot. She's not dying, she has a hip problem, and cannot get up on her own. She's old. He judged her inability to live simply because her hair is falling out in clumps (duh, its spring. she's shedding!) and didnt even feel her hips or digestion to give her a proper exam. I grew up around animals from bears, hawks, deer, a dozen pet raccoons and even a pet skunk. Horses, cows, ducks, you name it! I'm not animal-stupid, that's for sure. And even a low-tech Vet Tech like me could tell this animal isnt ready to die. After giving her Cats Claw and Tumeric with dinner, I told my neighbor (Anne Marie) that I would be down later tonight with a dog halter/harness (like a vest) to help her outside to use the bathroom. I were extremely pleased and surprised, however, not only to find her laying on the blankets I had laid down for her---but she got up, on her own! No assistance needed, and she went down the stairs (though a bit wobbly) without my help. Drastic Improvement! Hoping for the best for the old girl! Warren http://www.gofundme.com/giveWarrenaHand <<<<<<<updated version

Compare and contrast with Chaz Bono, Janet Mock. Seems to me that Chaz was also a celebrity but that focus on him was less and of shorter duration. Janet is known as an activist, qualifying as a spokesperson whose opinions and knowledge have helped keep the "conversation" on-topic. Laverne Cox is celebrated for her beauty and acting on OITNB. What happens when the program ends? Transwomen have shocked American, and possibly all western, cultures for many decades, from Christine Jorgensen to Chelsea Manning, igniting the "flames of hell" with each celebrity outing. I'm sure there were others before Ms. Jorgensen but am not familiar with that part of history. We'll progress more quickly when we no longer shock them. Crossing my fingers.

It is interesting how perspectives vary on this. My thought was that Caitlyn probably suffered even more than me for a number of reasons. 1. She is older. She grew up before there was the Internet or much reliable information about transgender issues. I remember believing I was the "only one" in the world who felt this way. Caitlyn came up at a time when there was even less information and much less tolerance. 2. She became famous. Bruce Jenner was an American icon and was a hero to many. Bruce received endorsements such as Wheaties and became instantly recognizable in virtually every household in America. I can relate from being fairly well known in my home town and how scary it is that your "secret" might get out. Remember this was in an era when most of America was very intolerant. 3. Caitlyn probably realized she could never just disappear and then reappear as her female self. At the time of my transition (over 20 years ago) that is exactly what I did. I disappeared and reemerged as a female. Fortunately for me I passed pretty near flawlessly so I pretty much just got on with my life. Caitlyn probably didn't have that opportunity with Paparazzi hounding her. I believe Caitlyn's coming out will signal a turning point in how America views and treats transgender people. Or course there will still be ignorance and bigotry, but Caitlyn has people talking. Now, everybody knows somebody who is transgender -- or at least they feel like they do. I have never seen the outpouring of support that I am for Caitlyn. I do believe we're at a cross roads. Let's hope this will be the shift we've been hoping for.