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I got busy doing something here at home and completely forgot to post a blog >.< Forgive me! You know I love you all and would never forget you! Just the blog...... So it was a while ago, and I dont remember if I showed you all, but here goes nothing. I finally got my letter Now, I'm still working on getting a simular letter form my ex-therapist, Joan. Along with a copy of my file. But she's been increasingly stubborn on the subject and they still have not sent one, even after me paying to print out a release form, sign it, and drive it over to them. BUT, on another hand, I have something for the Gender Therapist and Surgeons. Next time they want to throw the "you have to go on hormones" thing in my face, I'll have back up. "Do I need to be on testosterone in order to have top surgery?" "Top surgery does NOT require Hormones. Many of the patients over the years have not been on hormones and never plan on taking hormones. A male contour can still be achieved" So, HA! TAKE THAT YOU BULLSHITTER!! Cant pull the wool over MY eyes! Oh yeah, and here's weezie lol shes feeling much better! Your bud, Warren

Well now I have proof, and these are from the worldwide transgender surgery guide pages. There's no way they can say they dont apply in my state. It's WORLD WIDE. So....they can bite me XD although I'd still have to have a letter from a Gender therapist before I can do it, which is reasonable I guess. So I'm waiting to hear from the insurance people to see if I was accepted for insurance, then I'll contact a Gender Therapist and start talking to them about transition. If they approve it, all I'll have left to do is earn the money. Still have the whole gofundme thing running but I dont see it going too too far. The little bit in it does help like crazy, but I still have a good 8k to earn lol. We'll get there! Warren

Glad ya got it in writing... I was pretty sure you didn't HAVE to be on HRT, let alone a year, before you could get top surgery. There are still too many in the medical world who, for whatever reasons, feel the need to put their own [biased] spin on when and how a person can transition. -Mike

Everyday I have an hour lunch at work and usually take a 15 to 30 minute walk around the city. Today there was a sign up at the Red Cross asking for blood donations so I was inspired to drop in to see if I could give blood today. I walk in, ask if they could get blood from my in 30 minutes? They said that is possible. So I say the last time I was in was as a male. Got the usually statement such as "no way" so I produced my former driver licence and she stares at both for about thirty seconds, looks up, looks at both pictures again and then looks up and says, amazing. I am then taken to a interview room (which they have done in the past), ask me a few questions then she says I have to ask my supervisor something. Comes back in five minutes and says if I want to donate I must use my born gender rather than my current gender. I had many ways to reply but kept it dirt simple when she said "is that okay" I replied with "well I am female now, that's all that should matter and decline". She responded, I don't blame you at all and thanks for coming in. If I had not told them about my transition all would had been fine but that is past history now. Would I do it different if I could go back in time knowing what I know now? Yes as the original reason was to link up my past blood donations with my current identity unless there was a crisis and then more likely than not they could care less. Bottom line for me is honesty.

Happy Friday ladies and gentlemen and all points between and around! Well this was quite the week. I knew that changing to my female name at work would be "big," but I didn't fully anticipate the anxiety, exhilaration, excitement, fear (and several other emotional states that I may never have experienced before) that would come with it. It really was a very unusual week as people started referring to me as Christie, and using female pronouns. The word spread faster than was planned (thanks to my 2 supervisors accidentally using Christie in emails that went to students), but that's ok, it just caused a few moments of confusion for me when I tried to figure out if I should just start using it with them too, or just not "sign" my emails (I went for that - the email that's going to be sent is from the Dean, I don't want to look like I was getting out in front of him, even though this is obviously about me). My goals this weekend (I like putting these in writing to someone, helps keep me from just not doing it): (1) Another period of "quiet contemplation" - my stepping-off point for this is going to be to list and then explore what I'm afraid of (certainly I've done that before, but it's a good question to go back to). before and after that I'll also ask myself the question that Karen suggested - "Do I have any hesitation?" (2) On Sunday my favorite drag queen (who does the Tuesday night show that I go to, and have occasionally performed at) is doing a brunch show. I'm using that as my opportunity to try going out presenting fully as a woman. I want to see how close I can get to that from where I am now. It's really I think just a more serious version of what I used to do when I was "cross-dressing." I'll try to get some pics! (desperately, I want to see myself in pics) I hope everyone has a great weekend! xoxo Christie

I wonder about some of the therapist out there who are similar to the one giving you a hard time. Common sense dictates what you have already learned, no need to be on hormones. Seems the only reason someone could possibly find a reason would be similar to male to female which would be crazy to even think this in the first place. I looked at a surgeon's requirements, nothing on hormones, looked at an insurance company requirements, nothing about hormones. The general requirements in a nutshell Single letter of referral from a qualified mental health professionalPersistent, well-documented gender dysphoriaCapacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent for treatmentAge of majority (18 years of age or older)If significant medical or mental health concerns are present, they must be reasonably well controlled.

Yaaay! Congratulations! I still pull out my letter and read it from time to time x)

Dear Mikah and Karen, When I get pre-operative testing done, I always request a copy for myself, AND, for the report to be faxed to the surgeon's office. Also, I CALL BOTH the provider that provided the tests (to confirm they SENT the faxes) and the surgeon's office, to confirm that they RECEIVED the test results. This also applies to general blood tests, as well as specialty tests, usually ordered by my Internal Medicine doctor (they will send the results to her), and I bring my copy (requested at my Internal Medicine doctor's office), before seeing the specialist. If the Internal Medicine doctor's staff say they will fax it, I always call the Internal Medicine doctor's office to confirm that they faxed it, and the specialist doctor's staff to be sure they received the fax. Of course, to keep all my bases covered, I BRING my copies with me to the specialist. Too many times the fax was failed to be sent, or the equipment at the specialist's office was not working. Also, staff gets busy, and either fail to send the fax or to put the received fax in your medical record. This seems redundant, but sure pays off! Your friend, Monica

Good for you for standing up for yourself. One day they'll realize that our blood is no different than anyone else.

In regards to "full-time pre-op trans", I know they are out there but for one reason or another it feels odd to me, especially the 'full time' part.

Mikah, about the only test that is truly needed ahead of time is the HIV test. I was told to have an EKG and HIV test one month prior to surgery which I did. They confirmed both but on the day of surgery they could not locate the EKG so had it done on the gurney 30 minutes prior to surgery. The day prior to surgery one set of forms could not be located (which I faxed directly to them) so I had to fill it out then. So the important test in my case and most likely for you in the HIV as it takes time to do. When I went to California for GRS I took all and any documents that might be needed just in case but all was fine. In regards to you getting use to female pronouns, I can't see any reasons why you would get anything but female pronouns.

A couple or three months ago, I discovered a new channel in my cable channel line-up, and in doing so, spotted "Starsky and Hutch" in the primetime programming. I hadn't seen it since it went off the air, though I did see the 2004 movie. I've been watching the 1975-79 show since then, enjoying the action, and seeing things I never saw before. What? I watched "S&H" religiously. I even remembered that the show, at least for a while, came on on Wednesdays. So why wasn't I able to sit back and watch the show and think to myself on occasion, "oh yeahhhh... I remember this episode!" It was like I was seeing each episode for the first time night after night. After about two weeks, I started googling stuff about the show - something you couldn't do back in 1975. How can someone who was such a fan, remember only the characters? Oh, and the opening theme song. I also liked that big cannon of a .357 Magnum that Hutch used. And I remember that brown and white cardigan that Starsky wore on occasion. I even had a similar cardigan. I loved that cardigan. However, show after show, I failed to recognize any of the episodes. Every so often, it seemed like a memory was about to be triggered. And eventually, there was a scene in one episode that I thought I remembered. Or maybe I just convinced myself that I remembered because it got to the point that I felt like I had to remember. I should remember. I didn't even remember the touchy-feely-makes-you-wonder-if-they're-gay-lovers-but-they're-always-after-the-girls kinda characters. After a couple more weeks of watching "S&H" reruns, and still not recognizing any of the episodes, I started wondering why. Yes, I liked Hutch's gun - I had a toy gun similar to his when I was a kid. And I liked Starsky's cardigan. Did I mention that I really like that cardigan? And that sweater I had made me sorta feel like Starsky. Then it hit me - I couldn't remember the show itself because of Starsky - I wished I was Detective David Starsky. With that .357 Magnum (instead of Hutch). That's why I can't really remember any of the episodes. When I watched the show each week, I apparently "stepped into the TV," pretending to be Starksy. I was the cop that got into shoot-outs, wild chases in that slick lookin' Torino, always lost out on the pretty girls to my partner. Hutch was annoying like that. Now that I'm older, and have found different ways to be me...I can sit back and watch "S&H" for the first time. But I guess somewhere deep down, I still sorta wish I was Starsky...

While I was sitting at home-.. Enjoying a cup of coffee and having an online conversation with a friend of mine who're also a transgender person. Just chatting about clothes, make-up and everything between heaven and earth, suddenly like a lightning struck my mind is filled with doubt. Am I really a girl deep inside? Am I just having a gender identifying crises? Can I really live with myself if I start my transformation? Or am I just going crazy? Most of the time I feel confident that I was supposed to be a girl, other times the thought makes me sick.. And then I can't help to wonder-.. Am I really a girl? Reason why I don't think I'm a girl: 1. I was born and raised as a boy, and never thought too much about my gender. 2. I lived my teenage years hanging with mostly boys, acting boysih. 3. I am a cold person, and I am not so much in contact with my feelings. ( Or atleast I want to believe that.) 4. I keep getting these huge doubt/guilty feelings once in a while. 5. I have not, and do not act "Girlish". Reason I am a girl: 1. It feels right when the doubt or guilt don't strike me. 2. I've never been interested in most boy stuff, football, cars, sports generaly. 3. I do remember some incidence from my childhood, and teenage years where I asked myself ( Why am I not a girl?) 4. I love girls clothing I feel like a huge weight disappears from my shoulders when I wear girl's clothing 6. I have always felt more comfortable being with girls. 7. I view myself as a girl in my mind, when I think forward, I see myself as a girl. 8. The thought of being a girl makes me happy. 9. I like to believe my mind IS a girls. AND THIS IS WHY I AM CONFUSED. I don't want to be a boy, but I feel sick every time I start to think about taken the next "step", confronting my family.. It all makes it seem to much easier to just-.. Keep being a boy.. Since I lived twenty years as a boy. It'd save me a lot of pressure, confronting.. But it also makes me sad thinking about not pursuing my dream.. I couldn't think of anything else that would make me as happy, as finally living in the big city.. As a girl. But yet I have these thoughts of remorse. And why do I have them, they're stupid, annoying and useless as ****.. But Yet they keep coming up.. I keep wondering if I'm trying to force myself into being a girl, but in reality I'm just a very confused boy? I didn't grow up as a girl, frankly if I ever said I wanted a dress I'm sure my dad would have beated me half dead. I never knew you could become a girl, I had the thought, but I didn't pursue it, and I didn't question my gender. I was born a boy, so I must be a boy? Writing this helped a bit-.. I'm very confused once this feeling of guilt and doubt hits me. Have a great day

Glad to hear it Karen. Full-time as in presenting Female full-time, not yet had GRS, waiting for GRS, probably already with breasts. Monica, your comments seem to be so similar to my experience. Cheers, Eve

Thanks for the tips! I have been emailing with Montreal so I will definitely do so to confirm that they have gotten the results. A hard copy doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Thinking of a next time, my work host the Red Cross twice a year so will do so then and not bring up my former identity.

Dear Karen and Mikah, Could not help but recall that the Red Cross used to refuse the blood of people of color. Should I get struck by a car and am bleeding out in the street, I would not care if the Good Samaritans, EMTs, nurses and doctors gender identity was. A friend of mine told me he would never let a doctor that was a person of color treat him. Couldn't help but ask, "would you feel the same way if it was an emergency, and no other doctor was available?" Feel honesty is about what is true NOW, and you are a woman NOW. My suggestion would be to donate blood elsewhere! Your friend, Monica

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvix8PtHXNw))) Hopefully that doesnt go to the full video screen like it kept doing >.< In regards to a new job, no, not yet. As of right now, I have applied to 19 places and none have taken a bite :/ with time though, I suppose. Otherwise, I do have a few papers I'll post to a blog for you guys later, cant remember if I showed you but I got pretty excited about them With love, Warren

Dear Christie and Eve, There are two groups of women who get "looked at twice," and they are women who are gorgeous (the men and butches are making a fool of themselves rubbernecking!) and those that look "different," due to disability or having an unusual body, such as being a woman of size or having a disfigurement (they have to compensate by having a gracious and forgiving personality). The women that are "in the middle of the road," or seen as, "attractive," (a polite term for not being ugly but also are not beautiful), are the ones that do not draw a second glance. Some women want to be "invisible," and let their talent speak for them, and others like to celebrate their beauty and/or physical uniqueness. Personally, I think transwomen should strive to be the "middle of the road" woman FIRST, as women, in general, feel most comfortable with this kind of woman, and learning directly from cisgender women is most paramount, especially at the beginning. Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, Had ten years experience in the transgender community that ended fifteen years ago, when I seriously dated a transwoman who identified as Lesbian. There were different support groups for transsexuals and cross dressers/transvestites, but another SOCIAL group where both were welcome. As a cisgender Lesbian, I saw this in the Lesbian community, where the professional Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be closeted) and the blue collar Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be out). Personally, I objected, because the professional Lesbians acted like they were "better" than the blue collar Lesbians. It seems that when subcultures grow, they develop "subcultures within subcultures," and this tends to divide the subculture, and the society at large sometimes exploit this. Yours truly, Monica

Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . . "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch). I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements. It is now 2015, and many things have changed." "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments! I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually transgender or transsexual; I am assuming transgender. If they are transgender, do they identify as Lesbian? Many do. I am also disappointed by women who insist on calling transwomen "men." I don't care what chromosomes they had at birth; I care about who they are. Are you still referring to Chaz Bono as 'she'?" "As Lesbians, we fought so hard for acceptance, and it is just inconceivable that we could be so unaccepting of another subculture whose journey is more difficult than many of ours. When I was younger, I was involved for nearly two years with a transgender woman (her physical and legal transition was complete when I met her). Because of this I had the enlightening opportunity to meet many other trans folks of both genders, and the chance to learn about and try to understand their world. I met many wonderful and sincere people, some of whom had suffered terrible abuse as transpersons. It does not matter what gender a person is born; if they do not identify with that gender, then life is a nightmare. I applaud those who have the strength and resources to make a very difficult change. Once they make it, they have every right to be seen as that gender, be it male to female, or female to male! I also happen to think that those in between have the right to be called whatever they feel identifies them." "I feel strongly that it is time to acknowledge that the world has changed considerably since the '70s. Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?" "During my thirties, I pretty much lived in a Lesbian-dominated world, and I loved it. Then things started to change. I found myself with more Straight friends and working mostly with Straight people. Although I did not like the changes at first, I now realize I live in a much larger world. While I miss some things about the old days, I believe that living in this larger world is a good thing, and for my part, I am determined that it will be open to diversity, including transgender women. And I want to give my thumbs up to the readers who had the courage to give supportive comments about transwomen!" - Margaret P. Margaret P. writes a beautiful article about the importance of Lesbians to deal with their fear of losing their identity as they become mainstreamed rather than lashing out at another minority culture. Couldn't agree more!