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Dear Warren, You are in a VERY toxic environment. It seems she sees you as the most vulnerable person in her life, so she dumps on you. Am concerned that, as a man, you are establishing a history of allowing a woman to boss you about. Fear you may become a milque toast, and I have seen such men, not having respect for themselves. Am praying you get the job in security, as I think you would be very good at it. May I ask, does this happen in front of your boyfriend? Does he give you support in this, at least in private? She may be angry because if you identify as a man, she will see her son as a Gaymale. Sounds like she is extremely homophobic. First things first. Do everything you can to get a good job and KEEP IT. Never leave a job until you have another one waiting, as you want to avoid gaps in your resume. Challenge you to write a Pro/Con sheet . . . one for "If I Stay," and another for "If I Leave." Example of a Pro/Con sheet: IF I STAY PRO CON I live here rent free I am abused regularly The location is near my work I don't like her cooking She does my laundry She humiliates me in front of others If the "con" list is twice, three times or four times longer than the "pro" list, then I think your gut is speaking to you loud and clear. About living "rent free." First, you always want to pay rent of some kind for your self-respect (even if "rent-free" is offered to you). Second, YOU ALWAYS PAY RENT, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER, even as being someone's emotional punching bag. In my opinion, your job is to become employed and STAY employed. A job is more than a paycheck . . . it is a source of self-esteem! Warren, you are in my prayers. YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE! Your friend, Monica

Sounds like she is an enabler who is not going to stop no matter what you say. Generally speaking you putting your foot down will do not good at this point. Good luck with your interview tomorrow.

So, I need a little advice. But first I want to apologize if I annoy you guys or have fallen away from my "help others" phase and just been stuck in my "fml" stage. I dont mean to Anyway, this is about my boyfriends mother. We live with her and her family, none of which really support me or go along with my name change or anything because its my way of "attention seeking" apparently. But her constantly calling me Kristy and lately, lady, miss, girl, chick, all of which you can tell she is doing simply to upset me, is really starting to upset me. It's getting worse, and it totally messes with my dysphoria and depression and self harm. Which, apparently, is also for attention. According to her. She's even gone as far as to tell my neighbor while talking to her to NOT call me Warren because it is NOT my name and not to "feed into her need for drama". I guess my question is....this has gone on for about 6 months? Should I just put my foot down and damn the consequences and flat out tell her MY NAME IS NOT KRISTY and tell her I'll ignore what she says unless she calls me ren or warren? Or should I just ignore it...? If she wants to throw me out, I wont be homeless. My neighbor already told me her house is there if it ever came down to it, and I'll always have a place to stay. But I'm just so......SO F***ING sick of being dragged back into my feminine name and past by her. Tonight I went out and heard a bunch of dishes slamming around, so i went and asked whats up and she said "apparently no one can f***ing do anything except me". I'm like ....what? she snapped "no one's let the f***ing dogs out since i left for work" and i told her i let them out when i got up, and she ignored me. Then she went on to say nothing else got done and i told her 'well...i did the dishwasher..." and she gave me an attitude like "that's it?" More than her precious Princess daughter does. I'm just severely frustrated and dont know what to do about this....I dont want to make the wrong move... On another hand, tomorrow I have an interview for a Security Personnel position I REALLY REALLY want so wish me luck. Warren

Ren, first, good luck with the interview tomorrow! On the question about your bf's mother, it sounds like you'be already tried to get her to respect you by using your correct name and gender, so it seems like the entire question is about leaving? Perhaps she is someone who would respond positively to a more assertive demand by you (although she just doesn't sound very nice in general from everything you say). My only suggestion, and you'be probably thought of this, is to make sure you are ready for the worst (getting kicked out). Only you can be sure that you are ready, emotionally and logistically (having a secure place to go). Wish I had more to offer - but obviously I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do! And you should never hesitate to ask questions here, we all have times when we can give more and times when we need support :-) Xoxo Christie

It's her house. She can call the shots. And if she is not going to call you Ren or Warren, and interact with you as she would with any other male, you can put your foot thru the floor and it won't change anything. I agree that it sounds like she is intentionally referring to you as female in every way possible. I agree that in whatever way you plan on confronting her, you should be ready for the worst, which could possibly mean being kicked out. If you're not in a position to take that chance yet, I think I would do everything I could to avoid her whenever possible to limit your exposure to her disrespect. When you do have to be in her presense, and since you have legal documents to back you up, stop responding to her when she calls you by your former name. Pretend you don't even hear her. But again, you have to determine whether you are ready to be kicked out if she would go so far. Good luck with the interview. It would be nice if you could: 1) Get a job that you really would like to have, and 2) A job will help you get your own place. -Michael

Eve, We hear stories that paint a different picture so I am looking to I am motivated to those who are on the edge to see that you can be happy after transitioning. Of course it's not a walk in the park but with the right mindset one can be motivated to push forward no matter what lies in their path rather than being uncontent the rest of their lives. I pushed forward many times to be pushed backwards but was determined to finished what I started and refused to be denied happiness. This is important, there will be setbacks and must look at the end result, happiness to such a degree higher than being stuck in the wrong body not matching the brain.

Oh & thanks for sharing your happiness with us, showing that happiness is possible after transition to others who are still contemplating whether or not to transition has it's own value............. Eve

Hi Karen, I agree with the nail salon advice, I hope one day to find similar in a hair salon, it's a real big ambition of mine! It's really nice when a woman tells you that you've totally passed as female, I can't think of any better compliment really........... Cheers, Eve