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; Went to my best female friends family reunion and was a blast. Although I have known her for close to nine years have never met all the people who were there today, a rough guess of 30 family members and I left early, more were coming. I was seen (note I did not say treated) no different than any other cisgender female at the gathering. During the four hours I was there joined in to several conversations which was great as I much rather chit chat then simply sitting there only knowing her immediate family. In my last entry I touched on having a good support system. This woman has been there for me through both surgeries. Her three children treat me like family and her husband although had issues with me in the beginning has come around to accepting me. I have to say this family truly helped me leap a few hurdles during my journey.

Eve, glad you saw the twin thing, several people at the gathering said the same thing. I was going to mention it but was not sure myself.

You look like twins! So glad that you're "fitting in" so well. Males, on the whole. do seem to be more "anti" than cis females in my experience. However, not exclusively.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STBv6EIFARw) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op_o2KtQH1c) Warren, aka DH (DubstepHeartbeat)

Dear Karen and Eve, Noticed from the beginning the two of you DO look like twins! Last summer went to my first family reunion in decades (a bunch of homophobes) and regretted it. Many said snarky comments to me. As I was going home, I said to myself, "I don't know why, but I feel really lousy right now." It really hurt when, only ten feet away, a relative said, "what is SHE doing here?" Had I had my own transportation, I would have got up and left right then. Actually, I DID get up right then, and walked around the park, looking for a TLGB gathering, but no luck! My TLGB family is my REAL family! Hope you can find that life time love soon, that will accept your best friend, as her husband accepts you. Seems like the west coast is calling . . . Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, Always a pleasure to hear from you, and I certainly love the background! Please allow me to comment on beastiality (and while I am at it, pedophilia). These DO NOT BELONG in ANY sexual orientation. The reason why is that animals and children do not have the capacity to make informed decisions, especially potentially life changing decisions. Adults are supposed to be GOOD STEWARDS of both animals and children, striving for their ultimate good. About depression, I would like to comment. As I understand it, one out of three or four will have battled depression in their lifetime, from mild to severe. Also, there are several kinds of depression, often treated differently. Have had feedback from several friends of mine who stated that anti-depressant medication CAN be addictive, and should be used cautiously. There is a difference between "situational depression" and "organic depression." Situational depression will lift as soon as the stressor that caused it is removed, such as a homeless person obtaining housing, or an abused person being removed from an abusive situation. Organic depression usually has no clear "cause." Be aware that we ALL have blue days, but we should be concerned when it stretches into months. Also, choose your doctor carefully, and be aware of situations where your doctor is chosen for you, especially by hostile family members. Have witnessed the mental health system be used as A WEAPON by hostile families and societies. Warren, I am proud of you for dealing with your depression and other issues forthrightly. Please reassess when your SITUATION improves, as some, if not all, MAY be situational, as you are presently living in a TOXIC SITUATION. Thank you for reaching out to others . . . Grateful for your friendship, Monica

On my last visit to my therapist she casually informed me that I will have her letter of recommendation. I nearly fell out of my chair when she told me. That was amazing news. I could've soared I was so excited. I think She laughed at my reaction. The news came lumped in with confirmation of something I was was seriously concerned about. My Doctor helped to confirm I'm insulin resistant. That condition, for those who are unfamiliar, is very close to having diabetes without having diabetes. I am no longer allowed to not care about what I consume. That coupled with my high blood pressure just backs up my newest of life choices: working out. Before Starting my transition, and being honest with myself, I would've cowered in the corner and cried, making no attempt to fix it. Being Insulin Resistant is actually a good thing, in that it is My body giving me physical signs that something is wrong and I need to change it. Being insulin Resistant is not permanent. it manifests itself as patches of very dark skin... very large patches. not a freckle or a mole. and it's not a consistent skin texture either. Supposedly with better diet and exercise the skin symptoms will go away. If they don't I wouldn't be horribly upset . The bad skin will serve as a reminder to do better by myself. The truth is my body image is not Ideal to me. While I realize I shouldn't be so hard on my self, I also realize that my current body image is a result of severe depression and a terrible attitude towards life.. I'm not longer depressed and I can fix this. There's nothing holding me back but me, and there's no reason for me to be 5' 8" and weigh 240 lbs..I finished feeling sorry for myself 5 months ago, How strange it was to convert my anger to positivity. I would not know how to accurately recount what thoughts made me do so. My Anger is now a wall that prevents crap from filtering into my brain and making me anything less than my best. My best is getting out and walking instead of staring at myself in the mirror and wondering what went wrong. I walked two miles today, and while that may not seem like much it's a lot for a guy who gets winded walking up the 15 steps to his front door. (Yes there are 15. Yes I have counted them.) What have I gained in my last week? A sense of serenity. My walk takes me about a half hour and it gives me that mush time to myself. I have time to organize my thoughts while listening to my favorite music. It's time without the distractions of work or family or video games or any of the other things that keep me from staying focused. This new attitude combined with the knowledge that I will be more like myself by next year than I have been in 25 years fills me with so much joy. Sheer Joy. Joy that is unrivaled by anything I have ever felt in my life. This is my third month in a row being Happy, and genuinely content. To those who are transitioning and the road is hard, remember that the journey may not be easy, but you are making it. To take the first step in this journey, for some is an impossible feat. Know that in the completion of that first step you are brave. Know that when you find yourself, no one can truly take that from you. And to the rest of you reading this, know that the choice to transition is a serious step. A step that can't be made lightly. Know that not doing so does not make you cowardly or weak. I speak only for myself when I speak of the changes transitioning has made in my life. Thank you for reading, Benjamin C. This is me Last week.

Five weeks to go until I meet the endocrinologist. I look at the calendar once a day. I started journaling a month ago to help with my anxiety. It helps but I always want to share it with others, as if my life is just that damn interesting. Three weeks ago I began seeing a therapist. I knew that I was supposed to see one for transitioning stuff, but I feel like I’m just rambling for fifty five minutes. Beth assures me that is what I’m supposed to be doing. This last Friday, Friday Jun 26th, 2015. Bans on Gay marriage were deemed unconstitutional in the United States. It fills me with relief to know that when I find someone I can marry them, no matter what gender they are. I have a physician now as well. Her name is Stacy. She’s very nice and very compassionate. I feel like I have doctors I can trust and that luxury is not lost on me. Stacy made the referral for the endocrinologist. I have to go to Yale New Haven Hospital. They have a Transgender Clinic. I started working out. My attitude has changed. I’m no longer easily discourage or enraged. I bought a new phone. I’m in love with it. I’m excited for my next year of college. I’m beginning to plan my move in February. I know what I want, and that’s half the battle. Now to just start saving. I began writing up scripts for the Trans-a-Saurus Rex. I think that’s going to be my summer project. 52 of them on for each week. I know that other people don’t understand me, instead of being hurt or angered by it, I’m just disappointed. I’m not half a girl, I’m not technically female. I’m Male everywhere it counts, Or so I’m told. I think I’ll write one comic for every incident in the 2014-2015 year. That should be like 60-ish. Time to make art. I’m happy. I didn’t know that I could ever feel this way. Hope changes a Man.

Ben, Lots of excellent points here. To focus quickly on the point about media representation, I recall the early years when I had come out as gay (mistakenly as it turns out!), and finding even the LGBT rights movement trying to focus people on "mainstream" or "normal" lesbian and gay people. Can't say LGBT for that part since they definitely did not want attention focused on the BT part! Long before I realized I was trans I was really pissed about that - it was trans people who rioted at the Stonewall back in '69 after all. Your talk about setting standards made me think of a Barney Frank quote (bear with me, I will connect this!) - back in 1993 when people were arguing over whether LGBT people were 1% or 10% of the population I saw him in a debate - and quite brilliantly he didn't engage in the battle of the numbers, he just said "how many of us do there have to be to be entitled to civil rights?" The connection that I would add here is this - how perfect do we all have to be to be entitled to civil rights? The answer of course should be "NOT AT F***ING ALL!" - many, many imperfect cis-people get rights after all. xoxo Christie