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I had weird dreams recently, but a theme from one of them has stuck in my head. It seems to me to be appropriate for most, it's "I will use my individual freedoms to my desired extent, without impinging on the freedoms of others", I think that this used to be called "good manners", but it's much more than just saying please and thank-you, and have a nice day too. It's more about how can I do what I want, and aid others too where I can. How much smoother the world would be if everyone adopted these thoughts. Imagine you're on a busy motorway, would it not be easier to pull over to the nearside lane to allow others to pass at a greater speed, would it also be better if those travelling at a higher speed asked themselves if it was safe to travel faster in a given scenario, or how they might achieve a faster speed whilst not endangering others? I guess a more appropriate example here would be something like, how can I help others with what I have gone through, whilst recording my experience for my own sake, and at the same time doing what I want to do ( Transitioning, cross dressing, androgenuity? is that a word lol), or how do I transition and help others to understand me, or help them to adjust to me? I wonder if the Foriegn Departments of Governments have such thoughts before acting, or if they just think it's good for our country, don't worry about others? Cheers, Eve

Monica, I took the following 100 question test and got ClassicFemme http://www.lesbiatopia.com/2007/11/are-you-butch-femme-or-lost-in-middle.html

Karen, In every picture of you as a man, you pass as a mid-butch Lesbian, and as a woman, you pass as a mid-fem Lesbian! Of course, MANY Straight women have the same degree of femininity as you. In other words, I would not have even thought you were a man in ANY of your pictures, as a man, and, DEFINITELY as a woman! Monica

Hi everyone, So, I watched "I am Cait" last night, I think I honestly went in fairly objectively. I was concerned about another Kardashian-like reality show, but encouraged by Caitlyn's comments at the Espy Awards. Overall I was happy with the show. It's only the first episode of course, but I very much appreciated her comments in support of those trans* people who are less fortunate than her, and in her reaching out to the family who lost their son to suicide. Highlighting these issues, while telling her own transition story, could/should be very helpful to the trans* community in general - I hope (the only time I got nervous was when Kanye showed up - be he didn't do anything stupid fortunately). She had me tearing up early on with some of her opening comments, and then full-on crying at the end talking about the suicide problem (I feel it coming on again thinking about it). One thing I thought during the show was that I hope some of my family members watch this. xoxo Christie (P.S., on the personal front - 10 days until my endocrinologist appointment and hopefully HRT prescription! I got excited yesterday when I realized the appointment is next Thursday rather than next Friday as I had been thinking - 1 less day to wait than I thought!!!)

I really hope that you have a good appointment with your "endo". I hope that Caitlins show will be broadcast over here or available on Netflix soon.................we have had another couple of tv journals about Kellie Maloney in the interim. Cheers, Eve

Eve, I also recently contacted my brother to let him know (admittedly via email). I don't anticipate his reaction being very supportive, but with him and my sister I'm not that concerned, we haven't been close in a number of years. And yes, "rest room" means "toilets" :-) And you're correct, women here don't tend to do that (I guess I can't speak on that with authority just yet, but it seems unlikely). Christie

Christie, Thanks for your comment. I have two brothers, one accepts me for who I am, the other and his wife don't accept me I have spoken to him only twice in the last 3 years and not at all to his wife. But I can't say that this really bothers me much, I'm doing my thing and they're doing theirs, it doesn't impact on me, and as far as I can tell doesn't impact on them. Making demands / Adjusting their actions; do they not see that they are persuing their own interests / demands to the detriment of others? How does a M to F trans person affect them detrimentally by your using the female rest room? (I presume this term means toilets?) I'm not sure about the US version of toilets, but I strongly suspect that they are no different than in the UK, (Newark airport are the same as here anyway) women do not parade around outside the cubicles with their knickers down, possibly due to anatomical differences causing urinals to be absent from female toilets! Cheers, Eve

Eve, On your question about transitioning and helping others understand there are of course multiple variations. When it's family and friends I think one of the more important things is giving them time, but without hindering your own transition in the process. For me that's mainly about my sister, who responded the most negatively (actually she's been the only direct negative reaction I've had). But I know it took me time to get used to it, so i give her time. The more troubling angle is the far-too-many people who I read in the comments section of most of the transgender rights op-ed pieces I've been reading in the NY Times recently. To so many of them I just think "haters gotta hate." I had gotten into the bad habit of responding (usually angrily) to some of them, but I've learned instead to simply add my own comment and try to reasonably address what I see. Just today I commented that several people suggested that we (trans* people) were making "demands" and forcing them to "adjust their actions" (this was all in an op-ed piece about rest rooms). I simply asked in response "what demands exactly?" In doing this I'm not trying to change the minds of the "haters," but rather hope to reach those in between, who aren't yet allies but aren't as narrow-minded about the subject. Perhaps they'll then notice that the only "demand" we're making is to be able to use the appropriate rest room in peace (what nerve we have!!!) I agree with your thoughts - it would be nice for people to realize that their individual interests are also (often) served by contributing to the general interests. xoxo Christie

Monica, but it's not just good manners, more than that it's courtesy too, Embassies are only extensions of foreign governments and relay their own countries foreign policies to host nations. What is much more important is the Forieign Departments of Governments that create policies that might not be helpful to others....................

Eve, I consider good manners a "social lubricant," that helps others get along. Some cultures encourage good manners more than others. Sure do hope foreign embassies educate and encourage their employees in this, along with the specifics of what foreign cultures consider "good manners"!

Karen, Monica, sorry to disagree with you both. You look so much younger as a female than in your male photo ! I do however presume that you have not had tatoo removal, and that you are in fact the guy looking straight ahead at the camera? Your face has changed so much...............and in my opion for the better too! By the way, curiosity got the better of me and I followed the link and came out as true androgyne, however I'd suggest that the test might be ok for cis lesbians, but it can't really take into account past male experiences such as mechanical engineering and the ability to do things for yourself, I can fix most things mechanical or electrical, I used to do it for a living in my 20's and 30's. I'd have thought that my persona is more femme than recorded. Anyway I'd have described myself as pragmatic first and foremost.....................

A highly informative blog, good to be informed of your thoughts and feelings as you felt them (telling it as it is!), please post more.

Karen, I just took the quiz and I came up Androgyne. It described me to a 'T'. Still feel I am a "mid-butch," which they may call "Classic Butch," although that wasn't one of their choices. Presently, I dress more feminine and have a more feminine haircut in order to get along with my family and the community. Have been described by friends as butch on the outside and fem on the inside! In my opinion, I was raised in a traditional family, and I think my friends misunderstand my "old fashioned" behavior. Think "Classic Fem" is also known as "mid-fem." My beloved was a mid-fem. Highly recommend everyone who identifies as a Lesbian to take the quiz, because it does give you a lot of self-insight!

Eve, I have always looked younger than my earthly age yet from transitioning everything has gotten much softer This is from 2002 teaching defensive tactics Then there is today (sorry to lazy to get dressed)

I just took the quiz and got "strong femme" (33-40, so it was just outside of androgynous).

Tara, Thank you so much for sharing - it was incredibly interesting! Especially as I'm moving towards HRT shortly (in the next few weeks) and am starting to think seriously about GRS. Reading about personal experiences is so incredibly helpful (recognizing that everyone's experience is a little different). xoxo Christie

Eve and Karen, Karen, you looked about 35 both as a man and as a woman. Has been my experience that if a handsome man transitions into a woman, she tends to be pretty or beautiful. The reverse is also true; when a beautiful or pretty woman transitions into a man, he tends to be handsome. Monica

Looking your age. You know, it seems to me, that Transitioning does make you look younger than your real age, peope have also told me similar as you have said Karen, and when my close friends show me pictures of their former male selves they always look a lot older than their present feminine selves, even myself who as a rather sceptical "it'll never happen" person have to admit when looking at old photo's of me I am shocked at how much older I looked at that time. A strange phenomena indeed............... Or did you always look young? Glad someones having a summer anyway, it seems to be Autumn here already! Cheers, Eve

Monica, I never had any issues personally with making friends in Portland yet don't know if this is the norm per-say. I will say overall people are friendly here unlike other cities I have been too or live in. I never met anyone at the LGBT center that was not friendly. I sure hope that someday I will be in a monogamous relationship, will have to wait and see how the cards play out.

Dear Karen, When I look at your pictures, you look 35. Love the drawing of the lady with the butterflies. It looks like a black pencil drawing with colored pencil drawing of the butterflies! You seem to make friends right and left in Portland. Is that standard for Portland. The people seem so friendly. When I spoke to people on the phone at Portland's LGBT Center, they all seemed so friendly. You are very lucky that you are self-lubricating, as some doctors warn their pre-op patients that they may not be self-lubricating. As a cisgender woman, I was self-lubricating with no trouble until a few years after my radical hysterectomy, after which my vagina became thin, dry, atrophied and definitely NOT self-lubricating! My hope is that you soon find a compatible, committed, loving, monogamous life long partner that has a strong drive to share this with you! Your friend, Monica

Hi Tara, Welcome to TGGuide. I enjoyed reading your blog, I liked your style and openness. Congratulations on your transition! I suppose it feels like it's all downhill from here? I hope so and hope you're doing well. For me, I'm less likely to go to a blog outside of TGG. Call me lazy but I tend to read what I see here and comment if I'm compelled. No matter, you're welcome to join and add your voice. Please do! Hugs, Emma

Yes that would indeed do so.

My stars! Thank you for letting me know. Now it's public, and I have an explanation for the abysmally low traffic to the blog :-p

Hello, seems that your blog is setup for invitation only.