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So I realized last night that I hadnt really updated you guys lately. I dont blog NEARLY as much as I used to, but hopefully I can bring it back up at some point So, so far I am LOVING my new job. The people here are SUPER supportive and understanding, and are well aware of me being transgender. They're totally cool with it, and even said that when it comes time for my surgery, as long as I give them a heads up before hand (which I totally would anyway) I can take the 2 weeks off to heal. My boss has been really cool about it and I love coming to work As for my youtube, I am still attempting to keep up with it lol I have my new one (probably the shortest vid I've ever done!) and another one coming up at some point in the week. My upload times are scattered now with my new job, since I usually dont get home until around 4am on tuesday so getting up early on wednesday to film and upload is near impossible. I'm so tired! Either way, I'm doing what I can with what I have. Unfortunately my camera on my computer is nearly impossible to use as it freezes and the framerate lags like no other, so I'm reduced to using my ipod to film. Which can be a pain sometimes and looks sooooo unprofessional but....whatever. Use what I got. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3Da5exjrQ8] In reference to the top surgery, I DID find a surgeon! The hospital I were originally supposed to go with continues to be stubborn in saying "one year of HRT" is their "policy" and they refuse to deviate from it. So I told them I'd take my business elsewhere. I found another guy who does the top surgeries, and have talked to two people who have also gone to him and said he was great. Only bad review I found about him was about a girl getting lip injections and she sounded whiny and demanding so I didnt take it to heart. He does not require HRT or a year's worth of Gender Therapy (which is great because I called to set up an appointment with one of the gender therapist. The list goes on until next year!!!). Originally my appointment were supposed to be for August 18th but they had to reschedule for September 1st because the surgery consultant is on vacation.Which is longer to wait but I'll just have to deal with it. So far it's looking like the insurance WILL cover the surgery since I am in pain and discomfort which disrupts my daily life, but until I see the surgeon and get all the info, I cannot be sure. Fingers crossed that they'll cover it!! The back pain has been horrible lately I'm now at a 44DDD and my binders hurt to wear, on top of the fact that they dont really seem to do much to hide my "issues" anymore....It's super depressing. While working bar I do get the occassional "mister" or "buddy" or "guy" and "he". But I still get the she, her, miss, etc....There's not much I can do about it. I did mention to my boss out of a joke that it's a pain because sometimes you just cannot correct them without seeming rude, and she patted me on the back and said to give it time. I'm just a super impatient person. Being back on my Zoloft has helped a little bit, but I'm thinking of increasing the dosage (Yes, my doc said I could. She said to finish this week on 25mg then go to my 50mg that I have stashed away from a previous dose). So we'll see how that goes. I have resisted self harm for about a month now, and although I've had nights when I certainly were ready to break that stride, I have so far stayed away from it. I'm hoping to keep staying cut-free, and keeping myself busy at work seems to help. It's nice because a lot of my job, I'm either super busy or on my own out in the woods, which helps. Seclusion sometimes helps the anxiety. Anyways, stay awesome! Warren

To all of you, thank-you for your kind words, I have always thought of you as kindred spirits and friends, I also never ever had any misgivings about nationalities, and will miss you all, I will look in every now again, if any of you want to stay in touch please feel free to send me a message. With a lump in my throat, so long, Eve

Monica, Thanks! I love that necklace (which has mysteriously disappeared, still looking for it) It was given to me by the medicine man in my family's tribe when I got my indian name Love my native heritage! lol About the surgeon yeah I have gotten several opinions on both him and other surgeons, and unfortunately my options are severely limited. There's no way for me to go out of state, let alone out of country, to get it done anywhere else. There is just no way of doing that. The prices he's given so far are reasonable and he DOES have pics on his website about transgender top surgeries and they look great. I've talked to a few of his past patients and they had nothing but good things to say. Even so, this is only the consultation. To get more info. I'm not jumping into surgery just yet, I'm just gathering the info. He said he couldnt give me a 100% sure quote unless he actually sees me and what he'll be doing which seemed reasonable. There are only 4 surgeons in my state who will do the top surgery, and he is the only one that isnt at the hospital that requires me to have therapy and HRT for a year+. So hopefully I'll get this figured out soon. At this point I dont even give a **** about scarring, crooked incisions, etc. I just want them gone, they hurt so bad and my breathing is getting worse Warren

Sounds like things are looking up for you Warren. Best to take time to consider all options so that you are fully aware of how the final result will be as I have seen a few that were less than acceptable.

Dear Warren, Am very large chested myself (40 J cup, yep, that's right, 40 J cup!) and only my conservative view of surgery stops me from getting them removed (not because I am transsexual), but because they are so irritating! My suggestion you look at other surgeons (on the Internet) was for your own edification, not to meet them. Just to look at the pictures on their websites and see how top surgery can vary. By the way, out of curiosity, I DID look at various surgeons' top surgery pictures, and find little variation, in all due respect to surgeons' skill. This is VERY IMPORTANT as you will live with it for LIFE. Realize you are frustrated, but this is one step in your becoming a man (remember, you are ALREADY a man, just in the wrong body!) Please keep us posted. Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve., Thanks to you, I have learned the commonalities and differences between the U.S. and Great Britain and Europe, in general and when it comes to TLGB issues. If it is any comfort to you, lately I have seen few or none comments to my blog posts, as well as that of others, both U.S.-based and from overseas. The moderators here are working hard to make TGGuide a kinder, gentler and more supportive website. Please check back occasionally to see if we make progress, hopefully we will make it worthwhile for you to return. Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, Am so happy for you about your new job! Also love your Indian necklace! Please remember this is SURGERY, and I beg you to get THREE opinions before proceeding, even if your mind is made up, and you probably will have to go out of town for the third opinion. The second and third opinion will give you an idea of how good the surgeon you choose will be. Hopefully, your surgeon has before and after pictures, preferably on their website. If I were you, I would visit the websites of other surgeons from all over the U.S., and even the world, even though you have no intention of visiting them, to give you an idea of WHAT a surgeon can do, and to give you a baseline of excellence from which to judge the surgeons in your locality. Know you have a good head on your shoulders, and that you will choose well. Your friend, Monica

Hey Eve. Will be sad to see you go. Pop by often to say hello though Love Charl <3

I've made the decision to stop blogging on this site, there are two reasons for this the first is I have run out of things to say that have any real trans relevance, because living life as a trans woman has become so normal after my transition 8 months ago and taking oestrogen for over two and a half years. The second reason is, I suspect that many UK trans issues are different from within the US where most of the site membership seems to belong to. This is evidenced by the lack of comments and likes from some quarters to my comments and blog entries, this lends a rather parochial appearance in my eyes. To those of you who who do not fit that description, I am sorry to be leaving, and I'll miss you. Eve

Warren, That's so great to hear about your job! Having a supportive work environment is so incredibly helpful (my own has been, some people here seem almost excited about it). It seems strange that top surgery would have an HRT requirement, after all there are certainly women who get it done who aren't transgender. And it seems like even if you weren't transgender it would be something you'd want. And that was a great video - and once again well-timed, at least for me (I recall your video explaining pansexual vs. bisexual happened right after I had been thinking about the subject, mere hours earlier). I filed my name change papers in New Jersey this week - I'm changing to Christie Anne (Christie was my birth middle name, Anne just sounded good - and it's Debbie Gibson's middle name, without the "e"). The filing fee in NJ is $250, and you also have to publish in a statewide newspaper both the court date (in case anyone wants to object) and when it's finalized, which I've been told typically takes about 4 months, so I should have it done around November (which works out nicely, by then I should be on HRT for a couple of months). In case anyone else reading is in NJ, here's a link to the name change paperwork - https://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/10551_namechg_adult.pdf xoxo Christie

Eve, Im also sorry to hear you're leaving but I fully understand. I've also been much less active lately. For me, I never felt any difference about you being in the UK, nor for that matter, anything other than another sweet regular member and contributor. I know what you mean, though, that it's nice to receive feedback and exchange with others. I also wish you the very best. But also know that you're always welcome back, anytime, for as much or as little as you wish. Warm hugs, Emma

I am sure UK are somewhat different then the US counter-parts and can see this point. I wish you have a very happy life and take care,

Eve, I'm sorry to see you go! I've enjoyed reading your entries, though I know I don't always comment (I'm rather hot and cold about that in general, I often feel like I'm so early in my own transition that I wouldn't have anything useful to add). I wish you the best! xoxo Christie