Leaderboard

I want to share what happened to me during the afternoon of July 18th, 2015. Having moved back into my house at the beginning of the month, not only was my adventure in transition starting but also a great adventure in cleaning (sigh!). My ex was a clothes hoarder which means that even after having "moved", she had left me a bunch of scattered piles of clothes in every room throughout the house as well as in all my closets...what an adventure! With the help of my 17 year old step daughter Isabelle who chose to stay with me, I started this exhaustive task. The closet in my entrance was the first one to tackle but before doing that, I had to free up some room in my storage containers which were filled with my ex's old society games. Since she had left me a huge pile of unused cardboard boxes right in the living room, I had all I needed to take care of business so I packed up all her things which were NOT clothes and managed to fill over 20 boxes! When this was done, a few days later, then I would start on the clothes... Remember by this time she HAD moved lol! Over the next couple of weeks, I packed up boxes with her clothes which of course were all dusty from having sat there litereally for years in some cases. I did this off and on, after work and every day off until finally on the 18th, I decided to take a break, go for a meal at my favorite shopping centre in Ottawa then go to the movies...I wanted to go see the new documentary about Amy Winehouse. I never made it... That whole day I felt off..a bit like I had felt back in 2003 the day I had a heart attack but I knew it wasn't my heart as all my vitals, which I check regularly were in check. I went to the Rideau Centre, ordered a "poutine" at the New York Fries, sat at a counter where they have plugs to charge cell phones and started eating while watching something on YouTube. The sweating started, then the nausea, then I remember feeling very comfortable and sleeping not realizing I had actually passed out and fell off my stool. I woke up to a bunch of people staring at me and asking me if I'm ok! The security guard helped me sit up in a chair and told me the paramedics were on their way... Of course being in early transition, only a couple of people know about my dysphoria and transition. Isabelle was close downtown Ottawa with a friend who also knows about me and my sister was at work. I haven't told my parents yet as I'm waiting for my mom to get biopsy results and will only tell her once her emotional distress has diminished somewhat but the issue now was I was going to be sent to the hospital where I knew my parents would come and see me. Wouldn't be to bad if I wasn't wearing light green nail polish and panties. I wasn't worried about the panties but the nail polish would be a little tricky to explain for sure. When the ambulance came, they checked my vitals and told me everything seemed fined but wanted to take me to the closest hospital just to be on the safe side which I was not opposed to. During the ride, I outed myself to the ambulance attendant and he was very nice about the whole thing and found it remarkable that I was not shy talking about it. He asked a lot of questions and I answered... We got to the hospital and by that time, I had called my sister who then called my parents and after laying down in the emergency area hallway for a couple of hours, my parents showed up. I told them the nail polish was Isabelle's doing and said I didn't mind having color on my nails...they just gave me a funny look and dismissed it... I ended up waiting for another 4 hours before even going through triage and by that time, I had figured out that what I had was a simple panic attack, well a big one, probably the biggest one I ever had and through therapy found the whole house cleaning was what led up to it. I told my colleagues at work and they recommended I take a couple of days off the following week which I did. I then followed my therapist's advice and proceeded to purchase contractor style garbage bags and use the "shovel" method to finish my cleanup! Now all her things are in my garage and waiting for her to come pick them up. If she hasn't done so before the end of this month, I will give everything to charity! I have just finished cleaning my top floor, washed the walls and I'm almost done the main floor. I will be on holidays from my job next week and for the first time in years, plan to actually enjoy myself! The day I am looking forward to the most is August 12th...I will meet my new doctor who will send my for my blood tests and a visit to the endocrinologist at last! I just hope the hormones will help the dysphoria and anxiety... Roxanne

Roxanne, That sounds frightening! I hope everything is ok now. xoxo Christie

Hello all, This past weekend I spent a lot of time out at the National Tennis Center in Queens, NY (where the US Open is played). The LGBT tennis group I belong to was hosting the Atlantic Cup (which is a team competition between our group and groups from Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC). Although a shoulder injury keeps me from playing right now I went out to help and to stay in contact with the group (I've been a member for about 4 years, there are so many wonderful people there!). I experienced 2, and then a 3rd group of people with respect to my "new" identity. Most of the members of my group already knew about my transition, so those people were just seeing me for the first time as Christie. Then there were the players from the other cities who never knew me at all, so those people were meeting me as Christie - I especially enjoyed that. Then there was the group (of 2 people) I hadn't thought about - a couple of members of our group who didn't know. When one of them arrived he addressed me as [insert birth name here], and I realized that I needed to correct that. It was fairly simple, I just hadn't thought about it happening (especially as this was on Sunday, so I had already been around there for a day +). Everyone in the tennis group has been really great about it - as were all of the people from the other cities (and I know I'm not fully "passable," so many of them must have figured out that I was trans without being told). As far as my transition, well I have my endocrinologist appointment later this week, so I'm quite excited about that :-) I'm holding off on any decision or action about a wig. I need to let electrolysis move along a little further, and give hormones a chance to start making physical changes. In the meantime I'll continue working with my natural hair to see what I can do with it. I will occasionally wear the wig out socially, I just won't "pull the trigger" on wearing it to work just yet. I did reach out to one surgeon via email - I explained that it was very early but that I wanted to get some basic information, especially about timing, so that if and when the time comes that I decide I'm ready for surgery I'll have an idea of what to do. The one I contacted was the only one in NYC listed as doing all FTM surgeries. Well, it turns out his maximum price for SRS is $60,000. That, together with the fact that he only does that surgery in Los Angeles, pretty much makes him a non-starter for me. On Thursday I'm planning to ask the endocrinologist if he has an recommendations. xoxo Christie

Monica, His NY office is indeed Manhattan - Park Avenue in fact. And the LA office is Beverly Hills. So I suppose I should have expected that he wouldn't be within my budget :-) I only started with him because he's the only doctor I could find listed in NYC as doing GRS. Fortunately there are also a few in Pennsylvania and that would be fairly convenient as well. Chrisite

Dear Christie and Karen, The fact the surgeon has offices in NYC (I am assuming Manhattan) and LA, says it all! Monica

That's correct - it was "maximum" of course, but I doubt the minimum is low enough either

Did I read that right, a possibility of $60,000 cost for SRS for MTF which is a lot of money, double and then some for what I paid.

Episode 2 was on last night, and since I wrote last week after watching the first episode (which I was generally happy with) I thought I'd continue. This week was quite interesting because she got together with a number of transwoman (sad that there were no transmen), all of whom had far more obstacles in the way of their transition than Caitlyn did. While I liked that fact, I was still disappointed in the overall lack of diversity in the group. In addition to the fact that there were no transmen, all of these women, while they had difficulties (to say the least) in transitioning, all have now successfully transitioned, and all of them appear very female ("passing" if you will). I don't think there was one of them who, if I saw them on the street, I would think was a transwoman. I thought about that compared to the group I went to at the Lesbian/Gay Center here in the New York, which had far greater diversity (disclaimer - that group is also all transwomen, but only because transmen and transwomen have their own separate meetings). The main diversity in this group is the extent to which people have transitioned. In some cases (like me), it's a matter of time, in other cases people have gone as far as they want, or as far as they can, and in most cases would be "read" fairly easily on the street. I don't say that in any way critically of anyone! But obviously the experiences of the people in this group are far more diverse, particulary in the present context. It does look hopeful for next week though, when I think she is meeting with a transgender group in San Francisco who are less fortunate (and I think includes at least one transman). More troubling were her comments about social welfare. It can be easy to forget that she is Republican, and obviously holds some of the pro-wealthy positions of the Republican Party. Talking about not wanting people to start becoming dependent on the government! That's on the oldest and most sickening lies of the Republican Party (think about Ronald Reagan's "welfar queen" crap).

Yeah, we can be a fractious lot!, but that's not just us, it's people at large! Eve