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So today was my first endo Appointment. It did not go as I'd hoped, but not for the reasons i thought. I knew that I would not start testosterone today. Let me be clear about that, right away. I was however hoping that I would find out when I get to start. I got lost on my way to the clinic because Yale New Haven Hospital is a Zoo! New Haven is a terrible smattering of crazy drivers and one way streets. Think of it like as tiny New York filled with even more assholes. I was late even though I set out to be 20 minutes earl I was twenty minutes late. Got charged 6 bucks for parking at the hospital. Maybe I'm just a country bumpkin, but Charge me as I'm trying to get medical treatment, WTF? By ten minutes in it was clear that I wouldn't be starting soon, there was discussion of who diagnosed me with gender identity disorder? Was I not being clear enough? How hard do i have to hate myself before people help with the problems I actually have. I'm sick of doctors appointments and of doctors. As she explained what my body would do on T, i got the slight inclination that she was nervous. I'm not blindly jumping into this, it's not that I'm claiming I knew everything she told me but i did know I'm not gonna be a supermodel. I have no misconceptions that I may end up looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame and that T may make my insulin resistance worse... I don't give a damn. Also if one more person informs me that I'm overweight I'm going to lose my shit! (Is there some secret to weight loss that will help me lose 60 lbs in a week or month?) I have been patient I waited three months just to speak to her! Just not a good day at all. I'm so disappointed. Also i have the final draft of my spoken word poem I will post it soon.

Unfortunately disappointment in transitioning is part of the journey, no beating around the proverbial bush, I had so many but rather than stay mad at the world I got over it and made me stronger rather than weaker and be in despair. One must push through this, learn from it and move on. In regards to over weight, you know, not everyone can be in their perfect weight range and those whom are telling you this need to realize this and be respective to you in that you might be one that is hard to lose weight while you need to make an effort and prove to them you are making an effort. I so hope that you will move forward no matter the obstacles put in your path.

Not much to update until my consultation aside from someone accusing me of having HIV for being trans and refusing to allow me to serve them a drink because they "werent sure of transgenderism is contagious as it seems to be spreading like HIV and filth". Yay me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK_jvDoBll0 my new video Warren Also, going to dye my hair. Not sure what color. Past colors in below photos: Open to suggestions

Dear Ben, Please consider testosterone as serious as surgery. Set up a SECOND and THIRD opinion NOW, so, even though you have to wait a long time, the second and third opinion will likely be close together. Am very sorry about your doctor's reluctance, but she may have had second thoughts due to fear of liability. Don't ask HER for referrals for the second and third opinion but a doctor that you TRUST. Your friend, Monica

Last Wednesday was a good day. In the province of Quebec, even though medical services are covered by our provincial insurance, it is practically impossible to get a family doctor to follow us for any issue, problem or in my case, transition. I have to thank my psychologist... about three months ago when she wrote my letter recommending HRT and eventual GRS, she sent a copy of these to a doctor whom she knew specialized in treating LGBT folks. Well it didn't even take two days and to my surprise, the doctor's receptionist called me and scheduled an appointment for the August 12th and informed me the doctor would be taking me on as a new patient...I was floating with happiness!! So I went to my appointment last week and he proceeded to give me a full physical then proceeded to go over the letter from my psychologist with me. He immediately followed up by sending me for blood work and renewed prescriptions I was previously taking, then again immediately sent a fax to an Endocrinologist in Montreal for HRT recommending he start me on it asap. Two hours later I received a call from Montreal letting me know my appointment is set up for October 21st. It's a little while away but ok since I'm learning we cannot be in a rush during this amazing journey called transition. I have to say just knowing I'm finally going to start HRT has helped tremendously with my anxiety. I'm not shy to dress in public, mind you only casually as I haven't dared to publicly wear skirts or dresses yet but will go out wearing makeup and feminine tops. So before going to the movies with my step daughter Isabelle last Saturday, we stopped at Winners and I ended up trying on 32 different feminine articles of clothing and ended up buying some tops, a nice black dress, maxi skirt, leggings, joggers, sleepwear and a few other things... So now I'm wearing only female clothing when not working while at home and will start going out en femme more and more. I'm shy about wearing the skirts and dresses before HRT effects kick in but will eventually work up the courage to do it... I just wish I had more butt and boobs lol. Thanks for reading! Roxanne xoxo

Dear Warren, In my opinion, I feel a dark brown/black makes you look more masculine. Yours truly, Monica