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For about 12 months I've been dealing with a problem tooth where the dentist recommended a bridge at the cost of $4,000. I was able to deal with the pain for all this time and the motivation was using that money for all my surgeries. Last month my secondary dentist said that I would suggest just having it extracted and I ask if the one behind it could be removed, no issues but felt right. So yesterday I had them removed. They spent about one hour with all sorts of preparations and about ten minutes to pull them and stitch them up. It's been about just under 24 hours and there is only minor pain with (as always) limited usage of pain meds. The hardest part is not being able to eat very many solid foods until Monday. Interesting thing, I went to a all night restaurant for breakfast, got a Denver omelet where I told the cook ahead of time my condition and the waitress stepped in and gave suggestions to the cook. The waitress is currently in dental school and is very well educated as we chatted while waiting for my meal. One of the tech's working at the dental office said if she was in my shoes she would of had both teeth removed. Oh, they did ask if I had any major surgery in the past 12 months, I only told them about my breast implants as I could tell they had no clue I was once a male and wanted to keep it that way. That is my new thing recently, if someone doesn't ask if I was male before I don't offer to tell them. Over the past year I have not been mis-gendered to my knowledge. I love the one incident at Macy's (or was it JC Penny's) where I was paying for a purchase, gave them my credit card, sale's lady stares at it for a few seconds and says "why would a mother name her daugher Kevin?" She then stares at me and said, no, this is your husbands card right? I rolled me eye's and said, I could not figure out my mother. We both laughed and I was on my way.

Well, seeing as there are only two types of men, those who masturbate and those who lie, I have to admit to having been an honest man, when I was such a being! Now seeing that in my case m to f transistion wasn't instantaneous (who's is?) my former honest habits stayed with me for quite a while! But my orgasms got less and less fluid as transition progressed, this during the period when I was solely taking oestrogen. As soon as Decapeptyl injections started they soon became dryer and dryer within a few weeks they were totally dry and have been ever since. Yes I needed some sort of stimulation otherwise I wasn't at all interested. However, I do have an overwhelming desire to find out if chocolate is indeed better than sex, as so many females have often claimed................! or are they being dishonest? LoL Eve oxo...........

It's interesting, I was thinking before that I should try to see if I can climax - the interest has been so non-existent I haven't even tried, but I do want to see if the functioning is there or not.

I think it's wise to track changes. For me I never noticed small changes as I was (and didn't realize it) pretty much female hormonally even before hormones. My first test for HRT indicated I was just above the low side for a cisgender female. In regards to sex drive, I learned that it did not go away and did a test each week to see if I could still climax. I would pleasure myself fully tucked which meant I could not wrap my hand around that unwanted thing between my legs. For the entire year prior to surgery I still would climax and would add that I needed erotic thoughts else nothing would transpire. That is an important element, one must have thoughts for arousal to take place. Same is true after GRS, something arouses me and within seconds after seeing or hearing something that spawns arousal everything is pinpointed to my clit and radiates outwards. If there is nothing to arouse than I could go a week or so and nothing happens. It's all in the mind and what it conjures up for the physical to be triggered into that fun state. Anyways keep up your updates, love to hear them.

Hi everyone, I've now been on HRT for 3 weeks - I know the dosage started low, so my expectations of seeing "drastic" changes was set accordingly. Having said that, these are the things I've observed (or think I've observed) so far: (1) Sex drive - this has definitely flat-lined at this point, and it's been the case for over a week now. Attractions are still there, but desire to act on them is non-existent. Masturbation has also gone away entirely (which frees up a good amount of time on the weekends!) I'm sure this is just an adjustment and will come back, but it's the one impact I can say has definitely happened. (2) Skin - I'm less positive about this, but I think my skin may be smoothing out. I first noticed this last weekend, I was sitting watching TV and randomly put my hand on my leg and it felt different, softer and smoother. Now I also think it's happening on my arms (3) Voice - this one i'm almost positive isn't real, but I want to track everything - one of my supervisors said that she thinks my voice is sounding more feminine. I did explain that as far as I know HRT shouldn't have any impact on my voice, but who knows. (4) Appetite - hard to be specific about this one, but I've noticed subtle changes in my appetite, both in terms of how much I eat (less) and what I eat (better) (5) Emotional state - this is subtle, but I think present. I feel like I have now left behind the nagging (and depression inducing) question of "who am I?" or "who am I supposed to be?", and now my focus is on "what do I want to do?" and "how do I want to spend my time?" - questions that have always been present, but harder to address back when I was spending so much time and effort faking who I was. It almost seems silly now to think that I could have known what I wanted from my life when I was trying to convince everyone (including me) that I was a gay man. xoxo Christie

Yes, I had a relatively bumpy stretch of path when I got all my doc's changed, but I just persevered............hope yours is smoothr than mine was..........

SPeaking of 2 identities (from your first comment Eve), I really can't wait until my legal name change goes through, it will remove the last bits of confusion over which name I need to or should use. Obviously with doctors I still need to use my old name, although most of them put Christie in the file. Today I bought a futon and realized it was easier to just use my old name, as that's the name on the credit card and this was a one-time interaction (though after the fact I realized that it might have seemed odd to him that I look like I do and have a very male name). It'll be nice when I'm legally Christie and have all my documents in order :-)

Yes it's hard work presenting as something that you're not, and life gets so very complicated when you then have 2 identities to try to compensate for not being who you really are and want so much to be............... I'm so glad that things are starting smooth out in your life. However beware of a few bumps in the road that you have chosen to travel, but don't let them knock you off your chosen path. Cheers, Eve

Update: I've been hitting the gym every other day. I've lost 8 pounds in the last month. I'm not expecting anyone to compliment me, but it's frustrating that they need to comment. They weigh me fully clothed of course i'm gonna weigh more and some how i'm always 240. At the gym and on my home scale I weigh 228-230. that's kind of a big difference.

Dear Ben, Learn all you can about "adrenal fatigue," by googling and YouTubing it. Notice with myself I gain pounds and then inches (or vice versa) alternately, and it is the same when I lose weight. Also noticed recently I am dealing with bloating, which can be caused by glucose intolerance (even by eating too much sweet fruit) and lactose intolerance (eating too much dairy). Have accepted that I am a big woman, and other can or can not accept that. When it comes to dating, I am drawn to women my own size, and I notice people are drawn to friends and partners near their own size. Can understand that with lovers, but not with friends! Go figure!! Ben, you are a handsome man, and I feel that a lot of skinny and thin girls will find you handsome! May I suggest that you develop a talent, such as singing, playing an instrument, joining a band, etc. Those kinds of talents get people away from the physical and into who and what you really are! Your friend, Monica

Hiya Tara. Wow. What an Extremely Brilliant, and Informative, and Interesting Blog. Tara, I Only Came-Out, as Transsexual, on 30th. April, 2015. So I Am Only at the Start, of My Long Journey. Many, Many, Congratulations, on Your Transition; GRS; and Journey Into Womanhood ! I Hope that All is Going Well with You. Please let Me Know. I Am in the UK, so I Know that things are done, slightly differently here. Tara Take Care, and Very Best Wishes to You. Regards, Stephanie.

I have always been skinny. Rail thin. When I was growing up in a small hockey town in Canada I felt incomperably small next to the other guys. I used to wear baggy clothes and hoodies just to make myself look bigger in the hopes that anyone who thought I'd be an easy target for bullying would think twice about it - and that usually worked. I've also always been tall. When I was 12 years old I had my growth spurt which left me 6 feet tall and head and shoulders above all my friends and classmates. I didn't gain any weight at the time and after a number of fainting spells my doctors told me to stay off my feet for a while - my heart simply couldn't take what was going on. When I was in highschool I can still remember how much I weighed because any time I weighed myself I would come up with the same number. 156 lbs. After I first moved out I was in a content relationship and wasn't taking care of myself very well through film school. Over a few years eventually my girlfriend started teasing me about my "belly" which I was surprisingly self concious about! Even though secretly I did like the fact that it was fairly well distributed and even gave me a bit of curve, when I finally weighed myself I was up at 190 lbs. After we seperated my weight was a big point of self-consciousness for me - which, in hindsight, was really the least of my problems. So I started biking daily, I gave up soda and tried to start eating better. At the point where I was feeling the most confident of course was when the rest of my problems took hold and before long I was living the drugs and party lifestyle. When I finally had to look in the mirror I was not much more than skin and bones. This was also around the time I decided to transition. Conveniently I was so skinny that any clothes that I wore did most of the work in making me passable as a woman - my face has always been on the feminine side anyways. (one of my girlfriends jokes that in past pictures of me it looks like I'm a lesbian wearing a fake beard, LOL) Needless to say that I was enjoying the attention I was getting from men around that time. A friend of mine put on a Mental Asylum themed burlesque show and asked me to perform for it. I through a number of costume changes I was asked to come home with one guy before he realized I was a drag queen (- on three seperate occasions!). I continued to rollerblade almost 10 km daily to keep myself so skinny. I was down to 140 pounds. However - these days, 2 years into horomone therapy I'm getting frustrated by the polarized opinions. In particular one ex-partner who insisted I put on some weight so that my body would be more feminine. Xe insisted that if I put on 10 lbs it would go to all the right places and I would feel more confident. At that time however, I had found that being so so skinny was becoming difficult working on a movie set. I simply didn't have the strength to do the long hours and heavy lifting. I added a bit more meat to my diet and now I am at... 156 lbs. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this decision. Back when I first started my transition I even said to myself, "If I want to be a passable woman I am going to have to be a bigger woman." - I am incredibly lean for the amount of muscle on me, but still much too broad for a woman so skinny. But at the same time allowing myself to be feminine has been the first time I've ever felt comfortable, even good, being so thin! Especially knowing inside that I am able to "keep up with the boys" on set. My work mates tease me about how skinny I am but these days it doesn't bother me. If I squeeze through a tight space they'll tell me to have another donut or they'll say I "need the extra piece of dessert"when we are going through the lunch line. Other people joke that, "that's going to go strait to your hips!" with a friendly laugh - I usually reply, "I could use some more weight there!" My endocrynologist mentioned at my last appointment that he was "expecting more development at this stage" and added that, "there might be more if I was someone with more body fat," adding as well, "but you do have that 'athletic woman' look that we talked about". I want to be more comfortable in my own skin. But knowing that every woman on the planet picks and pines over their bodies makes me feel a little more at ease. When I was dating women I prefered bigger girls. Is that why I don't feel comfortable as an althetic woman? Then why won't I let myself be a bigger one? My ex-partner tells me I shoulg give it a go to see what happens and that the results are reversable. He's right. My endo also tells me my metabolism is "through the roof". I imagine it will be for at least a few more years still, being in my mid-late 20s. TL;DR - Does anyone have experience with adding weight this late into a transition? I think my main fear is that it's going to go to all the wrong places - which is silly considering that even before hormones it made me more curvy. Maybe it just feels weird that I'm self concious about how skinny I am and I feel like I should just relax? Maybe - just like before - there's more to it than that and I'm fixated on the wrong things. Maybe that scares me the most x) This felt good to get off my chest though. I'll leave you now with pictures for comparison. Here's me as I am now - and me at my heaviest.

I agree with Karen, you look terrific. If you really want to gain weight, eat carbs, like bread, pasta, rice... All that stuff will "help" but long term it's really sugar, which may create havoc with your insulin and blood sugar. I think you're better off letting nature take its course. If you're thin, you're thin! Many would be totally envious... :-) I'm 5' 8 1/2" and am now stable and happy at 155 lbs. it's not easy but with practice it's not that hard either. We eat meat/fish/poultry with salads and veggies. Popcorn and wine for dessert. :-) in moderation of course. The most important thing is to stay healthy and exercise. Health is one of those things too easy to take for granted until it's a problem. You do look great. Enjoy it! You deserve it. Emma

Funny in regards to a constant weight as I was steady at between 150 and 155. In 1990 I dropped to 120LB which was great but around 1998 I developed a thyroid condition and the doctor said that the former drop in weight had something to do with the thyroid. I started gaining roughly five pounds a month and topped out at 180LB but without any belly, things were proportional. Of course the down side was moving up in size. So for the past 15 years I have been at 180LB were I never weigh myself but rely on getting weighed for my annual physical. Since GRS I have toyed with the idea of losing weight, maybe 10 or 20 pounds but is not a real concern now. Hormones have not increased my weight to for the time being all is good. BTW You look great in the first photo :-)

You look lovely the way you are!