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So it's time for bed and I can't sleep so I start watching an episode of a show that was recorded. After a bit I feel tired enough to attempt to sleep. After laying in bed for about 30 minutes I realize this is not happening. Back to watching television. About another 30 minutes later I feel it's time to sleep and try again. Guessing 15 or so minutes later I am still having difficulties. I then remember that sleeping on my stomach use to work and matter of fact slept on my stomach all my life until five years ago because of a surgery prevented it and became a side sleeper. Why not give it a try I thought. First problem, my breast get in the way and it's not helping me to sleep so I figure out how to position myself via how my arms are positioned and I think it's working. Then out of nowhere my vagina gets excited I think "not now" so I re-position myself on my side, dang feelings persist. If there is one thing I have learned about down there is once the feeling starts it's not going away anytime in the near future. About the only thing I can do is work it out and think well when still male after orgasm I could sleep. It was a risk and mind you I like orgasm but really, right now, no no no. Well it seems that I did what was needed and did finally fall asleep. I have to laugh because I like those feelings but not that intense, and they were intense unlike before when going to sleep they are barely there and when really tired non-existing. For the life of me can't figure why they started as there was nothing in my head that would arouse me and laying on my stomach should not have started them. Would welcome any thoughts on this.

@Monica, well I can indeed see where you are coming from and now know even with C cup that I too can't sleep on my stomach any more. @Veronica, no that does not sound funny and makes senses. I know why sleep would not come to me, had a ton of coffee and a two hour nap in the afternoon. When I say a ton of coffee, in the morning two 20oz jolts and in the afternoon another and then after dinner another

Dear Karen and Steph, As a child used to sleep on my stomach, but as a grown woman, especially after I developed large breasts, became a side sleeper. Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen and Roxanne, Have driven a sports car once, a Comaro, the poor man's sports car, and was amazed at how it took off with the slightest touch on the gas! Your friend, Monica

Hiya Karen. It sounds like I have All that to look forward to, after I eventually have GRS ! Karen, it sounds like You are having fun Really ! L.O.L. Ha ! Ha ! Karen, it is still fairly early on in Your Proper Life ! I Am only very early in My Pre-Op. Transitioning. Coming-Out as Transsexual, 4 1/2 Month's Ago, has made Me the happiest, that I have been, ever since I first realised, at 3 Year's of Age, that I Am Female, Trapped In A Male Body. I Am 53 Year's of Age, Now. Karen, You are one Lady, who really inspires Me, and also makes Me Laugh ! By the way, how is the New Car going ? I hope it is giving You hour's of fun ! Karen, Keep Smiling, Be Good, No Don't Be Good ! Enjoy Yourself Instead ! Take Care, With Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo

Yes, the car has paddle shifters but as stated in the last part of the entry I have not taken time yet to work with them.

Hiya Eve. I thought You might like to wear an anorak, but. I did Not Know, that You had turned into one, as well. I will have to Pull the hood over that comment, and keep thing's Zipped, also ! Ha ! Ha ! L.O.L. !!!! Sorry Eve Love. As I Get Older, The Jokes Get Worse ! If You want an anorak, Earlier, I mentioned Hedgerley. Well London Transport's Country Area, 441,and 441B, RT/RML Double-Decker Bus Service Routes, used to operate there, from Staines-Upon-Thames ( ST ) Garage, and Windsor ( WR ) Garage. I can still tell You the Regular Garage Codes, and Running Number's, and the Regular Vehicles, on those Duties. Now I Must Be, an Anorak ! Eve and Maybelle, Happy Holiday. Take Care, and Safe Journey's. With Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xxxx

Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences A journal documenting when you go full time A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery Dating experiences and tips Crossdressing tips Experience with makeup Passing in public Your experiences when you go out in public Restroom experiences Transitioning at work Dealing with counselors or medical personnel Introspection about your particular gender identity Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs Dealing with addictions Dealing with self-destructive behaviors Interactions with police or government workers Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc. Applying for jobs Your big day, when you go full time Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations) Experiences with electrolysis How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences Your recommendations to others about to follow your path Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity Poetry or prose These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!

One of my friends on Facebook shared a link where transgender people are sharing their stories. So I decided too and found it difficult to confined the story to 400 words but finally did. Once approved I will post a link back here. Anyways I am committed to this and spreading the word especially to those over 50, and older that it's possible to do this. http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/storywall/transgender-today

I had to rush to get dressed and made up in time for the meeting. My wife was kind enough to help out here and there and soon I was in the car on my way to the meeting. I got there just in time. One of the girls were quite rude as I greated her. I can never understand why people feel the need to be mean to newbies. I ignored her obvious attempt at establishing her superiority and joined the rest of the group inside. My overdressed outfit made an impression, and I felt comfortable. We spoke about comming out to family members and lovers. The group was diverse with gay men, lesbian lovers and a female to male transgender to full in all the combinations. The main problem in relationships are the expectations that change once a transgendered person comes out. Parents will grieve and lovers will need to come to grips with facing the reality of loveing that person in another gender. In the end love will conquer all. Personally I feel like my home has turned into a war zone. My wife is having a difficult time understanding and with my emotions all over the place thanks to the hormones we fight almost daily. I showed her the definition of gender dysphoria and that seemed to have cleared things up a bit, but I fear we are still drifting apart as I nolonger look, feel and smell like the man she once felt attracted to. I can only hope that things will work out as I can't go back to living as a male. My ability to pretend has forever been broken. Even as I think of going back to my old life I see a thick black hole of dred and depression so I have no choice but to move forward.

Met up with the local Miata club this morning. They meet for coffee and then go out for a drive that last anywhere from an hour to three hours. Today seems my car was the center of attention as it’s the latest model. The drive after coffee was great, the lead driver picked out a fantastic route that had many enjoyable curves. Afterwards he told me several times that I did great with the turns, better than he thought I would do. Have to say out of the six members I met they are very nice people with excellent driving skills. When I say excellent driving skills that means they handle the curves well and today I have to say “it’s all about the curves”. I was right behind the lead driver and noticed that he rarely hit the brakes on what some would call challenging curves in the road at a decent speed. I later found out that he does not use the automatic function of the car but instead only the paddles which I have not even begun to explore but will be doing so shortly. Anyways it was a great morning and looking forward to next Saturdays drive.

The newer Camaro is far from a poor man's sports car unlike years ago but unsure of the newer one's performance. Any ways I needed something small, compact, has all the neat features (this morning I learned it tells me if I am driving over the speed limit) and it does.

To be blunt, the norm is wives can't bare their husband "in transition" but may tolerate it. Then comes transitioning, it takes a very special connection between a man and woman for a marriage to survive full transition from male to female. You have to place yourself into their shoes knowing nothing about gender dysphoria, answer the question now in how you would respond to this then even when truthful to yourself take it down a notch because even when truthful there will be parts of your brain that still subconsciously relates to being transgender and will undoubtedly will side with "I can at least try". Sorry to be blunt and to the point but this is how things happen to the average couple. With that said I hope somehow the both of you can work things out but be realistic going in to the struggle as it is a struggle and in one sense of the word war. As my doctor said after I went for a visit after GRS, what you (me) have done is one of the most difficult things a human being can do. My doctor is 20 years post op and is very insightful in these matters. Talk to a therapist and more likely than not will either straight forward or beat around the bush what I said is the norm. So as you indicated you can not go back to a male identity do your best to keep the fighting down, make concessions that may hurt to do but perhaps this might help as you move forward. Best wishes as you move forward

Hiya Bianca/Kourtney. Sweetheart, Sadly the fighting, even verbally, is Awful. Honey, I Know. I Am Pre-Op, MtoF Transsexual, and I Came-Out, on 30th. April, 2015. My Wife "Hates Me". The thing is, that She is having Sexual Relationship's, with Several Different Women, but, She does Not see that, as Cheating on Our Marriage. The Verbal, and Physical Abuse, and Violence, that I have Suffered, mean that I will carry the scarring on Both My Lower-Eye-Lid's, and on Both My Arm's, for Life ! Bianca, I Am going for Legal Advice, this coming week, as We also have a violent Special-Needs Child, Who keeps on attacking Me. I no longer feel safe at Home ! Please Bianca, if You are in Anywhere near a similar sort of thing, Please sort it out ! Being Transsexual, and being fully "Out" including being fully "Out" in Public, is something that has made Me really Happy ! With everything that is going on in My Life, it is Not going to dent My Happiness. Bianca, Look After Yourself, Take Care, and, My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

Hey Karen, Sounds like a fun drive and reminds me of motorcycle club rides I used to participate in. A question, does the Miata have paddle shifters? Roxanne

Hi Brigsby Its unfair for your family to expect that you must accept what they throw at you, but not allowing you to just be who you want to be. I have uncles and aunts I cut off completely, because they were toxic. One tried to re-initiate us talking a few years back and my college had to ask them to leave because I said the evil ghost has entered the office I was working in and I font speak to the dead. Told him how we had a fight and I got written off and I it answered, "Fine, but never talk to me again as you are dead to me too." With my siblings I only talk to my oldest sister as she was the only one that accepted me from a young age and even back then offered to pay for the surgery, which I refused and said I'll do it on my own. I'm talking about 31 years back. I frequently go to my brother's place (not the one who past away in 2005, but the middle child), not to see him but my niece as I can't make him change his mind. Funny enough is in laws accepts the change and actually encourage me to stay true to myself. But my sister slightly older then me, I physically speak to about 10 minutes out of the year as she and her husband are both dictators that decided I should listen to them as I am selfish to want to be happy. My mom acts supportive, but she isn't, and it's fine. I'm not relying on there support as I never needed their strength to continue on in my life. What I can say is. Make yourself happy, as it will reflect in how others see you. And maybe they come around if not. At the very least you'll get a, do what pleases you, but don't expect me to make life easy for what was left for you by your father (mine past away in 1999). So, your ID changes are your problem to prove who you are. If you like me, you'll take every blow as it comes and hopefully no one brings you down. You are strong enough to cope with life. You have a support system. Strong's Michele

I've been a mix of stuck and lazy recently......stuck for something inspiring to post here and too lazy to push myself.............to enter much. Trouble is that life as Eve is so normal now, I just don't think beforehand about doing things and worrying if I pass or not. I just get on with it, of course you never know if you pass or not, no trans girl is 100% sure, if you ask you most definately won't pass! we refer to this as Schrödinger's pass! I don't need him or his pass anymore! However I've been out and about recently in the great (hey it's small in the UK!) outdoors, with my friend Sharon cycling in the Forest of Dean in Gloucestershire, near the Welsh border, a couple of weeks ago, and got plastered in mud from my mountain bike. And last weekend we went back to the lovely Severn Valley at Bewdley and walked up along the river further than previously to Highley. This is two stations further up the preserved steam railway, we stopped for a pint of cider again, at Arley halfway along our walk, and by the time we got to Highley my right knee was killing me (hardly any cartilage left on it, caused by a Norton Commando kick start in my youth). We were very thankful for the return journey by train. This weekend i'm off with my partner Maybelle (that's what we decided our ex husband and wife terminology would become) to Luxembourg on our holidays, with our caravan and some freinds from my previous existance. Oh I 'spose that I should tell of Gossard undies, their superboost bras really grab boobs and push up and together, with matching thongs of course in a smallish size to enable tucking (that begins with a T) I just bought 3 sets ready for my hols...................... Cheers, Eve x .

Hi Karen Once defender of rifgts , you'll always be fine. Good outlook in life, and I always remembered that I said I'm doing this as soon as I find the right medical practitioners I feel I can trust and follow my heart. Definitely interesting to see peoples reactions after realizing I'm doing what I said I would. Keep strong and happy. Support your dreams, aspirations and that of loyalty. Hugs Michele

Steph, it's an old (well aren't all steam loco's?) Great Western Railway frieght loco. For those of you who are into railways it's a 2-8-0 2800 class designed by G.J. Churchwood first example of which appeared in 1903, production of the class continued sporadically until 1919. However the rake of carriages it's pulling are London Midland and Scottish Railway coaches from the 1930's. The train is heading south towards Bewdley and Kidderminster, and is crossing the Victoria Bridge across the River Severn. Hell, I've now shown that I'm an anorak ! Eve x

Hi Monica, I did not lose my job, I was referring to something I did outside of work which also paid when I taught but I never depended on these classes for supporting myself.

Hiya Eve. I Love the Photograph's. Sharon looks very Proud, carrying two pint's of Cider ! I Love the Countryside, Myself, Eve. I was brought up in a Village, called Hedgerley. It is off the A355, between Farnham Common, and Beaconsfield, and nearby to the B416, between Gerrard's Cross; Stoke Poges; and Fulmer. Incidentally, the M40 Motorway, Junction 2, is very close by. Hedgerley, is a Village of 2 Halves. The older part, is down a 1 in 8 Hill, and has the St. Mary's C.of E. Church; ( Built in the Early 1800's, with 6 "Chimed" Bell's ) ; the Village War Memorial Hall; and The White Horse Inn, ( With its Real Ale's ). Up the top of Hedgerley Hill, You have the Playing Field, with its Rugby Pitch, and Children's Play-Area; Kemsley Wood, with the Youth Club Hut; and 1st. Hedgerley Scout Troop Hut; and a Village Shop. There is a 2-Hourly Mon.to Sat. Daytime 583 Bus Service, between Uxbridge, and Slough. In Farnham Common, there is of course, the Wonderful Burnham Beeches. ( Great for Walking ! ). So You can see, walking used to be in My Blood, long before We moved into Aylesbury. ( By the way, which Steam Train is that Please Eve ? ) Take Care, Speak Soon, With Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

Eve, I love the pics! I'm a city girl myself, don't like too much nature around me, but I enjoy looking at it in photos Enjoy Luxembourg! Xoxo Christie

Hey good luck ! hope that you get a best friend, they're worth their weight in gold, but as I have found out, many are callen, but few are chosen. Those true friends are a very dear comodity, there are are plenty who do not put in any effort to freindship and cannot be relied upon, so look after your true friends..................

Dear Ms. emttracy you are a very rich woman! Know why to have had a friend like Tracy in your life.I 'm deeply sorry for your loss. I apologize for not seeing this post quicker, and responding. Hope I don't bring up a sad moument. maybe you have room in your heart for a new special friend??? Best wishes

Today I found out that I lost a very special person in my life. We all knew her and I miss her so much already. Her names is Tracy A. She was the only one who truly knew me for who I am. Even though she and I never met she was so special to me. She was the daughter that I never had and a best friend who I loved so much. She had confied in me her most precious things and had asked so many qustions and wanted so many answers about life and the things to expect. God why do we have to lose the ones so dear to us so soon. She was only 22 and was killed by drunk driver. I can only say this I hope she understands how much she is missed by me and those who knew her. Tracy my friend I love you and have always been your friend. Thank You for being my friend. All my my kindest and deepest emotions. Tracy N.