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Good afternoon/morning/evening/Saturday? TGG friends, Yes, It's me again. No I havent died and no, nothing super dramatic has happened. I've just taken a lot of time to sort myself out and try and get my head straight. You'll be glad to know that I have been 'clean' or 'sober' of self harm for several weeks, and I am so far really loving my job. So far, I have not had a single day of dreading a workday aside from merely just being exhausted, getting used to 3rd shift. But it's getting easier. Speaking of, this'll be short since I'm on my way back to sleep. I've decided to cease communication (temporarily, I think.....) with a dear friend/sister of mine I met a year ago due to added stress and frustration. Seemed like every single time we talked, we fought. And I really just couldnt deal with it anymore. I've gotten a bit better with the silence and feel slightly better, though not 100% yet. But at least it's something. On another note, the cutting. I forced myself to stay away from it in attempts to keep that section of my bicep clean of open wounds...because I was going to cut myself off from it for good. How you might ask? Well, the pictures will explain. "We are not defined by how hard we fall" It took about four hours to do the outlining, and I go back in a few weeks to do the shadowing and detail work. My dear cousin and awesome tattoo artist Tim in Montpilier VT did everything freehand for me to make sure it were unique and custom, and I thank him greatly for it. It were insanely painful to deal with at times, especially around the top of the shoulder and back of the armpit area. But with something like this to look at every time I want to cut into that area, I know it'll stop me. Why would I destroy something I worked so hard for? Something I went through so much pain to accomplish? It's the theory anyway, and I'm staking a lot on that theory. Besides, the bf will strangle me if I cut up this tattoo. By the time it's done, it would have costed me about 800$ including tip. Out of my surgery funds I've saved myself. 800$ is not 10,000$, which is what I need for my surgery. So why not use it for something that might help me? Hurts to use my hard saved money that was reserved for my surgery, but I dont see myself getting it any time soon.....if at all. But....yeah. So now you all know what I've been up to. All my thoughts with you, Warren

Bandaids' eventually in this context stop working and give way to you needing to make a decision to continue life unhappily or to take a step towards your true self. What your true self is can only be learned by being completely honest with yourself. Is transitioning right for me or can I find solus in dressing female? This is best done (and I am sure you know this) by working with a therapist that understands the nature of transgender. When my time came I was unwavering in my decision unlike many who struggle coming to terms with what path to take. This decision was a long time coming and just knew it was the right path else I would had would be going though life living a lie. One might think they can get by wearing female clothing and it may be right but if over time it's not and you should had transitioned one might find it is too late for whatever reason and that leads them to that dark place which there may be no returning from. There are countless stories written that tell a sad tale in that the person that did not make a firm decision loses hope, goes into despair on a downward spiral that might lead to one taking their own life, it is that profound what the brain of a transgender can do. Make your choice now before it gets to that dark place.

Hiya Lisa. I Came-Out, as Transsexual, to My Wife, on 30th. April, 2015, and I started Fully, Full-Time, Female-Dressing, and Living, on 1st. May, 2015. I have known, since I was 3 Year's of Age, that I Am Female, Trapped, in A Male Body. I have always hated My Male Part's, and I wish I could wake up in the Morning's, and that they were no longer there. My Transsexuality was Officially Registered, at My Doctor's, on 25th. June, 2015, and on that same date, My Doctor's Registered it Officially, at London's Charing Cross Hospital - Gender Identity Clinic. I want to Fully Transition, including Gender Reassignment Surgery. Coming-Oout, was like having a Massive Weight, Lifted-Off Both Of My Shoulder's ! I Am so much Happier, Now, than I have Ever been before ! Lisa, it is such a very hard thing to do, to Come-Out to a Spouse, and Family, and Friend's ! My Marriage, is Only alive on paper, and We have 3 Special-Needs-Children, so just for the time being, We are still under the same roof. She however, has been cheating on Our Marriage, for over 22 Month's, with other Men, and Women !! My Friend's have stuck by Me like glue, and Er-Indoors hates that fact. But then, I Am in the wrong for criticising anything that She says or does. Funny That, as I Am the one who does All the Washing; Washing-Up, and Drying-Up; Vacuum- Cleaning; and Most of The Cooking, ( A Woman's Work, Is Never, Ever Done ! ), whilst She Messages on Her Phone, mainly to other Women ! Lisa, the sooner that You are Full-Time, the Happier I think it will make You feel. The Gender Dysphoria, can be Nasty. I Now go One Night a Week, to Pink Punters, which is a Lesbian; Gay; Bisexual; Transgender; Club. It is in a place called Fenny Stratford, which is about 20 Miles, from where I Live, here in the UK. Lisa, try finding somewhere like that, which is Fully Welcoming and Accepting, of Transsexual People, Etc. You might find that it Helps ! Lisa, Good Luck, Take Care, and Like Christie said, if I can also help, Please let Me know, and Ibwill try. With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxoxoxo

I think that with my blatant lack of make up expreience it's going to be a real hardship. I have some and some more coming (it's so expensive!) but not a clue how to do it really... I kind of know a little through watching people do it and a couple of youtube videos (the source of all my learning) but I imagine I'm going to look a state when I first have a go ;) I haven't tried any of it yet but I think the beard will be interesting to cover. Obviously I'm going to shave as much as possible first but I'll never get right down to skin. Another thing is contour? I have a man face pretty much and I believe this contour thing makes it look like you've got shape or depth? I don't know, I'll focus on not looking like a 4 year old just painted my face first ;) So I bought all the stuff I think I'll need. Foundation, eyeliner, blush, eyeshadow and some brushes, if theres anything I missed or some hints in how to use these items please do let me know :) Thanks for reading, any input would be much appreciated, in any aspect of this whole thing.

For the second year I have been awarded the MVP (Microsoft Valuable Professional) where out of roughly two million candidates Microsoft picks 3,000 people were I have been honored twice. Last year I was awarded as my old male identity and this year as my current female identity. Each year those who have been awarded MVP go to a summit in Washington State where Microsoft pays for your room and whatever you need for an entire week that takes up at the very least two hotels and utilizes four hotels for conferences. I did not make it last year but will this year. Microsoft only pays full room cost if you share a room but they are allowing me to have my own room with a letter from my doctor indicating I need to dilate each day and that a room mate more likely then not would not be comfortable with this. Rooms are almost 500 USD per night and if not for Microsoft having a medical clause I would have to pay half the bill so I am happy to have to pay anything at all. Kudos to Microsoft. Any ways one of the benefits of being a MVP is all software produced by Microsoft is free to the awardees, that is a gold mine. It's not easy at all to get this award and did work hard between transitioning and doing what was needed to keep the MVP status. A point to be made is when one transitions there is a great deal to juggle besides surgery which is important to keep in mind else one can get lost in life. Best to be prepared in all aspects of your life, not just the surgery.

Thank you everyone for your support! Steph, it sounds like you have a more difficult situation than I and have pushed ahead with your life. I agree, I do need to get out more often. Karen, I am on the path to transition, starting April 2015, and was planning on going full-time in August / Sept 2017 around my 45th birthday (I thought that it would be appropriate). I wanted to take my time due to expenses, hoping to potentially find a better work situation and to give myself time to adjust and learn what it is to be female. Also, I wanted to get a lot of the laser / electrolysis out of the way before FFS surgery, since technically, I need to stop 2 weeks before and 6 - 8 weeks after. That seems to be going well. I was going at it aggressively, but there were several weeks this summer I didn't go. Most of my face is clear since starting in April. Hoping that by the end of the year / early spring I'll be able to go only once every other week, instead of once a week. I've only been on Estradiol for 5 months. I also want to give my body time for those to work. Further, my mom is planning on moving near me at the end of 2016 / 2017. If there should be any issues with housing, she will be able to help me out at that time. However, after what happened, I may need to do this earlier regardless of all of these well laid plans. What I am afraid of, and this is what I've told my wife, is that this will overwhelm me regardless of whether or not I am on medication. I could end up in the hospital or worse. So, I need to see how things go. I can tell already my meds need to be upped. So that's going to take a couple of months at time to do that.

Dear GenderFiasco, May I suggest you do a search on Google and YouTube, "Makeup for Transgender Women," as well as "Makeup for Transsexual Women." Have found some excellent tips online! Yours truly, Monica

Dear GenderFiasco, Please take your time trying different names before you commit to a legal name change. Repeated legal name changes may get you flagged as a potential fraudster. Yours truly, Monica

XOXOXOXOXXO Michele

Lisa, I can't imagine going through this with a spouse, but if there's anything I can do to help please let me know Having gone full-time as a woman now for about a month and a half I can say that it makes a huge difference, i've never been happier and more positive in my life. Good luck! Xoxo Christie