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I had a chat today, with my manager, and we're drawing up a plan of who to tell, how to tell them and when to tell them. It's scarily daunting. It's not only the people I work with, such as my immediate team; it's the people I interact with or the people I see every day. Such as the woman in the restaurant who makes my hazelnut latte each morning, or the guy who delivers parcels to our desks, or the security guards at reception, or the cleaners. Those people don't know me but they see me and they talk to me and they think they know me - and they will be surprised (shocked?) by the upcoming name change. So I can't avoid telling them; not really. The guy I sit next to... we're on a first name basis and I know he likes cycling and he knows I like cycling and we've had chats about the Tour de France and the Vuelta and the Giro... but that's about it. He knows nothing else about me. But I still have to tell him. Everyone at work will know. And I mean everyone. As soon as my email address changes... well, everything changes. People I don't actually know will see my dead name disappear from the directory and a new name appear. And therefore I have to be prepared to receive enquiries and questions from a bunch of people who thought they knew me and a bunch of complete strangers too. And I'm talking about a company that has 100,000 employees. Bring it on!!!

Glad that you've said "bring it on", I suspect that it'll be a lot easier and better than you imagine it might be. Cheers, Eve

Hiya Karen. Happy Thanksgiving Young Lady. Karen, I Am So Glad, that You are Happy behind belief, since Your Gender Reassignment Surgery. You deserve to be Happy. I Am Pleased that You are able to spend Thanksgiving with Your Friend's. Karen, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xx

It's either "bring it on" or I go and cower in a corner somewhere

Jay, My ex-wife, when we argued or I was depressed, used to say, "It's always all about you." And recently, in an argument with a rather difficult person at work (also a woman) I heard the same thing. Well, it's not, and dammit, those words are about the most hurtful anyone can throw at us. I don't blame you for being pissed for missing your meeting. Your feelings are right on. Hugs, Emma

Oh gosh, there are plenty of people I haven't told. It's a little daunting when I think about it. But your comments always help me. Thank you.

I've been away for a while, my trans feelings kind of minimized, as if maybe I'd gotten over it. After all, maybe it was more about hiding, lying, and finally, now that the lying and hiding and shame are mostly over, and my wife and I started deeply loving each other again, the storm had passed. Or maybe it was like Judy my gender therapist said, the TG Train has many stations along its journey, and maybe I only needed a ticket to the first or second station? But lately as the weather has gotten colder it's as if the feelings are always there. This morning I saw an Anatomy of a Scene of a new movie "The Danish Girl" in the New York Times. It's directed by Tom Hooper who also directed "The King's Speech" so I imagine it's very well done. What a trigger for me, to see Eddie Redmayne start to viscerally transform herself into the female she knows she is at her deepest. My mental-health therapist often asks me to describe what I feel in my body when I have strong feelings. It's like a tightening in my chest, a deep longing, with a twinge of sadness, because I know that I wish I'd been born female and although I could take the TG Train further nothing would change the fact that I was not born a girl. And, on balance, I like my life well enough but for that longing, like a love that was never to be. PS: I took the photo several years ago in Wuhan, China, through the window in my hotel room, using the floor lamp as a tripod to hold the camera steady to grab three shots at -2, 0, and +2 stops to process into this, an HDR image. Perhaps this photo with its circling cars is a metaphor for what I go through.

I am thankful for many things today. Heading off to a friend's home to spend Thanksgiving. Not looking to the driving but love this family as the entire family has been super supportive of me. The children range between 16 and 25, when I told them they said we support and never talk about me as a male, the female says I have great fashion sense and we even talk about girl stuff. The mother flew down to California to be with me the day of surgery and two days afterwards. She was also there for me for three days recovering from breast augmentation. So I am thankful to this family over the past few years as a female and about 6 years prior in my former life. Have a date after visiting with the family above, have been with this woman before and would had taken her to the gathering but she is in a field where she has to work today. I am coming up to 12 months since gender reassignment surgery and so happy beyond belief. Hope everyone is with someone today which I know may not be possible but still hope it's possible as being alone on holidays such as this can be depressing and that is no good.

Hiya Jack. I Am glad that the counselling is Helpful, to You. The Great thing is that You have Your friend Haylee, who You are able to openly talk to. ( I Have got My Best Mate, who I speak with, normally 4 or 5 times, every week, by Phone. He lives about 25 Miles away, but We have been Mate's since We were both Young, and Best Mate's for at least 32 Year's, and We both trust each other Fully. We always have done ! ) Jack, if You can keep That sort of Friendship, with Haylee, a Life-Long one, that will be excellent. Jack, as You are doing Research on the Subject, have You asked Your Counsellor, if He knows any support group's, near You, for FtoM Youth ? It Is just an idea Young Man. ( Myself, for support, I go to a Lesbian; Gay; Bi-Sexual; Transgender/Transsexual Nightclub. I can get support from Member's of Their Transgender Advisory Group, and other MtoF Transsexual People there ! ) We All need some support whilst Transitioning. Jack, if You stay in touch with TGGuide, and You need any advice, and/or help, this is a Brilliant place to try. Please don't self-harm again. ( I tried the "S" word, 3 times, in a 7 1/2 Year Period. I Promise I will Not ever go there again ! ). Since I Came-Out as Transsexual, I have had a lot of Friend's, who are supporting Me, and one Good Friend, She is turned 80 Year's of Age, and She understands All about My Transsexuality. ( Bless Her ! ) Jack, You said You hold Your Head High. Well be Very Proud of that Young Man. You said about "The Icy Stare's", well I have No contact with My Parent's whatsoever, and have Not done so, for almost 18 Year's. My Mother tried to interfere with My Life, right into Adulthood. Jack, You just keep that level head Young Man, and Please keep Your Friendship with Haylee special. Jack, have a Good Evening, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie.

Oh Jay. I think most of us have these self doubts, if you read my first blogs I often refer to the same and others have have also said similar. For me it seemed like the tide ebbing and flowing, sometimes I'd feel femme, at others I'd ask myself "what the hell do you think you're doing?, you're a bloke, stop all this foolishness, you'll never be a convincing woman1". I often asked myself when I had those tidal feelings and thoughts, "well do you want to go back to being Steve?" Know what?, I always answered no. The tidal movements of these thoughts, have now stopped, thankfully. Maybe it was the Testosterone blockers helping me, letting the oestrogen do it's magic, who knows, but I am thankful to have escaped a confusing time. It's good that you realise that it's your own subconscious that is talking to you in your dreams, but what concerns me is that you seem to be deeply worried that your transitioning will hurt other people who are close to you, such as your father. If these people are indeed family and close friends and love you, they will want you to be happy, if they don't they are not friends at all, just people that you know - acquaintances, worried that there may be some social stigma attached to them, because they have you as a friend or a family member. Parents have had their life and have chosen what they did with their lives, that doesn't mean that you have to follow their choices, it's your life, not theirs they have to realise that. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband, you haven't wrecked his life, and he was & is the closest person to you. Have you told your father yet, and how old is he? Are their any close friends that you haven't told?2 1However, I have come to realise that whether or not I am convincing, it doesn't matter, I might or might not have transitioned into a totally convincing female, but what I have transitioned into is my true self, this is the most important thing that I have ever realised, I think others can also see it now, if they couldn't at the beginning of my transition.2I told some friends who were ex work colleagues that I was Trans, this was 9 months or so before my RLE began almost (except for a week) a year ago, we never heard from them again until two weeks ago, when they invited us to their place for dinner in a couple of weeks time. So previous to this, I had thought, oh well lose friends, and gain others, I've obviously lost these as friends. But it seems not so, possibly it takes people time to come to terms with transitioning, that and the quickly changing public perception of Transgender as being quite different to Transvestite / Drag / Fetish etc.Stay sane and keep positive thoughts in your head, no one ever said transitioning is easy, it takes determination with some measure of desperation in the mix. Hope that my comments help you, Hugs, Eve