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Dear friends, I'm blessed to be a part of our community here - I think of you often. I wish you, your families, and your friends, all a wonderful holiday season. Let's all pray for peace on earth and good will to all. Love, Emma

Hi all, It's been a busy few weeks so I haven't had a chance to read or write here - I hope everyone is having a nice holiday season! My year is ending on a nice flourish. First, I went back to Social Security with my new doctor's note and they've now corrected my gender in their records - and the woman I dealt with was extremely nice - possibly because she knows that what happened last time was so wrong. She also referred to me as "ma'am" several times I got my new birth certificate the same day. Sent holiday cards to all my family and friends, including a note about my transition to anyone I hadn't told yet, I want to start 2016 with everyone knowing. I've already gotten a very nice note of support back from my cousin Betsy. My brother's card (no doubt written by his girlfriend, based on the handwriting), included "Ms." before my name on the envelope On a broader front - NYC recently reaffirmed a law it passed previously that compels instance companies to cover transitioning costs! There is no doubt some wiggle-room for them, but it's a positive developement, and one that could save me much money down the road. I wrote to our HR person to see if they have more information. Finally, as the end of the year approaches I thought it would be good to reach out to people who have been especially supportive and encouraging over the year in my transition - so far that includes my therapist (yes it's technically her job, but she's been especially good at it), and Pattaya - the drag queen I regularly see and who let's me perform now and then - I have no doubt that performing helped move me along quicker than i might have, presenting as a woman in front of a bunch of people in a "safe" space. The pic below is me with Pattaya on Tuesday night - I performed Debbie Gibson's "sleigh ride" And thank you to everyone here this is a great community, providing lots of love and support and great practical inormation! Finally, for anyone out there going through hard times and feeling alone - please know that nothing is permanent. As I wrote above about the positive things in my life I was fully aware of the bad that had come before, and I know it will come again, that's just reality, for everyone. I wish I had a nice quote to close this off with, but I'm a prose writer not a poet Just know that no matter what, this is your one and only life, even if you can't pull off optimism right now you can again sometime! Love, Christie

Well 2015 is coming to a close, have squeezed a lot into this year in regards to surgeries, lots of paperwork and a brand new car and very satisfied with the results. Four years ago this was entirely a dream, seemingly out of reach because I could not give up what I had in regards to teaching self-defense but then realized that I had crammed many years into teaching and as much as I enjoyed teaching I could finally kiss it goodbye to make myself happy overall. My guess is that many wrestle with similar aspects when they are certain that transitioning is right for them and hope that those riding the line, struggling with making the decision to move forward do so and don't procrastinate but instead stall progress if they feel as I did, unsure what the future might be. For many uncertainty is "will I still have a job", "acceptance from family and friends", "emotional battles from waiting" etc. I know my surgery was right from many telling me I look content, smile (was told I rarely smiled) often, love female privilege, learning to leave male privilege behind as if I never had them. I do struggle with silly things like being able to play guitar with decent length nails, changing pads often when wearing a thong (took a long time to master the back end of the pad), what clothes should I wear today (and rummage through through clothes on the floor often rather than the closet), did I wear that outfit already this week? My taste in movies has change, last night I watched "the age of Adaline" which I would had never watched two years ago but now would even consider purchasing it. I watched it for a dollar so even if I didn't like it no big deal. I experience life completely different emotionally both good and bad. There are day that all I want to do is stay in bed and most times have no clue why while 99 percent of the time I am very happy. Still more attracted to females than males and there has been several times in the past few months I was putty to both genders. I am fully embracing life both good and bad and excited for what comes next.

God bless Christie, and may he look over your life. Happy Christmas, Eve

​Since I have gone to longer nails I went from shellac to acrylic which are so much stronger then shellac. I pay 20 dollars for regular nail treatment, 35 for shellac and 45 for acrylic. Just had them done in acrylic with a twist, french style where the white part was pure acrylic white and was very cool process, took just over one hour. Now and then I will cut my nails down and go with a regular treatment but that has been a while. My main reason for stronger nails was at least three times I broke my right thumb nail closing my car trunk. Since moving up have not broken a single nail.

Your hug feels especially wonderful, Michael, really. Thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful holiday, too. Emma

Big Happy Holiday Hug, Emma. -Michael I like that pic.

Thank everyone. I am keeping my spirits high, learning the administrative side of my work and enjoying it. I never listen to male stigma or egotism driven people. Point me to the fight and I'm there. My not so new post is teaching my short comings in the form of physical strength, but this week I rained wet and threw tyres around out of frustration of different commands and inadvertently moving them into a space I wanted them. Only one man came to help, but otherwise the girls are doing it for themselves. Should rather say it was a good workout. Your positive responses are inspiring to say the least. Don't worry, in two weeks my 11th year in the police has come. Nice one that, not green at all. Lots of love, best wishes for Christmas and new years if I'm not online. Hugs and smooches Michele

I love it! Thank you...

Well try swimming with a wig on!, Anyway, Karen hope you have a lovelt Christmas and a happy New year, and yes I have experienced much of what you've posted. Hugs, Eve

For bowling someone suggested putting bandages on them, I might try that. The bigger thing is how I'm going to play tennis with a wig on!

Ah howdy dewdy do berrysnoggles. I'm slightly bored atm so I decided I would ramble while watching my bf play 'Dont Starve' on tv. I got my lil bro Kai here and he's on IMVU spacing out so I got bored. First off, I want to mention that you never realize how hard it is to switch pronouns for someone unless you also have to do it. I used to think "Omg, how hard is it to just call me SIR?! OR HE?! WTH PEOPLE". Well now I would like to humbling apologize. It sucks and it does take a lot of practice. Surprisingly, Justin is doing a better job at keeping Kai's pronouns than me. I think part of it is because Kai was so on the fence about his gender identity on wether he was/is transgender or not, that I wasnt sure what he preferred and he wasnt even sure yet. But now I guess it is official and I need to kick my own toots into gear on remembering. Him, he, his, etc.....Just keep repeating it, right? lol Anyway, my mother made it abundantly clear that if I do not deliver Kai home by the 22nd of december, he will not be coming back ever again. SO Kai and I agreed that, at least for this year, we will do as she wants and follow her rules. We did have xmas together last year so I suppose it's only fair. I'll ask my mom later how she feels about me taking Kai next year since she's getting this year. Hopefully she says yes. She seems to have come to a little more reasonable terms with me being transgender now that Kai has come out as transgender as well, though she's still in denial about it. Perhaps she's in denial and in the mindset of "well you didnt show signs of it through childhood like Kai has" because she feels guilty to have not paid attention at all in those times. Kai's teen years and my teen years are vastly different. I was trying to go to chef's school, balancing sneaking out to discover my sexuality, being arrested for trespassing and vandelism, joining covens and basically doing things I shouldnt have been doing. I was rebelling, discovering myself. So I werent home very much unless I were forced to play mom while my mother was busy with her numerous boyfriends or getting new jobs (that she quit after a few weeks and blamed us kids for.). I was so often referred to as the mother of the house that I had to teach my (at the time) 3 year old brother to call me his sibling and not his mom. Anyhow, I'm falling off track. In terms of Alexandru, we've gotten a long a little bit better though we're hitting roadblocks here and there. Like, for instance, Alcohol. Alex rather enjoys drinking at random and I've picked up my iced tea to drink and found vodka in it not helpful. We talked about it a little and we DID agree that we wouldnt drink on work nights, and he had obeyed that because it wasnt on a work night. But I wasnt in the mood to drink, so it still annoyed me. Another issue we've had is that he wants to date. I know he's fine with me dating justin and he is tollerable of the whole....sexual thing.....But I know he's not into him. Justin just isnt Alex's type. He wants a girlfriend, but I honestly do not see this working out. Justin is still in the mindset that 'alex' is simply a different personality in terms of moods or emotions, and not a seperate person entirely. We havent really talked about it because I'm not sure how to. I told Alex that he can date on IMVU and we just wont tell justin, but I think he wants a more physical relationship. I feel bad but there's not much we can do about it. I've decided that once my insurance is settled, I'm going to try and find a therapist that covers both Gender Identity and MPD to help us figure out what steps to take next. We have been keeping up a journal to talk either back and forth or just get things off our minds (seems weird to use that word in plural), and it seems to help both of us settle a little and not feel so aggitated. Though we've agreed not to read eachother's pages without asking in case there is something personal. Mostly we're keeping the journal as a reference for whatever therapist we might get, so they can see that this is an ongoing thing and not just on a whim of "oh, yeah, btw....". I guess that's mostly just my fear, is people thinking I'm doing this for attention or something. But one simple note comes to mind that reminds me that this might not be the case. He reminds me of it occasionally. "If this was for attention, than why do we talk to eachother both mentally and verbally while at work? When no one is around and clearly no one can hear us. If it was for attention, why would we bother to upkeep that habit when no attention could be taken from it?" He's kinda got a point.....Lately he's figured out how to stay awake at night during work and I..."rest", I guess you could say. So during the day when I'm awake (after we both physically sleep), he's mentally very quiet as if in his 'own room'. I've realized, by talking with another person with MPD (more alts than I have though) that they each can have their own rooms or realities that they can retreat to whenever they feel like it. Alex has told me about his room and I'm kind of jealous that I dont have one lol but it's whatever. Mostly I (we, apparently, since it irritates him too) am very pissed off that it's December 15th and we've seen nothing but Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. We're due for 60F weather for the next week or two, and this is TOTALLY NOT NEW ENGLAND!!!!!!! Last year we were in three feet of snow by now! This is not only annoying, but unsettling....This weather is the complete opposite of what we should have right now. It's creepy and concerning....I dont like it. At this point, IF we even GET snow---we'll have snowbanks clear through til July Not impressed. This is REALLY going to mess up crops and whatnot. We already had a bad year growing crops, and this def' is not going to help.I'm not huge into the global warming theory but jeez.....It's kind of freaking me out. Plus Alex really wants to play in the snow >.< So we're having a short Xmas on saturday for Kai before he goes home, which'll be interesting lol I was accused of being a student at the private academy I work at AGAIN because people think I'm underage (WHY?!!?!?), And I got my hair cut. Pics will come soon xoxo Think that's all for now lol This is seriously just a ramble post. -Ren

Hopefully 2016 can live up to the example 2015 left Speaking of doing things with nails, I recently bowled for the first time with long nails, broke 3 of them. I might never bowl again

My husband has really changed his opinions and outlook since that chat we had back in October. I can't quite get my head around how supportive he's being. And even though he'll probably never read this, I want to thank him. He's being wonderful. The other night, while I was at my FtM meeting, he went to a pub to watch the football, but they wouldn't let him in because the place was crowded already. So he wandered back to Canal Street. Canal Street is the heart of the 'Gay Village' here in Manchester. In the past, my husband wouldn't have gone there altogether voluntarily, by which I mean it wouldn't have been his suggestion to go there. But on Monday, I took him there before my meeting and took him into one of my favourite bars. After the bouncers wouldn't allow him in the pub of his choice, he went back to Canal Street and visited a couple of bars, then went back into Taurus (the bar I'd taken him to). Inside, one of the barmen recognised him from earlier and said, "Hey, weren't you here before, with your wife?" My husband replied, "No, I was here with my husband." He told me all this after I left my meeting and met up with him. He said they'd had a great chat and the barman had welcomed him as if he'd been a regular at the place. We visited another place before we headed home - Churchills. My husband had never been in there before, either. It's the kind of place he probably wouldn't have dreamed of setting foot inside, only a few months ago. Saturday nights in Churchills are a riot of diversity and I love them but it's not really my husband's thing. Or, it wasn't. Before we left, he suggested I should take him back on a Saturday night. When we got home that night, he said he'd really enjoyed himself in the bars on Canal Street and that we should go more often. I've been going there for years but not with him. But it seems that's going to change.

And you'd be very welcome too, have a great Christmas Emma. Hugs, Eve

By the way, I'd love joining your TAGS group. It would be such fun to wear a pretty swimsuit and go swimming. And just hang out, too. I had to write this as I noticed that I kept on thinking about it as I saw the title of your post! Merry Christmas, Emma

Happy Holidays, Emma!

Absolutely!

You're probably as happy about guys calling you "luv" as I was the other day when a bloke called me "mate". He bumped into me and said, "Sorry mate". A couple of months ago that would probably have been "Sorry luv".

Hiya Ren. It Is Good to ramble Young Man. Ren, It Is Great that You and Kai, are 2 Young Brother's, Who are able to support each other, with both of You being Transgrnder. As long as You 2 Young Gentlemen are Happy, then that is All that matters. I Am very proud of You Both. The fact that You are having Your own Christmas Celebration's together, albeit it slightly early, is highly Commendable too. Ten, if I do Not speak with You before, I Wish You, and Justin, and Kai, A Very Merry Christmas, and A Very Happy New Year 2016. Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo