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"You're too sensitive." I've heard that so many times in my life. Worse, I believe it. I should not be hurt by rude people at work. I seem to be the only one who gets hurt. So no, I shouldn't be affected. I should not like how I feel when I wear my dresses. After all, it's just cloth. A fabric of threads. And I'm not supposed to like them. I should not be scared. Scared that people will discover how scared I am. Of being hurt. I should not even write this here. After all, I'm a mod; mods don't cry. "It's always all about you." That hurts too. A lot. So if I didn't feel then it wouldn't hurt snd it would not have to be about me. I should be happy, not sad. What have I got to be sad about? "I'll give you something to be sad about." Shoulds suck. I should forget that word, delete it from my vocabulary. I like it when I feel my truegender. Inside and out. But it's just a feeling and I don't know if it's okay to feel. Is it? It doesn't seem like it. My cursor gently blinks as I ponder clicking the Submit button. Maybe this is what blogs can be for. Sometimes to pour out my heart. Show the world that I feel. I don't like it and I don't know what to do with it but there it is.

Oh Emma, I really feel your sorrow, you're so right, should's are such crap. Should's are an excuse for the feelings of others close to you, should's are for not wanting to face imagined humiliations. Should's come from holding terrible secrets for so long. Should's are for people close to you who should know better, and be more understanding. Fact is that many of the people who should know and behave better, are scared of the unknown and their imaginings going on in their head, some even have secrets similar to yours, but hide them behind attacking others. You know that I had similar misgivings for most of my adult life, but eventually the secret became such a burden that I just had to let it go and confront the truth with everyone. My wife (now partner) had huge misgivings that we'd be ridiculed when out and about, especially when out on campsites with our caravan, those misgivings soon evaporated when we had more people befriending us than when I was a male (how I hate that word), she is now really happy with our lives, but this was because she gave it a chance to succeed. Oh whatever people say behind our backs out of earshot we couldn't give a toss about, we both know who our real friends are, and real friends don't do that. Of course if my wife hadn't given a chance for such a huge change to work, then we'd probably have split up, I just couldn't carry on living as I was, I needed change to survive. It really sounds to me as if you're pretty close to getting to the point of not wanting to carry on living as you are anymore and realising that you have to change. It's scary, yes I well remember going through it, but what you probably don't realise is that once you start the process of renewal it gets easier, ok, you'll probably have a few sticky moments and unthought of consequences can sometimes crop up that sort of push you headfirst at times, but when you look back at one of those consequences you realise how far you've travelled, a bit like like the ladders in snakes and ladders. I hope that you find some happiness soon, Eve

Hiya Emma. You are a very sensitive Young Lady, because You are Female. I Am very sensitive, and even before I " Came-Out " as Transsexual, My emotion's used to appear very easily. Emma, embrace Your Femininity, and don't shy away from it. Whether You do or do Not have G.R.S., does Not stop them from being Transgender/Transsexual. ( Personally, I Do want Full G.R.S. But that Is My Own Personal choice. ) Emma, Please remember thiis, I Am here for You, if ever You need to talk. I appreciate All the support that You show to Us All. Emma, Take Care Sweetheart, and Big Hug:s to You. With My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xx

It Is just so sad, that both Whitney Houston, and Her Daughter, have both gone. I loved Whitney's early music too ! Drug's are a scourge, and dreadful, when abused ! We have lost too many musician's, and singer's too early !