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Hi there Blessed be to all. As I start off thinking about myself, I know if I could change anything about myself, it would be: My gender by protecting myself from having to experience gender specific issues the world have,Keep my height and weightBe fit and limber, a perfectionist when it comes to kungfu, tai chi, tae kwan do, and numerous other martial arts formformsSpeak language I stil understand and more, German, Dutch, Italian, French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Taiwanese, Hindi, Urdu. Okay just be a linguist that catches languages in mere minutes, but be as fluent in Afrikaans and English ooh and make that Xhosa, Zulu, Pedi, Tswana. Not that I'm not fluent in Afrikaans (kinda suck at it, but still have a better understanding then most people), and more so in English. (Okay my first language was Afrikaans, but as the business language changed in South Africa, so I began speaking, reading, and writing much less and in some cases I just stopped.)Okay, my list is much longer but I don't want to keep typing in 5 or 6 hours just to be busy with what I would change, but in te end if I changed anything in my past I wouldn't be the same Michele Heynes that I am today. I am Tall (5'8¼) 1.74mSlender enough (140Lbs) 63kgs, yes fattish if you talk about a modelSpeak, read and write in Afrikaans and English more then proficiently. Speak mixed up in German and Dutch, and understand on a basic level, speaker screwed up in Mandarin and Xhosa, more so Mandarin then Xhosa, mixing Xhosa and English and I'm proficient on a basic understanding levelevelHazelnut colored eyesKnow I'm originally intersexed, but will rather just be meKnow my weapons and carsNot afraid to die, death becomes us all, but not before I used my punani.The point I'm trying to make is this easy... We all are unique individuals, our own strengths and weaknesses, desires and fears. By accepting the struggles we had to endure even if it almost took a lifetime for some to maintain or gain the confidence to soldier in and be true to ourselves. Like Jazz who was fortunate enough to present as female from a young age. Kaitlyn on the other side of the spectrum that waited to be true to herself very late in life. Or life me that would verbalize what I was feeling and have always been true to myself but knew for he kind of work I wanted to do, I knew the struggles would inadvertently only allowing me to start transition in my early 30s and keeping a fight I never thought I would have to endure. Oh well, the fight was as I expected unpredictable and unnerving. My humanity was questioned as selfpreservation kicked in and an analytical bitch with fighting and research capabilities. So even if you wished you could've change the past, leave it as is, because we never will be the same for the actions we changed in our past. Lots of love, hugs and kisses. Be who you need to be and forget about the past you wishing to change, as it would inevitably leave a person in your wake that no one can think off or would want to be at any hotel or between people of interest Cheers Michele​

Hi Lady Congrats on physically having arranged your physical alteration to represent the lady you've always been. Yes, life have steps for everyone to climb, but without these steps we wouldn't be learning. Go out, show the world the lady you are. Can't be held back and ready for action. Remember safety first, and lots of hugs Michele

The title of the blog entry... it's not what you think. When I arrived home from work Friday there was a small package waiting for me. Upon opening it, I found thirty smaller packages inside. Well, sachets. My first month's hormone prescription, in thirty neat little packets. As today is Sunday, I've used it twice. And now I have a banging headache and I'm wondering whether it's the T, because that was one of the listed side-effects. It's noted among the many side-effects that could assail me. Of course, the headache could be a complete coincidence. I'll just have to wait and see. It feels good to be finally, officially, changing, even though I'm not stupid enough to think any changes have actually taken place after just two doses. But you know what I mean... If anyone knows what I mean, it's likely to be someone reading this. I'm looking forward to seeing a little redistribution of body fat, and I'm looking forward to noting any changes to my voice. Some of my friends assume that what I'm most looking forward to is growing a beard. But that's not top of the list. I'm assured, by people who have been there & done that, that I'll change my mind. But I am looking forward to shaving properly - or, as someone else suggested I'd soon get fed up of shaving, maybe I'm looking forward to getting fed up of shaving. I shave already - have done for a while - but there's not a lot to remove so I only do it a couple of times per week. So I'm looking forward to having to do it on a daily basis, but that's probably way off in the future. In the meantime, I'll just make a note of anything else that I see happening, to my body or my disposition, over the next few months. And I'll check in regularly on here. To anyone who reads this, have a great week.

Dear Friends, Growing up, I was much closer to my father than to my mother. The physical abuse from my mother started when I was four years old, when she saw me shooting up in height, and that I was not going to be petite like her. Also was physically abused by my father because I was unplanned and not brilliant. Think parents have expectations and hopes for their children, and when they are not fulfilled, parents can be deeply disappointed. If only parents realized that they do not own their children, but are loaned their children by the Higher Power! Am pleased I found reconciliation with both parents well before they died! Your friend, Monica

Dear Jay, May I suggest you keep a writing pad and pen or pencil or even an audio recorder on your night stand. As soon as you wake up from a dream, record it in every detail, and then go back to sleep. Dreams can tell us a lot about ourselves. In my case, I am 58, but I always dream as if I am in my teens or twenties. Also, I use a cane, and I never use a cane in my dreams. Yours truly, Monica

Big hug. Yes

Best wishes Chrissy. Go, go, go. XXX

Yesterday I am walking up to my work area, a woman stops me and ask if she didn’t mind me asking a personal question. Since I have only seen her (there are over 1,000 employees) and not worked with her I figured it’s one of the following stock questions, where did you purchase your shoes or something along the line of transitioning. My perspective was if it’s about my transition (which nobody has mentioned in over eight months) it’s fine as she seems like a good person. After saying yes to her question said I looked familiar but was unsure from where. Then she says, were you once male? I said yes. She then asked if she could hug me and I said yes and she did. Then she says I looked gorgeous which I thanked her for the compliment. She did say if I had said I was always female her next question would had been, do you have a brother or other family member working here as she was not certain on if I was once male. We chit-chatted for a few minutes but the subject of transitioning has passed and onto weather and the little things in life. Next up, I have joined another transgender site, Susan’s Place several months ago and this week was asked to become part of their staff which I accepted. It’s not that Susan’s Place is better than this site (TGuide) but felt the need to move on from here, at least for a while. Just keep in mind that this site (TGuide) is like no other trans site on the web and you should be proud to be here. What I have seen during my time here is a tight nit family of likeminded people who support each other and my wish is for that to keep going. In closing, I hope everyone here is moving forward on their journey and enjoying life. I know not everyone can say they are progressing and for those my wish for those who are not find some peace in their daily life.

Hello Kerig, I like it that you are sharing with us instead of trying to kick down a door, fight someone, or hurt yourself. Much better to vent here and wait to see your therapist. Perhaps also start a personal diary/journal to jot your thoughts down? Only write 1-2 pages/day, so it's no big deal. Helps me a lot! About replying to messages: when you hit the Reply button it copies the text from the previous message into your editor so you can highlight stuff if you want to, and delete the rest. It's handy but you don't have to use it. Instead, just scroll to the bottom of the message(s) and you'll see an editor box waiting for you to type into. Like I'm doing now. When you're finished, just click on "Add Comment." About shaving: I have a lighter beard but I have to shave every day. My wife kind of likes it when I grow it out a little but I don't care for it, and it's my face, right? Isn't it funny how MTFs and FTMs are so opposite. You'd love to have a beard and the downstairs "floppy bits" and I'd love to have breasts and a nice clean face. Take care, Emma