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Best wishes on the healing! I think Karen's advice about the hydration is really good.

So happy all went well other then the bed (it sounds like). Expect to sleep a lot for the next week or so which is normal and eat healthy along with drinking more water than you would normal.

In my opinion, there are three kinds of people when it comes to celebrating the holidays. The first group of people had wonderful memories of the holidays. Even if they came from dysfunctional families, sometimes all the dysfunction stops during the holiday, and, however so briefly, everything is "normal," or even idealistic during the holiday, before returning to the dysfunction of everyday life. Often, as adults, they strive to recreate these idealistic holidays they enjoyed as children, which is often unrealistic and leads to frustration. The second group of people had nightmarish holidays as children, usually caused by dysfunctional and addictive behavior by the adults in the family, which the now-grown children strive to "put right" for their children, only they often have no vision of what a healthy family celebration should look like. If they are lucky, they may have functional/healthy neighbors and friends to show them what a healthy holiday celebration/tradition looks like. The third group, by far the smallest, were lucky to have a functional (although not perfect - no one's perfect!) family life and holiday celebration. Often they are able to replicate it as adults, but not always. Here are some alternatives to celebrating the holidays: Volunteer during the holidays, ie, helping out at a soup kitchen or at an apartment complex for seniors, nursing home or Adult Congregate Living Facility. Also consider helping out at a hospital, preferably a children's hospital.Contact a LGB/T - friendly travel agency, and ask about cruises and vacations during the holidays. If you are single, ask about Christmas vacations that are geared for singles. Often, holiday excursions are deeply discounted.Go out to a restaurant (especially one with beautiful holiday decorations) with a friend or relative that has no one to celebrate the holidays with.Instead of gifts, make donations in honor of friends and family to charity. This is most important when it comes to well - to - do people, who are often very difficult to shop for.Shop year 'round for the holidays, if you can, instead of the last minute.Celebrate the holidays year 'round, such as treating friends and relatives to lunch or giving surprise gifts, and then on the holiday itself, call them or send them a holiday greeting card.Cut back on sending greeting cards.If you are artistic, make greeting cards. There are often free or low cost classes on how to do this, as well as ideas on the Internet.Explore a hobby during the holidays, such as creating artwork, writing or making music.Look at http://www.meetup.com to find holiday alternatives in your locality.Some churches and organizations put on holiday parties on the date or near the date of the holiday.Contact your nearest LGB/T Center for any holidays they may be celebrating or parties they may be giving. Many have these occasions on the actual date of the holiday.Seek out others who may be alone for the holidays, and celebrate with them.You are not alone. Remember almost all people experience stress during the holidays and for a variety of reasons. You can, reduce holiday stress by taking the time to finding your way of celebrating the holidays, instead of following how your family celebrates the holidays or copying how others celebrate the holidays.

I confess, I'm being a bit cheesy here. I always kinda snubby my nose at the resolution thing, because people make them and then forget them January second in my cultural experience. But there are things I want to do so here goes. 1) My kitchen makeover. Aside from the fact that I found actual educational tutorials on how to do something about it all affordably, Nikki was actually excited about my ideas and has the skills I lack in the excecution. And a thanks here to my Grandpa again for giving me the skills I don't lack, because he was always happy to explain what he was doing and teach me about it, and never really bought into the 'girls aren't into things'. 2) Found a really low cost beautiful result flooring idea, that Nikki really loved so explore if this is a potential solution to getting the carpet out of the upstairs and off the staircase (the last of the carpeting in this house, carpet is really unhealhty, and when you are asthmatic and also have a mold/dust/fungi allergy, it's really bad for peeps like me) without having $8,000 to spend on it and again we have the skills between us to do it. This ties into 3. 3) Keep working on the health makeover. We are making progress, but it's easy to say hey, I fixed this one thing, DONE! But the reality is good health really is a lifestyle not just fixing a problem, so...lifetime endeavor. 4) Learning to better identify actual barriers vs. internal mental barriers. My kitchen could have been fixed years ago, if I'd had the idea or information of all the possible options I have that are and have been affordable. It honestly never occurred to me that there WERE affordable options, (three kitchen projects, two for under $100, and one about $300 will completely change the room and make the house much nicer). I just assumed that it would need a full remodel with constructions and thousands of dollars to do anything about it. I think I have this sort of house lack of knowledge and internal barrier thinking on a lot of things, and time to reexamine that and start educating myself not just on how to be a good person (that took a lotta self help thanks to that weird upbringing) and how to help Nikki's depression and such, but how to just do basic day to day living and better organization in going after things I want. 5) More cowbell.

And another potential path to dealing is that like so many other things, holidays are cultural expectation. We are taught these feelings and expectations for the time of year, it's not a natural biological/brain chemical response. We have the choice inside how much weigh to put on this cultural construct while we are figuring it all out. It takes a lot of years, I know, but from personal experience I know it's possible to take a good look at our actual lives, and adjust our internal feelings about them, which has been the absolute best remedy for me personally in dealing with the change, and I'm in group a, the really dysfunctional, trying to have tv perfect holidays, then back to the day to day crap. Realizing after several years that it's just another day altered by the cultural understanding which I never really fit into all that great anyway. This is not a slow process, and not right for everyone, but if you think it might be right for you it's completely worth persuing and can be done. How I ended up on the path is this. We have a holiday here called Sweetest Day. It's basically a second Valentine's Day that Hallmark made up to sell cards in thier off season between the summer wedding season and the winter holidays. I had never heard of it growing up on the east coast where it didn't catch on, and my freinds in Jersey still tell me they've only ever heard about it from me when I ask outta curiousity. So I watched people scrabble about to make it a 'perfect holiday' for their so's like they do in feb for Valentine's day, and it was a revelation. Holidays are just social made up things, and I had the choice to participate or not. (Once someone wrote down the name of the holiday for me and I understood it, I kept makeing swedish meatballs because I thought they were saying Swedish Day and I Thought it was some heritage celebration locally like the German Festival they do annually in Toledo with all the food, not just beer). And I didn't feel left out, or alone on years I didn't have either a boyfriend or girlfriend at the time. And that made me stop and look at the other holidays, and realize...they're the same. So now Christmas isn't a huge deal other than having a bit of fun looking at all the bling all around town and a nice family dinner with gifts. And if the gifts and family dinner went away, no big deal. Because I spent years working out my internal feelings vs. the cultural ones I was taught and get externally reinforced. It was...freeing. What other paths have you guys taken? I'm curious what my other options were aside from Monica's excellent suggestions and the one I took.

Hi again, I wanted to post some more now that I've actually had my surgery (YAY!!!!), especially for anyone thinking about or planning the surgery themselves - everyone's experience is different, but this might give some things to consider: Monday, Dec. 26 - I arrived in Philadelphia and checked-in to my hotel. Went to a Target Express nearby to load up on food and beverages for the days after surgery when I'd be at the hotel, knowing that getting out for food would be tough. Around noon I started bowel prep (Magnesium Citrate and Dulcolax, and a couple of other prescriptions). That went on through the day, culminating in an enema at 4 a.m. I unpacked and tried to set things up as much as I could to be ready for when I got back - then I packed my bag of stuff to go to the hospital (including Cinnamon, my new stuffed bear). Tuesday, Dec. 27 - I had to be at the hospital by 10:30 a.m., and it's only a few minutes away from here. I was still up early - nerves no doubt. My brother called to check-in and asked if someone could call him when the surgery was done. Around 9:30 I got a call from the hospital asking if I could show up early, Dr. Rumer was running early. So I left and got to the hospital before 10 a.m. (Hahnemann University Hospital - it's affiliated with Drexel University). I went through check-in - a bunch of questions standard for any surgery. Got changed into the gowns they gave me. Then the anesthesiologist came by and put in the tube (or whatever it is they put in). I saw Dr. Rumer and her PA quickly - people kept asking if I had any questions, but really I didn't. Got taken into the operating room at 11:09 a.m. (they call it when the patient is brought in), and got moved to the operating table. Next thing I know I wake up in another room. They had called my brother at 1:40, so I know it took about 2.5 hours in total. I called him around 4:00 when I was more coherent I spent the next 2 days in a hospital bed, unable to get up or move much at all. My only real complaint is that the bed had about a 2" mattress, which I think is way too small for being on bedrest for 2 days (I told the PA about that later). The nurses were nice, but it took a long time to get almost anything. I do know that I couldn't do their job, and they don't make enough money (I don't know how much they make, but it can't be enough). So my new vagina is still packed, and has 3 tubes coming out of it - 1 going to a Foley bag (urine) and 2 going to smaller containers collecting blood. The nurses periodically emptied them. I had no hunger, which was good because the food was truly awful (how do you make scrambled eggs not good!?!?). Thursday, Dec. 29 - I got discharged - yay!!! It took forever, but it finally happened. Before that I had to actually get up and start moving, which was so much harder than I expected - I did fine with it, but there was light-headedness and nausea. They sent me back to the hotel in a taxi - and I've been here since. Pretty much staying in bed except to go to the bathroom (including emptying the bags) and getting food. I don't really feel any pain from the surgery - the biggest pain is my butt from the hospital bed, that's the main reason I've been taking the percocet since then. On Tuesday morning I got for my follow-up, which is when they'll remove the tubes and packing. Then I stay one more night (to make sure everything is ok after they take the stuff out) and go home the next day. Emotionally - I won't lie, on Thursday I had moments when I thought I might be feeling regret, but it was entirely about how I was feeling and knowing that the surgery caused that - as I've started feeling more normal any such thoughts went away and I'm getting back to feeling thrilled about this :-) (I think that will be complete when the packing comes out and I can actually see it) More later! xoxo Chrissy

Karen, Thanks for sharing this! I've thought a lot about assimilation in the past few months as I've basically been trying to do it myself. Ultimately I agree with you that it's important to be available to help others as we can - for me it was (is?) driven by a desire to adjust my social life - for about 20 years of living as a gay man I had built a social life around that, so it was important to me to shift that now that I'm (authentically) living as a straight woman. Especially since I would very much like to be in a relationship (that would be hard to come by at gay bars). Having said all that, I'm definitely not trying to leave behind the LGBTQ community :-) xoxo Chrissy