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For the very first time I went out to dinner dressed last week and spent a couple of days in skinny jeans, leggings, and my tunic tops. Also wore a couple of my skirt/top outfits. I also received a lot of lessons in makeup and wig care. I learned so much! And I just felt wonderful. True, I also learned that, frankly, makeup is hard to learn, and I prefer to wear as little of it as possible. And the wig is hot and not very comfortable. Thankfully my natural hair may be okay so I'm growing it out to see. I guess that will take 6-12 months to know. But I also learned that I really would love to transition. Not soon, as I want to explore some more, talk to others, and settle on a plan. I'm currently heading north through Washington and soon through British Columbia to Alaska. Not a good time to mix it up with electrolysis, hormones, and all. But I will have lots of hours behind the wheel and I've ordered some voice lesson DVDs and a CD. Who knows, in a couple of months I may be able to have a much more feminine voice. I sure hope so! Emma P.S. Eyebrow waxing hurts but it's over quickly. I'm told that I now need to find someone every 2-3 weeks to repeat it or risk losing the line that she gave me. I'm sure I can do that in Seattle but in the upper part of BC or Alaska? We'll see. :-)

Oh you know, having a bit of a breakdown after I had to put down my Murder Kitty at only five years old. But ​Murder Kitty will not tolerate vet care, and while his condition was fixable, only with a LOT of constant vet care. No one at our clinic has ever seen anything like his reaction to them. So it was best to let him go quietly. Then I tried to keep busy working on the great life reorganization plan, and I realized the great life reorganization plan exists outside of theory and had a panic breakdown. It was a dumb idea on my part to agree to change EVERYTHING in my life at once. I have deep seated security issues, and this amorphous shapeless mass of a future crushed me. I should have known better. I got so focused on what Nikki needed, somewhere in the last four months or so I sorta forgot I exist. And my mom gave the only heirloom I ever wanted, that we fought over for years cuz she wouldn't even let me USE the dishes on holidays even though she never used them even once, to my cousin, and when I objected told me I'd never expressed any interest. SO much fun realizing you don't exist for your family unless your standing in front of them. But we're moving away sometime soon. It's better now though. NIKKI GOT A JOB! Yup, he leaves his current crappy one in two weeks, and is getting a raise and a more responsible position. And it's only an hour north of the city we wanted to live in, so tomorrow we're going to a small town that is exactly between his job and the city where we have friends and stuff to do, about a half hour either way, and see if we want to consider living there. The other option is a city north of his job that is bigger, but further from target city. So if we hate small town we have a fall back plan. I'm sorta excited to go check this place out. We still have to sell this house obviously, but Nikki's commute is only an hour until we do, and he's done longer commutes before. He's gonna have a normal m-f schedule again. Hooray! And his current job that is eliminating his department in like two weeks still hasn't even communicated what was going to happen to him or my best friend who works there, so the timing was LOVELY. I'm really happy for him, and me, and having a direction is giving that future a sorta shape. It's still all amorphous and scary, but it's starting to have a definite shape which is making me feel better. We're moving in with Mom in September until the house sells and we get a new one so we can offer immediate possession to the buyer and no stress trying to orchestrate the two transactions. But I'm not crying in the corner anymore, so I'm back on the internet. Missed ya!