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So. I'd been doing rather well mostly the last year or two medically, ever since that emergency surgery issue in 2015. So...Cobra for insurance between Nikki's old job and new job is $875 a month. We don't have that much extra money. We just don't, even with the really nice raise new job has afforded us. And of course, I develop a problem. My stomach acid is trying to digest the rest of me. Acid reflux gone crazy. *headdesk* I have to more months until there is insurance again. And I'm REALLY hesitant to scrounge up the money to go to the urgent care, for fear of what the senate is doing with the legislation and inadvertently getting a 'pre-existing condition' and having them repeal that protection and then I'm really in trouble. So in the meantime, trying to control it with life style changes as best I can. I just ordered a $300 pillow. Seriously. It's called a medcline, and if anyone else here has acid reflux, look it up and see if it's good for you. I'm a side sleeper, so sleeping on a wedge is a big issue for me. This medcline thing is a wedge, but it has a hole built in for your arm, which both holds you onto the wedge at night and comfortable gives your arm a place to go on the wedge, but also keeps you on the left side, which reduces the acids ability to escape. Now I have to wait for it. Changed my diet according to the recommendations, and it's slowing down the burning feelings, but this really sucks. Either way, it's a good reminder to myself to not get complacent about what they are doing with medical care laws. For me, this problem is temporary. For millions of retail and food service workers for example off the top of my head, this is every day reality. Someone asked me why I care so much the other day, when I have access generally. And this is why, because I can't imagine not having a reasonable end date to being able to get help, and then in two more months being able to. There is a real fatigue in following the political crazy, but it's important. Love to you all, and I hope you're all in good health.

Hi all, I just wanted to do a quick post, yesterday was "officially" my 2 year anniversary of transitioning. I arguably started before that, but August 10, 2015 is when I began "presenting full-time" as a woman, and I haven't looked back :-) It was shortly (like days) after that I started on HRT. It's also now been almost a year since my breast augmentation surgery. When I look back, especially in the approach to my GCS (in December last year) I remember thinking about whether or not I would regret it. I really didn't believe I would, I think it was just that even the remotest possibility of that could have been devastating (since GCS is, for all practical purposes, irreversible). I haven't spend even a short moment of regret, so that fear didn't come to pass. The only moment that was even like it (but wasn't regret) was after 2 days of bed rest after surgery when I first had to stand up - it was such a weird, disorienting, uncomfortable feeling that I remembered wondering why I would have done this to myself - but that was just a response to how I felt at the moment, it wasn't a regret about what the surgery was for. I think the key for me to not being in a position where I would regret anything was that I took my time. It may not seem like it, given how much happened in just 2 years (and I recognize that objectively that is a pretty quick transition time), but when you're actually living it day to day, it's a pretty long time. But the process also mattered - at each point I took a small step, I figured out how I felt about it, and if it felt right, I took the next small step. I didn't try to immerse myself in living as a woman (not that that can't be the right approach for others, but this is what worked for me). The first few steps were in simpler acts of feminizing my look, until it drifted to a point where I had to go full on. Even then I was fortunate to have a friend who did a drag show and she let me guest perform, which gave me a "safe" place to present as a woman in front of a bunch of people. I did that quite a few times (she was really amazing, she pretty much let me guest perform whenever I wanted, I give her so much credit for helping me through the transition process). Each step not only felt right, but it felt like it wasn't enough, so moving on to the next step was easy, even necessary. I recall at an early early part of the process a good friend asked if I thought I would get "bottom surgery," and I said, totally sincerely, "probably not." I meant it completely at the time, but through the process that I went through I came to realize that it was something I wanted. One important thing that I've learned (or at least tried to learn) over time is to be aware of my privilege. I'm not Caitlyn Jenner, I'm not a rich white woman who could basically disappear and then re-emerge a few months later as a woman - I had to do it in real life, I had to transition while going to work, while riding the subway, while grocery shopping, etc. But still, I was fortunate to have insurance that covered most of the expenses (and the benefit of working in New York, where insurance companies are required to cover transition expenses). I also had a job that was not only ok with my transition, I think they really liked that I was doing it. And I was especially privileged in having close friends who were totally supportive and helped in so many ways as I worked through the process (especially my friend who was thrilled to have a new make-up shopping buddy and to share her knowledge of doing make-up). I'm also fortunate to have this website and the collective experience of everyone on it! There are so many people who don't have that kind of access and that kind of support - so I'm always looking for ways to help out (not financially unfortunately, being a full time college student doesn't leave me with much - any - discretionary spending money). Ways to be supportive individually, and ways to advocate more publicly for changes that will benefit transgender people with less resources (right now we have to fight Trump to just not lose ground - but there's always room for improvement). So that's all I have for this anniversary edition :-) xoxo Chrissy

Hi Chrissy, what a wonderful post! I will return to it as there is so much wisdom there. I really feel similar about taking one's time, taking baby steps. I've not transitioned as yet but I see it on the hazy horizon. Some weeks ago I'd made plans to accelerate, to work on so many things at once, so I would present publicly by the end of August. A couple of weeks ago while driving back toward Seattle I found my anxiety increasing, almost to a panic. And then I had an epiphany: it's okay to downshift and go slow and as you said, it's probably for the best at least for you and me. So that's what I'm doing and am enjoying myself a lot more. It feels right, like today I am wearing skinny jeans, a shirt that is pretty androgynous (but is male), and athletic women's pumps. Because of the skinny jeans I can't put my wallet and keys into the pants pockets so I'm bringing a bag that here again can go either way: it's a canvas messenger bag. I'm still a little nervous but it's more like excitement, as I will be meeting with my real estate agent, and later, attending a large party for the Obliteride bicycle ride that I'll be riding on Sunday. Please keep sharing your experiences and advice. You have so much to offer. Best wishes, Emma

when i went shopping a while back with my androgynous ex-girlfriend/fashion consultant, she chose very slim/tight fitting buffalo jeans with spandex for me after i tried on several different ones. the pockets have just enough room for keys and wallet but the keys are a little uncomfortable. the jeans seem very androgynous in style to me, but most people think in binary gender terms and allow little leeway in male clothes so anything not definitely masculine seems feminine to them.

Emma, It's funny you mentioned that about the jeans - recently I was having lunch with a male friend who said that a girl he dated pointed out that he had women's jeans on. He seemed ok with that idea, but wasn't positive - the first question I asked about them (he wasn't wearing them at that moment) was "do they have essentially useless pockets?" (they did, so yes, they were women's jeans). I learned that it's both that the pockets are smaller, and the jeans are partly made of spandex, so they pull in (which means if your keys will fit, they'll hurt because they're being pulled into your leg). Something else re timing that I didn't think about before - I was kind of ready to start transitioning around April or May of that year (2015), but I was working at a school and I did a lot of exam proctoring. Since exams were about to happen, I didn't want the first time students (at least the ones who knew me) seeing me as a woman to be when they're about to take a final exam, so I waited until the semester and exams were done. The nice part was that meant that the students were gone, faculty was gone, and staff were on and off vacation - so I had a couple of months to get used to presenting as a woman at a pretty empty school. So by late August when classes started again I was much more comfortable. xoxo Chrissy

Hi Bree, it's great to hear from you but I'm sorry that you're feeling poorly and also, confronting such insurance isssues. I'm fine but will soon also be talking to insurance folks and I am very apprehensive. I'm seeing other specialists now (about trans transition stuff) and am asking them to avoid documenting my preexisting condition. I know you know what I mean. I really hope your pillow and diet control helps you past this. That has to be so worrisome. Just please be careful that you don't wait so long that the issue gets to be so big that, well, it gets too big. The most important thing is your health. XOXO Emma

Dear Christie, In my opinion, it is not what a person says, but HOW they say it. The transgender community is so diverse and changing so fast, that it can be overwhelming to learn about or question it. My suggestion is for people to study from REPUTABLE sources on the Internet and elsewhere, and start with where they resonate the most. Have a Happy Holiday! Yours truly, Monica