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Last night I met a male friend for dinner whom I've known since first grade - quite a long while. I'd told him via email that I'm trans a couple of months ago and he was supportive, so he wasn't particularly surprised when I appeared in skinny jeans, athletic pumps, and with studs in my earlobes. He's a successful corporate attorney and is friendly, very articulate, and handsome with designer glasses, died hair, and clothing that while very casual were color- and style-perfect for the occasion. But as an attorney, and a man, he consistently talked over me, peppering me with questions and thoughts while I tried to hold up my side of the conversation. Things like: "You're not going undergo genital mutilation, are you?" I was able to tell him that for me that's a bit over the horizon but also possible. I wasn't able to educate him on the fact that this surgery is in no way any kind of 'mutilation' with what that implies. I will be sending an email to him on that subject. "You're not interested in men?" I tried to tell him that sexuality and gender are orthogonal and unrelated but here again all I could tell him is that I'm only interested in women; I'm a lesbian. None of his comments or body language were delivered in any kind of negative way or overtone. He's told his parents who said that they wish me the best too, and his father (whom I haven't seen in over 40 years) said that he thought I'd make an attractive woman. I was just kind of taken aback at his assumptions and ignorance. As I said I'll send a follow up email to clear this up but imagine how hard it is to effectively us to people whom we've never met?

Hi all, So I anticipated being more detailed, but that wasn't really very practical in this setting :-) Suffice to say I really enjoyed the conference and got a lot out of it. In some cases it was learning that I already a fair amount of what they were talking about, which is always nice, but I definitely learned a few new things. The only downside was one of the last panels I attended - "White Supremacy in Trans Relationships." The title probably should have been a warning - the fact that they used "white supremacy" instead of "white privilege" definitely reflected the views of the moderators, there was a good amount of hate going on and attempts at shaming. I plan to write to the conference organizers about it - I have no issue with being made uncomfortable about my white identity, but I don't think it should have happened at this conference and certainly not in the way it happened. This conference is about community in our gender identity, it's not right to shame people about other parts of their identity - not here. Otherwise everything was great! I had dinner with a couple of friends from NYC on Friday night - they had gone down on Friday, but I had just finished 2 full days. I commented at one point that "I had never had to be transgender for so long before" - I meant it to be humorous by with a point too. I was feel good about the conference but also pretty exhausted, and I think part of that is that I really don't activate that part of my identity for such long periods at a time on a regular basis. It's fine, I survived, but it was an interesting learning experience. Maybe the biggest thing I discovered - about myself that is - compared to when I attended last year is that I'm so much more comfortable about who I am now than I was back then. xoxo Chrissy

Good for you Chrissy! Being comfortable - and happy - in our own skin is what it's all about.

So day 1 is done - such a long day! I volunteered to help with set up, so I was there starting at 6 a.m. But all totally worth it :-) On a matter of personal achievement first - during one of the panels I actually spoke during the Q&A. Perhaps seems small, but 3 or 4 years ago there's no way I would have done that - it was a fairly large room with about 50-60 people. No way. So that's a nice sign of what transitioning has done for me :-) The most interesting/controversial part was a lecture on "The Biology of Gender." It was a single presenter discussing the science and theories behind gender identity and gender variation. During the Q&A several people criticized it from the perspective that it was very binary - and he generally agreed (that the research itself tends to be biased in favor of the binary). Fair enough. However, I think this is an area where science and culture get conflated sometimes. Leaving aside the terms "sex" and "gender" for a moment - in my view there are 2 things going on: (1) there is what we are born, physiologically, biologically, neurologically, etc., and (2) there is the social construct that got built on top of that - sometimes with some basis, usually not. Regarding #1, I think we all exist on a spectrum from male to female - some in between, some "mixed" at birth (at least I think that's the prevalent theory about being transgender - genitalia developed one way, the brain the other). I also think that most reputable scientists - although they shorthand it as "male or female" - acknowledge that it's a spectrum and not a binary (they don't, for example, deny the existence of intersex individuals). Anyway - I'm not sure why I just started that, but curious if others have thoughts :-) xoxo Chrissy

Great job Chrissy with your presentation. My thought for trangender medicine are as follow. The body with introduction of hormone of opposing sex make things to happen regardless of personal beliefs. There are cases when thai boys are given estrogen and sold as lady boys into prostitution at young age. Because of the suceptible nature of children and the growing popularity of the internet and a growing amount of transgender people as a result, i question if this is awareness as much as it is going be about issues like insecurity, being bullied, or blindly following others down a long road that unwittingly lead to sterilization. It's also possible that the awareness has made it easier to talk about. Had things been different for me, maybe I would have fathered children. Given my roll of the dice, I dont think that going to happen. Medical tests that should have been perform for me, were not and i had to live in secrecy for year and years afraid to tell anyone. Because of the length of time I have not been expose to tetosterone (almost my entire life) and the already existent amount of estrogen within my body, it easy to see why I chose the latter even though I am biological male. I do not want to put myself through the upheaval of dealing with large amounts of testosterone now when i have lived my life without it. That why I am a TransWoman because I choose to be it. It makes sense to me why I could not be a man and why I dont want to take the elixir of T. Whether my identity as a transwoman arose at young age due to the lack of testosterone or was inherent in me since birth is a mystery. I'm not focus on that. I'm happy to live as I am now. The estrogen was scary for me as well as changing genders, but illusions fall aside and the truth reveals itself. This internal conflict of living a false identity resolved itself and I felt PEACE. I did it for myself and not others. I hope those who choose to transition, consider the same. The estrogen gave me confidence in myself and made me love who I am and I never experience this when i identified as male.

So I need to start going through my house every coupla years and just looking at the stuff that is lying around/saved somewhere. I have saved some really useless junk over the years. Anyone remember the Isle of Lost Toys from the old Christmas specials? Apparently we are running the Sanctuary of Lost Cords. Which of course Nikki won't let me throw any of those out because we might need them some amorpheous day in the future. Fine, he let me throw most of the rest of the junk out, and we can do a great device to cord matchup event when we settle to be sure what is junk beyond doubt I guess. It really is amazing the accumulation of things in an average life. We're not shoppers, we go outta her way to not do that. We're not garage sale hounds, or antique hunters, or any sort of real collectors of anything. I can only imagine how much more stuff people who enjoy those things either have to dispose of often or build up. Well, back to work. At least until the Cheeto declares everything in the country as his. I'm surprised that man hasn't tried to pass an act yet that he owns everything and we have to pay rental on our things. After the pay to have them in the first place, of course.

So I just saw photos of St. Maarten after Irma passed through. On top of the horror for those people, there is this creepy feeling. I was there, in March, with Ashe. We lounged on a beautiful beach, we had lunch at this awesome open air restaurant right on the beech and iguanas joined us for the lunch, there was a drive through the beautiful now underwater streets. It just feels weird when it's somewhere you have been. Like when I see flood photos from the one we had here. It's not a feeling of extra bad, it's just oddly disorienting to me and I have no idea what my brain's issue with it is. I looked at the livestreams on Key West, another place I've been and enjoy watching on cam when I'm far away, and it's just so eerie to see how deserted it was. Also reassuring that the people have gone to safer ground on the mainland. The storm has not yet hit key west, but the winds are already amazingly and unusually loud on the cams that have sound. I can only imagine what it will be like when the actual storm hits. There was a collection truck near the Kroger's by us collecting for Harvey, and I found myself wondering how long til it's for both. And then I further wondered how bad it's going to be. I remember how bad Katrina was, with the Fema director really nepotism-based friend of bush's and no clue how to actually handle a disaster, and Harvey is in two separate states, with Irma barreling up to take on a third state. I'm not really confident our current dysfunctional government is going to handle this well. And I'm not sure what is going to happen to the insurance companies. They function based on the idea that these massive disasters are few and far between, and it hasn't really been all that long since Katrina. I also worry what else the Caribbean is going to shoot up our way before the end of storm season. And Houston/Harvey is also a glaring warning of another issue that I fear people will ignore. A group of scientists warned them they were paving over too much grassland several years back, explaining that it was going to magnify flood issues in the city. They were ignored, the grassland was paved over because "what do you science guys know" and now they are paying for it. New Orleans kept trying to get federal aid to fix the aging levees prior to Katrina, and were ignored. Safety and infrastructure have fallen by the wayside in favor of legislating morality and corporate profits in my opinion, and it's only going to get more dangerous as time goes on. ​ I really worry for the future generations. Heck, I worry what is going to happen in the next forty or so years while I'm still here.

I agree, Chrissy. I was really taken aback. He said it without any disdain or attitude but clearly that's how he considered GCS. Hopefully the email I sent to him will clear that up.

Wow, "genital mutilation." What does one say? My GCS surgeon was on a panel I saw yesterday and my thought was "she's the person who made me (physically) right." Far cry from "mutilation" ☺ I'm not surprised on the sexual orientation part, even LG people seem to often have a problem knowing the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.

Lately, I have been having some difficulty loading the transgender guide. It has been very intermittent, and I don’t know why. Last night, I could get on, but no one was in the CD chat room. I was all gussied up with my new four-inch pumps and my thigh high stockings. At first, I put on my floral romper, but then changed into my leopard print dress—much sexier. But I had no one to visit with, so I ended up going to bed. Just as well. Tonight, I am wearing my new clam diggers with a yellow Walmart t-shirt and my new gold belt. Simple, but sexy too. I do think I am kind of cute.Maybe a little vain as well. I have fallen in love with being Michelle Lea. I must put her on hold for most of the day now, however. A major hurricane is approaching, and the neighborhood is getting ready. This means much more interaction with my neighbors than I usually have. So, this morning, I bid adieu to my painted toenails so as not to cause confusion with my neighbors. What could I say? I was bored, and it was something to do? I don’t think they would understand. Net ready yet. It is the reality of things. I’m about as ready as I am going to be. I have been in Florida long enough to have been through multiple hurricane threats that didn’t materialize, and one that did. I don’t think we’re going to avoid this one and it is a monster. I think we’ll make it through, but I don’t know for sure. If the house blows away, all bets are off. I’ll find our old wills tomorrow and send them to the girls. Better than nothing. At least, I was able to dress for a little while. We’ll see.

Hey Michelle, You be careful now, you hear? And as best you can, let us know how it goes for you. I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you. Best wishes, Emma

Thanks for the tips. I'm more casual tonight, but still loving the look.