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I have no idea where you're located, Jeff, your religious affiliations, etc. I came across this article earlier today and regardless, it's an excellent addition within mainstream media that the curtains are really being pulled back about the presence and lives of trans people. In this case, highlighting that areas in the Southeast are more welcoming than in the Northeast. It's also focused on trans girls and boys, adding more anecdotal examples of their realities and validity. I highly recommend it: Trans in the South: Meet Kids Finding Acceptance in the Bible Belt

I have now read the entire correspondence. And I agree with most of the advice. As a young person I remember day dreaming a lot. Wishing and dreaming of other possibilities. I have always been extremely creative and have always loved to role-play. I was transgender when I was born but I just did not even know what this meant. Yet my behavior of being like a girl was something I struggled with for many years. Physically I was very girl like in body and I was bullied guite a bit when I was young. About my thoughts - I also thought the thoughts and feelings I had would just go away if I took control and fought them off. Today I know this is not possible, however, in my case I have adjusted to the fact I will push the envelope but I never plan to transition. For me I have a loving family and I do not want to lose this part of what I have, over taking drastic changes to have my gender and body match. Now if I had known what I know today, if it had been possible in the 60's, I would had considered going for a body sex change. (My dad was very harsh with me and likely would not have supported me in this decision.) Really in the 60's there was nothing like the technology and knowledge available allowing for the possibility of this kind of change. Thus you actually can decide today - but the real battle is within the mind. Sorry this is so complicated - but it is. Society is really part to blame. Labeling our genders is like mind police controlling our thoughts. So much would be better if limits - laws- rules were not placed on our gender views. Most people except the limits as they are a secure place for them to be in. (Cis gender) If a person with mixed gender views/creative thought is put a box/prision the tendency is to want to break out. To free themselves. Still I see many directions possible for you. May the best way be the path you take

Hello JeffDad, I just started to review this thread and will look at it in depth tomorrow. What I do want to say is firstly, there are many variations within being transgender and there are also just as many solutions a person with transgender tendencies can come up with. Not everything is final and black and white. I look at gender more as a discovery and a journey. To be safe one needs to develop a path that allows a person to be as functional as possible. This state of happiness and self fulfillment are paramount. What I think I am hearing is you need more time to develop a plan for success for your child. To do this I agree that a really good counselor is the place to start. (I have one - a Christian Counselor) Any counselor you chose needs to have a real understanding of gender issues as well as the dynamics of family. Ok - the hormone blocker could be there to buy you more time to work things out Maybe the final solution would be to go through transition????; but really there are so many other possibilities. There also may be another root cause - my own counselor told me many of us are wounded by unresolved shame and brokenness. I have been doing regression therapy. And yes, I have been diagnosed as transgender. Hope this helps a-bit - From my own profile - I mention the issue of freedom and creativity. Because most of us are stifled by the world with its' gender stereotypes, we are often sicker for it. If I want to wear a dress - why can't I? Sometimes I feel we are forced to change gender to better fit an acceptable world view. More soon - I really want the best for you - and thanks for reaching out. D

Dear Friends, Highly recommend the National Geographic Discussion Guide for Teachers and Parents and the January 2017 Special Issue of National Geographic Magazine on the Shifting Landscape of Gender to EVERYONE! Also, please check out Emma's links on the Megyn Kelly TODAY Gender Cool Project. Thank you, Emma, for bringing this to our attention. Yours truly, Monica

Sorry, I have to add something here. "This world" is actually so much much better for trans people than it ever has been. The fact that shows like Megyn Kelly's and so many others are highlighting and celebrating our existence. Yes, there is prejudice, confusion, and lack of awareness. Those are things we can work on. I am 62 and well remember surreptitiously reading articles about Christine Jorgensen and others, growing up in extreme shame and secrecy, constantly aware of how I was being perceived and trying to adapt to be what didn't feel natural for me, often hating myself for my feelings that I simply couldn't suppress. I tried so hard, I really did. Perhaps you can elaborate on what this sentence means for you? And here's an issue from National Geographic that might help: GENDER REVOLUTION "Read the historic January 2017 Special Issue of National Geographic magazine on the shifting landscape of gender and download our discussion guide for teachers and parents" Just now I downloaded the Nat Geo discussion guide. Really, it's excellent. I suggest also sharing it with your child. She/he may find it very helpful in understanding themself and provide concepts and words that facilitate talking with you and professionals. It's that good.

Jeff, These words say a lot, I think. The first step in helping your child is to come to an understanding that to be transgender is real. Regardless of what therapists told me I needed to believe it myself. I did a heck of a lot of research to the point where it was undeniable to me. The next step is to try to determine if your child really is trans. Unfortunately there is no objective test. So what to do then? Listen to your daughter, take her to see qualified therapists and professionals. (Be careful, there are quacks out there too.) I know you are and I hope you'll continue to ask more. Through all this you'll gain a better understanding and thus confidence in helping your child. I'm not sure if this (below) will help but just in case, it's an email I received from my ex-wife a little over a year ago, a month after I drove away from the home we had shared. We were married for 20 years and divorced because we determined together that for me to become myself we had to be apart. We remain very close to this day, often on the phone together, and are making plans to get together this Thanksgiving at her place or mine. "Happy birthday my sweet __________, Wish I could be there to celebrate your day. And what a wonderful day it was 61 years ago when you arrived on this earth. This is your year to celebrate yourself and become who you really are. Be brave, be strong, be true, be honest in this journey. Remember that I will aIways love you. You are the finest person I have ever known and I thank God that you are in my life. Have the best day ever. Love, _______"

Dear Jeff, No, you're not coming across as callous at all. All I hear is a very concerned and worried father trying to do his loving best for his child. I have several thoughts I'd like to share: 1. Helping your daughter bind her breasts. On the one hand that's so kind and thoughtful of you. On the other it reminds me of the boy sticking his finger in the dyke. The waters are going to rise, her puberty is going to continue. I dearly hope that in parallel with this you are working with a qualified gender therapist and considering puberty blocker. 2. "I do not want her to be in this world." Are you more worried about her not becoming and rejoicing in being a young woman? Or, are you worried about how society may treat her? 3. Suicide: yes, 41% of trans adults in the US have attempted it at least once. I have, 2-3 times. The last one (about 3 years ago as I recall) was very close. Why do we do this? Because we are so torn up inside, losing the fight against our gender dysphoria and feeling helpless in the battle to become our authentic selves. For teens it's even harder because they have no resources and are so desperate for their parents' love and support. Without that they are stuck, not knowing what to do. They also know lots about how teens are committing suicide. 4. "While I understand that you believe you are transgender, has this decision to live this way really made your lives better?" Yes, I am 100% better off than before. I have no doubt in my mind that I am living authentically as the real me. Do I wish I was born female? Of course, and it saddens me that I wasn't. But there's nothing I can do about that and my life is so much richer and happy than I've ever been before. I believe your question comes from an understandable lack of understanding. I'm sure you've heard that people whose internal sense of gender matches their birth sex are called cisgender or "cis," and those whose gender doesn't match are transgender or "trans." Clearly, you are a cis male: great! I'm happy for you, I really am. But because of that it's so hard to wrap your mind around what it is to be trans. It just seems odd, foreign, unreal. But real it is. I'll share a story about me. I am very binary in that I have no doubt that my gender is female. But the label "transgender" is an umbrella term that includes many other gender feelings including "non-binary." My therapist is non-binary and I have a couple of friends who are also. Now that is something I can't wrap my brain around! I don't get it. I believe that they experience it but no matter how hard I try I just don't understand what it feels like to be them. But I accept their reality to be as real and valid as mine. Perhaps these videos will help you, I hope. They are quite recent and show Megyn Kelly with parents and teens of the GenderCool Project: Five Transgender Teens On The GenderCool Project And How Important Support Is | Megyn Kelly TODAY Siblings Of Transgender Girl: It Profoundly Affected Me In Such A Positive Way | Megyn Kelly TODAY Hear The Inspiring Message One Transgender Girl And Her Parents Want To Share | Megyn Kelly TODAY GenderCool Project Founders On Myths Of Transgender Kids & Rollback Of Rights | Megyn Kelly TODAY Be well, and please, stay in touch. We only wish to help you and your child.

To everyone that has commented on my post.... thank you. I am trying to get as much information as possible to help my child. She is very upset about starting to grow breasts. I got her KT tape and learned how to use it. My wife and her did the actual taping but I directed as I know the most about it. We are also going to get her a binder to see if she likes that in addition or instead. I am really trying to help my child and the pain is awful. Watching videos of a transgender man with a beard putting on trans tape having long sagging boobs is very disconcerting. It doesn't seem right at all. I see both of my daughter's friends in little dresses and hair and nails done and want that sooooo badly for my daughter. I do not want her to be in this world. Almost everyone who is transgender seems to have attempted suicide at least once or thinks about it very often. Some of you have even mentioned this in your posts. While I understand that you believe you are transgender, has this decision to live this way really made your lives better? If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions.

Dear Christy, Your advice is spot-on, but I meant YouTube for the parents, NOT the children. Am very sorry I did not make this more clear. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jeff, May I add to Emma's and Mike's excellent comments that there are excellent stories on YouTube, if you would go to www.YouTube.com, and Google, "Transgender Children." There you will find some excellent stories about children who are transgender and their parents. Also, there is a PBS channel that has some excellent programming on this topic, called World Channel. Their website is www.WorldChannel.org. Please stay in touch and feel free to ask questions. We are here for you. Yours truly, Monica

Hi Jeff, I just came across your post; you bring up many understandable concerns and worries. I certainly agree: - There are no objective tests to determine if one is transgender. - We all wish our feelings, the ones we experience as trans and for our children, would just go away. - We all worry that we will be miserable in life, marginalized and unloved. And yet, we know, from clear existence proofs, that transgender people really exist. The science is trying to catch up, just give it time. I’m 62, and since I was in preschool I wished my feelings would just go away. Believe me, please, I’ve tried. I’ve been married twice, the second time for more than 20 years to a woman who still loves me dearly and I love her too. But in the end I tried to commit suicide a couple of times because I wasn’t living authentically. As a trans woman I am not miserable in life. Yes, it has its challenges but it’s actually very delightful compared with the alternative where I was largely waiting for life to run out. I don’t suppose you’ll find that very helpful. For me, the first step was to do enough research to convince myself that to be transgender is real, valid. After that, I struggled with determining that I am indeed trans. And then, what to do about it. I suggest you try following a similar path. Determining if your child is trans or not is tough of course. No, no one is going to push hormones or surgeries before your child and you/your wife are ready. That said, there may be an urgency to all this to start puberty blockers. From what I have seen and read they are harmless. But you need to convince yourself. Please talk to all the professionals you can find. Note also, please, that there is a conference in early August in Seattle called Gender Odyssey. They have a Family Program that you may find very helpful. I suggest that you look into it. With warm regards, Emma