My goodness, BA, what a horrible childhood. Mine sucked but nothing like yours.
My mother was manic depressive, often in her bed, never loving. My father was nice but I didn’t know him because he was always at work. As an only child I basically took care of myself while tiptoeing around the house in real fear that I’d get yelled at, spanked, or both. My mother committed suicide when I was 24 and, truth be told, I wasn’t sad. Just ready to move on.