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Actually, yesterday, I found out that the company is looking for a new assistant for me (well, whoever is operating the machine that I run). I figured I should probably see if my supervisor could get as much of a read as he could on getting someone that would be friendly to the LGTBQ community and explained why it was probably a good idea. He said he would see what he could do and let me know that his 21 year old son (biological male) is going through a similar situation. I'm glad I took the chance, but I know it could have been a disaster. Still hanging in there, Tilly

the need to feel wanted is a very strong emotion in its own way

the choice thing was not my preference but what would i put up with to keep a man in my life before srs was achieved

i have been alone for about 15-20 years with few places of connection in person not by written word. i miss and want human touch more than even sex,it is being held or touched in a caring manner.

so we as trans need to find out what we truly want in that arena before finding ourselves in an attempted rape,men can be like that when not given what they see as their due.

one very important thing to remember about your image and your orientation if you look very doable at some time a guy may get very insistent about doing you even if you are not ready to accept that attention. so prepare yourself to know what you can allow,all cis women hit this same place at some time in their lives as to will i put out and risk their reputation.

my words flow from a place i can never reveal because i do not know that spirit in a connection other than the words flowing through me to the open page. i can not claim its creation,it just is my duty to put it down as it is imparted to me. at times that muse is so insistent that i can not sleep until I purge its words from my mind then the softness of sleep is granted to clear my thoughts so I can again speak my own mind once again. shut up spirit,I am trying to sleep here. good night for a while. perhaps to dream of a touching laughter and kittens playing in the beautiful garden of hope and a wisdom of thoughtful words and the music of the spheres sounds in its sweet melodies

thank you for your input,my greatest need is human contact,it seems ever more alone with each passing day,i just want my words to be heard and returned with some comprehension of what those words impart in emotional content not just marks on a page to be deciphered from the secret code of the language we share.

I jot down my thoughts as they come,and 76 is in my neighborhood now,good to have your voice to sing along with me.

wow! you write beautifully. I also have had periods of my life where my dreams at night were the best part of my day--the most interesting anyway. At 76, I am feeling more at peace, or maybe I just have a "whatever" attitude. So far, I am in reasonably good health which helps. I am on the verge of exploring some new avenues in my life. More on that later. In the meanwhile, I will try to visit this site more often and post my thoughts as you are. All the best.

I know, but there is also one person st work that I do not want finding out. More for his protection then mine, I just don't want to be the reason someone loses their job.

Absolutely, I wouldn't have trusted this list if I had tried to make it when I first started questioning because I would have tied myself up in knots wondering if I was making connections that weren't there. From where I am now though I know it is reassuring to know that my feelings have been recurring on and off with varying intensity for years and it definitely quiets some of my inner critic's voice. It may also help when I come to talk to my mum which I hope to do later this year. It is almost but not quite exciting... 💛

Well had a ton going on Friday. When I came down for breakfast, the attendance had grown to 8-900, I had heard. All types of real people, flamboyant, discreet, flashy, cis-gender, bi-gender, cross dressers, transitioning in all different stages, many final, many their first time out, (like me). Young, senior, ( I was gonna say old, but none of us are old), shy, outgoing, all different in many ways but we were the same our whole lives, just hadn't met each other. We were about to, though! I was surprised at the age group, for some reason I expected much younger, but most were my age...whoops...here I go thinking I'm younger than I am again! (40's -60 for clarification.) I expected mostly 20's to 40's. A full slate of workshops were available today but there was a major glitch in my planned schedule. When I tried to make my first therapist appointment 2 weeks before the Event I specifically told the coordinator I would be out of town that week. Well the therapist called me the Friday before and said she had an opening today at 2pm. Made a split second decision and said I'd make the arrangements and meet her.....so I only attended one workshop, non-surgical feminization and beautification techniques, made a quick round through the job fair, I was dressed in a woman's business suit, then hopped in my car at 11:20 for a 2 1/2 hour trip to meet my therapist for the first time (still as Jessica) then drive back and was back to the Hotel by 5:30pm. One hour to freshen up, and change into a nice dress, for the last half hour of the cocktail hour before the Fashion show. The Fashion show was great! Never been to one before, especially as Jessica. I was in heaven, I love fashion, a good look...always have. Scoped out some seats at the runway, they were reserved, but the group that reserved them had some people not show up, so..... I made more friends and joined them. I never sit in the back; there's so much more to see when you're out front. It was a college group with their teacher (advisor?) who booked an overnight stay for the First Event. Yes we all became friends, instantly. (Had to keep reminding myself I'm not in college anymore, haha.) The Show was great, felt like it was being put on just for me! Many event models mixed with professional from a modeling agency and all put on a great show. Their were some children, too; and they were the best! You could see it in their eyes how proud they were to be able be themselves.. made you cry wishing we were that fortunate back then at their age.💕. Well afterwards, back to the courtyard and lounge for more DJ Greg again. Again, many, many, more people to meet and get to know. Andrea, a real neat cis-female (vendor at the event), I won't forget her. Mike, an attorney, Karen, an army reservist active and transitioned, who also speaks to groups on transgender issues, Mellissa, who loves 15th, 16th, 17th or 18th century vintage dress, (she was also in the show). Then there's Sarina, Sabrina, Porsha, on and on. So many more names I can't remember, but I know I'll meet them again. Well by now this ole lady's been pushing the envelope; it's 1:30 am and I volunteered a month ago to work "The Closet" which is the clothing boutique from 9am to noon Saturday morning. Good night 🌃

Thanks for the info. I actually found more glue-on nails as well as polish strips. I knew I saved all that stuff for a reason. I'll have another go at it this weekend. Here was my last endeavor.