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Thank you Emma, 🤗 the time is obviously just right now, the massive knot I have had in my shoulder blades for the last month has all but disappeared, and the fears seem a bit more manageable. Free healthcare for all was a wonderful idea that is being ruined by greedy politicians. The NHS is notoriously understaffed and underpaid, so waiting lists are common, the benefit is that I know I will be able to tap into professionals and any medical care without having to save up for it (though I am currently intending on using the money I was spending on counselling to start hair removal) Someone once talked about a service triangle and it is very true - something can either be done cheaply, done quickly, or done well - but you can only ever get two out of three at most otherwise the time, cost or quality need to change. 💛

"I also realised that we were not really focusing in on any specific issue to do with whether or not I was trans, it was all about where I want to go and the plans I making for myself in the future." Wow, Dee, that's so huge! Very proud of you! October is a long time to wait, that's for sure. As you said it gives you time to become more familiar and sure of yourself - always a good thing. I look forward to hearing more about your journey! Emma

Dear Friends, Have attempted "conversion therapy" many years ago at the behest of my mother, may G_D rest her soul, as she was a devout Catholic. There was eight of us in the group, and all eight of us returned to homosexuality quickly and permanently. Am sure if the group were transgender people instead of homosexuals, the result would have been the same. Almost all of the gender conferences have excellent significant other (SO) support groups. These groups are almost always all women. These wives and girlfriends validate one another. They learn they are not alone. Please look into it . . . Your friend, Monica

Thank you all for your honest experiences...I'm glad I'm here getting to hear that I'm not the only 'freak' in the world... What's so wrong about wanting to relax in leggings and a yoga top anyways, right?

My crossdressing pretty much ended any intimacy my wife and I had. She too thought that it could be gotten rid of through therapy and also confused it with being gay. She became petty closed-minded and then had too much invested in her way of thinking to change. As I have read, "conversion therapy" is very psychologically damaging. Even with all the difficulties, I am happy to be who I am and finally being able to be true to myself as you al are.

Tilly, I feel for you as I had a very similar experience. I suppose my only advice is to try to be patient with her, don't push her for affirmations such as kissing or perhaps even sitting together closely. She's processing all of this as best she can, weighing her options, very self-conscious about how your revelations may reflect on her with her friends and social connections. I'm sure you recall how much you wrestled with your feelings before coming out to her, and probably for much of your life. She needs time to catch up in her understanding. Hopefully she has a good therapist to talk with and learn from. Best wishes, Emma

i am in new jersey north nj in fact i just woke at 5 am,so still a little foggy but now more awake and glad for your input,please feel free to let me know if my words convey an understanding about this our common journey.

Let me just add, anunitu, that you bring another dimension to this blog. You are certainly more prolific than many of us-- I speak for myself. Maybe that springs from isolation, Emily Dickinson comes to mind. BTW, in case I missed it, what part of the world do you live in?

my ex was the only woman i had ever been with,and for me the feeling of loving another person was very life changing,but she was VERY religious and kept telling me about how a minister in her church had been found to be gay,and gone through conversion therapy and had married an ex lesbian who had also done the therapy it became very clear she thought i should also do that,but i think she thought i was just gay,she not knowing the difference between a trans person and a gay person i of course did not even try as she called it to fix my devils curse, the minister and his lesbian wife lasted a total of 3 years before both returned to their former lives,but the church still insisted it could be prayed away,and that they had just not believed enough, this brought my ex and i to complete odds on my issues as I did not want to abandon my real self for the sake of social acceptance. my ex laid down the law saying she could not have me embarrass her by being my authentic self. so we parted ways and i lost touch with my children,and went my way to my true future self it hurt losing my first and only love,but it would have been destructive if i tried to be what everyone else said i should do for all their sakes,but not concerned with my sake,so I made the very hard choice hoping i would at another time find love again,but that has eluded me even now. it was a cost I was willing to pay for my personal peace in my body and soul not following my path to my true self would have led to my death by my own hand of that i was sure. so i took up the path to personal Resurrection as my now complete self, it has been a very lonely way to travel never finding that love again,but worth it to feel alive and normal at last. you must live for yourself not for others comfort or their wishes for their place caring nothing for your pain and suffering because you were cursed you see,and they did not deserve your broken life joined with theirs, because it was all about their pain,never yours. i do not know how many marriages have survived this gender change,but in my experience the odds were not very good because your better half might have a completely different agenda in their future vision. stay strong in your journey and finding your future peace. and hopfully love again. ok there is my two coppers worth of insight, so stay strong in your ×

this i know well having been married for 10 years and my gender issues broke our marriage apart, i tried to salvage it but my path and my exs were moving in completely different directions. so we parted and i went into my final flight path that came in time to the surgeons table and my new beginning,and i have no regrets now fully being my true self. i am happy with my body now and that has sustained me even in loneliness.

I hope that's where she's at, but it was her comment tha made me start wondering what was going on with myself...In some ways, I wonder if she thought this was happening for quite a while...I too am as mentally prepared as I can be I can be for divorce, but all I have figured out is a place to crash, not a place to live. I wish she could go with me when I actually fully embrace myself as Tilly to see how much more relaxed and happy I am. I can't even bring myself to ask her to come because she would probably do everything In her power to prevent me from seeing my friends in a setting in which I can fully dress.