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I've given a bit of insight in other blog entries to my upbringing. Well being taught racism from the moment I was born was a large part of it. Specifically towards black people. You all know the words that were common. Until a couple months ago, those words came out of my mouth more casually than "Hello" comes out of yours. I'm not even close to exaggerating. I learned it for 18 years. I unsuccessfully fought it for the next 20. Then something happened. I collect skulls. This will be relevant in a moment. I have an ad on Craigslist looking for skulls to buy or trade for. I've gotten a few good ones that way. Well one day I got a reply to that ad. A woman, I'll call her Lauren (not her real name) was just saying that she thought it was neat that I collect, and that she has always liked skulls too. We got to talking back and forth a lot. Gossip mostly. She is mixed race. Her father is white and her mother is black. I don't know how she did it, but Lauren broke that racism. I can only guess that the Great Goddess sent her for that very purpose. Within a couple weeks of talking to her through text, I was over it. I even put Black Lives Matter on the back of my car, and ordered a few car window flags for the movement. Previously I would have added the word "don't" to that. Adrianne is still shocked, and so am I. Neither of us can figure out how she did it, but we're both over the moon that someone was finally able to pull my head out of my ass and end it. We're still great friends. We hit it off almost instantly. We text daily, and if the weather was willing to cooperate, I would be heading over to her place right now, this very moment. Lauren was a savior that brought me a chance at redemption. She ended the hate one racist felt. I just wish every racist could meet their own Lauren. I was lucky. Not all are.

I have now been a member of the TG Forum since August 26, 2018 , just shy of 2 years now. At that time, I recall distinctly, at 63 years old, it was time to really learn what it would take for ME to begin this process called "transitioning". It was then that I stumbled upon TG Guide, a well managed support forum, consisting of members from all across the gender spectrum, some that just had many, many questions to those that had completed their physical transition. At that time, I had never met a transgender person, had never spoken with a transgender person, having only built my knowledge "database" from media and scant articles which told me little about why I felt as I had my whole life, and more importantly what to do about it. In fact, my first face to face introduction to someone transgender occurred 5 months later in January of 2019, when I made my first venture outside presenting as Jessica one Sunday morning at a church outside of my hometown. Until then I had only "practiced" in private my presentation. I tapped all the resources that TG had to offer including carefully reading word for word the detailed blogs of many. I became online friends with many , and even offline friends with a few. The support has been tremendous and I am happy.....no ecstatic to say I have completed my physical transition from ..... to Jessica. My procedure was performed by Dr. Bella Avanessian of the Mount Sinai Transgender Surgery group in NYC. Everything went well, a highly successful procedure, and I am still recovering locally in Manhattan close to my surgeon for follow up visits/ I am now able to go for short walks around town and am fully self sufficient. Just taking it very slow and careful as I am told my full recovery will take about 6 months. So, over the next 6 months I will have much time to try to detail my journey, to "pay it forward" so to speak. One definite result of where I am at now is that I have never been happier, more fulfilled in my body as Jessica, and look forward to embracing whatever comes my way next!! 🙋‍♀️❣️ .

Thank you, Jess!

Hi Jessica! Congratulations on completing your physical transition journey. It’s all up and to the right from here. Well, much of it, speaking for myself. I’ve been amazed at the emotional journey, not only being more at home in my body and presentation—which has taken me about three years. Also, I’m having to undo and address so much emotional baggage. Ive spent so much energy in life until transition trying to establish and maintain a steadiness, always on guard and afraid. I didn’t know exactly what I was afraid of although now it’s obvious. So good on you Jessica. The grass is Much Greener on this side of the hill!

My grandfather was also a racist. I well recall how he’d complain and use the n-word in the 60s as we saw Black people on TV. But he also just adored Ernie Banks of the Cubs. Go figure. I wasn’t sure how to be around my grandpa. Should I — I asked myself — emulate his behaviors? I don’t think I did. I might have said something less committal like “yeah” when he commented on who he saw on TV. Thankfully none of his prejudices stuck to me. As I grew up and my experiences and exposures to all sorts of people around the US and the world expanded I finally came to understand: all people (and I’m including Russians, Chinese, Palestinians, ...) are simply people trying to get by and live their lives. Many are delightful; some are not. I choose to hang out with the delightful ones.

Beautiful photo, Emma; it speaks volumes on how far you've come. As I'm mostly surrounded day to day by cis-gender folks, I no longer think of myself as being anything other than "Jess", and with that, those around me see only a person named Jess.