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There is so much you can do while waiting for the professionals to catch up! Make yourself a list and allow it to become a priority starting with a little every day! I'll think of some of the things I did to prepare and try to put it in a blog soon. Keep going!!!!

Thanks Monica 😊 but it was my counsellor who brought it up after multiple sessions, I had always dismissed it when others brought it up to me. So having lived it, and acknowledged it I'd rather not watch too many videos about it, but I will look up Donnas website as it does look useful for moving forwards thanks!

Hi Raina, I always feel better once I have collected my thoughts. The fact that we are similar ages and have similar worries in many areas also does help, so thank you for sharing. Keep going with your exercise and eating regimes, as your body starts to strnegthen you will find some of the issues go away on their own, while others will dog you for the whole time. Losing 45 pounds in 4 months is an amazing achievement, and at a realistic rate for it to stay off don't just think about what you still have left to do but recognise that you have already done a lot! My favourite wig so far was a dark blonde bob style that I actually bought off Amazon by a company called Forever Young and was £30 including delivery, and today it is selling for £14.99. I prefer caps to lace fronts as I can never truly hide the lace. I have worn it frequently and it has lasted well, though I will eventually go and get fitted and buy some more expensive everyday ones when I need to start wearing them all day rather thana few hours at most. As for friends I would suggest that now you know why you have been pushing people away you may find that as you stop hiding who you are that they gravitate towards you sa you do things that you enjoy anyway, just try not to fall into the old habit of pushing them away! Thank you for opening up, I know it can be hard and scary but it is great that the people in your life who matter are supportive and you do have friends here too.

Dear Dee, To learn more about "gaslighting," Google "gaslighting," and search "gaslighting" on YouTube. Highly recommend books by Donna Andersen and Amber Ault. Donna Andersen also has a wonderful website: https://www.lovefraud.com On Tuesdays, Donna Andersen has a live YouTube channel at 8 PM EST. You are a good woman and a good mother, Dee! Your friend, Monica

Hi Raina, I’m sorry to read your story but am glad you wrote it. I can understand and empathize with how your life has been so miserable. You’re 43, yes, but you really can have a life of joy and authenticity. (I started my transition journey 3 years ago at 61. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.) It sounds like your wife supports this, thank goodness. I suggest trying not to dwell on the past, set your sights on the future but don’t get stuck in that either. Somehow, and it’s not easy, it’s best for us to take things a moment at a time, live in the moment. Like you’ve been doing for your weight loss, which is very impressive. Take it a day at a time, and work your program to get it lowered. Consider using your weight loss as a personal project, an important and critical part of being authentic to yourself. And if you fall off your program don’t beat yourself up. Hey, you’re human. As humans it’s impossible to be perfect. Dust off your psyche, remind yourself of your goals, and just get started again. That’s the way these journeys are. One day at a time, one step at a time. Love and best wishes, Emma

Dear Raina, You are a very courageous woman. Am very impressed how you are dealing with your reality head-on. Please keep writing - that is how you will heal! You are well on your way to finding your authentic self!! Yours truly, Monica

😳☺️❤️ Thank you Jess, that was really kind of you to say It has taken a while for my heart and my head to get on the same page, but I am glad they finally have, now comes the part of waiting for the professionals to let me progress in the system.