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Starting before puberty, I had this drive, this need, that I did not understand. Many times I would try on my mother's bra and panties (think she knew but these are things that were not talked about) and wish I could wear them all the time. When the Sears catalog arrived, I went directly to the women's "Foundation" section and not only wished I could wear them but had breasts to fill the bra and no penis or testicles so I would be smooth in the crotch. Before the internet, had no idea that I was trans. Many times when I was out of town, I would by women's underwear and wear it under my suit while conducting business. My first wife never knew and coming out would have been a quicker divorce than we had. Now I know what I am and know why I can't do anything about it. This will be my journey in this blog! -30-

Hi Moe, Aha, I'm glad to see you started a blog. In a prior TGG incarnation one would have a notification on the home screen showing what had been recently updated and now that that feature is absent I don't think to navigate over the blogs very often. As a young child around 4 or 5 I knew I wished I was a girl. In nursery school I remember wanting to learn how to curtsey with the girls instead of shaking hands with the boys. Every night as I fell asleep I'd pray or fantasize about being a girl, what that would be like. In elementary school I feared it was all about a habit that I needed to shake off. But I couldn't, of course. In HS and college I did start acquiring a small collection, mostly of underwear and tights. Then I thought I had some sort of "sick fetish" which was I'd heard about others having sexual fantasies. That then was my darkest secret. Honestly, I'd never even heard of the term 'transgender' until almost ten years ago when I started trying to figure myself out while in the care of a great therapist. I certainly liked that word much more than 'transvestite' which sounded negative to me, and, somehow I knew it wasn't all about the clothes. In my career I also travelled a lot, often to Asia, Europe, and Israel. Like you, I snuck small clothing items in my suitcase, mostly to wear at night. Emma

I'm 79 and just starting my journey that I may not complete. Good for you to find your own self!

I've had a love hate relationship with my penis. Sure it felt good while masterbating or having intercourse, but it always was the cause of problems. Relationships to me were always penis centric and the women came (no pun) last. Then when I was in my middle 60s I discovered male chastity devices. I was able to lock my penis up and this gave me a great sense of relief. And, I was able to come out to a friend who is a lesbian and understood exactly what I was feeling. By this time, my second wife and I were not having relations and slept in separate bedrooms. Then, I was operated on for prostate cancer and later had radiation treatments for the remaining cancer. The outcome was my penis is now just 2 inches long and I cannot ejaculate, which is a blessing. I can push both my penis and testacles into me and with tight underwear, have that smooth area between my legs that I always wanted. Part of my dream is to have a Orchiectomy leaving me with just a tiny penis. -30-

"Reminds me of the Lumberjack Song!" YEAH!!! I think you were pretty courageous to wear women's underwear while hunting. I know I'd be fearful of having some kind of emergency or failure of my clothing and then being found out. And, I never wore a bra beneath a shirt or anything out in public. Too much chance of someone noticing the telltale bumps of straps!

"I've had a love hate relationship with my penis. Sure it felt good while masterbating or having intercourse, but it always was the cause of problems. Relationships to me were always penis centric and the women came (no pun) last. " Me too. I was always so embarrassed about how it would get hard and show through my pants. Throughout my life I wondered how anyone could become so sure that they wouldn't regret having it removed in gender confirmation surgery. That is, until four and a half years ago when I had that realization. I had my surgery almost exactly four years ago and I've never missed it. I love the way my clothes fit down there! I think I'm now starting to understand the desire for orchiectomy. Maybe it's like GCS without as much pain, recovery, and hassle.