stephani

isn't it a nice change when some one that has some sort of expieriance with photography can honestly give great tips to enhance our photos , often times people simply wont tell you the whole story and hide tricks that enhance the expieriance for us , I never knew that such a simple trick could help with a mirror nor did I know about the mirrors within a camera neat stuff , I would agree with the multiple picture aspect I find that one picture might be ok but just by moving the camera slightly a great picture emerges ... You can get a good picture with lower priced cameras but there is a noticable difference with a top quality camera compared to a through away one ... sadly most of cant get the professional camera's and need to use those cheaper modles , Pixel definition has alot to do with the resalution quality as well , look for the most pixels for your dollar . If going with a digital camer that is ...

I like my hair to be long and since I am naturally a brownish red head I like that look the best but I love to change my hair color ( keep them on their toes LOL ) the one that I get the most compliments on is a bit Goth ( dark maroon , a hint of purple ) I love it but sadly it doesn't stay around long .... I prefer the Gothic look not to be confused with the Goth look , two seperate looks with hints of both ... I suppose in time I will have to tone it down but I am not 80 so I have some time to play LOL , I think what ever makes you smile you should go that route , you will be or not be approched varring on the mans taste and preferance , tonight a bit flirty and tomorrow a bit exotic , mood has everything to do with presentation and approchability , you know this I am preachin to the quire LOL...

I believe if you are going to use alot of makeup ( Goth look ) you should tone your wardrobe down to a more nutetral tone , then in its self toning down the makeup naturaly ... if you are ging to be flashy with dress then tone down the makeup , ( Gothic look often akin to that of strawberry short cake and much like the gal in Van Hellsing , flashy dress and a bit playful and with the makeup being defined but not heavy )Or if you are just going for the every day look emphasize your best features ( lips ) or (eyes) never both this creates a over done look and this is what you are after , if you wish to create a more exotic tone use a lipstick that is one to two shades lower then your complextion this will give you that look if using lip line then one shade lower then lipstick , green eyes use lavendar tones for your eye shadows this brings out your eyes and makes them pop , dark colored eyes mint tones will do the same as well , dont forget to use conceiler to cover any dark cyrcles and shades around your eyes use a white eye liner on under eye (tear line )with a 1/4 of bottom eye (outside curve) shaded as upper to define upper eye curve , use a cinnimon tone for upper eye line it will be less pronounced yet still defining ... Blush should be the same tone as the inner part of your bottom lip , pull it down and match will look more natural thus giving that natural glow ... I hope these tips help you .

My moments came my freshman year of high school , I lived with my dad and his family ( step mom and half sister ) they ran a foster home and on weekends they would leave the house and me alone to enjoy My time in the house , my sisters clothes for the most part fit perfectly and what didn't I usually grabbed some thing from one of the foster girls stuff , I had all day to dress and do my chores I was in complete heaven , I didn't ever go out because of the tight nit nieborhood very christian and always peeking around the curtains to see what the neibors had going on you know the type but I was completely content staying inside just as long as I had ME time .... So calming and so necessary if I hadn't had that time I would not be here today , it was really getting that bad for me , It was back before the net so I had no information on this that now I have full understanding of ... I did have gay friends but they had no idea why I was and am the way I am so they were of no help back then I felt alone but I knew who I was and what made me happy so I simply did what I had to do to survive ....

A great post! Thanks. Leads credence to not being a victim! You miss so much!

Thank you hun , I was just venting a bit trying to rashenellize a bit I suppose sort of getting out what I know inside I know you and others can understand what I am saying ...

well yeah I guess sorta it does support the thought of victomization but more in the lines of self victomization we all fall prey to so many views and misconceptions that we start believing the hype often stopping taking the blame from ones self and letting others take the fall for our own misgivings its some what easier to simply blame others when deep down we know that we were at fault and simply went along with the status quoe , maybe this is why I felt so badly for so many years, but, now I seam to understand and can openly take some of the blame for my wrong steps along the way ....

I dont want anyone to make the same mistakes and later in life realize that they truelly had the power to change their own live's path , Yes I do fault some blame on past views dispelled upon me growing up but when I became older I should have simply stood up for who I was and moved down my path but I did not I simply traveled down the easy path and I can see that now ...

I am not sure if you were saying that I need to clear some things up or add some more to the post or simply that I have been missed hopefully the latter (LOL) I really have missed coming on here and chatting with my friends and everyone that comments about responces it is a great place to find the help that we so deservidly need and desire ... I really dont know were I would be without this group and the forum , still struggling to understand and cope I suppose.

The tounge is quick , the mind is slow and the ears hear what they will .... Keep in mind that others speak but do you hear what they are saying , or are you thinking they said what you thought ....

LOL

steph

Thank you my dear, tears are anything but weakness .... They are the strongest thing I know they can hold every emotion every thought and every feeling , they bring us relief and joy .... Thank you sorry I know you added this a long time back but I am just wondering through my tidbits and wanted to reply to those I missed... Huggs

Thank you amie, I post a ponderance of questions at times they are simply to bennifit myself by openly asking the hard questions we all have to face and deal with on a daily basis , I know that I am not alone in all of this , there are times that we all feel this way and yet we are surrounded by friends and family that love and care for us, and even with them by our side we are still alone .... meaning in life and death we come in and go out souly by ourselves....

always alone within, no matter the time nore the place we stand alone in our daily struggles.... I thank you for the lovely post about your personal spiritual compas , mine however is slightly off true north , I understand that humanity needs a guide to maintain some sort of order but order in life is humanities downfall nothing in life has true order nothing in the Heavens has true order as well the battle between good and evil is constant the easies way to test this is in the forces of a magnet it has both positive and negative sides of the same piece of earth element , try and force the two together and they fight to be appart turn them to each other and they live in harmoney, we to are the same mostly carbon the universe and the heavens alike.... I understand God hears us but what of his pliet to hear but yet unable to speak.... hands that are strong yet to weak to touch .... my thoughts on religion are known and understood I take solice in knowing that nothing I have done nore will do will bring down any brimstone or wrath from the almighty and I also know that we are one with everything and everything one with us.... That in which we all search is within us and when we return to the energy of the heavens we are turned to perfect harmony as in the begining....

The true Therapy for me is doing this I have gone to a therapist and discused thoughts views and inner tourmoils yet the best they could come up with is I simply think to much..... That is who and what I am a thinker a deap ponderer, to be anything less would be dishonest to myself... My writings are simple they give meaning to me and bring out the pains inside , the tears flow at the most unoportune moments yet I hold them in and the pain wells up inside , I love to cry it is very theraputic the tears know the pain and wash it away and yet I moarn the fact they have to carry the burden they never ask for my sorrow they fall with pride in doing so ... yet at times the tears can no longer fall they have given all they had they have to hide as we have inside.... I hope you understand this just another one of my many courious writings I suppose, My point in all this is I feel to much at times and at others I dont feel at all , this scares me because I know that without feeling I am no more then the next uncarring unfeeling dult wondering through life without purpose nore meaning .... I never want to feel empty it is part of who I am full of everything good in humanity, I feel , I empathize , I understand , I care....I am I .....

Thanks again for letting me release, I hope you didn't think I was being fasceasous or confrontational, these are the farthest from the truth.... I thank you for the opportunity to grow from the insites of another I charrish these moments.... As Always my thoughts for you and Huggs as well Steph

Yes it is a long and argourous journey we set out on when we realise the time has come to become who we know we are ... I and so can many empathize with you we have all been there and are at some point still there no more no less just there , waiting to get this boat back in safer and more steady waters , the winds of change come and go we must wait them out and ride them when they arrive ... so continue to do what you must just to feel more at ease and understand that it has taken this long to understand , and now it will take a little longer to become complete .... If that is really ever possible we will always find some little thing that buggs us and want to change or fix , just knowing that no one is and will ever be perfect and some things are better left alone you dont have to fix everything just make it to were you are finally confortable with who you are ... Live life to the fullest and finally be happy in your part of it .... thanks for a glimps into your life and your blog is just fine .... And I wasnt gona say anything about the lyrics.... B)

Thank you, and my wishes for you as well as everyone else.

Yep, Bonnie the jest of the post was and is when those closest to us talk about us behind our backs, Why. why do we as humans do this have we no feelings for those we talk about with such distain and disregard for the others feelings, I know people will talk but why, I just dont understand what makes us do it even though we know its wrong and hurtful, why must we spread lies or tell others biusiness to others that it would never have affected in the least, now it does now they know something that had no relivance to them or others..

The answer I feel is it some how makes us feel better about our own problems, I have learned from life my problems are just that my problems and no matter what hurtful thing I do to other will help or better my problems. So I simply stopped this kind of action a long time ago. I wont engage in talking about another behind their back , I confront them with concerns get to the bottom of them with them and together we find a common ground ...

I as I have said have fallen victom to this sort of behavior when I was younger, Why is it that so many so called adults still do this childish thing... I have not a clue and I was just wanting to make a little more sence of it all. Thank you so much for your responce.... I was just making a little joke about the sex thing.. Sexually frustrated individuals seem to be instigators of many types of this sort of behavior..

I was merely saying that , The various types of people GLTB-S all do this sort of behavior as well, it doesnt seem to care who does it it is merely humans that do it to other humans.. Hell animals might but I dont speak with the animals..GIGGLES TO MUCH OVER THAT ONE....I love Dr. Doolittle ( the original and even eddie murphy )

I didn't even take into consideration the ramifications of violence and violent acts against other into this post thanks for bringing that side of this up.... It to is of concern when others start and carry out this sort of thing about another.. Good point. I too would step into that one, I feel I would have to I couldn't sit idley by when others started to become violent about another, especially if the other had no idea it was coming I would have to step into protect that persons interest in that conversation.

Obviously not water cooler situations of course but I think you still understood the point and question of the post..

Thanks to both posts they were inlightening and insightful I look forward to more... Steph

BobbieJo..hello my dear, I know it is a topsy tervy life we all lead and we must just take the good with the bad .. It sounds like you have a combination of the two a job offer and the misfortune to have to endure possible loss' ....Such a tough decision but I know you will do what you have to to make it thru ... Your a tough cookie my dear good luck with the new job and try and work it out with the new bo during this opportunity. Good luck and talk soon I hope sorry it has taken me so long to repond I have so much I dont have time to check and reply to everything but I do try to get to everything in due time....HUGGS my Dear My thoughts go with you in your ventures.

Thank you my dear for thinking of me, I have decided that I just have to go back to driving a company truck and look to get some schooling like I did a few years back to get my High school diploma and do it thhrough the mail, so I will get a degree but it will not be at a campus setting. I have been down really bad as of late but I am really trying to hold it together and bring myself back out of the darkness....slowly but surely I will fight to immerge stronger then ever....

love ya and everyone on here I will talk later...Steph

Michael, My dear, I was told the same things when I came out to my mother and grandmother at the age of five , I took it to heart and to this day I regret even listening to a thing the said, I resent the fact that my grandmother will mot know me for who I really am and that my mother just now... about a week ago told me after a LOOONNGG discussion, and at the time of our discusion she said that she always knew and tried to help me along but I remember it quite differently at the time...

Those times were different like you say everyone knew everyone and a butt swatt was excepted from all to give.. I am and was at the time worried about how society would handle me and in fear and the instruction of beloved adults hid to say no more, act only in private and hide away till time could no longer hold me ... I think you need to take heart in the knowledge that they grew up in a completely different time and their values and thoughts were even more closed minded then when you were brought up, I know it was and still is hard to move through life pleasing those that raised us but at some point we have to just make our own way with or without their approval....I know its hard and it is not what we want but life has been hard to this point anyways.....

I do feel for you that your mother is still fighting with this with you to this day, I hope she comes around to your way of thinking...