Dawn13

Have been following all the Jenner news.  This has stirred some of my recent thinking.  What is the core of why we have our feelings and want so much to change.  I think there is a certain desire to see ourselves as beautiful.  Women express this better than almost all men.  When I put on a dress I feel changed.  When I see other men I see most of them as lazy/unkempt, fat/heavy and scuzzy.  This is the excepted image of most men.  I do not fit this image and I know I am stared at a lot by other men, usually in restrooms, who do not expect a beautiful looking man.  When I look beautiful (Handsome) day-to-day, I am often mistaken for a girl, even when in unisex or masculine clothing.  I usually do not go out of my way but I am well groomed, very tan, fit and now have longer styled blond hair.  I think some of why I wish I could change is rooted in the concept of beauty - and if men could also be beautiful in what is currently a woman's norm early in life - I think fewer would be unhappy with their body image and fewer would want to change.  Here is another thought.  I think is more acceptable to be changed completely into a woman than it is to dress and adorn ones self in a similar fashion.  Yes, I would love to wear a colorful attractive dress and show off my small waist and still not try to hide that I have a somewhat feminine looking male body.  However, I feel less anxiety when I go through the complete effort of hiding any maleness as I look completely like a woman.  Also, I actually feel safer in woman mode as I do not see myself as a homosexual; not wishing for men to lust for me in this fashion.