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KarenPayne

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Blog Entries posted by KarenPayne

  1. KarenPayne

    Memories invoked

    By KarenPayne,

    My mother and I were chatting on the phone yesterday and the topic went to her had calling my ex-wife. They talked about me now as a female and my ex-wife said she remembered the two of us going out for Halloween to a bar that was promoting Halloween and I went as a female.

    She told my mother that she virtually got no attention (and she is a looker) while I drew a crowd of men who had no clue I was not female. I will admit that I was not prepared for this at all in regards to men offering to buy me drinks. I did enjoy the attention no matter the case.

    After going home I vaguely remember my ex-wife not happy about the events of the night and that I was not allowed to do this again.

    For me that was a moment in time that I cherish to this day and wish I had started my journey back then but then again it was simply the wrong time as thinking back I was in a battle with myself to my true identity. Being married to a good looking female in part satisfied part of my identity conflict as it allowed me in a strange (not so strange to someone needing to transition) to some that I had that female body (my ex-wife) with me.

    That brings to mind one of the last women I dated before starting my journey, in my eyes she was very beautiful and had the body of a twenty year old. Same thing applied in that I had this perfect female body to be with which would partly satisfy my desire to be female.

    The picture below is from our first date back in 2007 and at first glance pretty much fell in love with each other. She was here from Mexico to visit her family and found me on Yahoo dating which was when I was still battling with my identity. She contacted me, asked if I would come to dinner at her sister's house which I did. She had to go back to Mexico but said she would be back in two months. In the mean time we chatted on the phone several times a week. Once back in Oregon we spent a weekend together then before leaving asked if when she came back again next month if she could stay at my house with me which I said but of course, let's see how we get along together.

    She came back and we had a fantastic week but near the end of the week the female inside of me began to resist going any farther with the relationship and that's when the decline happened on the last two days. I needed to be Karen and realized that I was fooling myself into thinking that this relationship would solve my identity issues. She caught on that something was wrong and no sure how it happened but it never went to my identity but instead something else which was at one point she asked me to move to Mexico and live with her. She actually wanted to support me and she could as she is a doctor and lives very comfortably in Mexico. Any ways it would had failed and both of us would had been in a bad ways.

    That was all in 2007 and was the real turning point for Kevin becoming Karen.



    Before posting this entry I was only going to mention that parts about my mother and ex-wife but somehow got into the last part about Kevin and Guadalupe. Sure wish she was a lesbian.
  2. KarenPayne

    Journey part II

    By KarenPayne,

    I wrote about my consultation for breast augmentation recently and now just wanted to say like with my GRS I will by blogging about this part of my journey.

    So far I have a pre-surgery appointment on May, 8th were they go over what will happen on the day of surgery, May 21st.

    My friend is being driven down from her home, thirty minutes from me to stay overnight, next day come with me to the hospital, we are taking a taxi. She will then come home with me after roughly a four hour surgery and stay with me for at least three days. I did tell her (from past experiences) that I am easy to be with and she does know about me after surgery come to think about it as she was there for me after GRS.

    From what I have been told I will need to be at home for four days then for two weeks wear a special bra for support.

    More to follow...
  3. KarenPayne
    Directly after my surgery I had a mandatory visit with my doctor who takes care of my current female needs which includes administering my hormones which I wrote about in an earlier entry. Well she changed my dosage and also changed my prescription from every thirty days to every ninety days with an expiration after six months for now as she wants to see how I am doing since surgery which may at that time lower or up the dosage.

    Why bring this up, only because it seems the doctors want to keep you on a tight leash prior to surgery in that my guess is some will over medicate but that is only a guess as one could also over medicate after surgery.

    What people may not consider is that prior to surgery one still produces hormones but not afterwards which is a game changer. After surgery all one has are their meds.

    I can see how some might not weigh in all the factors that need to be considered such as you must (or should) take your meds. Couple this with the first few months of what seems like constant dilation can surely in some lead to a depressive mindset.

    I keep telling/reminding people that surgery is but one step, yet a major step but only part of the big picture. So for those who are considering GRS make sure you weigh in on all the things that go on both prior and after surgery, it is never ending cycle of steps, challenges and joy. For me, would not change a thing as I did the upfront big picture review of what it takes to journey into the gender I was mentally but not physically.

    So plan ahead and do not just see the ripples but the tidal wave to avoid by proper research and planning.

  4. KarenPayne
    Over the past year I have been sharing my journey which hopefully was of some use but now I am need of concentrating on another aspect of my life with requires a good deal of attention so during the next few weeks will be limiting my time here and will stop visiting here shortly. Hopefully I can make it back here in the future. For those interested I will be keeping up from time to time on my WordPress blog. Lastly, it has been wonderful getting to know people here.

    Best wishes for those on their journeys!!!
  5. KarenPayne
    There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled.

    Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.
  6. KarenPayne
    Several of the things I am certified to teach require recertification like tactical batons its every three years, firearms every year, hand-to-hand combat and edge weapons every year.

    The Hand-to-hand and edge weapons lapsed last year because of my transition. I informed the Grand Master about this about six months ago and was very supportive of my transition and said make sure you come to training (which was today). He lives in Florida and does certifications at various locations around the world. In the past when first starting out I would attend a grueling six day instructor course in Florida and also Washington State. For five and a half days we would learn new methods and techniques for teaching students rather than us learning completely new techniques. The last day as just mentioned was grueling in that you had to test in a realistic environment which usually each person taking the test was rather battered up.

    Even though today was a one day class I expected no less in regards to the test but was told I did not need to take the test as I have proven my abilities and was handed not a one year recertification but a three year certification.

    When I arrived at the school one of the people who helps runs the school greeted me and told me his name then asked mine. Since nobody else was in listening range I told him I was male until recently and that my name is Karen Payne. The significances is he knew me as Kevin Gallagher. It took him a few seconds of him staring at me and then realized who I was before. We chatted then other students came in so we stopped.

    At the end of class the instructor said, in your photo on Facebook your eyes look extremely happy and no different in person. He had shown my photo to an assistant instructor in Florida whom I met once back I 2010 and said “she looks great doesn’t she”. Seems she must had as she made a friend request today.

    During the class I interacted with pretty much all the students at one point on another and nobody acted oddly to me and at the same time had no clue I was once a male.

    All was not peaches and crème, I realized that when people talked about family I needed to be short on that discussion as I was not going to say something like “my wife and I…”, that would give things away and was not wanting that so during some breaks I kept quite.

    Overall it was an excellent day working with other instructors who do this for six days a week and kept up with them.


  7. KarenPayne

    Female talk

    By KarenPayne,

    My mother called last night for chit-chat and to my surprise we got into a discussion about sex. Should I be surprised? Well before transitioning she would never talk about this subject but now its fair game. I have mentioned this before, before transitioning my mother and other females would never broach the subject about many female things and now it is the complete opposite.

    Speaking to cisgender females is an entirely new ballgame, especially with my mother and my best female friend. Men have no clue to what females talk about and wonder if they think we are talking about. Personally, in the beginning I would listen more than talk but now I am getting into joining in as others prompt me too, guess they got tired of me not talking and just listening :)
  8. KarenPayne
    I thought that attempting to do my instructor certifications was going to be difficult, and it has but yesterday one of the people I was certified under took it upon himself to do a new certification for me and extended past the normal one year certification. Happy to get another one out of the way.



  9. KarenPayne

    Can I help

    By KarenPayne,

    Over the years I (and you most likely have too) have read countless stories of people transitioning with little or no support which is sad. With that said I would like to extend to those here if there is anything I can do shout out. If by chance you are having surgery with Marci Bowers in California with no support let me know, I will fly down for the day of surgery and the day after at the very least to provide support. I don’t want to see anyone take this path alone which is why I will do this and I pay my way entirely.

    Perhaps in areas such as the East Coast other will assist if possible and if not I will consider making that trip too, after all I have been away from the East Coast way too long as my family keeps reminding me.

    Now I am going to shut up :)
  10. KarenPayne

    Haunting thoughts

    By KarenPayne,

    This is going to sound strange and perhaps obscured too many yet I have to question the validity of the real world and what is beyond or parallel to the known world.

    Although I infrequently visited my sister while alive when we did there was this connection between us, same when we talked on the phone coast to coast. When I had not seen her because we lived on different coast I did not think about her but when I visited her and her husband in 2004 not seeing her for ten years it was fantastic yet I let things slip again until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2013. I only called her twice after that and was told by my mother after she passed that she was upset with me for not calling her more. Of course I felt emotional and wished I had called her more.

    Yesterday it really hit me that she was gone and I, Karen was born. I was essentially conceived in 2013 as this was when I affirmed my decision to become Karen and leave Kevin behind. Is it a coincident that Karen was conceived when my sister passed? Yesterday when my mind conjured this up I could not stop thinking of the things that transpired then. For me I have experienced and witness things in my past that make me pause and contemplate "what if" there is something else besides this physical life which comes from a person who without witnessing things in my past that defy laws that govern our physical known world could exists? I wrestled with this all day yesterday and has seeped into today and think it will haunt me as there is no way I can come to terms with a reasoning behind this special and unexplainable connection between my sister and me. Did my sister have to pass for Karen to emerge or is it something my mind conjured up to make sense of the loss of my sister. I think a therapist could rationalize these thoughts with a plausible response but I think that my mind will still go back to my current reasoning’s which as mentioned before defies all known logic. Guess I will have to accept that this cannot be answered and live life in her honor.

    Right now I am flooded with emotions.
  11. KarenPayne

    Surgery images

    By KarenPayne,

    I have noticed that there are not a lot of images for GRS so I slapped three together that I thought might provide a bit of perspective.

    The image has three, one immediately after surgery which looks rather raw, second (must have a strong stomach for this one), third is three weeks post surgery and can still see some stiches. I do photos once a week and will post another one in a couple of months.

    NOTE: Please do not share this image as I am only sharing here for those who are curious to what to expect if they go down this path and not for public view. The site is a private Comcast FTP site that does not get hit with crawlers. So this photo is for educational purposes only.


  12. KarenPayne
    One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule.

    Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area living full time as a female. Seems she is at a loss for people to talk to and thought I would be perfect for talking to her as she is in a state which would be helpful for someone like me to talk with, listen and give advice too.


  13. KarenPayne
    Something's that you may not consider when having gender reassignment surgery is the after cost. Personally I can afford (others may not) the various types of feminine pads, ultra-light thin Always, Always dailies and let’s not forget Tampax. Other items such as douche (limited usage but good to have and have only used it two times since surgery) and vaginal moisturizer. Then let’s not forget about lubrication for dilation.

    Right after surgery I was going through two four oz. of KY then tampered down to one container then went back up again as I would use the mid-size dilator to prime for the larger one. Now I am down to less than one 4 oz. tub per day. Four ounces of KY averages around five dollars but have also seen it for much more. Get the generic as I do and pay less than half the price of the genuine product.

    For pads you will need a lot in the beginning but as time goes by rather than six a day it gets down to one or two a day. Tampax are good for eight hours and with that said would not use them when going to bed at night if you sleep eight hours or more. A cisgender female may chime in with their thoughts on some of the usage yet a cisgender female will be different than a person transitioning from male to female. The cost of pads is not that bad but I suggest looking for deals. I found a deal on Always, get 108 pads for the price of 50 pads so I purchased two of them as I know full well they will be used. Do not bother with maxi-pads, at least for me I purchased a box for after surgery along with a mid-size pad, never touched the maxi-pads, instead gave them away to one of the hotel employees who would stop in and visit me at night when things slowed down.

    Another thing, get panties that have a wide gusset as this is more comfortable than a narrow gusset. My friend got me some thongs and just this week tried them out. They do make pads for thongs so you can go with them after a month or so after surgery but not before.

    Anyways thought this topic needed to be written about so others taking this journey realize there is a good deal of cost after surgery that you may not have considered.
  14. KarenPayne
    Things that come to mind without blinking an eye, yes, surgery is a big deal but pales (at least for me pain-wise) in comparison to dilation. No sugar coating it, it really hurts. On the bright side it gets better but not before you have done this about 300 times. For me the next thing is cisgender females will talk to you about things you would never even guess, it’s a totally different world. Even cisgender females that you don’t talk to but notice in a glance or passing by on the street, for me (and I know it’s not my imagination) there is an unspoken thing, it might be a smile or a slight nod of the head. By no means do all females do this but just this week I had a handful of nods and smiles and right back at them.

    Next up is my mindset has changed, I am now very picky about how I present myself clothing wise. Just this morning I tried something like five outfits on, left the house and then two blocks down was still questioning my current attire. Another thing on mindset, sometimes I feel like a teenager, learning about my new body. It’s the little things, the care is different than before. Then there is hooray, no more tucking with tight underwear. There is nothing like getting dressed or pulling up my underwear after using the toilet and that’s it, no tucking. Of course tucking is small in comparison to having a vagina, it makes all the difference in my identity. And Marci was not lying, it’s sensitive down there. When my mind goes to that special place I get excited and sensations radiate from down there, so much different than the male counterpart.

    My hope is at three months out I will not even think about mentioning dilation which I am off to do now followed by relaxing after a long but good day at work.


  15. KarenPayne

    Girls night out

    By KarenPayne,

    One of the woman I work with stopped me and asked if I would like to go out with the other woman in my section. There are six of them that every week they go out to dinner and have drinks.

    She said that they all discussed should they ask me, all of them have known me for years in my former male life so they kind of know what I am like. Any ways they all agreed that I should be asked.

    From the short chat with had it really sounds like it could very well be a good time and get in with these ladies. What is interesting is most of them are in their late to mid thirties which is much younger then me but that is not going to stop me from going out with them.

    I am very grateful that they did think about me and accepted me.

    On a side note I have noticed the difference in what woman talk to me about before and after transitioning in general, things I could only guess or even for that fact never guess. Like when I had my nails done in the past few months, the ladies there talk to me about those things that would never surface before I was Karen. So that is simply another aspect of a continuing journey and things to look forward too.


  16. KarenPayne

    Deep waters

    By KarenPayne,

    Many times in my past life it was difficult or nearly impossible to find common ground to convey concepts and feelings to others without a conundrum in and of itself. Things change but the world in all its vastness stays small and elusive to these matters. This is where those who are members here can find common ground and try or do make sense of the issues, emotions and trials we endure. We touch each other sometime out in the open while other times silently and deep. In my own way try and invoke thought but also stay out of the dark waters yet elude to the fact caution is needed in somethings. And with that said I feel that there are some who believe their journey can be achieved through hopes and magic but you and I know that is not the case.

    We need to go to the deepest parts of our desires and rattle that cage and ask deep questions for without doing so we invite doom into the picture and that leads to very bad places where no one should have to go for leaving on one’s own accord may never happen outside of depression or worst.

    What do I mean by dark waters? It’s a bunch of little things that when combined together turns from being a ripple to a tidal wave. There are consequences for one who cross dresses or changing one’s gender that if one does not do the research may be in for the tidal wave. A consequences we all think about is “what happens if someone caught me dressed in the opposite gender” or you changed gender in mid-life and now for lack of a better phrase “a teenager again” learning things that might take years for someone to learn growing up and now one thought before the gender change it would be easy yet I know some who did not prepare beforehand. I was lucky to had done research and had gender coaches who helped me before going under the knife.

    Hopefully those who read this will take something out of these ramblings to heart and take time to flush out everything else in your head and focus on the matter of gender. Ask yourself “Who am I”, “Is my current path logical and sound”, “how will the decisions I make today affect me ten years down the road” or “how will indecision affect me ten years down the road”. Then take that ten years and change it to “the rest of my natural life”. Be honest with yourself.

    More times than I can count I spent time with myself and ask many questions over and over again until a solution was at hand and even laying on the table in the operating room I had no reservations because all my known issues had answers. Now with that said I would be lying to you saying I knew it all, nobody does so there are still some dark spots that have appeared to me but took time to overcome them.

    One last thing on dark waters. I grandchild ask his grandfather, what did you do in the war? Grand dad give the child a story that the child can understand and does not go into gory details or even that he soiled his pants (commonly known to soldiers as a battle crap) before going into battle. That is where I am coming from with gender reassignment surgery, myself or others generally do not go into all the details but there are some teenagers out there on youtube that will openly tell viewers that "if I had known" this would happen afterwards I would had thought twice about GRS.

    So do the chat with yourself and get your ducks lined up before moving forward.





  17. KarenPayne
    Usually when I write an entry here it's done with some clarity but shoot from the hip meaning, sit down and write. Today the following sounded like something that needed to get out but when starting to type was very unsure how to express what I wanted to get out. So with that said it may read a bit disjointed but I will leave that to whomever decides to read on.

    Today is rather interesting in how the day has gone mostly in ways I am attributing to my hormone regiment. Just now sitting on the couch watching television in a warm sweater and comfy bottoms, bare feet curled up in my favorite recliner thought to myself, two years ago I would be sitting here in tactical clothes wearing my firearm and shoes.

    It's not simply the clothes worn but also my emotional states, watched "A million ways to die in the West"; and at one part of the movie was dilating where that part of the movie was (today) super funny which made me laugh so hard I had to hold the dilator in, mascara running down my face from laughing so hard. Before being on hormones I think I may had chuckled a tad bit but not like what happened today. Then I was watching something else that had me all caught up in an emotional moment were a man and a woman were in a romantic setting.

    Have to say these things may sound trivial but they are coming across big time for me. Take one thing out of many things and no big deal but putting all the little things together show me what the hormones are doing to me. I read countless postings on the web where people talk more about physical things and not so much what is going inside of them.

    My former self and my current self are becoming like night and day in many ways and it's happening ever so slowly, kind of like one day my hair is short then next thing I know it's several inches longer, like when did that happen.


    So at least for me, hormones have crept up on me every so slowly stealing away the last remnants of who I once was, today there really is nothing left of the male and could not be happier.
  18. KarenPayne

    Good cause

    By KarenPayne,

    I noticed WarrenG wrote in his status a link to assist him in his funding for surgery. Like Warren, many require this and think it is commendable he is reaching out to our community for support.

    Every little bit helps in such a cause and if you have a few dollars to spare would have you consider this as a way of assisting.

    Donate here
    http://www.gofundme.com/giveWarrenaHand

    For the record I made my donation today.
  19. KarenPayne
    Hopefully I can keep it clean.

    Been thinking about what is it going to be like pleasure-wise for my new parts so on the way to the grocery store I stopped off at a adult shop, ask for female lube and took the sales lady's suggestion. Went home and searched the web for something that might arouse me, found one. I know it was good because feelings radiated out from that area. Used the lube and a play toy to enhance things.

    Bottom line, it's been five minutes after the fact and I can still feel that feeling radiating outwards and I like it a lot.

    Inspection/test run gets an A+

    Okay, closer to ten minutes and still got it :rolleyes:
  20. KarenPayne
    I went to a surgeon this morning. I was directed to a examination room, five minutes later the surgeon (male) and his assistant (female) walked in, did an introduction then proceeded to review the forms I filled out. While going through the forms I said "I just had gender reassignment surgery two months ago" and both of their jaws dropped. I could tell it was genuine from their facial expressions. Both of them were shocked indicating they thought I was a cisgender female (they did not use cisgender term) and said they would had never guess this was the case. I responded with "thank you".

    After getting past this he asked me what exactly I was looking for. I indicated my desire was to have a breast size appropriate for my structure. He then had me sit a specific way and did a whole lot of measurements. Once finished with the measurements explained three different styles and shapes and made a recommendation on a size and shape. Then the assistant was curious how close was the recommendation to my breast forms, the size was the same but the shape was different. We then went into a discussion on how the implant shape would work on me.

    He did indicate I had a fair amount of growth from hormones.

    Size-wise looks like the low side of a C cup for me.

    The entire visit with them was about 30 minutes followed by getting an estimate which is pretty much what I expected, $7925.00 total. Everyone I have seen is in the same ballpark.

    I asked about doing this in May and was given May 21st as an open date. Will check with work to see if this works which I am sure it will then confirm the surgery date on Monday.

    So in two months I will have boobs :-)

    UPDATE: See the following thread for a chance on free breast forms

  21. KarenPayne

    Ladies restrooms

    By KarenPayne,

    I have been using them for the past year. mostly public restrooms such as malls, restaurants and the likes.

    What is was surprised about was hearing women siting in the stall next too me and would say that 95% of them use the paper on the toilet to protect themselves while on contrast I would say it's almost the reverse for the men's restroom. Not that I am sitting there listening for that but for whatever reason this is the case. Anyways I always when available use the paper cover as one never knows who or what resided on the seat before me. Even I noticed I missed a few drops once or twice unlike (and this is a very distant memory) shaking the you know what at the urinal. So that got me think about a video on the web, a plastic device so women can stand and pee, they had a handful try it out and I think they were not impressed, neither would I be either.

    Now in the restrooms in my company there are these containers hanging in each stall which I have been using to hang my purse on for months now. Finally was curious enough to open the lid, yes, that was a bad idea and will leave it at that.

    Overall I am finding the women's restroom much cleaner than the men's restrooms but there have been a few times when I went into a stall and backed out as fast as my feet would move.

    One final note, in the ladies restroom in my area someone leaves three bottles of hand lotion, strawberry, lavender and vanilla. Two bottles are taped together, not sure why but love the idea of the lotions there.

  22. KarenPayne
    Every twelve months I am required to check in to my doctor for blood work in regards to me continuing on estradiol and spironolactone (anti-androgen). She indicated that there is no need to continue taking spironolactone since this is for blocking testosterone which I don’t have anymore.

    Had a discussion on dilation, she transitioned 20 years ago so once a day for her. She sits in a warm bath tub and uses baby shampoo for liberation, think I will need to try this for the middle dilation of the day. Also talked about breast implants which I told her I have an appointment with a surgeon in several days. She asked, do you spray when urinating? I did for about three weeks and now everything comes out as it should. On a side note I am very happy about this as it felt strange peeing and having pee on my legs.

    Now here is something I found interesting, she believes that transitioning is one of the most difficult paths a human take embark on. As we know many want to but do not because of monetary issues or physiological issues. Then there are some who manage to have GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) but in one way or another end up a failure which in some cases leads to death. I am fortunate to have many people help me along the way and it help that I had the mindset and the motivation to take the right path on my journey of life.

    Thinking of "difficult path", I think nobody can deny that at one time or another we entertain our worst nightmares. I will be the first to admit to this were I would go to bed with horrible thoughts that I would never become the female on the outside that needed to happen. I can not even imagine some peoples nightmares were getting to the point they need to be will never happen, not the right support, lacking in funds and no real support from family, friends and co-workers. Then on the other side of the coin we have physical transformation which provides a huge step in "the" journey but also have many downsides. Downsides (my fav) like dilation, w/o hormones your body does not naturally produce them. How about finding a partner to love, that can be a path filled with happiness or depression, a true roller-caster. Neither path is peaches and crème but for me I am truly happy (except for dilation) and welcome what lies ahead and prey that those travelling this path never, ever give up finding their true selves.

    In closing this in many ways has been an (in a good way)emotional day, this is what hormones do and I welcome them (except when my mascara runs).


  23. KarenPayne
    I went back to work on Monday and had a pretty good idea how it would be as in acceptance with other co-workers. After four days no surprises, everyone I worked with or came in contact with where fine with me.

    One women whom I use to work with many years ago, still works there but in another section came over this morning and chatted with me. She was happy for me and said I looked great.

    Another woman who is in my area but I do not have contact with came over this afternoon and started off with that she was fine with me using the ladies restroom as were everyone she had talked too. She was talking to one female employee who asked her “Who is the new employee” talking about me. Then she said that Kevin Gallagher (me) and Karen Payne (me) could easily be related. That was just too funny. Then she goes on to say that she (me) looks great in skinny jeans, I laughed then before I could say anything the woman talking to me says “I agree” and that you have a great butt and look even better in leggings (which I wore today).

    There were other conversations that we “glad to see you back Karen”, small chit-chat and that was it.

    There were a handful who walked right by me and thought they did not approve of what I did but four out of five later came over to my desk and said they did not recognize me while the other I only saw once so unsure of them.

    So the week has ended on a good note as tomorrow I work at home. I am feeling great now.
  24. KarenPayne

    I forgot

    By KarenPayne,

    One of my Facebook friends is my daughter's best friend who posted that she closed the front door and the security latch got wedged into the door preventing it from opening and asked for help. Since I knew she lived closed by I replied with "I will help if you still need assistance". She gave me her address, five minutes from my home. Went over, I knocked on the front door and she came around from the back door. When she greeted me (she had not seen me in five years) no reactions or comments on my new look as female. Looked at the front door, figured out I needed to pry the door and by thinking ahead of time brought a pry-bar with me. Took two minutes to free the door then a minute to hammer a metal strip back into place. Turned to her and said "done", she thanked me and I left.

    When I returned home she had sent me a private message

    You look great by the way! I suppose I figured out what your trip to California was about and wow! Congrats on looking awesome!!

    I guess she then scrolled through my Facebook notes and on one wrote

    You are so beautiful. Really. Just so you know.

    More validation for me. Perhaps this might nudge others down their chosen path of transitioning.
  25. KarenPayne

    Pulling stitches

    By KarenPayne,

    This morning I had a very difficult/painful dilation session. It was painful enough to contact Marci which resulted in sending her a snapshot. I noticed a blood blister, she asked me to pop it. So I serialized a needle and popped it, no pain, fair amount of blood. She then said, I see you still have some stitches, please pull them out. I had tried several days ago but did not put much effort into it. Today I did and got them (four) out. The hard part is working tweezers with a flashlight and mirror, not easy but I got them out thank goodness.

    Yet another thing to look forward to after surgery.

    In regards to pain, I am retreating to the mid-size dilator for the morning tomorrow then the next day try it again. Just finished my afternoon dilation with the larger dilator, zero pain. So I am not sure why and neither is Marci why this morning was so painful but she has no concerns.
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