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KarenPayne

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  1. KarenPayne
    Several entries back I wrote about helping a male to female, surgery went wrong and ended up being hospitalized for many weeks because of rectovaginal fistula. Last week I saw her, she had a colostomy bag and indicated they would revisit what can be done in February.
    This week she said there is a possibility of using a colostomy bag either internal or external for the rest of her life.
    I can't even begin to imagine having the wear a colostomy bag forever because of a botched surgery.
    My advice for anyone having surgery not out of pocket is to research the surgeons carefully. Her surgeon did 12 assist and four solo, Personally that is not enough for me to undergo the knife and you should think about this too.
    How often?
    The main risk of SRS is rectal wall tear resulting in rectovaginal fistula, which is estimated to occur in 1 of 400 vaginoplasties. Taken from  
     
  2. KarenPayne

    The current landscape

    By KarenPayne,

    With the elections over and seeing many in the transgender community worried what it's going to be like with the new president which really nobody can say for sure it might be prudent to consider worst case scenarios.
    If I didn't have a passport this would be a wake up call to obtain one as at the current time for some it turns out to be difficult and in the future it may be even more difficult.
    Medical needs and prescriptions, what can happen is of course unknown but consider worst case, those obtaining them for free may now need to pay for them while those that get them at a low cost, the price may go up.
    Of course there are other things to consider yet personally these would be at the top of my list if I had not transitioned yet. Currently all my identification is under Karen Payne with a female gender marker yet so many in the community have not started, are stepping though the process and need to consider how things should be handled if things go sideways.
  3. KarenPayne
    Last year was my first interview, today was my second. 
    Last year they did the interview in Microsoft Studio were nobody sees this until pushed to the web. Big difference this year, they brought all their equipment to the main Microsoft building where there are thousands of people walking by and the camera is hotter without the AC of the studio. During the prior video you heard a question being asked then I would answer. This year they ask a question which is masked out, I repeat the question coming from me then answer the question (yeah, spooky). 
    Any ways I talked only about transgender when it came to non-personal but a passion I have  for the community. I will provide a link here when the video is done.
  4. KarenPayne
    Two nights ago myself, two Microsoft managers and three Microsoft engineers formed a panel on inclusion and diversity in the workplace. The settings, a room filled to capacity (guessing 400), two wine bars, cheese and crackers. We sat on stage, each with our own microphones. Yes the entire event was video taped by a professional team.
    After a ten minute introduction by the sponsor (a Microsoft program manager) a question was asked, each one of us responded then moved on to the next question. At the end the audience was given the chance to ask the panel questions but nobody took advantage of this but at least for me five people came up either to ask questions or to say how proud they were of me for doing this. One even asked for my email as they are dealing with a transgender child.
    The event was scheduled for a mere 30 minutes. I said up front this needs not to be constrained by time and they agreed which is good because the event lasted over one hour.   
    When being driven back to my hotel I noticed a high number of notifications on my Twitter account, wow, lots of followers from the event, way cool.
    Next day I had several people come up to me at other events and said they enjoy hearing me speak.
    Oh, I was torn between indicating I was formerly male for the first question/give a short intro of yourself but ended up indicating by past. Got some blank stares like "really". What blow my mind was after talking about why we need transgender people in tech and why they are not (thinking fully transitioned vs in the closet) all I could focus on was the majority of people were applauding me which is a huge step not so much for me but for the transgender community at large.
    Never thought I would be an advocate at this level but now so happy that I can be part of making people aware that the majority of transgender people are assets if given the chance rather than being part of low-income part of society. I did point out that like cisgender people there are indeed un-balanced people in the transgender community so we area in one sense of the word all cut out the same with a chemical imbalance (or is it balanced).
    With that I would like to see others educate cisgender people showing them in a positive manner we are here, normal people that truly want to contribute to society, be loved, have friends and family and live together.
     
  5. KarenPayne
    Several months ago I wrote about a person who had a botched surgery where the outcome was rectovaginal fistula. My part was simply support prior to surgery and assist if needed with dilation processes.
    Well after just over a week out of the hospital I pretty much ended my involvement with her as she was taken back in for corrective surgery and have not spoke to her.
    Last night at a bar, several cross-dressers met, we were having a great time then she walked in, sat down, we all said hello. She did not look happy, matter of fact she never looks happy since I've met her.
    Every single person I've met before surgery was either happy or not happy because they wanted surgery. After surgery all but this one was very happy.
    So I asked how she was doing, she lifted up her top and said this is her until February, it's a colostomy bag. She said it needs to be emptied 7 to 8 times a day.
    About an hour after that she walked off, we didn't know where she went. Shortly afterwards I said goodbye to everyone as I had things to get done for a trip to Washington State. On the way out I saw her sitting by herself looking very sad but knew if I asked why I would be stuck there. When I got home she had posted on Facebook that we were not a problem, she was.
    This to me is a huge red flag and although I don't truly know her think she is heading down a dark path.
    Did the transformation in regards to bottom surgery cause unhappiness? I don't believe it did, instead there is much more going on but not being a professional have no clue to what is troubling her.
    Is there a lesson here? May be, may be not, I would like people to think through what the outcome will be after they have corrective gender surgery as it may not be the life one believed it should be. You have to have realistic expectations else you may be playing with your life.
     
     
  6. KarenPayne
    The following is scary to say the least. 
    Ten days ago I was there for a male to female having reassignment surgery. The surgery lasted too long in my opinion and that the reason was the surgeon caused a rectovaginal fistula. A friend of hers was told (but not me) that she had gas coming out the vagina on Friday and the friend got her to call the hospital who said they would get back to her but never did.  I did not hear about this until this morning, she text’ d me and said she was concerned. I went over and got her to take pictures and send them to the surgeon. Now this is 10 AM this morning, he said to come in a 5 PM. seriously, this is one bad thing after another.

    I learned that while she was in the hospital the care provided was unprofessional from assisting her keeping clean (they would not clean her breast or bottom) to providing sedatives for pain (I had sedatives pushed into me non-stop). Just the other day I learned that OSU, the hospital here in Oregon had a bad reputation for how transgender people were treated and that they were in a transition period to overcome the bad reputation.

    Any ways, just received a text from her, they are keeping her tonight. I did not inquire why but a decent guess is because of the rectovaginal fistula.

    Now with all this mentioned, she had no real choice being on social security, out of work, never being able to afford surgery. Couple this with extreme dysphoria and a surgeon who has done six reassignment surgeries prior is a recipe for what happened. It really is a catch 22 per-say, boxed in with a one way pass to live with the dysphoria or roll the dice with a surgeon with little experience.

    One last thing, when I arrived at her house she was drinking some dark drink. I said, it’s close to 100 degrees outside, you are just out of surgery and need to stay properly hydrated so I went out and purchase a 24 pack of bottled water and insisted she drink this rather than chocolate milk. One must realize that after a major surgery such as this the body is in recovery mode for many weeks to follow and must treat your body well.

    Lesson to take away, if you don't have the funds to obtain reassignment surgery you may very well be in the hands of people who may perform a bad procedure and as with this person have poor aftercare. If this is you, pay attention to your body after surgery, don't dismiss even the little things, call them out to those who are taking care of you and this might simply save your life.

     

     
  7. KarenPayne

    The aftermath

    By KarenPayne,

    So in my last entries I focused on assisting a trans person through SRS/GRS/GCS (pick one). They ended up with Rectovaginal fistula.
    So after the initial surgery they stayed in the hospital for a week, back home for a week, back to the hospital for repairing the botched surgery, stayed there a week.
    On top of this they were discharged to a recovery company for at least a week.
    So there are plenty of these surgeries done each year, some overseas and here. A common factor for most is "I need this now, screw waiting" and then if you are one of the unlucky ones the above could happen or worst.  
    When going forward with a surgery date way before that do lots and lots of research on whom is performing your surgery and if in doubt walk away as there are always other surgeons that are there to perform your surgery.
  8. KarenPayne
    With no disrespect I’ve been noticing the more I’m with cross-dressers that two things (at least from my experience in the last several years) is, the majority of cross-dressers will not transition so they are part-timers only and that they never attempt to mask their voice to female mode and one reason I believe for the voice aspect is they only do to trans-friendly establishments.

    Keeping with voice, I’ve only met three post-op transgender and I’m astonished to find they don’t attempt to change their voice what-so-ever. Sure they are many transgender people that do this, myself included as this fills the package but for the life of me don’t understand when asked why they don’t the common response is “I’m happy just like this” but at the same time get frustrated when they are addressed as “he” which I’ve personally heard when out with two of them. I tell them, if you expected to live your life as a female one must put some effort into the voice else people will not treat you as female and let’s put another thing into this, if you don’t fully pass facially but sound female you will for the most part be treated as a female while fully passing physically and sounding masculine most time you will not pass but believe you have because most people will treat you that way only so to be polite.

    In the end it’s their life and their decisions made in regards to a voice will either make life roll along smoothly or create pot holes.

  9. KarenPayne
    My suspicions prior to my acquaintance undergoing the knife were right on point which I will get into here.
    We headed off to the hospital at 4:30 AM, arrived at 5:30 AM, admitted and shortly afterwards she was taken back for pre-surgery. About one hour later she was off to the OP, they had given her a sedative already (I was not given one at this point). There is a leaderboard that updates through the stages e.g. prep, in room, closing, out of OR. 
    She told me ahead of time the surgery was scheduled for 4-5 hours, I said it's more likely to be seven or eight hours. Well they told her right before going in, 8 to 10 hours and her friends who came to support her thought 5 hours and were not really prepared for that.
    She went into the OR at 7 AM, came out at just before 7 PM, surgeon talked to us and said there were complications but would not tell us which I can understand but surmise a few things.
    After the surgeon talked to us he picked up his backpack and seemed to be heading out, I was surprised that he was not staying to check up on her.
    I had some reservations about the surgeon as he only had done six of these surgeries before, told her this but she was head strong about pushing forward. One of the issues is she is on social security, lives on just over one thousand dollars a month. I can understand this but if it were me would be concerned that the surgeon did not have more than six surgeries prior.
    I am sure the complication reasons will be told today, one thought is they had issues with blood supply (long story), another a skin graph was needed and couple this with his original estimate which extended past 8 hours.
       
  10. KarenPayne
    Background, I was fortunate to have a lot of support with my transition, friends and acquaintance where there for me. As many here know not everyone is lucky enough to have support before and after gender reassignment surgery and believe that if possible nobody should go through this alone.
    With that said, this week cumulates several months of assisting a male to female person to their surgery this Thursday. When I first started off with them they had a good deal of dysphoria and not happy about going through the past few months and surgery itself by themselves. They would stay home a lot which I felt was not good for their mental health and got her to get out and do things. Over the past few weeks purchased needed items for them needed for post-op life the week after returning home e.g. K-Y products and many misc. items that some people don't think about or might be told they will need (Marci Bowers was my surgeon and had pretty much everything laid out for what I would need in detail).
    So at 4:30 AM on Thursday I am driving her up from Salem Oregon to Portland Oregon for surgery which is estimated to be roughly four hours and be there for her afterwards along with stopping by on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
    During preparations for her surgery I also had her prepare for aftercare once leaving the hospital which lead to her talking to the few friends she has to bring her meals and check up on her from time to time (I will be checking in on her often as I work ten minutes away).
    This will be my third time assisting someone and know that it makes a difference when I walk into their room to find them without anyone to be with them their eyes light up when I walk in the room.
  11. KarenPayne
    When to my best friend's today, we went to the mall for coffee and shopping. Didn't get to far, we are walking thru Macy's and she says, I want to get my upper lip done. So while standing there are sale's person asked if I wanted to have her do a make-up session.
    I thought, what the heck so I said yes.
    I told her that I am not much for makeup but would consider her doing it but was very interested in my eye area.
    As she is going through each step I am being told what she is doing and after doing one eye shows me compared to the undone eye. Since it was day time my eye's were done for day time. Next she did my face and contoured my eye brows.
    You really can't see the great job performed on me, it's not loud, instead it bends in nicely.
    How much did I spend EEK, $140 for makeup and better brushes.
    Next morning update: One attempt at doing my eye's, got it the first time!!! Also added a picture of the various products and note that the products are only for my eye's, five products with instructions on paper underneath. Did not include the brushes. One of the most important things is the "DONT STRAY" which is foundation. Yesterday the woman put eye makeup on her arm then another spot with foundation followed by eye makeup (top right) an sprayed both with water. One ran while the other did not. The mascara is to dye for. All the colors I purchased are perfect for my complexion. 



  12. KarenPayne
    Obtaining a female voice for the male embodied female is that thing to which can’t be surgically remedied with a 100 percent success and is the holy grail for many. So what are common methods?

    Mimic the cisgender voice on their own, purchase some type of series of lessons, enlist the aid of a voice therapist or go out on a limb for questionable voice surgery which statistically speaking can do more harm than good.

    Many factors play into how one goes about obtaining that female voice which range from being in the closet, monetary funds to available resources. Kind of hard practicing the voice with others in the house and you are in the closet or money is tight, hard to overcome these things and can be frustrating when funds and a place to practice are available but no therapist or one is shy to make appointments in fear of what they might think of you.

    No matter which avenue is chosen the ultimate test is picking up the telephone, talk to a stranger and have the responses coming back with female pronouns.

    It’s relatively easy to learn to speak female for a short time e.g. one or two minute conversations but eventually for many the vocal chords want to relax, go to a comfortable place (heaven forbid), the deep male voice rather than the soft/higher voice we aspire too.

    Things that can help, learn to breathe from the abdomen rather than the upper chest, placing your finger on your Adam’s apple, when at the right place the Adam’s apple rises and stays there. Try laying on the floor, this makes it more difficult to use the upper chest for breathing. Place a book on the abdomen and feel it working and if not then work on that aspect alone followed by going back to speaking at the right pitch and resonance.

    After getting good with one or two minute shots of female voice try these things. Speak the following and maintaining the female voice (note between each word pause a second).

    One, two

    Now do

    One, two, three,

    Then

    One, Two, three, four etc.

    Got that! Now do

    One, two, three, “Every dog has its day”

    Practice that until you are satisfied and now put together several quotes like this and pick a random one, no peeking. After speaking the words finish with describing the quote. The idea here is the first part the brain is comfortable with while explaining the quote is spontaneous and now you have to work harder at maintaining the female voice.

    Can’t do this at home? Why not do it when driving to work or taking a walk?

    When I took voice lessons I was given 30 quotes, some did more than the above as they would challenge more aspects of getting the female voice done properly.

    It’s important to keep in mind that the older you are the more chances there are for one to slip back into that deep voice rather than the soft voice.

    Lastly, set a reasonable standard for your female voice rather than go for something that is unobtainable as this will help you to get a passable voice.

    These are just a few suggestions that may or may not work for you but if not considered or tried one will never know. 
    Closing out with a short story.
    I belong to a local transgender group on Facebook, was invited to meet ten or so at a local club. I walked in 30 minutes early, was approached by a female (lesbian) who sat down at my table and started talking to me. Several minutes into talking she asked, are you here alone? I said no, I am waiting for a group of transgender people and they are all dressing in prom dresses (I did not). She then said "is that them" pointing to the entrance. I said yes, recognized them from FB pictures. I waved and said "Hi", several stared at me from where they were standing then decided to come over. When they did I said I was part of their group. One (I think she is the leader) said :"I was not sure who you were... all I saw were to cisgender females" 
    About thirty minutes or so into talking with them several complimented me on my looks (and most important) my voice which in this case I know they would never had said it if they did not mean it. 
    It took me a while to obtain that voice and so happy for having taking lessons by a professional therapist who's main task in the beginning was to cultivate what I had obtained on my own. 
  13. KarenPayne
    I am also a member of another cross-dresser/transgender site which is predominantly cross-dressers with a section for transgender. I frequent that site say once a week, sometimes every two weeks.
    I posted in the transgender area about my voice lessons and then the same day received a request to meet a member. Since I was heading in her direction to prom dress shopping with my best friend and her daughter I should sure.
    So this afternoon we were suppose to meet in front of Pandora's in the mall at 2PM but she was not there, said she was running late so Terry and I went for coffee then Victoria's Secrets shopping (Pandora, Macy's and Victoria's are my favs). While in VS I check my mail, she is in the mall so I said meet us at VS. I am going hog wild over thongs at this time but notice the line is super long so I decided not to purchase since she is meeting us shortly and not  a minute later there she is.  
    As the mall was super busy I suggested walking outside to talk. We chatted about many things including GRS and my condensed story as well as some of her history.
    She told me in these words "you are a pillar for the site". I thanked her. Then she asked, why are you taking voice lessons? I said to sound more female. Then the bombshell, (she response with) to tell you the truth your voice is female now. My friend Terry says, Karen has improved a lot in the past year (now the next part is hard to believe) since her surgery. I know that surgery does not change one's voice but I feel the change is mental, inside of me from talking female everyday for the past say 16 months. My voice coach tells me I need to work with her and I agree and then she goes on to say I am progressing faster than other clients woohoo.
    Next time this woman is in town she is taking me to dinner so we can chit chat more. 
    BTW She is from Canada where the process sounds extremely long to get GRS unlike here in the US.
    Anyways I am going to eat the great dinner Terry sent home with me, later!
     
     


  14. KarenPayne

    Passport

    By KarenPayne,

    About just under two months I applied for my passport, three weeks later I was informed my birth certificate was not good, so I called, asked what needed to be done which was provide another one (which I had) and sent it to them. I never changed my original so it still says M for gender.
    Today I am now a proud owner of a US passport with F for gender.
    There was never anything mentioned about my gender change, only a birth certificate not being correct because it did not have my mother and father names on them while the second one did.
    Last thing is getting my papers back as they are originals but they did send an email indicating my pass-book is still yet to come and hope that is when my documents are returned to me.
    So for those following the same or similar path as me all I can say is gender change is a non-issue with the right documents e.g. Marci Bowers supplied me with the proper document the week after surgery.
    I now want to travel to England, Canada and the Philippines this year.
  15. KarenPayne
    Continuing from my last entry, today I received an email (sent w/o giving out my personal address) from one of the men who was admiring me last weekend.  He gave his name but could not figure out between two of them which one it was. So I replied back and found out it was yet another man whom I did not expect to receive an email from. Then I looked at his user name "The Monster" and remembered the owner saying he might be a good fit for me. I was told he can go forever in bed and has a monster (you know what).
    So I replied back to him indicating that we should talk this Saturday night, see where things go and he agreed. Still at odds to disclose my background as there are all types of people there, there is even a unicorn or two there, people into BDSM too. Think I will wait to see how things go as thinking about to what the owner/president said "if it were me I would not disclose you were male prior" I go back and forth with this because I don't want to surprise people and this is one of the problems with passing well. 
    I did order another sexy dress for this weekend as I don't want to go there in the same outfit yet do have something for the following weekend (just how us girls think, especially blondes).
    Anyways he appears to maybe want more than just sex but also some time of relationship so we will have to see.
  16. KarenPayne

    Swingers club

    By KarenPayne,

    Excited, going to a swingers club tonight. Last week I was given the tour and saw that it was just as much about sex as socializing. Tonight my plan is to socialize, get to know people and unless something intense happens will leave it at that.
    One of the things that I liked right up front is they don't give out their address until they exchange a few emails then invite you in before hours, 6 to 8 where the club officially opens for members at 8PM. For females the cost is twenty dollars per month. I was up front with them about being post-op, that was a non-issue with them but will be the first one. After the tour of the club the owner asked if I had any questions. I asked, should I come right out and tell members that I was formerly male. He said it was up to me but also said if he were me simply use good judgement and side on not telling them unless there happen to be an invite for playing with someone.  
    Wearing a cute long sleeve (top drapes over the outer shoulders so no bra), just above the knee dress with Italian thigh highs with the black under the back with a garter belt, very little makeup, light eyeshadow and medium red lipstick.
    Update report
    I arrived at the club 30 minutes beforehand, was greeted by the president of the club and his wife and was introduced to several other early birds. I was asked if ready to join and said yes. Filled out a payment form, $15 for two weeks as a trial member. After two weeks the price for a month for light membership is $15 per month and full membership for $20 per month.
    How things went down, during the evening I was approached by a men in his early forties, talked with him for about an hour and saw he was interested. He went off to say hi to several other members then before his seat was cold had a female come over and chatted with me, next up three men who ended up getting into likes and dislikes sex stuff. They were both extremely interested in me and used the term "attractive woman" which I replied with (this is my way), thanks for the compliment but I see myself as average. One came back and said, you (me) are not average but very attractive. So I smiled and continued with the topic at hand.
    I was asked about me participating and said, not tonight as I want to learn the ropes. Of course the next question was "will you be back next weekend?", I said yes and will be ready to join in.
    Somehow we got talking about orgasams and I said that while sitting here talking I got off slightly by slightly pumping my hips while sitting down which I added could go for a long time but not to a full climax yet very satisfying just the same.
    I think one of my coy move was pulling up my dress in front of many men to adjust my garter belt. I slowly slid the dress up to my privates without showing them and spent about three minutes adjusting them. That got me more men coming over and saying hi.
    Oh, after about thirty minutes after arriving the president's wife chatted with me, first about a painting on the wall which the model had thigh highs which then had us talking about sexy underwear. She said at one point, I am so curious about seeing your vagina. I said, let me know when you want to see it and she said thanks. 
    At this point we got into my current status as female, she said (as was indicated last week) to side on not telling members I was once male as my looks and voice (see made a point on the voice that it was female). Only disclose if I believe not telling would offend someone. The club is not about forging relationships outside of the club but instead to have a good time in the club. With that there are always the exceptions, one man said he was looking to get married again (oh lord, that's not me) and was looking at me.
    There was a cross-dresser there with his very supportive wife. My assessment of this person was, this is all about sex, not about passing. (S)he might pass, borderline but the voice was all male and not a completely clean shave. I will say this couple was a delight to chat with. 
    BTW As told by more than one member, the club was setup to where females have the power per-say rather than men. There are some pretty heavy rules for anyone violating a female at the club. Permission is needed before physical contact and that females generally start things off e.g. there is a gang-bang event once a month where females are given wrist bands that they hand out to men who they want to be involved. Last week was gang-bang event, had six females going at it and heard it was great. I did not attend but did indicate I wanted to be in the event next month.
    Last thought, I believe my hair style was perfect, at the last minute I put my hair up in a pony tail and left strands of hair dangling down in the front which accented well with my black dress, and the black dress was the perfect choice for the night with the Italian style thigh highs, garter belt and FM (Fuck Me) black heels. 
    Second update March 16th
    Today I received an email from one of the men I met, gave me his phone number, asked if we could meet again this weekend. So now I am contemplating my next action. 
     
     
     
     
  17. KarenPayne

    Socializing

    By KarenPayne,

    I have meet our moderator here (the week after GRS where she took me out for a great dinner in California), only member that I have meet in person but had the pleasure to chat with several members here in the past where one member setup a conference call each Saturday.
    Although the conference calls did not last long I think they were an excellent idea as vocalizing verses writing is vastly different. I am hoping to meet two members here in person (and would like to meet more), one in the US and one in the UK, both know who they are when reading this. 
    Just received a request to meet up with a member of another site (not nearly as good as this site) this afternoon. This member has been around for a long time and expect from reading her post this should be an excellent get together. Oh, and I told her I expect to hit the Pandora store while at this mall.
    With that, I am curious if other members have met up with other members here?
    Any on a similar note in regards to meeting people, this morning my best friend's daughter ask if I would be there with her and her mother to pick out her prom dress. I am so excited so has asked me.
     
  18. KarenPayne

    Metamorphosis

    By KarenPayne,

    Been on hormones for close to two years now and beginning to notice a difference in my brain from normal patterns of feeling unlike before and not certain how to put the changes into words even though I recognize not a subtle change but like dropping off a cliff. This involves general thought processes and emotions yet the emotional aspect has been changing small amounts over the entire time I have been on hormones.
    So far there is nothing negative in regards to the changes in my brain, only positive changes yet as mentioned above hard to put a handle on.
    Anyways been meaning to start an entry on this, have not gone very far at this point but will try to add “things” as my brain makes sense of things.
    For now it's simply another stepping stone in my journey.
     
     
  19. KarenPayne
    My version of tucking requires two items, patience’s, some pain (maybe) and persistence in the beginning.

    Item one is called a gaff from “The Breast form store” in the smallest size possible. My waist, 32 inch which falls in to the medium size so I went to a small size gaff. Item two, Spanx compression boy shorts (same sizing idea as the gaff) where there are two types, non-compression and compression version.

    Procedure, pull up the gaff to just above the knees, pull up the boy shorts over the gaff. The next part at first should be done sitting down but after a few trail runs you (like me) should be able to do the following standing up.

    While sitting down with the gaff and boy shorts in position with one hand do a Vulcan greeting (you know from Star Trek, Mr. Spock “Live long and prosper”). In this position, the penis goes between the ring and middle fingers. Now pull the testacies into your body and here there is a region where the testacies will slip into the inguinal canal which at first may be difficult to place the testacies into and to be honest depending on the sensitivity of the penis it may become erect. If it becomes erect stop everything and relax until the erection subsides.

    Once the testacies are in place, with the other hand tuck the penis between the legs and move both legs together. Quickly pull up the garments into place, as tight as possible and know with pushing things into a tight area may hurt so don’t move right away if this happens. The boy shorts will extend up to your naval, I suggest folding them down so they are almost like a bikini bottom.

    From here spend time as per above around the house. It’s been over twenty years since I started this but vaguely remembering after about a week there was zero pain involved.      

    Additional things to work into the above, a panty liner inside the gaff when it’s very hot weather which helps to keep things dry.

    When done as laid out above you should be able to wear skin tight jeans and leggings without any sign of a penis or testacies.

    The Spanx boy shorts last time I purchased them were 44 dollars, not cheap. Two gaffs go for twenty dollars. That is a real investment and when I say investment the two items will last over 12 months when washed and cared for. This means if you tuck every day you will need at least one extra of both.

    I have two Spanx boy shorts in size small, still in the original packaging, never opened. Well now I have a vagina they are sitting in my closet hanging there. So what is a girl to do with the two pair, one black, and one tan? Any suggestions?
    When done right expect this
     



  20. KarenPayne
    A few things that come to mind with humor.
    You can (or should not) go into a bar without a companion Females include you in their secret chit-chats (that's why I transitioned, just for that) Make sure to read the restroom sign (ooooops I made that mistake already, got some looks) Female products have a "Woman Tax" Pany liners uug You start noticing things like oh, my legs look crappy, exfoliating time Stay way from Victoria's Secret's, you can pass by one and not buy a new bra, panties, lotions etc. Panties rubbing against private parts may cause unexpected O's that will not stop It's more difficult to shave underarms with real breast. You will put a thong on backwards at least once Shoe purchases increase, you need a room for all your shoes so you kick your son out to do this (only kidding, gave him two months) It may not seem like it but dilation is crap at first but gets better and less frequent. The real thing is a better way to dilate  Larger than a 34B cup bras come in less colors (damit), stores seem to cater to 34B more than 36C. It will become more and more apparent "It's a man's world" Dating becomes (at least for me) easier but also you get to see things through a mirror. You now love to listen to Katy Perry Clothing and shoes, at home becomes optional You enjoy Tofu and fruit cake Toilet seats seem less cold (yeah right) Toilet paper, can't be without it now. I keep a roll in my car and wipes in my handbag Your journey is finished, far from it. The ride is more enjoyable through life. Miss something from your former life (penis envy haha), there are strap ons for you. I am sure there are many more things I have not thought about.
     
  21. KarenPayne

    Unrecognized

    By KarenPayne,

    Last week I came home, get out of my car and my neighbor is with her sister. The sister lived here about five years ago and lived right next door to me while i prior to my transformation. 
    So I chat with my neighbor and her sister doesn't say anything to me so I believe she does not approve of my transformation.
    Today my neighbor informs me that her sister had no clue who I was and had asked her "what happen to Kevin", she replied "Karen was Kevin", her jaw dropped and responded with "I would had never guessed they were the same person". Then my neighbor told me about a year ago her husband and her were coming home, he says (pointing to me walking down the street) she is hot, she slaps him and says "do you know who that is?" before he could reply she explained things. She said that is why he had stopped saying good morning to me, he was embarrassed that he thought I was someone else. I told her he should not feel that way and next thing you know he started to say good morning again.
    I find this all interesting that these things happen until I look at my old pictures from two years ago and my present appearance. 
    One thing I always keep in mind is that one must first have some foundation in body and face for this to happen else facial surgery is required. I always can nit-pick myself thinking if I had this or that surgery I would look better but that time has gone, thirty years ago yes I would had some some of these surgeries but at just under 60 years old heck no.
    Nail Salon today
    So I went to get my nails filled, I got there 15 minutes early, said to one of the ladies, I need to use the restroom first. When I come out another worker said, "Karen, thought you were going in the back to get waxed" I said, the hairs on my leg don't grow anymore.
    A customer, guessing well over sixty say "same here", another lady asked if I had been through menopause, you don't look that old.
    Okay, quick thinking here, do I tell her about my past? Nope but when I blurt out my age out comes 50 then I stuttered...59. I am so use to telling new people I meet that I am 50 as when I tell them almost 60 we get into a conversation that I don't care to be in, Anyways what woman in her right mind tells her real age at my age?
    So I use to get shellac which was $30, went to acrylic where the first time was $65 then $30. Today I was kind of shocked when the worker said twenty dollars for today, nice way to end the day   Acrylic is a great way to have french nails done and they are so much stronger then shellac. In the past two months I have not had any issues with acrylic while I did break a few nails with shellac.
     

  22. KarenPayne
    I have been around a few people at various points in their journey and watched several specials on true stories of transitioning and come away with a not so surprising conclusion.
    In most cases when a cisgender male who is married to a cisgender female comes out to her where she is accepting until he sets an hard date for gender reassignment surgery 99 percent get the eye's wide open thing going on, "he is really going to do it", "No more cisgender sex", "Wait a minute, I did not sign on for this".
    Seems when the penis goes so do many spouses.
    Now I don't believe it's just the penis as many married couples have less sexual encounters over the years it's now knowing conventional love making is out the door and the strong man they married is no more which comes from society drilling this into us from day one.
    Can you truly blame the partner for wanting "out" of the relationship? 
    In the minds of many non-traditionals (non-cisgender) we don't see things the same way the significant other sees things and I believe for some this can change.
     I would love to hear what others think on this topic.
     
  23. KarenPayne
    To start off I take a break every hour at work, walk down three stories, head outside for a few minutes then back to work. Although we have three elevators many uses the stairs and with that I pass several people that I don't know (we have over 1,000 employees). This one lady stopped me several weeks ago whom I have never spoken to before were the conversation was everyday stuff.
    This morning she stopped me again and at one point said she never said anything before to me when I was male was because I appeared unapproachable, distant and never smiled. She then said since I transitioned she noticed no male traits and that I am always the complete opposite from when I was male. In the conversation I told her about me being wrapped up in doing executive security and teach self-defense may very well have contributed to my demeanor coupled with being unhappy as a male. She told me that I was handsome as a male and pretty as a female. So I pulled out my current and former driver license. She stared at them and said "you know you look so much younger now" and I said I believe it's the hormones plus good genes.
    So I walked away from this I believe with a new friend who spoke frankly to me.
    While writing the above it reminded me of last Friday when I had a first time voice lesson. During the introduction she observed all feminine traits I had and actually pointed them all out which made me happy as I make no conscious effort to do so. I have to say my first impression after our hour was up was, she is perfect for me and there was so forward motion too. Now with that I can see where I want to be and there is indeed work ahead but she said compared to other trans clients I was doing much better than others but stressed in the beginning it will be mentally difficult working with the various aspects of "the voice".   
  25. KarenPayne

    Slimming down

    By KarenPayne,

    Happy to report that I am having excellent results losing weight. Over the past two months have lost all the weight I put on since gender reassignment surgery which was 20 pounds. I do believe my eating habits were good most of the time but think that hormones played a factor here coupled with a pre-existing thyroid issue.
    To get where I am, greatly increased water consumption, run one hour four nights a week, no fast food were contributing factors.  
    My weight history, was 130LB in 2000, thyroid issues kicked in and went to 160LB because the doctor could not control it but they finally did. For almost 10 years I kept gaining weight but to look at me as a male there was no pot belly or tell-tale signs of my weight. Hormones did not help in any of this. Back in September I weighed 198LB.
    Currently I am at 178LB and my goal is 140LB before the end of this year but will accept 150LB nothing higher.
    Over the past few weeks I have been telling people about me losing weight and get the stock reply, you are thin why do you want to lose weight. My reply is for health and to feel better slipping into skimpy clothes.
    So for the past several years I worked at gender surgery and I was tenacious until surgery was done. I am applying the same for losing weight.
    Now it's out there which is another motivator and hope that what I have done and currently doing might inspire others if they don't see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. 
     
     
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